Merry Relationship!
Since it is Christmas, I am going to keep my Thought of the Week short. With all of the activities, family, cooking, and religious events coming up I understand you may be short on time. As we pull out all of the rituals of the season, whatever your religious beliefs are, I would ask that you keep two things in mind.
First, Christmas is about celebrating the birth of Jesus, but why are we celebrating his birth? Perhaps as a reminder every year that Christmas is also about OUR Re-Birth. It is an opportunity for us to be born again and live in faith, born again in our beliefs, born again into love, peace, joy, and hope for a better tomorrow.
Second, Christmas is not about the traditions of Religion but your Relationship with God. The traditions have a purpose in supporting you to connect and develop a relationship with God, but if you don’t truly accept God in your heart, the traditions are really meaningless. I love church. I love the people at church. I love the songs, prayers, and messages about how to live a Godly life. I go out of my way to find and visit churches wherever we travel and always stop, say a prayer, and light a candle. I have prayed in the National Cathedral in New York City, in Notre Dame, listened to the monks chant at the Chapel at Mont-St.-Michel, prayed in the Chapel at St. Mere Eglise, in the National Cemeteries at Arlington and Normandy, the small church missions in California and even in a small little church right off of the beaches of Normandy, but the only place to truly find God is in your heart. God is not about a religious tradition but having a deep personal Relationship with him in your heart. It is the moments of prayer where you are deepening your relationship with him that are the most meaningful. They happen in the woods on a run, as you kiss your kids while they are sleeping, as you ask for help to overcome life’s challenges, as you say Grace at dinner, or as you go out of your way to share love from you heart with another.
I encourage you to accept God into your heart and remember to share that love with those you love most dearly this Holiday Season. I look forward to a dynamic, powerful, and prosperous 2009 for all of you.
An Old Irish Blessing for You this Christmas
May the road rise to meet you:
May the wind be always at your back,
The sun shine warm upon your face,
The rain fall soft upon your fields,
And until we meet again
May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.
James
12/24/08
12/12/08
How to save a Drowning Rat!
How to Save a Drowning Rat
Would you be interested in knowing “HOW” to save a drowning rat?
In today’s environment, there is not much positive news. The media seems intent on presenting everything noteworthy that is the opposite of empowering or positive. Even the Democrats are starting to bash our President Elect Obama and he isn’t officially in office yet.
I just read today about more unemployment and layoffs and these trends appear to be continuing into 2009. By now, you probably want to quit reading this and get back to the news - after all, it is more cheery than my Thought of the Week! My mood is becoming depressed just writing about this. However, I may have a suggestion that may help us all cope with the negativity, But how does this relate to saving a drowning rat?
There was an experiment conducted where scientists put a single rat in a container it could not get out of and then filled it with water. They placed the container in a completely dark room, and timed how long the rat swam before it drowned. How long do you think it swam? Well, it lasted a little more than 3 minutes.
For the second part of the experiment, they placed a rat in the same container in the same room with the same water level, but this time they had a bright beam of light shine into the darkness for the rat to see. Guess how long the rat lasted before it finally drowned? This time it swam for over 36 hours.
When I was in US Army Airborne School, the Army Chaplain said a prayer with us before we loaded up for our first parachute jump. He stated that we had nothing to worry about, as the jump field we were about to fly over was the most holy place in Georgia. According to the chaplain, more people prayed flying over that small piece of land than anywhere else in the state. He encouraged us to add our little part to the holiness of the jump field site.
In life, if someone wants the identity of being an honest person, they have to experience a moment where the opportunity to steal is present and choose not too. If you want to be a person who is able to find new opportunities as we work through the changes in our world right now, you are going to be tested. We are all being tested, NOW.
It is hope, faith, and optimism that keep us from giving up when things seem hopeless, that keep us believing in opportunity and the promise for a better tomorrow. That is what brings us through dark times when we feel like we are swimming for our very survival. That is what makes the difference between making it 3 minutes or 36 hours, 3 days or 36 days, 36 weeks or the next 36 years. A person of faith is such because they have been tested and overcome. That is what gives you the courage to jump into a new experience, be a person of character, and keep swimming when everything around you seems dark.
What is the beam of light that gives you hope, faith, and optimism? Now is the time, more than ever, to feed your mind positive messages, drop on your knees and say a prayer, do whatever you can that will strengthen your sense of faith and hope for a better tomorrow.
There are always two things we can focus on; the darkness or the light. Engage in finding new opportunities. Engage your mind in what is bright and good. In order to focus on the light we need to engage our sense of hope and faith in a better tomorrow. I know you can last a lot longer than you think. Keep Swimming.
To you continued success,
James
Would you be interested in knowing “HOW” to save a drowning rat?
In today’s environment, there is not much positive news. The media seems intent on presenting everything noteworthy that is the opposite of empowering or positive. Even the Democrats are starting to bash our President Elect Obama and he isn’t officially in office yet.
I just read today about more unemployment and layoffs and these trends appear to be continuing into 2009. By now, you probably want to quit reading this and get back to the news - after all, it is more cheery than my Thought of the Week! My mood is becoming depressed just writing about this. However, I may have a suggestion that may help us all cope with the negativity, But how does this relate to saving a drowning rat?
There was an experiment conducted where scientists put a single rat in a container it could not get out of and then filled it with water. They placed the container in a completely dark room, and timed how long the rat swam before it drowned. How long do you think it swam? Well, it lasted a little more than 3 minutes.
For the second part of the experiment, they placed a rat in the same container in the same room with the same water level, but this time they had a bright beam of light shine into the darkness for the rat to see. Guess how long the rat lasted before it finally drowned? This time it swam for over 36 hours.
When I was in US Army Airborne School, the Army Chaplain said a prayer with us before we loaded up for our first parachute jump. He stated that we had nothing to worry about, as the jump field we were about to fly over was the most holy place in Georgia. According to the chaplain, more people prayed flying over that small piece of land than anywhere else in the state. He encouraged us to add our little part to the holiness of the jump field site.
In life, if someone wants the identity of being an honest person, they have to experience a moment where the opportunity to steal is present and choose not too. If you want to be a person who is able to find new opportunities as we work through the changes in our world right now, you are going to be tested. We are all being tested, NOW.
It is hope, faith, and optimism that keep us from giving up when things seem hopeless, that keep us believing in opportunity and the promise for a better tomorrow. That is what brings us through dark times when we feel like we are swimming for our very survival. That is what makes the difference between making it 3 minutes or 36 hours, 3 days or 36 days, 36 weeks or the next 36 years. A person of faith is such because they have been tested and overcome. That is what gives you the courage to jump into a new experience, be a person of character, and keep swimming when everything around you seems dark.
What is the beam of light that gives you hope, faith, and optimism? Now is the time, more than ever, to feed your mind positive messages, drop on your knees and say a prayer, do whatever you can that will strengthen your sense of faith and hope for a better tomorrow.
There are always two things we can focus on; the darkness or the light. Engage in finding new opportunities. Engage your mind in what is bright and good. In order to focus on the light we need to engage our sense of hope and faith in a better tomorrow. I know you can last a lot longer than you think. Keep Swimming.
To you continued success,
James
12/3/08
Where's Waldo?
Do you remember those childhood games where you really had to use your mind in order to win? They were the games that you really didn’t like to play, but were the ones that your parents thought were good for you. Remember Memory, I Spy, and Where’s Waldo? As an adult and parent I now realize their importance, not only as games, but as a way of helping children look past what was presented and focus on what was meaningful to win. I pulled the following article off a very popular internet news site a little while ago. (Courtesy of Yahoo News)
“NBC is pulling the plug on "My Own Worst Enemy" and "Lipstick Jungle," two of its more high-profile young series, according to two network executives who spoke on condition of anonymity because they weren't authorized to speak publicly about the decision.”
You have heard that old saying many times, “It is not what a person says, but what they don’t say that is important.” What message did you take from the above paragraph? Go ahead and read it again. Where is Waldo in this example? What is the message that is really being conveyed? On the surface it could be that two shows are being cancelled. What is the deeper message that is sent? There are several messages that are not immediately obvious, but are interesting if we look below the surface.
• “Why are “two network executives” giving interviews when they are not authorized to speak publicly about the situation? What does that say for their level of personal integrity? What message does that send to the people they manage? What behaviors are they re-enforcing as “OK” by their actions and behaviors? How does that affect their business’s culture and workplace?
• What message is this reporter sending as he/she reports the leaked information from the network executives who are not supposed to be commenting? What are message are they sending to their readers about what is acceptable news? What ethics are they and the newspaper condoning in order to sell papers? How are they representing their industry to the public as providers of information?
• When you combine both the executives and the reporters together, what are they saying about what is considered healthy news for the general public? Is reportable news something that needs to show a lack of integrity from the source and the presenter? What is meaningful news for the readers? How does that shape the world as a whole by what they present as worthy news information? Does it empower or dis-empower the public during the current economic times?
