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To your continued success,
James

4 Steps to Increase Your Self-Confidence Today!

One dose of self-confidence for the guy in the corner, please!

There are two core basic needs that everyone strives to have fulfilled in their life:

• experience unconditional love and 
• have a sense of value and worth. 

Everyone works to meet these internally and externally.

The problem is that the needs have to be met internally first, otherwise, no matter how much love a person gets from others or how much other people to work to build their sense of value and worth, it will never be enough and a void will be present.

Self-confidence needs to be nurtured on four different levels:

• mental, 
• emotional, 
• physical and 
• spiritual.

So, that begs the question, "How can a person develop more self-confidence" for themselves internally?

Glad you asked! A person can develop self confidence when,

"You decide to take a specific action, so that you can earn and deserve the right to feel good about yourself, and then celebrate your success."

Let's break it down and see why this seems so simple and yet it can be so challenging to accomplish.

1- "you need to decide."

This is challenging because this step requires a person to really stop, define what is important to them, and CHOOSE what action to take that will lead them to a desired outcome.

This action has to be for you, about you, and be meaningful to you and you alone. It can't PRIMARILY be for your spouse, kids, preacher, mom, dad, friends, or any other social influence. It has to be for you first.

2 - it has to be a specific action

Specific and measureable actions mean that once you have achieved the action you have to be aware of it. This gives absolute proof so you can't talk yourself out of celebrating!

It is not enough to say that you are going to call some people. You have to specific, "I am going to call 5 prospects today and ask for referrals." Even then, some people say, "well, I did call 5, but I could have called 10." That's a no-no!

3- "so you can earn and deserve."
I have said it a thousand times. When you define any goal, you automatically put all of your obstacles in place. If you are going to feel good about yourself, you have to set a specific goal meaningful to you and take action to overcome the obstacles (mental, emotional, physical and spiritual) the goal came with, before you feel that you have "earned and deserve" the right to feel good about yourself.

"Earned and deserve" implies that you have put some work, overcome adversity, and succeeded in the task you set out for yourself. This is where self respect, integrity, honor, and courage are bred.

Then and only then, when all three steps have been accomplished INSIDE OF YOURSELF can you really feel like you deserve that feeling of self-confidence. It is not free. Self-confidence does not just stop by, ring the doorbell, share a pizza with you on the couch, and miraculously, when you get up the next morning, you have lost a pound, feel great about yourself, and are full of energy! Would be terrific if it worked that way, but sadly, it does not!

4- once you achieve your goals, you have to celebrate!
And, I recommend that you celebrate at 100%. If you want the self-confidence to stick, you had better celebrate and anchor in the great feelings.

If you talk yourself out of your success with language such as, "Yeah, but I should have done more, I could have been better, I need to work harder" Self-confidence does not stay for long. It is good for you to acknowledge yourself and being great, working hard, and achieving success.


NOTHING IS TOO SMALL TO CELEBRATE!


So, there you have it! Self-confidence in a can!

Comment below and let me know what you do to develop confidence in your life. I bet your list is a lot longer than you think it is!

To your continued success,

Lessons from John D. Rockefeller Jr.

We just returned from a great 5-day trip to the "Big Apple" and found that it is truly, the city that never sleeps!   

New York is such a wonderful city; full of history, lore, and energy. On our itinerary was Rockefeller Center.  

This famous landmark was developed by John D Rockefeller Jr and was originally supposed to house the Metropolitan opera. But, when the Stock Market crashed in 1929, the deal fell through and the building was almost never built.  

Rockefeller had a tough decision to make. In the end, he chose to move forward and personally funded the entire project without any planned tenants.  A bold move!  

As the construction of the tower progressed, it created over 7,500 jobs for almost 10 years smack in the middle of the Great Depression. It became a landmark and a symbol of hope in a time of great adversity and hardship. Eventually, Rockefeller found his first tenant, and Radio City Music Hall was born. 

I found it ironic that when we went in for the tour and climb to the Top of the Rock, as it is called, it was bright and sunny. But by the time we reached the observation deck, a very powerful downpour had ensued and the visibility dropped to a few hundred feet. 

As we worked through our disappointment of not getting any pictures of Central Park, the Empire State Building or a dramatic sunset, something amazing happened.  After about fifteen minutes, the storm dissipated. The suns rays broke through the clouds, and it seemed as if the light of heaven shone through on the New York City skyline. We were rewarded with a full double rainbow over Manhattan!  Spectacular! 

Of course many factors played a part in John D. Rockefeller, Jr.'s success in this project.  But above all, he had a vision and a dream that extended beyond himself. 

