Set some goals for 2011!

It is that time of year again when memberships to local gyms skyrocket, New Year’s Resolutions are made, and peoples’ attention shifts to what they want to achieve in the next year.

Most people get excited about setting goals but few maintain that excitement through February and March. I have a favorite saying: “When you set a goal, you automatically put all of your obstacles in place.” That part is not as exciting since the bigger the goals, the bigger the obstacles.

But, what if overcoming obstacles could be exciting? What could a person achieve then? What if people were made to overcome obstacles? What if it was our natural instinct?

The loggerhead turtle is only about two inches long at birth. It is stuck at the bottom of a hole two to three feet deep in the sand. It has to find a way out of the shell, past 40-60 other turtles, and dig upwards in the sand to open air. After it reaches the top of the hole, it has to orient itself to the water and travel up to 50 yards to get to the surf. Then, it is washed back up onto the beach an average of three times before it makes it out to sea. And that’s on a good night; If they don’t make it to the water before the sun comes up, they can become dehydrated and bake on the beach, get disoriented and go inland, or become breakfast for seagulls, vultures, and large fish. Less than 1% of all hatchlings will make it to adulthood. And yet, they can’t help but meet every challenge with excitement. As they make it to the ocean, they actually speed up!

It is that excitement that allows humans to feel alive, get strong, build confidence, and achieve greatness. It is how the 4-minute mile barrier was broken, the space shuttle was developed, the Berlin Wall came down, and the pyramids were made. It is how you learned to crawl, walk, and read this letter. People are preprogrammed to thrive on obstacles, overcome them, and have dynamic lives as a result.

It is not how long a turtle lives that makes a difference in life, but the difference he makes by living every second of life. Living a true life means living a life of overcoming obstacles to achieve and become more. It is a part of our natural instinct. Success in life is directly proportional to the obstacles that are overcome. Set some fantastic obstacles in 2011!

Loggerhead Turtles Hatching Kiawah Island, SC Vacation 2010

Chances of seeing them hatch…one in a million!

Relationship Coaching for Men...

It is never too late to address an issue with your spouse.

One of the cornerstones of a great relationship is communication and one of the hardest times to communicate is when there is an issue that is emotionally charged. In those moments, chances are that whoever is more of the introverted personality type will close up and not speak while the other person expresses everything that is on their mind.

For the more extroverted person, once they express their emotional state they are done and complete but for the introvert, if they don't speak up, it stays inside and is not resolved.

It is important for introverts in a relationship to remember to address and express their emotions and feelings to their mate even when it is after the moment.

Otherwise, it can lead to resentment, built up stress and anger, and unresolved feelings. Over time, this is destructive to any relationship.

To your continued relationship success,

James

Relationship Coaching for Men...

Dear Men of the World,

When it comes to the women we love, when they are in their feminine energy they feel and experience life from one emotion to another without much logic. (for you women reading, this is how it should be because we need your passion and emotional energy, it feeds us).

That is why this next quote is something that we as men should always remember.

Kindly words do not enter so deeply into women as a reputation (consistent acts) for kindness.

At the end of the day, she will never remember how many problems you have solved for her, how many solutions you have come up with for her problems, or how many things you have done or fixed for her...BUT, she will always remember how you made her feel emotionally! Are you making your woman feel loved and cherished unconditionally? Do you revel in her energy and emotion? (whether it is positive or negative?) Revel in it all. Make her FEEL special and you will be special to her!

To your continued love and success,

James

Relationship coaching for men

Stillness is what creates love. Movement is what creates life. To be still and still moving - this is everything. -Do Hyun Choe

In the stillness, we can most easily connect with our true self. Putting movement in our lives creates energy and emotion...uniting the two as one allows God to flow through us! That is how to make a difference in the world and live a life of purpose.

When we can appreciate all that our mate is right now in this moment, know they are enough and perfect for us to move through this life with, we can then lead, guide and move the relationship forward to create more, have more, be more, and do more because there is a foundation of unconditional love.

Look at your wife today and see that she is perfect in this moment. Do so with all of her strengths (which are your weaknesses as a man) and her weaknesses (which are your strengths...don't play those against her!)...Tell her that she is enough right now in this moment. She is perfect in who she is and will become...Revel in her beauty and feminine energy.