My point is this, “Are you really aware of what is being presented to you every day through media, your relationships at work and your relationships at home?” Are the messages consistent with the level of ethics you aspire to? What standards in your life are you just accepting without a second thought? Be aware of what you are accepting to believe at truth.
If you are not happy, take a deeper look at what you are accepting as a standard for your life today. Do we have to be in a recession or could this be one of the greatest moments in life to invest in the market for your retirement long term? Did you know that more millionaires were born out of the depression than any other time in American history? “It was the best of times and the worst of times,” that is the first line from a very famous book. Stand guard at the doorway of your mind, for what you let in consciously and unconsciously, is what you will think and create for yourself. Be aware of it!
Change starts with you. Be aware of those situations where the underlying ethics are questionable – they won’t always be obvious! Focus on what represents integrity, goodness, and carries a positive meaning and impact for those it is presented to. The world needs it now more than ever before. Make sure that you tune into those channels of integrity for yourself and share with others. Broadcast happy moments of gratitude, love and joy. Find the opportunity in today’s world to be a source of inspiration to those around you. These times may test you, but the picture you consistently paint will end up being the masterpiece of your life. How will that help to change the world? Make the news you report on positive today!
“NBC is pulling the plug on "My Own Worst Enemy" and "Lipstick Jungle," two of its more high-profile young series, according to two network executives who spoke on condition of anonymity because they weren't authorized to speak publicly about the decision.”
You have heard that old saying many times, “It is not what a person says, but what they don’t say that is important.” What message did you take from the above paragraph? Go ahead and read it again. Where is Waldo in this example? What is the message that is really being conveyed? On the surface it could be that two shows are being cancelled. What is the deeper message that is sent? There are several messages that are not immediately obvious, but are interesting if we look below the surface.
• “Why are “two network executives” giving interviews when they are not authorized to speak publicly about the situation? What does that say for their level of personal integrity? What message does that send to the people they manage? What behaviors are they re-enforcing as “OK” by their actions and behaviors? How does that affect their business’s culture and workplace?
• What message is this reporter sending as he/she reports the leaked information from the network executives who are not supposed to be commenting? What are message are they sending to their readers about what is acceptable news? What ethics are they and the newspaper condoning in order to sell papers? How are they representing their industry to the public as providers of information?
• When you combine both the executives and the reporters together, what are they saying about what is considered healthy news for the general public? Is reportable news something that needs to show a lack of integrity from the source and the presenter? What is meaningful news for the readers? How does that shape the world as a whole by what they present as worthy news information? Does it empower or dis-empower the public during the current economic times?
My point is this, “Are you really aware of what is being presented to you every day through media, your relationships at work and your relationships at home?” Are the messages consistent with the level of ethics you aspire to? What standards in your life are you just accepting without a second thought? Be aware of what you are accepting to believe at truth.
If you are not happy, take a deeper look at what you are accepting as a standard for your life today. Do we have to be in a recession or could this be one of the greatest moments in life to invest in the market for your retirement long term? Did you know that more millionaires were born out of the depression than any other time in American history? “It was the best of times and the worst of times,” that is the first line from a very famous book. Stand guard at the doorway of your mind, for what you let in consciously and unconsciously, is what you will think and create for yourself. Be aware of it!
Change starts with you. Be aware of those situations where the underlying ethics are questionable – they won’t always be obvious! Focus on what represents integrity, goodness, and carries a positive meaning and impact for those it is presented to. The world needs it now more than ever before. Make sure that you tune into those channels of integrity for yourself and share with others. Broadcast happy moments of gratitude, love and joy. Find the opportunity in today’s world to be a source of inspiration to those around you. These times may test you, but the picture you consistently paint will end up being the masterpiece of your life. How will that help to change the world? Make the news you report on positive today!
11/24/08
Givingthanks for Thanksgiving
Giving Thanks on Thanksgiving!
Thanksgiving is still a few days away but we already have our Christmas tree up. In fact, we decorated it two weekends ago. It’s up for two reasons; during the move we donated our old tree to save it the rigors of another move (at 15 years old it would have fallen apart anyway) and I had to unpack our new 9’ tree to get it in my car, so instead of repacking it, I set it up in our living room.
Having the Christmas tree up so early this year got me thinking about how Thanksgiving often gets overlooked in the pre-Christmas hustle and bustle. This is especially true this year, when the market is down and Wall Street is predicting a dismal economic holiday season. I read today that many companies are now having “pre-black Friday sales” to try and kick-start that holiday spending.
So what is Thanksgiving about? Many of us will sit around and follow the age old routine: travel to see family, those special women in our life cook all day, we sit and say grace, enjoy each others company, eat, eat, and eat some more, then the men retire to watch football while the women chat and clean up after a long day in the kitchen.
I want to focus on just one of the many aspects that are included in that stereotypical holiday scenario - saying “grace”. Whether you are thankful to your God or just expressing gratitude for the positive things that happened this year, I challenge you, don’t just give it lip service. Let me work to clarify my distinction – Have you ever found yourself saying grace for the things that you already have? Are they things that don’t really matter to you emotionally? Are you saying Grace for things you take for granted everyday, anyway?
The pilgrims gave thanks for the food they had because their lives’ very existence depended on the bounty of their crops. Food back then was not easy to obtain. Men had to go into the wild and hunt deer and turkey with bows and arrows or with a musket that had very little accuracy. Men walked for hours on end behind mules just to till the land, each seed was personally sewn and tended for months against the bad weather and pests. Wood was chopped and dried from the earliest days of spring until the first snows fell in order to have heat for the winter months. That is why Thanksgiving meant something to our ancestors – they were grateful for the things in life that ensured their very survival.
In today’s society there are not too many things that threaten our physical existence (barring diseases, many are brought on due to our sedentary lifestyles and things being so physically easy). However, there are many things in life that threaten our mental, emotional, and spiritual existence.
If you find yourself at the dinner table just saying, “Thank you for the food that we have.” How meaningful is that? A can of green beans costs $.89 and all you had to do was drive 5 minutes in your heated car to the store to get it. Compare that to the months of backbreaking work the pilgrims endured in order to get the equivalent, the effort expended isn’t anywhere near comparable.
While thinking about your grace this year, pick the most challenging area of your life to focus on. Pick one that your survival and existence depends upon: your job, your health, your career, your financial situation. Pick an area where if you do not keep tending to it over the next months by putting your heart, soul, and energy into it, you would perish because you would not have achieved what it takes to stay alive and have a meaningful life.
Let me give you an example. One of the things that I am going to be most thankful for this Thanksgiving, and it moves me emotionally just thinking about it, are my clients and the people I send these emails out to. Deep in my heart and soul I have been needing to write a book for the last 5 years. I have fought and struggled, written many, many outlines, jotted down topics and thoughts, but no book ever produced itself. If I do not write a book before I die, it will be one of my greatest regrets. This idea of a book is at the core of who I am and what would make my life meaningful. That dream and goal has been on my mind for a long, long time. In a sense, a part of me would be dead if I never wrote it.
I worked on a monthly email for about a year and a half and then quit because it was not working. About a year later, one day I opened MS Word and just started writing a “Thought”, which later became my “Thought of the Week”. I was uncertain if people would take the time to read them, think my insights were of value, or if they would help someone through a rough time. Over the last couple of months, I have received so much positive feedback - new people every week - commenting that one of my “Thoughts” had touched them. More than a dozen and a half people on my email distribution list stated that I should turn these into a book. With all of the half completed thoughts and outlines, perfectionist planning, and half hearted attempts at starting a book, I NEVER DREAMED these thoughts would have the potential to be used for that purpose. It was my clients and friends who showed me the path to making this dream become a reality. I am choked up just typing this. That is how meaningful you are to me. I could not see what was right in front of me, but you saw it for me. All of you reading this, right now, have helped me believe that I can achieve this dream of mine. As I look back on my blog, I already have over 40 “Thoughts of the Week.” It has also helped bring clarity to a second one that I want to put together.
Where is an area of your life where you are fighting to survive? Where does your life depend on you completing that special something? Where are you finding yourself desperately struggling to succeed? Pick something that is meaningful for you this Thanksgiving. Something you are so thankful for that when sharing it with your family and loved ones you get choked up and the tears form in your eyes. Reach down into the depths of your heart and soul, grab onto that dream you’re not sure you can achieve, and find a way to be thankful for the persons, the challenges, and the experiences that are going to help you to realize that dream. I will enjoy, and be very choked up, expressing my thankfulness for you while saying grace this Thanksgiving Day. You are counted among my deepest blessings. I thank God for you and your continued support, and I’ll be seeing you at the dinner table.
To your continued success,
James
*If you wish to opt-out of the “Thought of the Week” please hit the Reply button with “unsubscribe” in the subject line.