Before riding the elevator to the top, there is an interpretation of a Bible verse Rockefeller lived by: 

"Unto he who much is given, much shall be required."  

Rockefeller exemplified and lived this philosophy. He was resolute and forged ahead in the middle of the Depression, with no guarantee of a tenant for the building.  And in the end, he made his vision come to life. 

We have all been given much, in terms of our own special gifts and talents. And in fact, much shall be required of us to create a life of purpose and meaning --even when things are hard or uncertain; especially then.  

It is true life stories like Rockerfeller Center's history that make New York such a special place. They exemplify living a life on your own terms, having dreams, and making them come true.  

Build your own skyscraper today!!!   and enjoy the view;  others will too!

What's so funny about that???

What's so funny about that???

Here is a great litte 5-minute motivator to stimulate some thoughts on how to add value in the workplace and be remembered through humor! Enjoy, have an outstanding day and continue to evolve to greater levels of success!

Life Coaching Tip: Stay Ignorant!!!

Sometimes, Ignorance is Bliss...


I heard a really interesting story the other day that you may find some value in when it comes to your personal development, attaining goals, and living life.


There was a man once who really wanted something in life. Driving down a country lane to get there, he accidentally took his eye off of the road and drove straight into the ditch. Fortunately, a local farmer was passed by thirty minutes later with a horse.

"Could your horse pull my car out of the ditch?" asked the driver.  

"Buddy's a Clydesdale," said the farmer, "let's see what he can do for you."  

The farmer hitched Buddy to the car and said: "Pull, Blackie, Pull!" Buddy didn't move an inch. 

Then the farmer said, "Pull, Sampson, Pull!" Buddy still didn't move an inch.

The farmer said again, "Pull, Jackson, Pull!" And still, Buddy didn't move an inch.

Then the farmer yelled, "PULL, BUDDY, PULL!!" And Buddy pulled the car effortlessly out of the ditch.

The grateful driver was confused.  "Let me ask you a question," he said, "why did you keep calling Buddy by the wrong name?" 

"Well," said the farmer, "you see, Buddy is blind. And if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try."

When I sit down with people in a life or executive coaching session and we define a compelling future for them, one of the first thing that shows up is their desire to know exactly what to do in order to reach the goal. 


However, if someone really knew all of the problems, challenges, and emotional stress they were going to have to go through to achieve their goals...many would never even start!  If someone really knew, in advance, all of the challenges they would have to face to run their first marathon, get that next job, or find that dream spouse, they would be so overwhelmed they would probably never start. 


So, sometimes not knowing all of the obstacles and challenges that are going to happen in the pursuit of a goal makes the term, "ignorance is bliss" true.  Successful goal achievement comes from taking on the challenges one day at a time, asking for help when you get off track, and engaging faith to access your untapped potential in the face of adversity. And no matter what, keep pulling even when you can't see!  

The A.N.T.S Go Marching....

Our thoughts are just like ANTS. Those Automatic Negative ThoughtS (A.N.T.S.) are constantly on the move looking for something sweet to feed on. A person's brain is always thinking and creating new thoughts and beliefs, even while we sleep. 

Learning to direct our thoughts to those healthy food sources will lead to a more productive, fruitful, and positive mindset. Listen to my latest podcast to learn how to deal with the ANTS that may be invading your personal life!

http://evolutionforsuccess.podomatic.com/player/web/2011-06-13T21_40_43-07_00


Enjoy!

How to save a drowning rat

Would you be interested in knowing "HOW" to save a drowning rat?

There has not been much positive news for the past couple of years. The media seems intent on presenting everything noteworthy that is the opposite of empowering or positive.  ...unemployment, foreclosures, budget cuts; it's all around us.  Even putting the media aside, when we look at our personal lives, at our neighbors, family or friends, it's clear that for many this is a stressful time.

By now, you probably want to quit reading this and get back to the news - after all, it is more cheery than my Thought of the Week! My mood is becoming depressed just writing about this!!!  However, I have a suggestion that may help us all cope with the negativity. And how does this relate to saving a drowning rat, you ask? 

There was an experiment conducted where scientists put a single rat in a container it could not get out of, and then filled it with water. They placed the container in a completely dark room, and timed how long the rat swam before it drowned. How long do you think it swam? Well, it lasted a little more than 3 minutes. 

For the second part of the experiment, they placed a rat in the same container, in the same room, with the same water level, but this time they had a bright beam of light shine into the darkness for the rat to see. Guess how long the rat lasted before it finally drowned? This time, it swam for over 36 hours.

