What’s Right and What’s Legal?
Situation: You are driving down the highway in a car that is registered to your spouse. You know that traffic enforcement lights are up ahead so you consciously slow down. As a big truck passes you in the right hand lane (obviously speeding and annoyed because you slowed down) just as the speeding camera takes a picture. Someone is busted! Looking down you see that you are going 69 in a 65mph zone. You come home and tell your spouse you can’t believe that the guy in the truck was busted like that.
Fast forward three weeks and your spouse gets a letter of the car, clear pictures of you driving, and stating you were going 78mph. The notice is not a fine for your wife since she was not driving the car but since it was registered in her name she has 4 weeks to “turn in” under sworn statement who was driving.
What do you do?
A. Since you just moved, feign ignorance, not respond and see if they send a second notice? After all, it could have gotten lost in the mail and if you prolonged it for 3 months then you may get out of the ticket if you move out of state.
B. Ask your spouse to fill in that they do not know who was driving the car and lie under oath? After all, the car was totaled a few weeks earlier and we do not even have it anymore. How would they follow up anyway, we have different last names. The worst that could happen is her driving license is suspended.
C. Fill out the paperwork for your spouse and turn yourself in. Even though it is a total racket. The people who are contracted by the Scottsdale Police to run the camera system also have high priced lawyers so no one who ever fights a ticket wins, they split the proceeds 50-50 with the city of Scottsdale, and they run the driving school that everyone who gets a ticket must attend so that there are not points added onto your record with the insurance company that would make your premium go up. In essence, you pay the same company for the ticket and the driving school and the City of Scottsdale says believes that contracting out their law enforcement duties to a non-law enforcement entity who is double dipping from the tickets and driving school is legal.
Well, the answer for me was C. It was one of the toughest decisions that I made this year. Many times in life, what is morally, ethically, and legally right are in conflict. How do we sort out the difference? In the end, it does not matter who is right what matters most is “What is right by you?” Doing what is right is the hardest thing to do and it is also the most rewarding. Systems are not perfect, people are not perfect, and the world is not perfect.
The only way to get through is to ask, “What is truly right for me based on my principles, morals, ethics, and values?” The hardest part about answering that question is that most of the time what is right will end up inconveniencing you in the short run. I may very well have to pay $135 for the ticket, plus driving school, plus the 8 hours to take the course, and perhaps miss coaching one of my sons’ basketball games because of it.
There are benefits to inconveniencing yourself in order to do what is right. My wife is not stressing about what is going to happen to her wallet. My son sees a father who steps up and takes responsibility for his actions and does what is right even though he was mad as a hornet at an unjust system, disappointed in the fact that he was speeding and caught, and will end up missing one of the most important, rewarding and fulfilling hours of the week coaching basketball.
In the end, they have my money, my time, and less respect for this piece of our legal system. I still come out the winner because I have peace of mind as a husband and father, a deeper level of respect for myself, and I am looking forward to learning something new in the driving school.
Looking for the edge in making important decisions? Call NOW for your free 15-minute Personal Coaching Session. (480) 820-4072
2/18/08
Is Enough, Enough?
Is Enough, Enough?
Yesterday morning I found myself tired, exhausted, and in pain. After 4 hours or running, I had just passed mile marker 23 of the Lost Dutchman Marathon. On the edge of tears, pain shooting up my hip from running down a hill too fast at mile 12, my feet tingling with pinpricks of pain, I was staring at the “Dutchman’s Revenge,” a 500 foot vertical hill looming straight up in front of me. It was another obstacle to overcome.
“Wasn’t it enough? I had completed 23 miles. Wasn’t it enough? I just completed another marathon a month earlier? Wasn’t it enough? I had completed 6 other marathons and almost a dozen half marathons. Wasn’t it enough? I had logged over 600 training miles in the last 5 months? Wasn’t it enough? Wasn’t it enough already? Wasn’t it enough?”