*Feel free to pass this on to family, friends, or loved ones who may need some support and inspiration in their life.
Check out previous “Thoughts of the Week” on my blog at www.evolutionforsuccess.com
For all of your hiring needs please check out my Sure Hire Behavioral Assessment link at www.surehirenow.com
James M Murphy
Evolution for Success, LLC
(919) 792-0085
Thanksgiving is still a few days away but we already have our Christmas tree up. In fact, we decorated it two weekends ago. It’s up for two reasons; during the move we donated our old tree to save it the rigors of another move (at 15 years old it would have fallen apart anyway) and I had to unpack our new 9’ tree to get it in my car, so instead of repacking it, I set it up in our living room.
Having the Christmas tree up so early this year got me thinking about how Thanksgiving often gets overlooked in the pre-Christmas hustle and bustle. This is especially true this year, when the market is down and Wall Street is predicting a dismal economic holiday season. I read today that many companies are now having “pre-black Friday sales” to try and kick-start that holiday spending.
So what is Thanksgiving about? Many of us will sit around and follow the age old routine: travel to see family, those special women in our life cook all day, we sit and say grace, enjoy each others company, eat, eat, and eat some more, then the men retire to watch football while the women chat and clean up after a long day in the kitchen.
I want to focus on just one of the many aspects that are included in that stereotypical holiday scenario - saying “grace”. Whether you are thankful to your God or just expressing gratitude for the positive things that happened this year, I challenge you, don’t just give it lip service. Let me work to clarify my distinction – Have you ever found yourself saying grace for the things that you already have? Are they things that don’t really matter to you emotionally? Are you saying Grace for things you take for granted everyday, anyway?
The pilgrims gave thanks for the food they had because their lives’ very existence depended on the bounty of their crops. Food back then was not easy to obtain. Men had to go into the wild and hunt deer and turkey with bows and arrows or with a musket that had very little accuracy. Men walked for hours on end behind mules just to till the land, each seed was personally sewn and tended for months against the bad weather and pests. Wood was chopped and dried from the earliest days of spring until the first snows fell in order to have heat for the winter months. That is why Thanksgiving meant something to our ancestors – they were grateful for the things in life that ensured their very survival.
In today’s society there are not too many things that threaten our physical existence (barring diseases, many are brought on due to our sedentary lifestyles and things being so physically easy). However, there are many things in life that threaten our mental, emotional, and spiritual existence.
If you find yourself at the dinner table just saying, “Thank you for the food that we have.” How meaningful is that? A can of green beans costs $.89 and all you had to do was drive 5 minutes in your heated car to the store to get it. Compare that to the months of backbreaking work the pilgrims endured in order to get the equivalent, the effort expended isn’t anywhere near comparable.
While thinking about your grace this year, pick the most challenging area of your life to focus on. Pick one that your survival and existence depends upon: your job, your health, your career, your financial situation. Pick an area where if you do not keep tending to it over the next months by putting your heart, soul, and energy into it, you would perish because you would not have achieved what it takes to stay alive and have a meaningful life.
Let me give you an example. One of the things that I am going to be most thankful for this Thanksgiving, and it moves me emotionally just thinking about it, are my clients and the people I send these emails out to. Deep in my heart and soul I have been needing to write a book for the last 5 years. I have fought and struggled, written many, many outlines, jotted down topics and thoughts, but no book ever produced itself. If I do not write a book before I die, it will be one of my greatest regrets. This idea of a book is at the core of who I am and what would make my life meaningful. That dream and goal has been on my mind for a long, long time. In a sense, a part of me would be dead if I never wrote it.
I worked on a monthly email for about a year and a half and then quit because it was not working. About a year later, one day I opened MS Word and just started writing a “Thought”, which later became my “Thought of the Week”. I was uncertain if people would take the time to read them, think my insights were of value, or if they would help someone through a rough time. Over the last couple of months, I have received so much positive feedback - new people every week - commenting that one of my “Thoughts” had touched them. More than a dozen and a half people on my email distribution list stated that I should turn these into a book. With all of the half completed thoughts and outlines, perfectionist planning, and half hearted attempts at starting a book, I NEVER DREAMED these thoughts would have the potential to be used for that purpose. It was my clients and friends who showed me the path to making this dream become a reality. I am choked up just typing this. That is how meaningful you are to me. I could not see what was right in front of me, but you saw it for me. All of you reading this, right now, have helped me believe that I can achieve this dream of mine. As I look back on my blog, I already have over 40 “Thoughts of the Week.” It has also helped bring clarity to a second one that I want to put together.
Where is an area of your life where you are fighting to survive? Where does your life depend on you completing that special something? Where are you finding yourself desperately struggling to succeed? Pick something that is meaningful for you this Thanksgiving. Something you are so thankful for that when sharing it with your family and loved ones you get choked up and the tears form in your eyes. Reach down into the depths of your heart and soul, grab onto that dream you’re not sure you can achieve, and find a way to be thankful for the persons, the challenges, and the experiences that are going to help you to realize that dream. I will enjoy, and be very choked up, expressing my thankfulness for you while saying grace this Thanksgiving Day. You are counted among my deepest blessings. I thank God for you and your continued support, and I’ll be seeing you at the dinner table.
To your continued success,
James
*If you wish to opt-out of the “Thought of the Week” please hit the Reply button with “unsubscribe” in the subject line.
*Feel free to pass this on to family, friends, or loved ones who may need some support and inspiration in their life.
Check out previous “Thoughts of the Week” on my blog at www.evolutionforsuccess.com
For all of your hiring needs please check out my Sure Hire Behavioral Assessment link at www.surehirenow.com
James M Murphy
Evolution for Success, LLC
(919) 792-0085
11/18/08
Watering the Lawn
Watering the Lawn
As many of you know, we recently relocated to North Carolina and purchased a new home. This past week, the landscape company came and laid sod in the front, back and side yards. Last night, I was watering the sod with the garden hose on the side of the house. It is very sloped so I was watering uphill as I slowly moved backwards down the hill.
It was interesting to watch the water as I doused the strips of sod – when I watered the middle of each piece, the water actually ran out of the middle, down the sides or in between the strips, onto the hard packed clay around the sides, then proceeded to run quickly downhill. It reminded me of skiing in the Rocky Mountains; if you roll a snowball down a ski slope it will always follow the path of least resistance, just like the water was.
Oddly enough, our brain does the same thing. Our brain does not like conflict and will always take the easy way out of tension and conflict. However, motivation comes from the tension and conflict that come from the gap between where we are now and where we want to be. What an interesting irony of life.
You have probably heard me say it before, but I think it bears repeating - when we set our goals in place we naturally set all of our obstacles in place also. The obstacles create patterns that engender tension and conflict in the following ways; mentally (our beliefs), emotionally (our feelings), physically (how we care for our body), and spiritually (our religious beliefs; engaging hope, faith, optimism, belief in the future). So, the brain will always take the path of least resistance to get us back to our comfort zone.
The irony about watering sod is that the grass does not need as much water in the middle as it does along the edges. The best way to water the sod is at the seams, the lines between the rolls of grass. It is at the boundaries that sod needs the most water, not deep in the middle. What a great lesson to take to heart in creating change in life. Sometimes, a person does not have to go deep down into the center of their psyche to clear up deep emotional things from the past. You don’t need to always take massive, life altering steps in order to enhance your life. Often, if you simply “water” around the edges more consistently, you’ll begin to see growth.
We generally speak with the same words, think the same thoughts, feel the same feelings, eat and drink the same foods, and engage our faith and spirituality in the same way everyday. By taking the small, peripheral steps of using better words, thinking better thoughts, feeling different feelings, making a healthier eating choice, or engaging a little more hope and faith in life, the results may seem small at first, but over time there will be exponentially large results.
These changes will alter your state and help you:
• Go from “I’m OK” to “Getting better by the moment,” to “OUTSTANDING!”
• Go from “I can’t do this!” to “I can do this if I just slow down, focus and take it a piece at a time.”
• Go from “I feel tired and crabby and need my coffee” to “I feel better and better as the day goes by as long as I keep my chin up and am productive.
• Go from “I love that Big Mac Supersize Value Meal” to “I choose to take the healthiest eating choice for me for this meal.”
• Go from “This will never happen, I don’t know what to do” to “I don’t need to know exactly how to achieve my goal, but as long as I engage in the most meaningful task I can think of right now, I’m going to have hope and faith that somehow I will achieve what I desire.”
If you do those things, your mind and your grass will stay green for a long time! So, water around the edges today!
If you need help watering the lawn inside your head, give me a call to set up your coaching session for Success. (919) 792-0085. CALL NOW!
As many of you know, we recently relocated to North Carolina and purchased a new home. This past week, the landscape company came and laid sod in the front, back and side yards. Last night, I was watering the sod with the garden hose on the side of the house. It is very sloped so I was watering uphill as I slowly moved backwards down the hill.