When I was in US Army Airborne School, the Army Chaplain said a prayer with us before we loaded up for our first parachute jump. He stated that we had nothing to worry about, as the jump field we were about to fly over was the most holy place in Georgia. According to the chaplain, more people prayed flying over that small piece of land than anywhere else in the state!!!  He encouraged us to add our little part to the holiness of the jump field site.

In life, if someone wants the identity of being an honest person, they have to experience a moment where the opportunity to steal is present and choose not to. If you want to be a person who is able to find new opportunities as we work through the changes in our world right now, you are going to be tested. We are all being tested, NOW.

It is hope, faith, and optimism that keep us from giving up when things seem hopeless; that keep us believing in opportunity and the promise for a better tomorrow. That is what brings us through dark times when we feel like we are swimming for our very survival. That is what makes the difference between making it 3 minutes or 36 hours, 3 days or 36 days, 36 weeks or the next 36 years. A person of faith is such because they have been tested and have overcome. That is what gives you the courage to jump into a new experience, be a person of character, and keep swimming when everything around you seems dark.

There are always two things we can focus on: the darkness or the light.  We have a choice. What is the beam of light that gives you hope, faith, and optimism? Now is the time, more than ever, to feed your mind positive messages, to do whatever you can that will strengthen your sense of faith and hope for a better tomorrow. 

I know you can last a lot longer than you think. Keep Swimming.

More great movie quotes

A couple of weeks ago, I talked about my favorite movie quotes from the trilogy, "The Matrix." Thank you for all of the emails and replies with your favorite movie quotes. I wanted to share those this week since the response was so overwhelming.  Here are some of the best ones!

• "You think everybody else is the problem, but you're the problem, Annie. You're the solution too." ~Bridesmaids

• "The question is not what are we going to do, the question is what aren't we going to do?" ~Ferris Bueller

• "I told you I would always come for you. Why didn't you wait for me?   Well... you were dead. Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while." ...and... "We'll never survive. Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has." ~Princess Bride

• "As God is my witness, they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again.   ~Gone with the Wind

• "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."  ~Shawshank Redemption

• "Show me the money!"   ~Jerry Maguire

• "I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubble gum." ~They Live

And here are two of my other all-time favorites!

• "So we finish 18 and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, 'Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.' And he says, 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."~Caddyshack

• "What? Over? Did you say 'over'? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!"  ~Animal House

I hope these made you smile.  Have a fantastic week!

Are Ants invading your personal space???

Our thoughts are just like ANTS. Those Automatic Negative ThoughtS (A.N.T.S.) are constantly on the move looking for something sweet to feed on. A person's brain is always thinking and creating new thoughts and beliefs, even while we sleep.

 

Learning to direct our thoughts to those healthy food sources will lead to a more productive, fruitful, and positive mindset. Listen now to my latest podcast to learn how to deal with the ANTS that may be invading your personal space!

Until next time,

James

Everything I need in life I learned from "The Matrix"

Everyone loves a great movie and once in a while, a movie comes along that has the right amount of action, character development, intrigue and a REAL MESSAGE in it. 


The Matrix trilogy is 100% based in the psychology of personal responsibility, choice, and the belief that we create our reality. Here are some great lines from the movie that all contain a messages of empowerment, personal choice and our ability to create the life that we desire.

• It is a good idea to keep in mind that everything you know could be wrong.
• In life, there isn't just one matrix, there are many. Meaningless work, TV and corrosive relationships just to name three. How many of them "have" you?
• Even a hero can get scared, drop his phones off the side of a building and give up. He just doesn't let it end that way.
• Sometimes everything hangs by a single decision: red pill or blue pill. But often that critical choice isn't always so obvious. It could come at any time. It could be right now.
• What are you waiting for? You're faster than this. Don't think you are...know you are. Come on! Stop trying to hit me and hit me!
• You have to let it all go, Neo: Fear, Doubt, Disbelief. Free...your...mind.
• When it comes to leaping from skyscraper to skyscraper, everyone falls the first time. It doesn't mean anything.
• I have these memories from my life. None of them happened. What does that mean? That the Matrix can not tell you who you are.
• Sorry kid. You've got the gift. But it looks like you are waiting for something.
• There's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.
• I didn't come here to tell you how it is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you: a world without controls, without borders or boundaries, a world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is up to you.

So, what are your favorite movie lines? How about, "Oh Captain, my Captain!" (Dead Poet's Society) "Freedom!" (Braveheart) and one of my all time favorites, "Be the ball!" (Caddyshack).  I would love to hear yours!


Until next time!


____________________________________________________

Thanks for reading! If you know someone who could benefit from this, feel free to forward it to them!  

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Evolution For Success' podcast is now live!