Then lead and guide the relationship to have new experiences, new shared common interests, date her again...and see what happens in your relationship.

Relationship Coaching For Men

Are you dreading going home at the end of the day?

Are you scared of how your wife may react to your choices and decisions?

Are you stressed, finding it easier to go to work than be at home?

Are you looking at other women and feeling tempted?

Is your wife nagging you constantly?

Or worse, has she stopped nagging you?

If you want to rekindle the fire of that first date with your wife, reignite the passion of your first kiss, and experience a passionate, loving relationship again then Personal Coaching with Evolution for Success is for you.

No matter what challenges you are facing in your relationship today, the “Secrets of Success” are the same...

#1: Get clear. As specifically as possible, decide what you want. The clearer you are on what you want to have in your life, the more likely you are to achieve it.

#2: Get perspective. Most people don't tell anyone what they want or what they are struggling with and because of that they don't get an outside perspective.

#3: Get support. Very few people (if any) achieve anything great alone. Sports stars have teammates and coaches. Be willing to ask the people in your life to support you.

#4: Create Change. All learning, change and behavior happens and the unconscious level. Before you can take the new actions to create what you want, A person needs to let go of obstacles and create new patterns of thinking in order to be able to create new, successful behaviors and actions that lead to their results.

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Do you have something SPECIAL, something important for you to change? If you want to speed up your success rate, then I'd like to help you do it with a Special 1-on-1 "Secret of Success" Relationship Coaching Session where we'll work together to...

=>Create a crystal clear vision for ultimate success so you know exactly what you want, where you're headed, and what you need to do to make it happen.

=> Uncover hidden challenges that may be slowing down your progress or not allowing you to create the changes you need in the long run

=>Leave your session renewed, re-energized, and inspired to finally achieve the change you seek. If you’d like to take advantage of this very special, very limited, and totally FREE 30 minute “Secret of Success” Coaching Session, follow these easy steps.

#1 Call and reserve your FREE 30 minute “Secret of Success” Coaching Session, now, at (919) 745-7569.

#2 You will receive an email confirmation that will ask you to provide answers to some questions. Answer the questions and return them prior to your "Secret of Success" Relationship Coaching Session.

#3 Call for your session and be prepared to create all of the change you desire in your life, now.

In your email, you will be asked to answer the following questions…

1. What do you most want to change today?
2. Have you tried to change this before?
3. What have you attempted in the past that didn't work?
4. Why do you think it didn't work?
5. On a scale of 0-10, how important is it for you to achieve change today?
6. What other areas of your life do you want to change (if any)?
7. Full Name
8. Email Address
9. Phone #
10. Time Zone
11. How you received our email: person/online post/internet


Your Personal Results Coach will have over 11 years of full time coaching experience, conducted almost 20,000 coaching sessions, and studied with some of the leading experts in the fields of psychology and personal change. With this much coaching experience, you can expect results in any area of your life.

Since we’re making this offer for the first time right now and we don’t know how intense the response will be, we can’t guarantee a coaching session for everyone. We’ll schedule as many people as we can and then start a waiting list. You can expect to get contacted by our team to schedule your session within the next 3 business days. If you don’t hear from us, it means we’ve received more requests than we can handle right now and if something opens up we’ll get in touch with you at a later time. Again, to take advantage of this offer, simply click reply and answer the questions listed above.

To Your Continued Success,

James M Murphy

James M Murphy
President, Evolution for Success

PS: The sooner you call, confirm a session time, and send us your answers; the more likely you are to rekindle that passion with your wife.

Call Now! (919) 745-7569

"All work is an act of philosophy." -Ayn Rand

What you pursue with your career, social life, finances, relationships today is an act of your underlying philosophy of that area of life. If you are engaged in your relationships, that is an act (or action) that reflects your underlying philosophy (thoughts and beliefs) about what relationships mean to you.

What you do in your career, is a direct reflection of your underlying philosophies. What are the underlying philosophies of those in the military who serve our country? What are the underlying philosophies of those who are employed by the government? What are the underlying philosophies of the entrepreneur?

What does your line of business tell you about your underlying philosophies? Are you a financial broker? Are you a doctor? Are you a teacher? Are you a coach? Are you a non-profit volunteer? What does your career/industry/occupatoin tell about your underlying life philosophy?

