Take Control of Your Life

My daughter was telling me that other day that it seemed an eternity going from 6 to 7 years old. For me on the other hand, the older I get the faster time flies by. As things move faster and faster in life, finding a balance between work, health, finances and career becomes harder and harder. It is easy to start feeling powerless and out of control.

It is easy to blame feeling out of control on the events and circumstances of life; the boss is too demanding and does not care, the kids’ activities after school are just too much, or stress from your relationship causes you to overeat and drink.  

There are always two ways to take back control of your life. 

The first is to shift your procedures and take control by changing the events and circumstances of life. A person can change jobs to get a new boss, sign the kids up for one less extracurricular activity next season, or join Weight Watchers and start counting points. These procedural changes we all know how to do, but still have a hard time implementing. Most people know what to do, they just don’t do it. 

Your second option?  Change your perception. “Changing perception” involves changing the way a person thinks.  All learning, change, and behavioral shifts happen at the unconscious level. 

Asking yourself better questions and adopting a different identity will help change your own perceptions of who you are and what you believe. The above examples of being stressed presuppose an identity that a person who can’t handle the stressors of life.  If they wanted to, one could choose to adopt different beliefs, such as, “The more energy I put out, the stronger I become”, “The busier I am, the more organized and the more efficient I become”,  “I thrive on life’s challenges: the faster life goes, the more momentum I have”, or “It is good to have a full life of opportunity.”

Implementing new procedures can change your life, and many times, that is precisely what is needed.  But sometimes, the solution lies in changing your perceptions of your identity and adopting a different internal beliefs system.  Those new beliefs are what will allow you to take control of your life!  

What is a more empowering identity and belief that you can adopt? Are there some areas of your life where you need to change your procedures?  Are there some areas of your life where you need to shift your perceptions? 

I look forward to hearing your response and comments! 

To your continued success,

Are You Doing What You Love?

Overnight, the death toll has risen from 800 to over 10,000 in Japan. I think of all these people who started that day like any other day.  They got up, fed the kids maybe, kissed their loved ones goodbye, and got in their car to go to work? 

Out of those 10,000 people who lost their life, I wonder how many people died doing something they loved? How many jumped out of bed that morning and lived that day like it was going to be their last? I know it is very cliche', but seriously, how many died that day doing something they totally loved?

Katherine Mansfield once wrote, " How can you hesitate? Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinion of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth."

My junior high band teacher, Mr. Bob Brown, died while out on a run. I have several other family members who have died doing what they loved or died coming back from doing something they loved. I am almost certain my Grandma Nora died with a crochet needle in her hand because other than playing Kings Corners with her, she was always crocheting another afghan for a loved one!

No matter when I die, I want to die doing something I love! I hope I die right at the end of a marathon, a great run, after telling my kids how proud of them I am, after a million dollar coaching call, watching a brilliant sunset or sunrise, or some other life event that is meaningful. I promised my wife I would live at lease one minute longer than her so she would never be widowed. No matter when it is, I want to go right after a moment that is larger than life.

The challenge is to live life as consistently as possible in the pursuit of everything that is meaningful to you. Horrendous tragedies like what many in Japan are experiencing remind us that you never know what will happen when you walk out the door in the morning. But you always have control of how you say goodbye to your loved ones before you leave, what you do during the day, and how you help others along the way!

Regardless of when that is, end on a high note doing what you love, and make sure you always make others aware of their worth. Tell the important people in your life how much you love them. The only comfort they will have when you are gone is to know that you loved them and that you died doing what you love and living a life of love!  Choose to make each day count! 

My day is looking pretty exciting all of a sudden! How about yours?

To your continued success,

James

Thoughts on the Quake in Japan

I am sure we all send our thoughts and prayers to the people in Japan who will be homeless and without loved ones tonight. I was browsing through my resources for a quote and these two jumped out. I am sure there will be stories of triumph among the tragedy. Let's look for them!

"The courage of very ordinary people is all that stands between us and the dark." ~Pam Brown, 1928

"Disasters sweep the world - war and disease, earthquake and flood and fire - but always in their wake come acts of courage and concern that astound the human heart. Light in utter darkenss." ~Charlotte Gray, 1937

Say a prayer of thanks tonight and send loving thoughts to Japan. Help anyway you can, it matters for the person you have helped!

Buddha Wisdom: Business Coaching on Your Reputation

One day a maid thought, "My mistress has a very good reputation: I wonder whether she is good by nature, or is good because of her surroundings. I will try her and find out." The following morning the maid did not appear before her mistress until nearly noon. The mistress was vexed and scolded her impatiently. The maid replied, "If I am lazy for only a day or two, you ought not to become impatient." Then the mistress became angry.
The next day the maid got up late again. This made the mistress very angry and she struck the maid with a stick. This incident became widely known and the rich widow lost her good reputation.

Many people are like this woman. While their surroundings are satiafactory they are kind, modest and quiet, but it is questionable if they will behave likewise when the conditions change and become unsatisfactory.
(Copyright 1966 by Bukkyo Dendo Kyokai, "The Teaching Of Buddha")

Tough times do not build a business' character, they reveal it. Is your customer service department stressed? Does that show up in the levels of customer service? Are you sacrificing customer service to keep that extra few cents only to lose long term sales with unhappy customers? When your customer service answers the phone are they looking for the good in how they can help or are they looking for ways to just have the problems conveniently go away.