Evolution for Success' podcast is now live!  Check it out!

Evolution For Success' Motivation and Success Podcast

This new episode is about managing fear and eliminating procrastination.

You DO NOT have to let fear limit the way you live your life!

No matter what your phobia is, and regardless of how long you have been inconvenienced by it, 

your phobia can be cured!

You do not have to let fear limit the way you live your life.  

NLP has been proven to be one of the most effective ways to remove a phobia.  In fact, clearing phobias is what NLP was made famous for!

Whether you are dealing with a fear of flying, a fear of spiders or snakes, or claustrophobia, you know better than anyone how much these fears not only negatively impact your life but often also impact the lives of the ones you love.  

It doesn't have to be that way!  You can be free of those limitations.  In 2 (pain free) sessions you can live life fully and on your own terms!

What is a phobia?

A phobia is an intense irrational fear. The root cause of the phobia can usually be traced back to an emotionally charged event when a biological response became associated at an unconscious level with a particular trigger or stimulus.  When re-presented with the trigger, such as being in a closed in space for instance, the associated response is triggered, most commonly resulting in extreme feelings of anxiety, fear and panic.

How can we remove a phobia?

Using Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), any phobia can be eliminated quickly and easily without medication and without the painful process deconditioning. There is no side effect and the results are immediate since NLP addresses the source of the phobia and not the symptoms.

The process consists of 2 sessions.  Sessions can be conducted in person if you live in the Raleigh area or over the phone, and last 45 minutes.  

From now until the 4th of July --just in time for the fireworks--, I would like to offer you, your family and your friends a special pricing of $225 for both sessions!  

Call today to get started and

Experience the freedom of life without fears or phobias!

919-745-7569

For Husbands only... if your wife stops talking, start worrying!

The topic of marriage and relationships consistently comes up in my coaching.  I particularly enjoy working with clients on those issues relating to relationships because although marriage can be a great source of emotional turmoil and pain, it can also be the greatest source of happiness and feeling of connectedness one can experience. Being able to spot the earliest signs of trouble can help us make a course correction before it's too late. 

There are predictable patterns that point in the direction of disaster, but often, we as men, mis-interpret the signals and assume our marriage is headed for fairer weather after a rough patch, instead of realizing we are headed for deadly waters.

One of those patterns looks like this:  A wife --not yours of course-- is dissatisfied with something. She's unhappy.  Something is not working for her in the relationship.  Maybe she's not feeling heard, supported, cherished, or understood.  And so, she talks.  And she talks.  She's communicating and expressing her frustration or unhappiness.  

Now if her partner is like most men, he's not enjoying this process at all.  She's emotional and sometimes volatile, and it's difficult to stay focused on the specific source of her unhappiness and not feel personally attacked.  So her partner shuts down.  He retreats in his proverbial cave.  He may do that by tuning her out, physically leaving, or listening and quickly returning his focus on a friendlier topic.  Of course, it does nothing to resolve the issue at hand, but let's face it, running for the hills until she's in a happier place can look very appealing at times!

If he continues to strive to avoid her emotionalism and consistently retreats to his cave until the coast is clear, his wife, feeling completely unheard,  will grow more and more frustrated and she's likely to continue expressing her unhappiness with more and more passion.  

Until she stops.  

On her side, this signals that the relationship is over.  Emotionally, she has given up and disengaged.  She's done.  

From his perspective, the relationship just took a turn for the better.   He misinterprets this silence to mean that everything is OK. The "nagging and complaining" has stopped and there is peace! She seems to be doing things to make herself happy and she has ceased to focus on what's not working in their marriage.  Life is good again.

He could not be farther from the truth! 

She's planning her exit strategy.  It may be quick or it make take years. But nevertheless she's lost all hope that this marriage is workable and she's preparing to walk.  She might be going back to school or work if she wasn't working outside the home previously or she might make career choices that will make the transition easier.  She might find another love interest or become open to the idea, or she might shift her focus to more fulfilling family relationships like her children until the time is right.  

When the day comes that she serves her husband divorce papers, he is shocked.  He thought things were great --maybe not great exactly, but good. This is coming out of the blue.  Often, this is the point where he becomes very motivated to address what was not working in the marriage and he's baffled to hear that she has no interest in repairing the marriage.  She left emotionally a long time ago.  She has worked through many of her feelings and although she may have more grieving to do, she's way beyond turning back.  

The irony here is that sometimes, this will be the trigger for him to change and adopt different behaviors and different beliefs.  And if he moves on to another marriage, he may have become the man his first wife had hope he would be, which can be a source of sadness or anger for his ex-wife --but that's another story.