What are the underlying philosophies of your life today...not in what you want them to be, think they are, or tell yourself they are...BUT WHAT YOU ARE SHOWING THEM TO BE WITH YOUR ACTIONS? Those are the real philosophies of your life.

Relationship Coaching for Men

So there was a fish swimming along in life one day and suddenly he hit a wall...He yelped, "Dam."

One of the greatest skills for a happy life is finding the humor and irony in the situations we find ourselves in. It is easier to take life in stride when we find a way to laugh and smile at the things we encounter. Keeping life in perspective and finding humor makes life a lot more enjoyable and the people around you end up laughing too.

This is expecially true in a relationship. Since opposites attract, what you find in your spouses behavior that is so wonderful initially, after time, you may realize that it makes you whole because it is exactly where you have your weakest spots. If you are an introvert, the spouse is an extrovert...what you love about the expressions and energy of life, can in time, highlight where you weakest in an area of life. Keeping a healthy respect for how your mate makes you whole with the thier strengths while you understand they are your weaknesses...AND BEING ABLE TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF or the SITUATION and not take it personal, will keep your marriage fresh and energetic! It will also allow you to focus on how the person makes you whole and complete instead of how they are not more like you.

So, next time you find yourself in a situation that could be challenging, remember to smile, see the irony of the situation, and be sure to laugh out loud for the irony of the situation! Repsect the differences and don't take things too seriously!

Brick by brick

Daily Double…

A true life story…

Once there was a gentleman from India who came to the Unites States in 1972. He received a green card and started to work very hard. In 1974, he went back to India to bring back his bride and start a new life together. H started a family and has two great children. In the meantime, he took the American entrepreneurial spirit to heart and while working full time went back to college full time to gain a degree in Computer Science and Business management. After he had been working for a while doing very well he was laid off from a very large national firm and could not find work. He hunted and hunted and finally found a great job in Washington, DC. The problem was that his wife and kids loved Raleigh, NC. So, he now commutes back and forth between Raleigh and DC, with a job he loves, a family he loves, and a wife who also works hard. She helped to raise the kids by herself, while working full time, and stayed active in the local Indian community. This mans children are now a doctor and a lawyer, I wonder why?

Just another story of greatness, lying within the depths of what this great country has to offer.

Grab your dreams and goals! Stay open to the opportunities that you create for yourself. If you are looking for something from the government you already have it…the ability to work hard and create a life you choose too, not one that is handed to you. That is the difference between the government/labor union workers and the independent thinkers and entrepreneurs who really drive this country forward!

BUILD YOUR DREAMS TODAY! (brick by brick!)

How do you build a great relationship?

How was the Great Wall of China built? One brick at a time.

Do you have something that is a HUGE goal? Something that is exciting, marvelous, and larger than your life right now? How are you going to get there? One Action at a time. It is really overused but honestly, all that we have is today; right here, right now. If there is something that you want to build, create, and have in your life, lay one brick down today and make it be laid to perfection.

Do it the absolute best you can. Tomorrow, there will be time to worry about the next one, and the next one, and the next one. Today, do your best to lay that one brick and see what can be built over the course of time.

Who knows, people may be inspired all over the world for your accomplishments and I bet the first thing they will ask is, "How did you do that?" We know the secret...one brick at a time.

Relationship Coaching

I love the movie Band of Brothers and think of it often in terms of the psychology that is shared by the type of entrepreneurial spirit we have in this country. For the person who is willing to go out and make a difference, you have to be strong, confident and focused on a vision, mission, and purpose. In order to be successful, that mission, vision and purpose supports the individual and their life goals and it also goes a step further and encompasses those in their inner circle who the care about the most, it carries out further to those that he knows as everyday contacts, and even further to those in the world who have yet to hear their story and be inspired by it. In the end, it is not about the self, but truly about serving others. Because there is another treasure buried even deeper in that process. When you serve other selflessly, you lift them up on your shoulders and help them to understand the secret inside of them, help them become more than who they think they are, and that makes the world a better place for us all.

So when these few people learn this secret of life, we find greatness in them. They bring out the betterment of ourselves which in turn helps us to bring out the best in others. The Servant Leaders will risk their mission, vision and purpose by putting it out there for all, and in the end, regardless of all of the hardships, will live it and be willing to die for it! It is shown in a quote by one of my favorite war heroes from The Band of Brothers, Easy Company, US Army Infantry, WWII.