It is during intense emotional moments that the true character of a person is revealed and they can find more of who they really are. All I wanted was to sit down, rest and walk the rest of the course. Who would care? Who would know? Only one person would know me.
Enough is never enough. People can not live on past emotional moments, when they do, life becomes flat, barren and void. Emotion dies. That is the problem with only living “in the moment.” Happiness is found when enough is never enough; something has to bring to a “moment.” Success in life can only be achieved if you put yourself in a place where you set huge goals with huge obstacles that will put you in emotional situations. This is where you come face to face with the deepest parts of who you are and redefine yourself. In that moment is a deeper, more intense connection with gratitude for life, faith to overcome obstacles, strength and inner confidence to achieve more, and the choice to define a more intense personal identity.
I came face to face with my pain, suffering, and self doubt. I understood that this deep painful moment was what I wanted. I had run 23 miles for this exact moment. This was the moment that I had been searching for all along! It was a defining moment for me. I chose to lift my head up to focus on the future, pushed through the pain, made a commitment to run those last few miles with all I had inside of me. I found more of myself in that moment, more of who I am, and more of all that I am blessed with in this life. I experienced one of the deepest levels of thankfulness and gratitude for all that I have in that moment. I reconnected with how I would use that to make a bigger impact in the lives others in selfless service knowing that I am a part of something so much larger than me. I forged a stronger identity for myself as a man, husband and father. I am a marathon runner, an achiever, a contributor to make other’s lives more meaningful and powerful. I am a marathon runner and running through the wall is what runners do.
Who are you going to become this week? If you need support in creating more magical moments in your life, call now for a free 15-minute “Jump-Start” session. (480) 820-4072
Yesterday morning I found myself tired, exhausted, and in pain. After 4 hours or running, I had just passed mile marker 23 of the Lost Dutchman Marathon. On the edge of tears, pain shooting up my hip from running down a hill too fast at mile 12, my feet tingling with pinpricks of pain, I was staring at the “Dutchman’s Revenge,” a 500 foot vertical hill looming straight up in front of me. It was another obstacle to overcome.
“Wasn’t it enough? I had completed 23 miles. Wasn’t it enough? I just completed another marathon a month earlier? Wasn’t it enough? I had completed 6 other marathons and almost a dozen half marathons. Wasn’t it enough? I had logged over 600 training miles in the last 5 months? Wasn’t it enough? Wasn’t it enough already? Wasn’t it enough?”
It is during intense emotional moments that the true character of a person is revealed and they can find more of who they really are. All I wanted was to sit down, rest and walk the rest of the course. Who would care? Who would know? Only one person would know me.
Enough is never enough. People can not live on past emotional moments, when they do, life becomes flat, barren and void. Emotion dies. That is the problem with only living “in the moment.” Happiness is found when enough is never enough; something has to bring to a “moment.” Success in life can only be achieved if you put yourself in a place where you set huge goals with huge obstacles that will put you in emotional situations. This is where you come face to face with the deepest parts of who you are and redefine yourself. In that moment is a deeper, more intense connection with gratitude for life, faith to overcome obstacles, strength and inner confidence to achieve more, and the choice to define a more intense personal identity.
I came face to face with my pain, suffering, and self doubt. I understood that this deep painful moment was what I wanted. I had run 23 miles for this exact moment. This was the moment that I had been searching for all along! It was a defining moment for me. I chose to lift my head up to focus on the future, pushed through the pain, made a commitment to run those last few miles with all I had inside of me. I found more of myself in that moment, more of who I am, and more of all that I am blessed with in this life. I experienced one of the deepest levels of thankfulness and gratitude for all that I have in that moment. I reconnected with how I would use that to make a bigger impact in the lives others in selfless service knowing that I am a part of something so much larger than me. I forged a stronger identity for myself as a man, husband and father. I am a marathon runner, an achiever, a contributor to make other’s lives more meaningful and powerful. I am a marathon runner and running through the wall is what runners do.
Who are you going to become this week? If you need support in creating more magical moments in your life, call now for a free 15-minute “Jump-Start” session. (480) 820-4072
2/12/08
Who is in Control?