The bottom line is that when it comes to marriage, silence is deadly, not golden.   As uncomfortable as addressing the issues affecting our marriages may be, repeatedly running for the hills is often the surest way to get her to run for the door. 

To your continued success,

James

Is your child or teen acting out? Let's talk about the 4 goals of misbehavior

You have seen them... the child screaming for attention in the store, the one that plays helpless, the one that talks back and "hates" his parents,  and the one who always get his or her way and rules the roost. What do they all have in common?  They are working to get love and connection from their parents.  No, it's not a typo; it might not make sense logically, but emotionally, it does.

All children, whether they are toddlers or high schoolers, have 2 primary needs: to be loved unconditionally and to belong.  If they feel discouraged and perceive they cannot belong in a useful way, they start acting up.  They actually want 1 of 4 things: they either want to get attention, power, revenge, or display inadequacy.

Let's look at these "goals of misbehavior", and what might be an effective strategy to coach your child toward more positive behavior.

GOAL # 1: Attention

All kids need attention and a large part of parenting is to give our kids attention.  But when your child mistakenly believes that the only way to belong is to have your attention --and will misbehave to get it-- it becomes problematic.  

You know when your child is misbehaving in an effort to get your attention if your reaction is to get annoyed or bothered.  Your natural response will be to coax, remind, nag or criticize.  Your child will usually respond by stopping the behavior temporarily and then starting it up again later for more attention. 

   Examples: 

• Actively seeking attention:  You are visiting with a friend when your 9 yr old daughter asks you to watch her do a cartwheel on the lawn.  You oblige happily, remark on her progress and go back to your discussion.  But a minute later, you're showered with another wave of "watch me Daddy, watch me!", quickly followed by "Watch me again!" and again, and again...  Her bid for attention might escalate until she falls and receives your complete attention.  With a teenager, you might find that your son does something that annoys you.  After you step in to correct the behavior, he may stop but before long, he moves on to another annoying behavior.
• Passively seeking attention:  Instead, your son might do nothing and simply expect to be waited on. 

   Solution: Encourage your child to join in  and be part of things in a positive way.  Ignore your child's obvious bid for attention and instead focus and draw attention to something else entirely.  At a different time, offer positive attention when he or she isn't trying to get it.  Catch him or her being good.

GOAL #2: Power

Part of growing more independent is to feel more in control. In and of itself, power is a positive goal.  It only becomes a problem if, as with attention, your child feels that the only way to connect is by having the power.  In the case of teens, it's a very common goal of course since they are often very focused on gaining autonomy.

Your clue to the fact that your child is trying to show power is that you will tend to respond by feeling angry or threatened. You might try to make him obey or you might give in. If you choose to fight and make him do what you want, he will fight back.  If you choose to give in, he'll stop acting out since he won and got what he wanted.  

   Examples: 

• Actively seeking power:  Your child may deliberately break your rules like going biking without a helmet, choosing friends he knows you are uncomfortable with, or refusing to come home when you ask.  
• Passively seeking power:  Sometimes, your child will comply with your request but do it slowly or sloppily hence communicating that although you can make him do what you want him to do, he can control how he does it. 

   Solution: Look for ways to give your child more choices.  Encourage your child to gain independence and be responsible.  Don't fight or give in, let consequences simply happen. 

GOAL #3: Revenge

If your child loses a power struggle and feels hurt, he may decide to get revenge. 

As a parent, you might feel shocked, hurt and angry.  You might react by trying to get even and in return, your child will try to get more revenge, continuing the cycle with no end in sight.

   Examples: 

• Actively seeking revenge:  Your child might say or do something hurtful. Teens might take risks with the whole goal of shocking or worrying you. 
• Passively seeking revenge:  Your child may choose to glare at you angrily. 

   Solution: Refuse to take things personally.  Refuse to get even. Don't enter in a cycle of escalating revenge. Focus on building trust and respect when everyone is calm.

GOAL #4: Display of inadequacy

Sometimes a child will try to connect with his parents by acting helpless in a particular area.  He or she perceives that the only way they will connect with you is by convincing you they are helpless. 

When your child's goals is truly to display inadequacy (as opposed to a plight to get your attention which will elicit an annoyed emotional response), he just wants to be excused from the task.  He wants you to stop expecting anything from him.  You are likely to feel like giving up too.  Although you may not voice it out loud, you might in fact think that your child is helpless in that area.  You might give up and do nothing.  If you do give up and agree to expect nothing from your child, his goal has been met but at a very high price.  

   Example:

• Your child may try to convince you he can't figure out homework, do a good job at their chores, or make friends. 