Richard D. Winters: [real life interview with Winters where he quotes Mike Ranney on how Ranney answered a question his grandson once asked him] I treasure my remark to my grandson who asked, "Grandpa, were you a hero in the war?" Grandpa said, "No... but I served in a company of heroes".

I serve in a company of heroes!

When it comes to a relationship...are you bringing out the best in your mate? Are you bringing out the best in your children? Are you setting an example for them that they would be proud to follow? Make the answer to those questions, "YES!"

Relationship Coaching

For you men out there...here is what a woman will find attractive! Are you living with honor as you try for a quick pick-up? Are you living with honor when you go into hiding because she is in a heightened emotional state? Are you living with honor when you look in the mirror everyday? A great relationship starts with a honorable relationship with yourself. A woman will always look for certainty in a man and your core values and living honorably will go a long way to attracting the woman of your dreams!

Achievement without personal honor is of no value!

Everyone wants to achieve greatness in life to some level. However, when we achieve something that is not congruent with what we know is true to ourselves, our family, our community, the world…there is little honor in it. Living life with a guilt free conscience, doing what you know to be true and honorable according to your principles is paramount for true achievement and success.

All the best…live with Honor!

Relationship Coaching

As man in a relationship it is easy to forget that You are the Master of your Fate and the Commander of Your Soul. It is so critical for the man to be on his purpose in life first in order to be strong, confident and lead effectively. It is on your shoulders to constantly remember and see what it good in your mate, to make the tough decisions, to stand in her need for constant certainty and be questioned on all you do. That needs to be balanced with not working to please her contstantly, or expect her to be more motherly towards you, or expecting her to be more like you by approaching things with logic and reason versus emotionalism.

You, as the man, in the relationship always lead by example, make her your number one woman but not your number one priority in life. Treat her with love and emotional support and always see what is good in her and affirm how she is enough and what she gives is enough. See and embrace her beauty and emotionalism! It is oxygen to a man on his purpose in life! Don't be scared of her femininity...suck it in for it is life!

Have a great week commanding your ship through the seas to reach your next port! May it be exciting, fulfilling and adventurous. To remember that every day at sea is a good day can remind us to see every day as good too!

Relationship Coaching

A woman will love you more for who you are than what you have!

"What we should be concerned about is our character. Our character represents what we truly are, while accolades and achievements are merely byproducts of what others perceive us to be." John Wooden

Character is based on our values and beliefs. How are you going to reveal who you are today with your actions? How you act today will reveal your character. At the end of the day, have you done your best? Can you fall asleep with a smile on your face because you have been the person you want to be?

That is a man with a plan, a man with confidence, that is someone who a woman will stay committed to for the rest of her life!

To your continued success,

James

Relationship Coaching

When it comes to relationships sometimes what attracts our partner to us the most is the area that we are weakest in. An introvert attracts an extrovert or an organized person attracts a disorganized person. Relationships start to lose energy when the focus is shifted to how the other person is not the same instead of remembering to respect how the differences bring balance.

It takes a strong, centered person to live with a person who it is possible to see all of their weaknesses in. It takes an even stronger person to respect and appreciate them (even when sometimes they are the most frustrating!)

The secret behind passion in a relationship is that opposites attract. Would there be any passion in a relationship where you were married to yourself? AUGH!

The greater the differences, the greater respect for those differences, the greater the polarity and energy in the relationship and the greater the passion!

TO your continued success...

Are you feeling Froggy?

Are you Feeling Froggy?

Once there were two frogs freezing to death in Yellowstone National Park. Just as they thought they didn’t have the strength or courage to hop one more time, they came upon two different hot springs. One was so hot it was rolling and boiling over, while the other looked warm and inviting like a steaming hot tub.

The first frog was so cold he jumped and landed right in the boiling water. He was a lucky frog and as soon as he hit the water the geyser erupted, he was thrown into the air end over end, and landed in a pine tree. It was from that vantage point he saw a the piles of warm straw needles underneath him. He hopped down and burrowed in to stay warm for a while. He was a little shaken, a little warmer and had a great story to tell. The other frog decided to slowly lower himself into the calm pool of hot water, getting used to it and relaxing. He was not so lucky. As he relaxed more and more he failed to notice the temperature slowly rising. After about a half hour, he was too relaxed to move, and boiled to death.