Who is in Control?
Question: You choose to finish a job or task at work and feel a great sense of accomplishment afterwards, or you are walking down the street and all of a sudden you remember something and it makes you so sad: Are you in control of your emotions or are your emotions in control of you?
First off, we are in control of our emotional states. By CHOOSING to take a specific action, we CHOOSE the meaning of the event. For example, by choosing to go out walking this morning, I chose that walking would allow me to feel happy, energetic, alive and vibrant. A different person may choose to go walking and decide it meant pain, suffering, and frustration. We control out emotional states by the meaning that we attach to all of life’s experiences!
At the same time, there will always be external events that happen to us that will trigger unresolved emotional issues from the past. These unresolved issues grow over time and get larger and larger and larger. Negative emotional states are positive because they tell us where our emotions and rational thoughts are in conflict.
Our emotional states are in a constant tug of war. People work to have more positive intense emotional states (happiness, love, success) while negative emotional states (frustration, overwhelm, sadness) keep popping up, seemingly out of control.
In creating more positive emotional states remember: MOTION CREATES EMOTION. When you engage your mind and your body positive things happen! My personal drug of choice: Endorphins! So, put on those great songs, sing at the top of your lungs, be outrageous in your own way, move your body and create a stronger you with more physical movement.
In order to decrease the disempowering emotional moments:
1. Identify the negative emotion that is present (anger, frustration, sadness, etc.)
2. Ask: “What is there to learn from this, the learning of which will allow me to let go of these negative emotions easily and effortlessly?”
3. Once you understand the meaning and what there is to learn from it, CHOOSE TO TAKE AN IMMEDIATE ACTION AND DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT that will allow the better feelings to come out! (in this moment most people will not want to do something different because it is easier to stay in a negative emotional pattern, but the key to success is in taking an choosing a new action and meaning in order to break through the problem and let go of the negative emotion)
4. Celebrate your new meaning and action to anchor in the new state!
It is never too late to engage the process. Success happens when the amount of time it takes to clear up the conflict and move from disempowering states to positive ones decreases.
Celebrate all of your emotional states. Celebrate the ones that you choose to create for yourself and celebrate the ones that are triggered by your external environment. Find the reason for the state and take action to control your emotional life!
If you want more out of your emotional life, call today for your free 15 minute coaching session on how to create positive emotional states. Have a real life experience of it today! (480) 820-4072
To your continued success,
James
Question: You choose to finish a job or task at work and feel a great sense of accomplishment afterwards, or you are walking down the street and all of a sudden you remember something and it makes you so sad: Are you in control of your emotions or are your emotions in control of you?
First off, we are in control of our emotional states. By CHOOSING to take a specific action, we CHOOSE the meaning of the event. For example, by choosing to go out walking this morning, I chose that walking would allow me to feel happy, energetic, alive and vibrant. A different person may choose to go walking and decide it meant pain, suffering, and frustration. We control out emotional states by the meaning that we attach to all of life’s experiences!
At the same time, there will always be external events that happen to us that will trigger unresolved emotional issues from the past. These unresolved issues grow over time and get larger and larger and larger. Negative emotional states are positive because they tell us where our emotions and rational thoughts are in conflict.
Our emotional states are in a constant tug of war. People work to have more positive intense emotional states (happiness, love, success) while negative emotional states (frustration, overwhelm, sadness) keep popping up, seemingly out of control.
In creating more positive emotional states remember: MOTION CREATES EMOTION. When you engage your mind and your body positive things happen! My personal drug of choice: Endorphins! So, put on those great songs, sing at the top of your lungs, be outrageous in your own way, move your body and create a stronger you with more physical movement.
In order to decrease the disempowering emotional moments:
1. Identify the negative emotion that is present (anger, frustration, sadness, etc.)
2. Ask: “What is there to learn from this, the learning of which will allow me to let go of these negative emotions easily and effortlessly?”