   Solution: Because a child who gives up is very discouraged, focus on progress and encourage any effort. Don't pity them and don't give up.  

Take a minute to determine what your child's misbehavior payoff is and change the way you react. You can help your child develop more positive beliefs and strategies about getting your love and connection.

To learn more about identifying and responding to your kids' behavior, pick up the book "STEP Parenting: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting" by Dinkmeyer. It is an extremely valuable resource and can make a huge difference.  Or call me! 

To your continued success,

James

The 3 Principles of Wealth

If you gave anyone three wishes, one of them would, for most people, be to have financial abundance and certainty to the point where "they would never have to worry about money again." 

If you want to have that level of financial certainty in life...there are only three fundamental financial principles you need to master.  Although they are frustratingly simple, they can be a challenge to put into practice.

• First and foremost, it's critical to understand that money is used to buy an emotional experience. In other words, the reason people are willing to buy something is for the emotional experience it provides them. That principle applies to the frappuccino at Starbucks as much as the laptop you purchased.
• The second law of income is that you will only have as much money as you can successfully manage. It is a fallacy to think that you once you have a certain amount of money, you will never have to worry about money again. The richest and most successful people are distinctly aware of how and where they spend their money. They understand their buying and spending habits, behaviors, and they watch the money come in and go out.  

If we have some fun combining number one and two, managing your money comes down to managing your emotional spending habits.  Before making a purchase, ask yourself what emotional experience am I trying to extract from it. Is that experience worth its cost?  Many times it is, but you might be surprised how many times, it's not.  

• The third law of income states that A-B=C. A is your assets (income you bring in each month) minus your "B," which is your bills (monthly expenses) which equals your "C," cash on hand.  Interestingly what gives you the feeling of financial safety or certainty is not your total net worth.  It's positive cash flow.  Your net worth is not likely to give you a feeling of financial safety if you have a negative cash flow month after month.  

If you ask most people who are struggling, which they would rather do, make more money or cut expenses in order to have more money, most will say, "Make more money." There is a fundamental challenge with this psychology. Your spending habits will always grow in proportion to your income! That is why rock stars, movie stars, and entertainers with millions go broke. 

So whether you take in $80 K or $500 K a year, it's what you clear that brings you that feeling of satisfaction.  If your cash outflow is greater than your cash inflow, you will continue to live with the feeling of scarcity, anxiety or stress.  You will continually yearn for more money without ever feeling truly secure.   

That's true no matter how much money you make whether it's in your personal life or your business.

To your continued success,

James

To Reach Your Goals, Sometimes the Trick is to Underachieve!

Easter weekend is almost always filled with sunshine here in Raleigh, NC. The warm Spring weather usually leads to planting a myriad of trees, bushes, and annuals. Keeping true to form, I spent most of Saturday creating a rose garden in the back of our home.

As I was working, I found myself enjoying the thoughts of running again. The gorgeous weather urged me to put on my running shoes again and hit the trail. After the last six months of training, it was nice to think of going for a nice leisurely jog for three or four miles with no specific outcome, just running for the sheer joy of running -- no expectations.

I so often talk about dreaming big, setting a huge goal, and taking massive action but sometimes, big goals lead to huge expectations, which can get the best of us. Huge expectations can often lead to being more overwhelmed or drained of energy than motivated and energized. 

When that happens, switch gears entirely and seek to underachieve! You read right: lower your aim. If you decided back in January to get in shape and lose twenty pounds but now you're spending more time telling yourself you have to get to the gym than you actually are, change your approach.

Decide to go walk or run 20 minutes each day. One of 2 things will happen: either after the successful small workout, you'll feel terrific and conclude this was doable. In which case, grabbing your running shoes tomorrow won't seem so daunting. Result: total success; you have stopped thinking about what you have to do and you're moving! Or, after 20 minutes, you will be so into it that you will continue running for another 5, 10, or even 20 more minutes. Imagine how pumped you'll feel then! All the extra time spent exercising is a total bonus because you have only committed to 20. No one is expecting you to do more. Everything you have done above that is for the pure joy of the experience and creates feelings of massive success.

Success has a momentum all its own and will build on itself, just like the expectations. Sometimes what you need to get you started (and get you out of procrastination mode) is setting a goal that's achievable right now. The initial outcome is not your ultimate goal, but sometimes to jump higher you need to lower the bar a bit. High jumpers don't go for their personal best without warming up first! Once you're in action and the adrenaline takes effect, you'll gain momentum and naturally move toward succeeding at your bigger goals. 