As of August 31, 2010, I have officially resigned from my position as a Personal Results Coach with Robbins Research International. It has been 11 very fulfilling years and I have grown immensely. I have shared almost 20,000 sessions with my clients and learned more about psychology, human motivation and creating human change than I ever thought possible.

One of the things that I forgot about was life’s lesson that we are always in one of two places: looking where we want to go and jumping or telling ourselves that we deserve some rest after that scary jump we just had. It is tough not to stay in that killer comfort zone. It is always easier and requires less work to be in the comfort zone rather than marshalling the strength to keep jumping over and over and over again. That can get tiring…even for a frog.

One truth of life is that the only way to feel alive is to jump…a lot. That is the only way that we can ever get stronger, more confident, and create self confidence. The comfort zone will always be there to entice and lull people into complacency. It is easy to forget that frogs are made to jump! That is what they were made to do!

My Team Leader in the Army use to ask us before morning training, “So, do you feel froggy today?” I guess I do! Let’s see who can jump the farthest? Where do you want to go? What do you want to do? What are you too scared to do? What do you fear or procrastinate the most? What is that goal or dream your have given up on? Take that leap of faith! On your mark, get set, JUMP…..

FAST TRACK for SUCCESS Coaching Program is still alive and strong. Do you need help daily in developing new habits and getting some momentum in a specific area of life? For only $299/month you get three, 30-minute coaching sessions and daily interaction to support you in successfully achieving one goal. Intense focus will create results. A Bargain for your SUCCESS! CALL NOW! (919) 792-0085

Relationship Coaching

If you don't have the relationship that you desire, yet, than you are reading the right blog. Why don't bars work for meeting the love of your life? Let me share a quote with you.

"What we should be concerned about is our character. Our character represents what we truly are, while accolades and achievements are merely byproducts of what others perceive us to be." John Wooden

Character is based on our values and beliefs. At a bar, there is almost as much expectation as alcohol, in her mind and in yours. Between the atmosphere and the alcohol there is too much to overcome to reveal your true self.

If you need help in finding the right partner for you. Call Evolution for Success today. You can have the love and the relationship you desire!

Personal and Professional Coaching

Your Worst, Best Day?

Many people set small goals in life because they are easy and don’t require overcome many obstacles. Some people set BIG goals in life because they thrive on the challenges that arise on the way to achieving them. And then there are some people, like me, who seem to set BIG goals in life because they are naïve and don’t really comprehend what they will have to overcome to get there.

A few weeks ago, I had to take a trip to a small little town called Grove City in Pennsylvania. We were staying along the highway about 6 miles from town in a very rural place! For my 50-Mile training plan I needed to complete back to back 18 mile training runs the first weekend I was there and another 20 mile run the following Saturday morning before my return flight home.

I had not expected that during this trip the northeast would be hit with one large snowstorm after another the entire time I was there. It snowed and froze the roads with ice the entire first week and I was uncertain how I was going to be able to train over the weekend. However, as Friday approached I was excited! The snow had cleared from shoulder of the roads (rural towns don’t have sidewalks) and Friday evening after class, I set out on my long run. It appeared that it would be a nice but cold evening with little to light snow. I felt that luck was on my side since I did not have to face a four hour fun on the hotel treadmill.

I started out along the clear shoulder of the county road happy as could be! The countryside was covered in snow and it was cold but clear. At the first turnaround at about mile four a light snow started to fall which made the experience even more surreal. I was running along the road, Yanni playing on my iPod, and it seemed a blessed experience. I passed the hotel again at about mile 8 going the opposite direction as the snow continued to fall harder and had accumulated to about half an inch. I crossed the highway and started the long 7 mile stretch into Grove City.

As the sun settled quickly, it brought a dip in temperature and a threefold increase in snow. I was starting to get a little concerned but was determined to finish my run. I slowly started to abandon running on the shoulder of the road because the snow was accumulating and when no cars were coming I could run on the road in the car tracks. When the cars came, I would move back onto the shoulder of the road where the show was getting deeper and deeper. In some places, the shoulder of road was so narrow from the snow drifts I would have to run in snow that was six to 10 inches deep until the road was clear again. My shoes were quickly filled with snow but I was determined to finish the run.