It was interesting to watch the water as I doused the strips of sod – when I watered the middle of each piece, the water actually ran out of the middle, down the sides or in between the strips, onto the hard packed clay around the sides, then proceeded to run quickly downhill. It reminded me of skiing in the Rocky Mountains; if you roll a snowball down a ski slope it will always follow the path of least resistance, just like the water was.
Oddly enough, our brain does the same thing. Our brain does not like conflict and will always take the easy way out of tension and conflict. However, motivation comes from the tension and conflict that come from the gap between where we are now and where we want to be. What an interesting irony of life.
You have probably heard me say it before, but I think it bears repeating - when we set our goals in place we naturally set all of our obstacles in place also. The obstacles create patterns that engender tension and conflict in the following ways; mentally (our beliefs), emotionally (our feelings), physically (how we care for our body), and spiritually (our religious beliefs; engaging hope, faith, optimism, belief in the future). So, the brain will always take the path of least resistance to get us back to our comfort zone.
The irony about watering sod is that the grass does not need as much water in the middle as it does along the edges. The best way to water the sod is at the seams, the lines between the rolls of grass. It is at the boundaries that sod needs the most water, not deep in the middle. What a great lesson to take to heart in creating change in life. Sometimes, a person does not have to go deep down into the center of their psyche to clear up deep emotional things from the past. You don’t need to always take massive, life altering steps in order to enhance your life. Often, if you simply “water” around the edges more consistently, you’ll begin to see growth.
We generally speak with the same words, think the same thoughts, feel the same feelings, eat and drink the same foods, and engage our faith and spirituality in the same way everyday. By taking the small, peripheral steps of using better words, thinking better thoughts, feeling different feelings, making a healthier eating choice, or engaging a little more hope and faith in life, the results may seem small at first, but over time there will be exponentially large results.
These changes will alter your state and help you:
• Go from “I’m OK” to “Getting better by the moment,” to “OUTSTANDING!”
• Go from “I can’t do this!” to “I can do this if I just slow down, focus and take it a piece at a time.”
• Go from “I feel tired and crabby and need my coffee” to “I feel better and better as the day goes by as long as I keep my chin up and am productive.
• Go from “I love that Big Mac Supersize Value Meal” to “I choose to take the healthiest eating choice for me for this meal.”
• Go from “This will never happen, I don’t know what to do” to “I don’t need to know exactly how to achieve my goal, but as long as I engage in the most meaningful task I can think of right now, I’m going to have hope and faith that somehow I will achieve what I desire.”
If you do those things, your mind and your grass will stay green for a long time! So, water around the edges today!
If you need help watering the lawn inside your head, give me a call to set up your coaching session for Success. (919) 792-0085. CALL NOW!
11/10/08
The Biggest Fan
The Biggest Fan
A few weeks ago, I found myself back at Iowa State University with my son and brother in law attending my first Cyclone football game since I had graduated in 1991. It was great to be back in my old stomping grounds and sharing the experience with my son. Standing amidst all of the alumni, hearing their comments and donation amounts; I was also aware of the intense pressure on the young men on the field to perform.
Nicolas is 13 and well aware of my criteria for what I consider a great sporting event: a high energy game that is close in score and my favorite team is always the underdog. This game matched those criteria perfectly.
When fourth quarter arrived and it had truly been a great game. It was high scoring, action packed, and we were rooting for the underdog, The Cyclones. We were two touchdowns behind with only seven or eight minutes left and played an onside kick. Everyone cheered like it was Iowa State’s possession but after the play review, it was Texas A&M’s ball. The crowd started to go crazy cheering whole heartedly against the referees. The stadium erupted with jeers and “BOO’ing!” Funny thing was, none of us actually saw the play. It was on the other side of the field, we did not have a good view, and at the games now they do not show most instant replays. (I guess that was a smart idea for moments just like this)!
What I found interesting was that my son got mixed up in the emotions and started, “Booing” also. I whispered in his ear that I loved his enthusiasm AND we did not see the play, there was no instant replay, and we should show some good sportsmanship. What happened next could not have made me more proud as a father.
Nicolas immediately stood up on the bench in front of us started cheering for the home team. While everyone else was “Booing” the referees, he was screaming at the top of his lungs, “Go Cyclones!” He stayed focused on giving support where support was needed, NOT in finding blame or fault to ease frustrations on us being behind in the game. For the rest of the game he never sat down. He stood on the bench, kept waving his towel, and cheering, “Go Cyclones!” As the minutes ticked down and the alumni, students, and spectators left their team still playing on the field, he stayed and cheered on his team. That is a true fan.
In that moment, I put myself on the field with those players. They had probably played ball since they were 4 or 5 years old, dedicated their life to football, conditioned their mind, body and emotional spirit to play collegiate sports, were out there giving it all they had, the blood, sweat and tears, and the people they represented, the people they counted on for support when the times are tough, were leaving them when they needed them most. None of those players on the field ever quit, even when most of the fans did. My son never quit cheering even when he would cheer, “Go Cyclones,” the alumni behind us would say, “Suck” after him. We stayed with the players on the field and cheered until the game was over.
Afterwards, Nicolas got some interesting compliments. Some people stated: “He must be a new fan because he hasn’t figured out that we lose every game, He sure has a lot of energy, He will learn eventually.” But in the next game, when the going gets tough, by Nicolas stepping up as he did and impacting the people around us, I think they are going to miss him a lot! I left the game a very proud father.
What a great psychology lesson in all of this. How often do we give up on something we want to achieve before the game is really over? How many times do we fail to support others in the pursuit of their goals when they need us the most? How often do we give up supporting others because we are looking for their success to make us happy and when we assume they won’t or they don’t achieve their goals we turn our backs on them? How often do we base our happiness on others success instead of our own? How often do we commit ourselves 100% in the pursuit of a goal until the very end? How often do we give up on others and ourselves before the clock runs out?
This experience brings to mind a great quote:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
Whether you are in the game as a player or as a Fan remember you are always playing in some sort of game. Most people only saw the game on the field. I saw the game in the stands as a fan also. In the game of your life the clock is still ticking so keep on playing until the very last second. Never give up. Be sure to be a great fan of others also. Cheer for them and support them in the pursuit of their goals no matter if they win or if they fail. Don’t base your happiness on others successes, if you are, that means that you are just a spectator and need to get back engaged in your own game. Remember to walk a mile in other peoples’ shoes before you turn and walk away. Never stop believing in the greatness each of possesses individually or as a team.
Always believe, Always Hope, Always Dream! Never Give Up, and Never Walk Away! Stay Engaged in the Game of Life.
If you need to get engaged in the game of life and you are blaming the economy, the people on your team, and giving up, Step up now and CALL NOW to get back in the game. (919) 792-0085!
A few weeks ago, I found myself back at Iowa State University with my son and brother in law attending my first Cyclone football game since I had graduated in 1991. It was great to be back in my old stomping grounds and sharing the experience with my son. Standing amidst all of the alumni, hearing their comments and donation amounts; I was also aware of the intense pressure on the young men on the field to perform.
Nicolas is 13 and well aware of my criteria for what I consider a great sporting event: a high energy game that is close in score and my favorite team is always the underdog. This game matched those criteria perfectly.
When fourth quarter arrived and it had truly been a great game. It was high scoring, action packed, and we were rooting for the underdog, The Cyclones. We were two touchdowns behind with only seven or eight minutes left and played an onside kick. Everyone cheered like it was Iowa State’s possession but after the play review, it was Texas A&M’s ball. The crowd started to go crazy cheering whole heartedly against the referees. The stadium erupted with jeers and “BOO’ing!” Funny thing was, none of us actually saw the play. It was on the other side of the field, we did not have a good view, and at the games now they do not show most instant replays. (I guess that was a smart idea for moments just like this)!
What I found interesting was that my son got mixed up in the emotions and started, “Booing” also. I whispered in his ear that I loved his enthusiasm AND we did not see the play, there was no instant replay, and we should show some good sportsmanship. What happened next could not have made me more proud as a father.
Nicolas immediately stood up on the bench in front of us started cheering for the home team. While everyone else was “Booing” the referees, he was screaming at the top of his lungs, “Go Cyclones!” He stayed focused on giving support where support was needed, NOT in finding blame or fault to ease frustrations on us being behind in the game. For the rest of the game he never sat down. He stood on the bench, kept waving his towel, and cheering, “Go Cyclones!” As the minutes ticked down and the alumni, students, and spectators left their team still playing on the field, he stayed and cheered on his team. That is a true fan.
In that moment, I put myself on the field with those players. They had probably played ball since they were 4 or 5 years old, dedicated their life to football, conditioned their mind, body and emotional spirit to play collegiate sports, were out there giving it all they had, the blood, sweat and tears, and the people they represented, the people they counted on for support when the times are tough, were leaving them when they needed them most. None of those players on the field ever quit, even when most of the fans did. My son never quit cheering even when he would cheer, “Go Cyclones,” the alumni behind us would say, “Suck” after him. We stayed with the players on the field and cheered until the game was over.