3. Once you understand the meaning and what there is to learn from it, CHOOSE TO TAKE AN IMMEDIATE ACTION AND DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT that will allow the better feelings to come out! (in this moment most people will not want to do something different because it is easier to stay in a negative emotional pattern, but the key to success is in taking an choosing a new action and meaning in order to break through the problem and let go of the negative emotion)
4. Celebrate your new meaning and action to anchor in the new state!
It is never too late to engage the process. Success happens when the amount of time it takes to clear up the conflict and move from disempowering states to positive ones decreases.
Celebrate all of your emotional states. Celebrate the ones that you choose to create for yourself and celebrate the ones that are triggered by your external environment. Find the reason for the state and take action to control your emotional life!
If you want more out of your emotional life, call today for your free 15 minute coaching session on how to create positive emotional states. Have a real life experience of it today! (480) 820-4072
To your continued success,
James
2/5/08
The Problem with the Problem
What is the Problem with Your Problem?
Most of us forget that there is a problem that comes with most problems. It is a presupposition that we should not have the problem in the first place. In simpler terms, the problem with the problem is that you think that you should not be having a problem.
Do you really want what you are wishing for? Imagine a life with absolutely no problems. At first, it would be great, just like sitting on the beach for a day doing nothing. (That only feels good because we have been putting so much time into solving our problems and need a refresher from time to time) What about the second day, third day, fourth week of sitting on the beach with no problems? Suddenly, the absence of problems would be a problem and we would need to go and find something to do.
What is the purpose of a problem then? Fundamentally, we are either growing or dying. The problems that we encounter serve a very specific purpose. They give us insight into where we are incongruent between what we think and what we feel. There is a meaning, something to learn, from the problems that once we learn and take action on it, will create an even better quality of life for us.
It is our choice to find that more empowering meaning, embrace the learning(s) from it, and take action to change our life. That is what makes us a stronger person.
What is a current problem that you have today or this week? Be THANKFUL for your problems and ask yourself:
A. What is there for me to learn from this problem, that will make me a better person?
B. What can I learn from this that will allow me to let go of these negative emotions and create a more empowering future for myself?
C. What will I do different next time? ~or~ What is an action I can take right now to make things better?
D. How will this create a more empowering life for myself and the people that I love and care about today, tomorrow, in the future?
Consider it a pure joy, to face the trials and challenges of life. It is the testing of your human spirit that develops perseverance. Perseverance needs to happen in order for you to finish your tasks in order to feel complete and whole.
Most of us forget that there is a problem that comes with most problems. It is a presupposition that we should not have the problem in the first place. In simpler terms, the problem with the problem is that you think that you should not be having a problem.
Do you really want what you are wishing for? Imagine a life with absolutely no problems. At first, it would be great, just like sitting on the beach for a day doing nothing. (That only feels good because we have been putting so much time into solving our problems and need a refresher from time to time) What about the second day, third day, fourth week of sitting on the beach with no problems? Suddenly, the absence of problems would be a problem and we would need to go and find something to do.
What is the purpose of a problem then? Fundamentally, we are either growing or dying. The problems that we encounter serve a very specific purpose. They give us insight into where we are incongruent between what we think and what we feel. There is a meaning, something to learn, from the problems that once we learn and take action on it, will create an even better quality of life for us.
It is our choice to find that more empowering meaning, embrace the learning(s) from it, and take action to change our life. That is what makes us a stronger person.
What is a current problem that you have today or this week? Be THANKFUL for your problems and ask yourself:
A. What is there for me to learn from this problem, that will make me a better person?
B. What can I learn from this that will allow me to let go of these negative emotions and create a more empowering future for myself?
C. What will I do different next time? ~or~ What is an action I can take right now to make things better?
D. How will this create a more empowering life for myself and the people that I love and care about today, tomorrow, in the future?
Consider it a pure joy, to face the trials and challenges of life. It is the testing of your human spirit that develops perseverance. Perseverance needs to happen in order for you to finish your tasks in order to feel complete and whole.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)