By the time I reached Grove City and turned around with my last 7 miles (I had misjudged the distance and ran farther than I meant to), it was snowing so bad I could only see the road through the car headlights. And, I had not realized it, but I was going to be running back towards the hotel into a 10-20 mile per hour headwind.

By this time, my feet and hands were as frozen as my water bottles and Powerbars. I was a seriously chilled running back into the wind and was starting to shiver as my core temperature dropped. I had nowhere to go but forward. By now the roads were covered also and there was no clear path to run. As I slogged back through three to four inches of snow it was like running on loose sand with two little kids holding onto the back of your shirt to keep you from moving forward. The snowplow passed me twice on the road and I had to step off of the road into a snow bank above my knees, turn my body away from the street, and cover my face as it blasted me with snow from head to knees.

After that second snow plow, I thought to myself, “this sucks and I really, really just want to quit.” The problem was, I was stuck in a really bad place. How could I be so stupid as to put myself in this dangerous predicament, running into oncoming traffic during a serious snow storm, along a road with little or no visability, no way to get out of the path of traffic, with frozen food and water in the middle of rural Pennsylvania?

During those last three to four miles I really had to dig down deep into my reserves and tap into that “hardcore” self that got me through some of my infantry training days. Mentally, emotionally and physically, I was not in a good place.

I had many thoughts during those last miles back and they mostly revolved around, “this is the worst day of my life, why am I doing this race anyway, you should just quit.” I was really struggling to find a meaning for why I had put myself in this situation. Why was I training to run a 50 –mile race to begin with? If I had known that I would be in this place when I had first set the goal, I may not have set the goal! How naïve could I be?

As I stepped back through the doors of the lobby at about 11pm that night, I knew two things for certain. First, those moments were some of the worst moments of my life. Second, “If in the worst moments of my life, I am in the pursuit of what I believe is a worthy goal, could the worst moments of my life really be the best moments of my life?” After all was said and done, my answer was a simple, “Yes.”

Do I want to repeat those moments? No thank you, if I never get back to Grove City in the winter it will be too soon. However, as I ran 18 miles on the treadmill the next day, I was never more thankful for the experience. I felt that way again on the following Friday as I ran on another treadmill into the early morning hours to complete my other training run.

As I head into the trail marathon this weekend and prepare for the BIG race on the 27th, the training run I will remember the most will be the one on that county road, in the middle of a PA snowstorm. I imagine at Mile 30, I will recall Yanni on my iPod reminding me to tap into my emotional reserves. At Mile 35, I will remember my frozen water bottles and Powerbars as I pass another aid station and can nourish myself. At Mile 40, I will remember my frozen self dodging snowplows and oncoming traffic in deep snow drifts up to my knees. At Mile 45, I will remember all too vividly wanting nothing more in life than to give up and quit, but I will continue to run. And at Mile 50, I will remember that when I push through my limitations, on the other side, I come one step closer to knowing a deeper part of my true self. That true self that knows when I am pushed to my limits, I will never give up. And, as I cross that line, I am going to keep on going for another loop, to see just how far to 100 miles I can actually go.

In life, there is only yourself to discover, deeper parts of yourself to find, and unless you dream bigger dreams and push yourself, you will never know how much more you are than you think you are. Your worst day in this lifetime as long as it is spent in the pursuit of a worthy goal, could actually be one of the best and most meaningful days of your life.

There was once a guy who did not know himself so he just sat. One day he decided to get up and found himself walking. As he discovered new things in life, one day he found himself while running.


In 2010, Dream Big and Be BOLD!

To your continued success,

James M Murphy

If you want a BIG life you have to Dream BIG and a FULILLING LIFE comes from enjoying the small moments along the way!

Participation versus Engagement

Over a year ago, I challenged one of my friends to run the Goofy Challenge at Disney. The Challenge consists of running a half marathon on Saturday and a full marathon on Sunday. As I stood in the cold rain and sleet last Saturday, waiting for the half to begin, I was confident in my ability to complete both races within the time limits.