Afterwards, Nicolas got some interesting compliments. Some people stated: “He must be a new fan because he hasn’t figured out that we lose every game, He sure has a lot of energy, He will learn eventually.” But in the next game, when the going gets tough, by Nicolas stepping up as he did and impacting the people around us, I think they are going to miss him a lot! I left the game a very proud father.
What a great psychology lesson in all of this. How often do we give up on something we want to achieve before the game is really over? How many times do we fail to support others in the pursuit of their goals when they need us the most? How often do we give up supporting others because we are looking for their success to make us happy and when we assume they won’t or they don’t achieve their goals we turn our backs on them? How often do we base our happiness on others success instead of our own? How often do we commit ourselves 100% in the pursuit of a goal until the very end? How often do we give up on others and ourselves before the clock runs out?
This experience brings to mind a great quote:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
Whether you are in the game as a player or as a Fan remember you are always playing in some sort of game. Most people only saw the game on the field. I saw the game in the stands as a fan also. In the game of your life the clock is still ticking so keep on playing until the very last second. Never give up. Be sure to be a great fan of others also. Cheer for them and support them in the pursuit of their goals no matter if they win or if they fail. Don’t base your happiness on others successes, if you are, that means that you are just a spectator and need to get back engaged in your own game. Remember to walk a mile in other peoples’ shoes before you turn and walk away. Never stop believing in the greatness each of possesses individually or as a team.
Always believe, Always Hope, Always Dream! Never Give Up, and Never Walk Away! Stay Engaged in the Game of Life.
If you need to get engaged in the game of life and you are blaming the economy, the people on your team, and giving up, Step up now and CALL NOW to get back in the game. (919) 792-0085!
11/4/08
Thank you for being you!
Thank you for being you!
I had the most wonderful compliment given to me the other day. At the end of a personal coaching session, one of my favorite clients told me, “Thank you for being you.” My instant response was, “You’re welcome, I tried for many years to not be me and it really didn’t work that well.”
We were both taken aback a little with my response. After a good laugh and a little reflection I was a surprised by the truth of my statement. How often do we not accept all of who we really are? How often do we run away from parts of us that we do not like, respect, or appreciate? The problem is the more you run away from them the larger they get, the stronger they become and the more they create problems in your life.
As part of my initial Tony Robbins training we went skydiving as a “coaching challenge – life experience.” There were a few coaches that day who despite all of our emotional training were absolutely petrified and were confident the first step would be their last. As we prepped for the experience and all came home safe there was a success strategy that everyone used.
That strategy consisted of identifying our fears, those parts of ourselves that scared us the most, got prepared with the best mental, emotional and physical tools possible, DECIDED WHAT WE WOULD LET DO OF WHEN WE JUMPED OUT THE DOOR AND WHAT THIS EXPERIENCE WOULD MEAN FOR US, got in the plane, faced our fears, took one big step into the unknown and prayed!
You will get the best out of life by employing that strategy with everything that you fear, procrastinate, or are not facing within yourself. I encourage you to identify those parts of you that are hard to accept, the parts you don’t want to be you, get prepared with the best tools you can, the most information you can, face that fear, take action to embrace it, and you will be delighted with the results. By your second, third, fourth jump, you will be a pro and will have established a new level of success in your life.
To paraphrase an old movie; embrace “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly” within yourself, get prepared, and Jump with faith. Life is worth the experience and your first response to “Thank you for being you” will be, “You are welcome, it was my pleasure.”
To your continued success,
James
If you do not like who you see in the mirror each morning, Call NOW for your dynamic Coaching Session that will change your focus. You can smile at yourself everyday in the mirror and say, "Thank you for being you." (919) 792-0085!
I had the most wonderful compliment given to me the other day. At the end of a personal coaching session, one of my favorite clients told me, “Thank you for being you.” My instant response was, “You’re welcome, I tried for many years to not be me and it really didn’t work that well.”
We were both taken aback a little with my response. After a good laugh and a little reflection I was a surprised by the truth of my statement. How often do we not accept all of who we really are? How often do we run away from parts of us that we do not like, respect, or appreciate? The problem is the more you run away from them the larger they get, the stronger they become and the more they create problems in your life.
As part of my initial Tony Robbins training we went skydiving as a “coaching challenge – life experience.” There were a few coaches that day who despite all of our emotional training were absolutely petrified and were confident the first step would be their last. As we prepped for the experience and all came home safe there was a success strategy that everyone used.
That strategy consisted of identifying our fears, those parts of ourselves that scared us the most, got prepared with the best mental, emotional and physical tools possible, DECIDED WHAT WE WOULD LET DO OF WHEN WE JUMPED OUT THE DOOR AND WHAT THIS EXPERIENCE WOULD MEAN FOR US, got in the plane, faced our fears, took one big step into the unknown and prayed!
You will get the best out of life by employing that strategy with everything that you fear, procrastinate, or are not facing within yourself. I encourage you to identify those parts of you that are hard to accept, the parts you don’t want to be you, get prepared with the best tools you can, the most information you can, face that fear, take action to embrace it, and you will be delighted with the results. By your second, third, fourth jump, you will be a pro and will have established a new level of success in your life.
To paraphrase an old movie; embrace “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly” within yourself, get prepared, and Jump with faith. Life is worth the experience and your first response to “Thank you for being you” will be, “You are welcome, it was my pleasure.”
To your continued success,
James
If you do not like who you see in the mirror each morning, Call NOW for your dynamic Coaching Session that will change your focus. You can smile at yourself everyday in the mirror and say, "Thank you for being you." (919) 792-0085!
Make them eat it!
Make them Eat It!
Richard Bandler, the father of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), once said that everything he learned about human behavior he learned from his dog. I thought that was a very peculiar statement until I took a dog training course in Coronado, CA.
Do you know what to do when being approached and/or bitten by a dog? There are two dramatically different strategies. Surprisingly in a moment of fear, we tend to react with the exact opposite behavior that would allow us to be successful during a dog attack. This is also how some people deal with their challenges in life.
What would be your first reaction if you were outside, a barking dog was running toward you, and it looked like it was going to attack? The normal reaction would be to turn around and run. Many times in life, when confronted with our problems, we turn around and run. However, all that does is encourage the dog to attack and in the end you usually get bitten. A better strategy is to turn sideways to the dog, freeze in place, and slowly put out your hand for the sniff test. Why? This behavior tells the dog that you are not a threat. It is not an aggressive stance. By taking a quarter turn away from the dog you are still looking at it but not facing it in an adversarial position.
Many of life’s problems only require us to stay put for a second, take a deep breath, turn a little to one side or the other, adjust our perceptions, and then slowly extend ourselves to the problem in order to find resolution.
However, if the dog continues to charge toward you and bites down on your arm, what then? What would you do? Panic and fear usually kick in and we try to pull away from the biting dog. Wrong idea! If you follow that instinct, instead of only getting a few puncture wounds from the teeth, you would end up ripping the flesh on your arm as you pull and jerk your arm away.
The appropriate strategy is to “Make him eat it!” If you move into the problem with aggressiveness and shove your arm deeper into the dog’s mouth, the dog will end up choking on your arm and have to release its hold on you. The energy you spend by giving the dog what he wants will actually cause the problem to stop. Many times, our problems are the same way. When we move into the problem, use the energy of it in an effective way to move through it, instead of pulling back. The problem loses its grip and you may find yourself free of the challenge.
As you think of the problems and challenges in your life, are you running away or pulling away from them? Remember, the first step is to just stop! No emotional state lasts forever. Turn sideways a little bit to see it from a different perspective. If the problems and challenges already have an emotional hold on you, STOP pulling away from them, take a deep breath and push forward with all of your might into it. You may find that the problem will lose its grip on you. You can set yourself free.
If you have problems that are biting you and you are pulling away, give me a call for a life changing Coaching Session. CALL NOW! (919) 792-0085
Richard Bandler, the father of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), once said that everything he learned about human behavior he learned from his dog. I thought that was a very peculiar statement until I took a dog training course in Coronado, CA.
Do you know what to do when being approached and/or bitten by a dog? There are two dramatically different strategies. Surprisingly in a moment of fear, we tend to react with the exact opposite behavior that would allow us to be successful during a dog attack. This is also how some people deal with their challenges in life.
What would be your first reaction if you were outside, a barking dog was running toward you, and it looked like it was going to attack? The normal reaction would be to turn around and run. Many times in life, when confronted with our problems, we turn around and run. However, all that does is encourage the dog to attack and in the end you usually get bitten. A better strategy is to turn sideways to the dog, freeze in place, and slowly put out your hand for the sniff test. Why? This behavior tells the dog that you are not a threat. It is not an aggressive stance. By taking a quarter turn away from the dog you are still looking at it but not facing it in an adversarial position.