So maybe if I hit the trail, I'll only run 3 miles, for the sheer joy of feeling alive and vibrant. But in all likelihood, I'll keep going a bit longer. And if I don't, that's all right, I'll be out running again the next day because I can fit those miles in without pressure, and experience true feelings of success.

To your continued success,

James

Personal Motivation Podcast by Chuck Morrison

Let me introduce you to an amazing guy, Chuck Morrison.  I think you'll agree that his energy, enthusiasm and motivation for life are infectious.  

I love to remind my clients that, "Your success in life is directly proportional to the amount of risk and uncertainty you can manage." and Chuck certainly exemplifies that saying.  After years of successfully climbing the corporate ladder, he chose to take a risk and changed path entirely in the pursuit of his dream.  

Chuck now produces and hosts one of the top-ranked podcasts on iTunes for "motivation" and "inspiration."  His "Making Mountains Move" podcasts are heard all around the world, inspiring and empowering people to say "YES" to their dreams. They highlight real life people who have achieved massive results doing what they love.

I had the honor of being interviewed by Chuck for this week's motivational podcast. Bring a pen and paper when you listen because you won't be disappointed! 

You can listen and download the podcast at the following address: 

http://makingmountainsmove.podomatic.com

"The Universe will assist you, guide you, support you, and even create miracles for you. But first, you have to commit!" - T. Harv Eker

To your continued success, 

James

Are you taking steps toward what you want?

When would you like to make your first million? When would you like to find and marry your soul mate? When would you like to drop those extra pounds so you look good this summer? When would you like to find a better sense of peace in your life? When would you like to get to that next promotion and pay raise at work?

If you are like most people, the answer to all of these questions is easy. I am sure you would like to have had it all yesterday! Maybe a person could settle for right now, but yesterday would probably have been better!

It is true that whatever you want, you can't have it yesterday. However, you can choose to take action towards those results right now. If you want that million dollars and pass on making that extra payment to pay off your debt, you are missing out on having that million dollars for now. If you fail to smile and just say hello to that attractive guy or gal at the grocery store, you might be missing out on your soul mate. If you don't leave just one more bite of food on your plate than you did yesterday, you are missing out on that great beach body. 

A person may say, "But James, that one extra payment, smile, and bite of food are not enough!" Says who? If you are not willing to manage your money and will waste an opportunity to take a step toward being debt free, how can you manage a million? If you are not willing to give more than you expect back in a relationship and pass on a smile that may make someone's day go from bad to great, how can you emotionally support your soul mate? If you can't pass on that one bite of food and eat 40 less calories at every meal (840 calories a week is almost 1/3 lb), then how will you be able to manage passing on all of the deserts when you are out with friends so you can feel fantastic on the beach?

Managing your life comes down to managing moments. If the small results are not enough for you to acknowledge and appreciate, you may never have the appreciation for attaining the end goal. We are the ones who make things bigger, harder, and more difficult than they need to be. Why not make feeling good about yourself and your actions be easy? How many more happy people would there be in the world. Life is only as difficult as you make it! 

The key to getting results NOW is to manage and appreciate the moments and the immediate actions you take right now in order to make a difference in your life.  

To  your continued success, 

James

Do You Have a Success Plan?

The gun went off at 6:00 am, Saturday morning, April 2, 2011. Twenty seven hours, 44 minutes and 34 seconds later, I crossed the finish line completing my first 100-mile Ultramarathon. What allowed me to succeed? Two things: a plan and my word!

It seems surreal even now. As I have gone over the event in my mind for the last few days, I think about the key factors that enabled me to reach my goal. It certainly was not all due to my training because in all reality, I trained harder and more consistently for the fifty mile race that I completed last year. It was not due to my superior health because I weigh a little more than I did last year at this time. So what was it? 

First, I got clear on what my outcome was.  I decided I wanted to complete the race in under 30 hours.  I did some research and I found a plan I could follow to do just that. Provided I ran the first 50 miles in less than 13 hrs, I could complete the race in twenty eight hours with two to spare for unexpected emergencies. I printed out the plan and put it in my race belt. It became my bible during the race. It broke down the lap times so that I had smaller goals to accomplish on the way to the bigger picture. I set small steps and overachieved each lap by about fifteen to twenty minutes. I used these minutes to take care of my body: changing shoes, shirts, and socks, using a full jar of Vaseline, and getting medical support. When I lost the map after the 6^th lap, I felt like I had lost my best friend (I later found it). The plan saved me from destruction. It allowed me to focus on the small consistent actions that made the difference between success and failure: filling the water bottle each station, eating at each aid station, taking my electrolyte caps each hour, and consistently checking my watch to measure my progress versus the plan. 