The half marathon went off easily and I made good time. I ran very steady and reserved because I was a little nervous about how I would do in the later stages of the marathon on Sunday. We went out for dinner Saturday evening and a few people asked me what my goal was for Sunday’s marathon. I replied with my usual answer, “5 hours or less and injury free.”

In the parking lot on Sunday morning, prior to the marathon, my two friends and I were figuring out where to meet up after the race. I found myself posturing down and telling them and myself, “I am not sure where to meet, you will both be way ahead of me, I just want to enjoy the experience, I’m not in this for a time goal, and I won’t be able to keep up with you so just run your race.” One of the guys said in a sarcastic tone, “OK, love the confidence, we’ll just meet back at the hotel.” It was a blunt honest comment that stunned me. The coach was being coached.

As the marathon started, I was holding back at about an 11+ minute/mile pace then slowly started to pick up the pace since I felt so good. At mile 6, I caught up to my friends and was averaging about a 9:30 mile pace with a 30 second walk through the water stations. I slowed down to run with my friends in TOTAL SHOCK and disbelief and was going to just hang with them for the rest of the race. One of my friends stopped at the water station longer than my race plan accounted for, so I pushed on by myself and continued to run my own race. Those automatic negative thoughts started to flood my brain again; “This is not right, feeling this good, they run faster than me, this is uncomfortable pushing myself this way but physically I feel so solid and the running is effortless, when are they going to pass me, I can’t possibly run the marathon faster than them.” At mile 13, the doubt increased as I realized I still felt great and was at a 10:00 mile pace. Furthermore, my friends had not passed me yet.

Then the negative thoughts tripled as I started the second half of the race, “Did I start too fast, was I going to burn out, would I crash at the 20-mile wall, Would my foot hold up, would I end up falling behind and finishing 30 minutes after my friends after all?” However, I just could not believe how good and solid I felt running, my energy was fantastic and my running felt effortless.

At about mile 16, still at my 10:05 pace, I realized that this was not a fluke. I was forced to accept that I was performing at a higher level due to all of the training I had put in the last year. I also realized that if I kept on pace, I could run a personal best marathon time. My personal best was 4:24:29 in New York 8 years ago. A bolt of lightning could have struck me down in that moment. It never occurred to me that I could run a personal best marathon time, in those cold and rainy conditions, a day after completing a half marathon. From then on, I stopped selling myself short. I was focused, on purpose, and found an internal drive to succeed that I had not accessed in quite a while.

I had been stuck in a comfort zone and stopped pushing myself to become more. Since this was my 10th marathon, I knew I could complete the race and get my medals. I would finish, have my little emotional moment, and it would be a good race. I thought it was enough just to be in the race. Up until that breakthrough moment, I was trying to convince myself that it was enough for me to be in the race. I was only participating in it. After that moment, I was emotionally engaged in the race and wanted to win. There was no satisfaction in “just participating.”

There is a real difference between participating in life and being emotionally engaged in life. Some people participate in their relationships and some people are emotionally engaged in their relationships. Some people are just participating at work and some are emotionally engaged in their work. Some people are participating at the health club and some are emotionally engaged at the health club. Which one do you think creates a more fulfilling life? Emotional engagement does not automatically come with participation. While you are participating in a worthwhile endeavor you still have to push yourself outside of your comfort zone and test your limits.

I crossed the finish line at 4:26:04 and have never been more emotional after a race. I broke down in tears as the lady put my Goofy medal around my neck. I kissed her on the cheek and told her she was the dearest, sweetest woman in the world. That moment was so powerful for me because I quit holding myself back and emotionally engaged in the run.

I learned an important lesson from the weekend. You can sit on the sidelines and watch the race, you can be a participant in the race, or you can be fully emotionally engaged in the race. When you are emotionally engaged and push yourself to be, do and have more from yourself, then you are really living life to the fullest.

As a result, I am not holding myself back any more in running. I have already set some goals to run the NYC Marathon this year in under 4 hours. And for the guys in the neighborhood, after I run my 15 mile training run down to the Krispy Kreme 4 mile race next month, you can bet that I am going to work on those 12 glaze donuts with gusto and finish in under an hour.

I challenge you to stop being a participant in life and make every race your personal best. Emotionally engage life and its challenges and push yourself to break through your personal limitations to achieve more. Make 2010 a phenomenal year.

To your continued success,

James M Murphy