Businesses that last long term continue to provide positive and affirming attitudes and service even when the times are challenging and intense. It is under stressful market conditions that you can grow your customer base the easiest with outstanding service because much of your competition is passing their stress onto their consumers. What reputation is your company building in these competitive times?

Do You Have a Strategic Plan?

“It takes just as much energy to create a failing business as it does a thriving business.”

My wife made this interesting comment the other day… It is true that the success of a business, or any endeavor for that matter, cannot be guaranteed simply on the basis of hard work. In fact, many businesses fail in spite of offering great products or services, and in spite of being run by intelligent, hard working people. Hard work is not enough.

I have been fortunate to bring on a brilliant Director of Marketing for my company (my wife) and upon joining the business, she decided we needed to go through the Guerilla Marketing 30-Day program by Jay Levinson. Quite honestly, the process was painful at times, but also immensely valuable. The exercises forced us to stop and think  strategically before jumping into action.

As service professionals, we often focus 90% of our time on sharpening our skills and refining the strategies and tools we provide our clients in order to continually increase the quality and effectiveness of our services. Spending time on strategic planning and business development can sometimes get lost.  We’d rather be with clients than create or revisit a marketing plan or a business plan.  We want to be doing something.  And we should.  But taking the time initially for some strategic planning is a crucial element of success.

Spending the initial time plotting your course, gaining clarity on where you are and what you want can be frustrating at time.  It can be an uncomfortable process, but that time is in fact well spent. It will ensure that you won’t expand your energy in random directions, working very hard and getting very little reward for all that work.  You will be working smarter rather than harder as a result.  

Whether it’s in your business or in your personal life, achieving any goal will entail expanding some energy. Simply rushing in and throwing yourself into action without first thinking strategically about how to go about achieving that goal won’t get you there.  Take a minute to gain clarity about what you actually want and which strategies will work best.  And then, jump in with passion!

To your continued success,

James

Emotional Success

Emotions vs. Logic

Well, it finally happened. As I was walking my daughter to school the other day, she became very disappointed because in a moment of fear, she realized we had left part of her first grade project at home. I could not pass up the opportunity to console my little one, so I scooped her up in my arms, held her tight and told her how much I understood her disappointment. 

By the time we got to the school, she was begging me to put her down since other kids were looking. I had to put her down because she is not a toddler anymore, and carrying her is not as easy as it once was. The parent behind me must have noticed my pain because their comment hit me like a ton of bricks, “You won’t be able to do that for much longer.”

It was a very true statement; my baby girl is growing up fast. Change is always interesting; we resist it and fight it often.  Mr. Spock from Star Trek stated, “If change is inevitable, predictable and beneficial…doesn’t logic demand that you be part of it?”  Yes, logically I suppose it does.

However, we are much more emotional than logical beings! Deep down, I want to be the loving, protective daddy who scoops up his baby girl in her moment of distress and makes all of her pain go away with my hugs and kisses! 

The bottom line is that everything we do in life is guided more by emotions than logic. There are positive and negative emotions. Positive emotions we want more of, and negative emotions less of. The true way to have all you want in life is to make it your purpose to meet others’ emotional needs; not logically but emotionally, through experiences, shared moments of happiness, love and joy. 

In these challenging times, the people who will shine are the people who make the greatest emotional difference for the world. Remember the words of Gandhi, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” Live the emotional states that you want to see in the world. People will be drawn to you like bees to honey. To change around a quote from one of my most important mentors, Zig Ziglar, “You can get everything you want in life, if you just help enough people get emotionally what they want from life.” If you still don’t know what you want emotionally from life, let me give you a clue: everyone wants love, peace, happiness, prosperity, and everyone wants to know they are helping others to achieve the same!

Business Coaching Tip

"Being average means you are as close to the bottom as you are to the top." ~John Wooden

If you are not working everyday to give a little more, be a little bit better, put in a little extra effort, and learn a little bit more, you will always be average. Think of your competition, the only way to get ahead of them is to stay on the field just a little bit longer in practice, show up just a little bit earlier, or put that extra special touch in all that you do. A small bit of extra effort today grows, compounds and mulitplies over the weeks, months and years. You only have to be just a little bit better than your competition everyday to be successful. As 5:00pm on Friday rolls around, what can you do to be a little bit better than your competition and rise above average?

Life Coaching: George Bush's Immortal Words

I have a great postcard of George Bush with a quote from him saying, "And one of the things we have got to make sure we do is anything."
How profound is that simple crazy logic. So many times we get stuck in our heads and forget to just do something to move towards our goal! It is hard to engage faith and just take an action. It is so easy to walk from one side of the room to the other when our eyes are wide open but when you close them it is such a different experience. However, if you really want to get to the other side of the room, you still have to do something.

Next time you are stuck, remember that it does not matter what is going on inside your head. If you want something, "One of the things we have got to make sure we do is anything!"