Many of life’s problems only require us to stay put for a second, take a deep breath, turn a little to one side or the other, adjust our perceptions, and then slowly extend ourselves to the problem in order to find resolution.
However, if the dog continues to charge toward you and bites down on your arm, what then? What would you do? Panic and fear usually kick in and we try to pull away from the biting dog. Wrong idea! If you follow that instinct, instead of only getting a few puncture wounds from the teeth, you would end up ripping the flesh on your arm as you pull and jerk your arm away.
The appropriate strategy is to “Make him eat it!” If you move into the problem with aggressiveness and shove your arm deeper into the dog’s mouth, the dog will end up choking on your arm and have to release its hold on you. The energy you spend by giving the dog what he wants will actually cause the problem to stop. Many times, our problems are the same way. When we move into the problem, use the energy of it in an effective way to move through it, instead of pulling back. The problem loses its grip and you may find yourself free of the challenge.
As you think of the problems and challenges in your life, are you running away or pulling away from them? Remember, the first step is to just stop! No emotional state lasts forever. Turn sideways a little bit to see it from a different perspective. If the problems and challenges already have an emotional hold on you, STOP pulling away from them, take a deep breath and push forward with all of your might into it. You may find that the problem will lose its grip on you. You can set yourself free.
If you have problems that are biting you and you are pulling away, give me a call for a life changing Coaching Session. CALL NOW! (919) 792-0085
10/3/08
Don't Smash My Fruit!
Don’t Smash My Fruit!
My little one and I were at the grocery store the other day and had the most wonderful and frustrating experience. The gentleman in the produce section was courteous, helpful, and went out of his way to help us with our shopping. He gave my daughter a free banana and gave us a quick National Geographic lesson on how monkeys peel bananas upside down. (Yes, it was cool and really works!)
The young lady bagging our groceries provided us with the exact opposite experience. She was deep into a conversation with the cashier and as she reached out to place the bag of fruit into the cart she missed, and dropped it straight onto the floor! She picked it up and the next bag into the cart contained maple syrup, butter, and salsa. It landed right on top of my already bruised fruit! In my head I was screaming, “Don’t smash my fruit!”
I have to admit that “smashing my fruit” is a pet peeve of mine and this was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. So, keeping my emotions in check I stated, “Excuse me, next time could you please not put the heavy stuff on top of my fruit?” The bagger ended her conversation, turned a quarter turn away from me, folded her arms, stared at the floor and promptly ignored me. So, I stated again, “Excuse me ma’am, next time please don’t set the heavy stuff on the fruit, that bruises it.” The lady stayed turned away with no eye contact and stone cold silence. I was shocked at her ignoring me.
By the time I reached the car I was very emotionally charged. I was frustrated at the way I was treated as a customer and mad at myself for all of the times in the past I didn’t say anything when my fruit was smashed. As I slammed the trunk closed, all I could think was, “THEY SMASHED MY FRUIT!” At this point, I was feeling a healthy amount of internal conflict between the need to gain other’s acceptance and approval or the voice that said, “stick up for what you believe in, that was horrible customer service!”
It was a perfect moment for some deep change. In any heightened emotional moment if you find a way to resolve the conflict inside, new beliefs will be formed at a very deep level.
In that moment, I made a huge decision to interrupt my old pattern of behavior. I pushed away all of the old thoughts and beliefs that were running around in my head and marched directly to the customer service desk.
I approached the manager and proceeded to tell her what was on my mind, “I just wanted to let you know about my shopping experience today. I had the most wonderful experience with the gentleman in the produce department. He went above and beyond in his customer service. My checkout experience was the direct opposite. The lady bagging the groceries dropped my fruit on the floor and then smashed them again when she put the other heavy bags on top. When I asked her as politely as I could to please not put the heavy stuff on the fruit she completely ignored me, twice. I just wanted to give you some feedback on my shopping experience today.” The manager thanked me for my feedback and said that she would make a note of it.
My voice and body were shaking with emotion as I left the store. In that emotionally intense moment I was able to anchor in some new powerful beliefs.
First and foremost, act in integrity with yourself. If I would have said something the first time my fruit was smashed I wouldn’t have been in such an intense place.
Give feedback so that others can take responsibility for their actions. Love the person enough to give feedback in a non-threatening way by addressing the behavior, NOT THE PERSON. As long as it is done without anger or malicious intent, it is for the other person to take or leave. I do not know what came from the experience for her on her end but she was the one to take responsibility for her actions from there.
Next time someone smashes your fruit, I wish you continued success in acting with integrity and giving constructive feedback to others.
If you need some support because too many people are smashing your fruit, interrupt your pattern! Call TODAY for your evolution towards greater success. Commit to 3 or more coaching sessions in the month of October and/or order a Sure Hire Assessment and receive 10% off!
My little one and I were at the grocery store the other day and had the most wonderful and frustrating experience. The gentleman in the produce section was courteous, helpful, and went out of his way to help us with our shopping. He gave my daughter a free banana and gave us a quick National Geographic lesson on how monkeys peel bananas upside down. (Yes, it was cool and really works!)
The young lady bagging our groceries provided us with the exact opposite experience. She was deep into a conversation with the cashier and as she reached out to place the bag of fruit into the cart she missed, and dropped it straight onto the floor! She picked it up and the next bag into the cart contained maple syrup, butter, and salsa. It landed right on top of my already bruised fruit! In my head I was screaming, “Don’t smash my fruit!”
I have to admit that “smashing my fruit” is a pet peeve of mine and this was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. So, keeping my emotions in check I stated, “Excuse me, next time could you please not put the heavy stuff on top of my fruit?” The bagger ended her conversation, turned a quarter turn away from me, folded her arms, stared at the floor and promptly ignored me. So, I stated again, “Excuse me ma’am, next time please don’t set the heavy stuff on the fruit, that bruises it.” The lady stayed turned away with no eye contact and stone cold silence. I was shocked at her ignoring me.
By the time I reached the car I was very emotionally charged. I was frustrated at the way I was treated as a customer and mad at myself for all of the times in the past I didn’t say anything when my fruit was smashed. As I slammed the trunk closed, all I could think was, “THEY SMASHED MY FRUIT!” At this point, I was feeling a healthy amount of internal conflict between the need to gain other’s acceptance and approval or the voice that said, “stick up for what you believe in, that was horrible customer service!”
It was a perfect moment for some deep change. In any heightened emotional moment if you find a way to resolve the conflict inside, new beliefs will be formed at a very deep level.
In that moment, I made a huge decision to interrupt my old pattern of behavior. I pushed away all of the old thoughts and beliefs that were running around in my head and marched directly to the customer service desk.
I approached the manager and proceeded to tell her what was on my mind, “I just wanted to let you know about my shopping experience today. I had the most wonderful experience with the gentleman in the produce department. He went above and beyond in his customer service. My checkout experience was the direct opposite. The lady bagging the groceries dropped my fruit on the floor and then smashed them again when she put the other heavy bags on top. When I asked her as politely as I could to please not put the heavy stuff on the fruit she completely ignored me, twice. I just wanted to give you some feedback on my shopping experience today.” The manager thanked me for my feedback and said that she would make a note of it.
My voice and body were shaking with emotion as I left the store. In that emotionally intense moment I was able to anchor in some new powerful beliefs.
First and foremost, act in integrity with yourself. If I would have said something the first time my fruit was smashed I wouldn’t have been in such an intense place.
Give feedback so that others can take responsibility for their actions. Love the person enough to give feedback in a non-threatening way by addressing the behavior, NOT THE PERSON. As long as it is done without anger or malicious intent, it is for the other person to take or leave. I do not know what came from the experience for her on her end but she was the one to take responsibility for her actions from there.
Next time someone smashes your fruit, I wish you continued success in acting with integrity and giving constructive feedback to others.
If you need some support because too many people are smashing your fruit, interrupt your pattern! Call TODAY for your evolution towards greater success. Commit to 3 or more coaching sessions in the month of October and/or order a Sure Hire Assessment and receive 10% off!
Developing a plan!
Stop Thinking!
Many times in life we think about something that we would love to achieve or accomplish and then immediately talk ourselves out of it because the first thing that comes to mind is, “…but I don’t know how I will ever be able to do it.”
Most people take a great amount of certainty and security from “developing a plan” to achieve their goals. I am sure that you have heard the saying, “If you are failing to plan then you are planning to fail.” Waiting to take action until you have developed a plan sets up a perfect behavioral pattern for procrastination.
Many of the most fulfilling and rewarding goals I have achieved in life came from taking a bold, immediate action before I had a plan in place. Let me give you some examples:
• In 2007, I wanted to take a family trip to the Bahamas to visit friends, swim with dolphins and dive with sharks. Instead of waiting until I had the trip planned financially and logistically, I took the money I had saved and purchased the plane tickets. I had no clue how I was going to manage the time off work, get the family scuba certified, or make the rest of the money that would be needed for lodging. I let those parts of the plan develop after I made that first commitment. It was some great motivation to develop the plan and get it moving. We had a once-in-a-lifetime trip full of amazing memories.