The second thing that kept me going was my word. I created a tremendous amount of leverage for myself to accomplish this goal. I told my friends, my family, my clients, and everyone on every social media network I am involved with, that I was going to do this! Most importantly, I told myself that I was going to give this everything that I had! I did not give myself an escape route anywhere. 

There were times I could have quit. Before starting lap seven (after 75 miles) the Red Cross Medic looked at my feet and told me there was nothing they could do for my feet since the pain did not come from an external blister but an internal separation of skin. If I wanted to continue, all I could do was to slap on some Vaseline and suck it up. There were also several times in lap eight when I actually stopped and told my pacer that I wanted to quit, period. I was done. And, even as I said the words out loud, doubled over in pain, I knew that I could not look at myself in the mirror when I got home if I didn't give it everything I had. And, unless I blacked out and they took me away in an ambulance, I could not stop. In those moments, I looked down deeper into myself than ever before, checked my handwritten plan, pulled myself together, and kept on going. 

It is ironic as I look back on my life, that 21 years ago, I could not run a mile.  It's clear that if a person wants to have a full life they are proud of, success takes work and effort. It took just as much work and effort emotionally 21 years ago for me to push myself to run 8 laps, walk 4, run 4 more; to tell myself that I could run three miles and then keep on doing it every other day for the next 6 months. The only difference between then and now is that I have conditioned myself to take on bigger goals. My first 10K seemed like an eternity.  The first marathon I signed up for I never ran, but I signed up again and the next year I ran my first ˝ marathon followed by my first full marathon.  The first 100-miler I signed up for I cancelled but the following year I ran 50 miles. This year, I learned everything I needed to learn to complete a 100-mile race and accomplished something that had enormous meaning for me.  The road to succ ess has not come in a straight line.  I've tried and "failed" at times, I have fallen on my face and come short on some of my goals.  Yet, I have gotten back up and tried again, and again set in the conviction that our past does not equal our future.  By having a plan for success, a system to follow, and by putting enough leverage on myself to accomplish my goal, I put all the chances for success on my side.

Whether you are reaching for a small goal or a big goal, whether it has to do with your personal life or your business, success will always take work. To achieve all that you want in life remember that having a good plan that you can rely upon and keeping your word --to yourself and others-- will always serve you well, even when all you want to do is quit!

To your continued success,

James 

I welcome your feedback!  What other topics would you like to see covered?

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"5 Steps to Break Through Overwhelm"

Fear and Excitement Are Close Cousins

You will have to forgive me again for talking about running this week! This weekend is my big 100-mile race that you have all been reading about for the last six months, so bear with me one more time.  Well, perhaps I will give a recap on what I get from the race next week and then I am done talking about it, I promise!

Anyway, I as I was packing enough clothes and food for the entire crew of the USS Ronald Reagan aircraft carrier tonight, I am feeling a mixture of excitement, fear and anxiety. I always tell my clients, "If you are looking for financial planner, get one who is debt free and works because they choose to". Same for a coach, "Get one who says I am my own best client." 

I have been coaching myself hard tonight. On the eve of big life events, it is just like a ride on a roller coaster. There are only two main emotions on a roller coaster...fear and excitement. Picture the people on the ride...clenching onto the shoulder harness in fear and putting their hands up and screaming, "Bring it on!!!" at the top of their lungs.

What allows a person to let go of the shoulder harness of fear and scream with excitement is letting go of expectation and the "What if's...", along with having a little bit of faith and trust. Trust that the ride will end safely, faith that it will stay on the track, so you can enjoy the rush of adrenaline that each new exciting experience in life brings. 

Some fear and anxiety is healthy. It is what motivates me to remember to run upstairs and pack my rain jacket just in case. Being able to manage those emotions and put them to good use is critical. It allows you to feel prepared for the ride so you can let go, enjoy it free of expectation and trust that it will be a great ride. 

In the end, you will be living a life of events and rides that are thrilling. AND, you may find that you are addicted to the ride. So, I may have to go back on my word that this is the end of my writing about running for a while. After all, there is the Marine Corps Marathon in October with one of my Marine clients who will have just came back from a tour in Afghanistan (Stay safe brother!). And, I just planned for another possible marathon in France in 2013 with another fantastic friend. They serve wine at every water station and everyone dresses up! Life is full of such wonderful rides! 

Enjoy your life since you only have one. Live it fully doing what you love. Have a life full of wonderful tales to tell your grandkids as they sit on your knees! I hope you continue to ride the ride and remember that it is only a slight adjustment to go from fear and anxiety to excitement and fun. Enjoy the ride!

To your continued success,