• In June 2007, I had a goal to move to North Carolina. With the Phoenix housing market going downhill fast, I had to drop my tentative plan to sell my house and immediately put it up for sale. My final plan ended up including a double move with a 3 month stay in Colorado for a summer. One year later we closed on our new home in NC. If I hadn’t taken that first leap of faith, I might still be in Phoenix.
• In the back of my mind I have had a desire to run a 100 mile ultra-marathon this year since I just turned 40. You could call it the answer to my mid-life crisis. Instead of mapping out the six month training plan, core strength program, and eating regiment, I found a race that fit my needs, applied, and was accepted as one of the 250 runners of the race. Now, I have huge incentive and motivation to get my plan in place and have started running again. Wish me luck!
After you set your goals in life, sometimes it is best to sail to the new coast, burn your ship and then develop the rest of the plan on the fly. I understand this will cause a great amount of uncertainty, doubt, and fear. However, those emotions can be converted into actions and planning that will lead you to the desired end result.
If you are stuck in any of your goals, I urge you to find a way to put down the need to plan and instead take an immediate action that commits you to your goal. It is the immediate action that provides the motivation, activities, and opportunities that help you to develop the plan.
Your mind will be flooded with questions like:
• How am I going to pay for that?
• How can I make this work?
• What am I going to see and do there?
• How will I spend my time?
“Take action towards your plan NOW and you will naturally discover what needs to be planned for in the future.”
If you need some support developing a plan and taking action TODAY! Call TODAY for your evolution towards greater success. Commit to 3 or more coaching sessions in the month of October and receive 10% off!
Many times in life we think about something that we would love to achieve or accomplish and then immediately talk ourselves out of it because the first thing that comes to mind is, “…but I don’t know how I will ever be able to do it.”
Most people take a great amount of certainty and security from “developing a plan” to achieve their goals. I am sure that you have heard the saying, “If you are failing to plan then you are planning to fail.” Waiting to take action until you have developed a plan sets up a perfect behavioral pattern for procrastination.
Many of the most fulfilling and rewarding goals I have achieved in life came from taking a bold, immediate action before I had a plan in place. Let me give you some examples:
• In 2007, I wanted to take a family trip to the Bahamas to visit friends, swim with dolphins and dive with sharks. Instead of waiting until I had the trip planned financially and logistically, I took the money I had saved and purchased the plane tickets. I had no clue how I was going to manage the time off work, get the family scuba certified, or make the rest of the money that would be needed for lodging. I let those parts of the plan develop after I made that first commitment. It was some great motivation to develop the plan and get it moving. We had a once-in-a-lifetime trip full of amazing memories.
• In June 2007, I had a goal to move to North Carolina. With the Phoenix housing market going downhill fast, I had to drop my tentative plan to sell my house and immediately put it up for sale. My final plan ended up including a double move with a 3 month stay in Colorado for a summer. One year later we closed on our new home in NC. If I hadn’t taken that first leap of faith, I might still be in Phoenix.
• In the back of my mind I have had a desire to run a 100 mile ultra-marathon this year since I just turned 40. You could call it the answer to my mid-life crisis. Instead of mapping out the six month training plan, core strength program, and eating regiment, I found a race that fit my needs, applied, and was accepted as one of the 250 runners of the race. Now, I have huge incentive and motivation to get my plan in place and have started running again. Wish me luck!
After you set your goals in life, sometimes it is best to sail to the new coast, burn your ship and then develop the rest of the plan on the fly. I understand this will cause a great amount of uncertainty, doubt, and fear. However, those emotions can be converted into actions and planning that will lead you to the desired end result.
If you are stuck in any of your goals, I urge you to find a way to put down the need to plan and instead take an immediate action that commits you to your goal. It is the immediate action that provides the motivation, activities, and opportunities that help you to develop the plan.
Your mind will be flooded with questions like:
• How am I going to pay for that?
• How can I make this work?
• What am I going to see and do there?
• How will I spend my time?
“Take action towards your plan NOW and you will naturally discover what needs to be planned for in the future.”
If you need some support developing a plan and taking action TODAY! Call TODAY for your evolution towards greater success. Commit to 3 or more coaching sessions in the month of October and receive 10% off!
8/29/08
Character Revealed
Character Revealed
It is often stated that true heroes in life, the people who perform spectacular feats in one perilous moment, are just normal people. That one perilous moment just allows the rest of the world to see their true character. Many times, they downplay their moments in the spotlight and prefer to remain anonymous.
How do you find and define character without a perilous moment? Is it having integrity? Is it found when you see someone totally committed to an impossible dream and they achieve it? Is it found when someone has a selfless act of courage that puts their life on the line for another?
I want to share a simple story of a man who exemplifies having character. Richard Munsen was born in Story City, IA 82 years ago. He is Norwegian by bloodline and went off to war in WWII, became a Captain of a B-17, and was shot down flying a mission over the Balkans in Croatia. With the help of the Partisan resistance, he and his crew evaded the Germans for 45 days and finally made it safely back to allied territory. He transitioned from his military service back to Story City, IA and co-owned and operated a Chevrolet dealership for the rest of his work career. I know of his life’s story because he is the grandfather of my son.
On a trip to visit Dick this month, as soon as I walked in the door he grabbed me by the arm and stated, “Come here, I have to show you something.” On a folding table in his living room was a puzzle that I had given her the previous Christmas. It was a WWII puzzle of the Normandy invasion.
As we sat down together to work on the puzzle that evening, I noticed several things. First, Dick has been having a sore knee lately and after a while, I could see that sitting at the table was beginning to be uncomfortable. Second, he his vision is challenged, in one eye he sees double and in the other he sees things raised about twice as high as the other. Fitting together pieces of a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle was certainly a worthy challenge with his eyesight challenges. Third, after 8 months of working on the puzzle he was proud as he could be with the progress made to date. The puzzle was only about 1/3 completed. He told me that some nights he can’t sleep and comes out to work in “a piece or two.” He consistently works on it just about everyday.
In that moment, I thought, “Wow, this is character. Many people would call his efforts an example of commitment, perseverance, dedication, or pursuit of achievement; but to me, it just signified personal “character.” Despite all of the physical challenges he was enduring, he still sits down everyday and works towards a worthy goal. He was keeping his mind active, alert, and practicing patience on the path to success.
How often do we miss the “character” that others show in their daily actions? How often do we overlook what makes people special? I have a tremendous amount of respect for Dick because he did such “heroic” things like becoming a pilot in WWII, evading the Germans for 45 days in the mountains of Yugoslavia, leading his men to safety, and taking on the entrepreneurial responsibilities of owning a successful Chevrolet dealership. What I respect the most is that at 82, he still shows the same character everyday that he has during his life as he works to fit one more piece of life’s puzzle together.
Find the hero in the people that you come in contact with today. They are exhibiting their character in many ways, if you just look for it. Appreciate their life experiences, how they have grown over the years, and keep a look out for the small things they do that reveal their true “character.” Everything you need in life to be inspired, to love, to experience gratitude, are right in front of you if you look for it. And remember to look at refining your own “character” so that you can continue to inspire others, as well.
If you wish to read more about Dick Munsen and his WWII experiences, please check out his website at: www.munsen.com
If you need some support in living a life with more “Character,” Call Now for a coaching session that will change your life.
(303) 681-3555
If you wish to unsubscribe, please reply with “unsubscribe” in the subject line.
It is often stated that true heroes in life, the people who perform spectacular feats in one perilous moment, are just normal people. That one perilous moment just allows the rest of the world to see their true character. Many times, they downplay their moments in the spotlight and prefer to remain anonymous.
How do you find and define character without a perilous moment? Is it having integrity? Is it found when you see someone totally committed to an impossible dream and they achieve it? Is it found when someone has a selfless act of courage that puts their life on the line for another?
I want to share a simple story of a man who exemplifies having character. Richard Munsen was born in Story City, IA 82 years ago. He is Norwegian by bloodline and went off to war in WWII, became a Captain of a B-17, and was shot down flying a mission over the Balkans in Croatia. With the help of the Partisan resistance, he and his crew evaded the Germans for 45 days and finally made it safely back to allied territory. He transitioned from his military service back to Story City, IA and co-owned and operated a Chevrolet dealership for the rest of his work career. I know of his life’s story because he is the grandfather of my son.
On a trip to visit Dick this month, as soon as I walked in the door he grabbed me by the arm and stated, “Come here, I have to show you something.” On a folding table in his living room was a puzzle that I had given her the previous Christmas. It was a WWII puzzle of the Normandy invasion.
As we sat down together to work on the puzzle that evening, I noticed several things. First, Dick has been having a sore knee lately and after a while, I could see that sitting at the table was beginning to be uncomfortable. Second, he his vision is challenged, in one eye he sees double and in the other he sees things raised about twice as high as the other. Fitting together pieces of a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle was certainly a worthy challenge with his eyesight challenges. Third, after 8 months of working on the puzzle he was proud as he could be with the progress made to date. The puzzle was only about 1/3 completed. He told me that some nights he can’t sleep and comes out to work in “a piece or two.” He consistently works on it just about everyday.
In that moment, I thought, “Wow, this is character. Many people would call his efforts an example of commitment, perseverance, dedication, or pursuit of achievement; but to me, it just signified personal “character.” Despite all of the physical challenges he was enduring, he still sits down everyday and works towards a worthy goal. He was keeping his mind active, alert, and practicing patience on the path to success.
How often do we miss the “character” that others show in their daily actions? How often do we overlook what makes people special? I have a tremendous amount of respect for Dick because he did such “heroic” things like becoming a pilot in WWII, evading the Germans for 45 days in the mountains of Yugoslavia, leading his men to safety, and taking on the entrepreneurial responsibilities of owning a successful Chevrolet dealership. What I respect the most is that at 82, he still shows the same character everyday that he has during his life as he works to fit one more piece of life’s puzzle together.
Find the hero in the people that you come in contact with today. They are exhibiting their character in many ways, if you just look for it. Appreciate their life experiences, how they have grown over the years, and keep a look out for the small things they do that reveal their true “character.” Everything you need in life to be inspired, to love, to experience gratitude, are right in front of you if you look for it. And remember to look at refining your own “character” so that you can continue to inspire others, as well.
If you wish to read more about Dick Munsen and his WWII experiences, please check out his website at: www.munsen.com
If you need some support in living a life with more “Character,” Call Now for a coaching session that will change your life.
(303) 681-3555
If you wish to unsubscribe, please reply with “unsubscribe” in the subject line.
8/21/08
Breaking the Rules!
Breaking the Rules
In today’s hectic world there is no shortage of emotional intensity. There is plenty of stress, frustration, depression, anxiety, and unhappiness. Fear seems to have begun to take hold caused in party by the recent fluctuations in the housing and stock markets. If you have any doubts these disempowering emotional states are present, just ask any customer service representative, listen to the news, or just drive home in rush hour traffic in the left hand lane.
Most people who come to coaching are looking for the greater empowering emotional intensity that is sometimes hard to find in our everyday life: peace, success, achievement, happiness, and love. Many find their lives have become flat, lonely, without purpose.
Having a purpose in life is an interesting ideology that many people spend their entire life pursuing. But often by living life everyday, we build our habits which develop our limitations and beliefs about what we can and can not do, without consciously thinking about it. Many of you reading this now may be saying to yourself, “I don’t have time for meditating on my purpose in life; with three kids, a full time job, a spouse that works, and a household to keep in order, who has time for purpose?”
Well, I propose we break out of that cycle. We’re going to do this in two parts: The first part is as follows - this week I would love for you to repeatedly ask yourself this question. Here is it:
“When you were younger, what was so fun, exciting, and adventurous that you were willing to break Mom and Dad’s rules, even at the risk of being punished?” When you were a kid, what did you get in trouble for wanting to become? What did you get in trouble for doing? What did you dream about and never tell anyone? What would you have done that was worth the spanking, grounding, or loss of car privileges you would have received?
OK, so that was more than one question… What came into your mind as you were asking yourself those questions?
One of the problems with living life as an adult is that many times we have become the parent of ourselves. Oh, NO. When was the last time you were willing to go out and do something so unexpected and crazy that even if you got in trouble with your “parental” self the experience would be worth it? What do you want to sneak out of your bedroom window at night to do that would be worth the risk of getting caught when you got home?
Now here’s the second part - pick one of them and go do it now. Add some joy, enthusiasm, adventure, fun, and playfulness to your life. It will make the routines of life, kids, career, and finances easier to manage when you wake up Monday morning. You will smile, feeling great inside, knowing that it was totally worth it. Live life to its fullest, dream big dreams, break your own rules for yourself and do what is worth getting in “trouble” for!
Keep in mind, however, this statement has a very important caveat: Only break the rules doing something that is truly good for you, those closest to you, your community and the world as a whole. Clearly I am not advocating the type of activities that would cause irreparable harm to your finances, your relationships or your standing in the community – and definitely nothing that lands you in jail! But lead life joyously and a little outside your self-defined lines – allow yourself to play music full blast in the shower as you sing along at the top of your lungs, eat that occasional ice cream cone licking your fingers as it melts, take the kids out in the middle of the rain storm to stomp in puddles… Whatever brings that child-like happiness and joy back into your life!
Really, it’s ok…. I give you permission! It’s time you did too!
We are two thirds of the way through this year. If you need help finding something to do in order to “break the rules that your parental self” has developed, CALL NOW! You need some support!
(303) 681-3555
If you wish to Unsubscribe, just type in the reply text box, “unsubscribe.”
In today’s hectic world there is no shortage of emotional intensity. There is plenty of stress, frustration, depression, anxiety, and unhappiness. Fear seems to have begun to take hold caused in party by the recent fluctuations in the housing and stock markets. If you have any doubts these disempowering emotional states are present, just ask any customer service representative, listen to the news, or just drive home in rush hour traffic in the left hand lane.
Most people who come to coaching are looking for the greater empowering emotional intensity that is sometimes hard to find in our everyday life: peace, success, achievement, happiness, and love. Many find their lives have become flat, lonely, without purpose.
Having a purpose in life is an interesting ideology that many people spend their entire life pursuing. But often by living life everyday, we build our habits which develop our limitations and beliefs about what we can and can not do, without consciously thinking about it. Many of you reading this now may be saying to yourself, “I don’t have time for meditating on my purpose in life; with three kids, a full time job, a spouse that works, and a household to keep in order, who has time for purpose?”
Well, I propose we break out of that cycle. We’re going to do this in two parts: The first part is as follows - this week I would love for you to repeatedly ask yourself this question. Here is it:
“When you were younger, what was so fun, exciting, and adventurous that you were willing to break Mom and Dad’s rules, even at the risk of being punished?” When you were a kid, what did you get in trouble for wanting to become? What did you get in trouble for doing? What did you dream about and never tell anyone? What would you have done that was worth the spanking, grounding, or loss of car privileges you would have received?
OK, so that was more than one question… What came into your mind as you were asking yourself those questions?
One of the problems with living life as an adult is that many times we have become the parent of ourselves. Oh, NO. When was the last time you were willing to go out and do something so unexpected and crazy that even if you got in trouble with your “parental” self the experience would be worth it? What do you want to sneak out of your bedroom window at night to do that would be worth the risk of getting caught when you got home?
Now here’s the second part - pick one of them and go do it now. Add some joy, enthusiasm, adventure, fun, and playfulness to your life. It will make the routines of life, kids, career, and finances easier to manage when you wake up Monday morning. You will smile, feeling great inside, knowing that it was totally worth it. Live life to its fullest, dream big dreams, break your own rules for yourself and do what is worth getting in “trouble” for!
Keep in mind, however, this statement has a very important caveat: Only break the rules doing something that is truly good for you, those closest to you, your community and the world as a whole. Clearly I am not advocating the type of activities that would cause irreparable harm to your finances, your relationships or your standing in the community – and definitely nothing that lands you in jail! But lead life joyously and a little outside your self-defined lines – allow yourself to play music full blast in the shower as you sing along at the top of your lungs, eat that occasional ice cream cone licking your fingers as it melts, take the kids out in the middle of the rain storm to stomp in puddles… Whatever brings that child-like happiness and joy back into your life!
Really, it’s ok…. I give you permission! It’s time you did too!
We are two thirds of the way through this year. If you need help finding something to do in order to “break the rules that your parental self” has developed, CALL NOW! You need some support!
(303) 681-3555
If you wish to Unsubscribe, just type in the reply text box, “unsubscribe.”
8/14/08
Bumper Sticker Bonanza
Bumper Sticker Bonanza
I had a very interesting ride to Colorado Springs last week. I was on a mission to return my vacuum cleaner for repair when there it was, the bumper sticker that changed my life. As I read it over and over, I sat absolutely stunned. It is not often that I am speechless, but in that moment, my tongue was tied in a triple knot that was never coming undone. Children, cover your eyes. The bumper sticker said, “Will f*@k for Gas” and has a woman’s silhouette bending over. WOW! I know the news about the economy has not been favorable lately, but there it was in plain sight. I was shocked, dismayed, and wondered about the psychology of the person who would put that message on their car.
Irony seems to follow me around, maybe since my last name is Murphy, and as I sat there in shock another car pulled up to the left of the lady in front of me and had a bumper sticker that stated, “Namaste: The divine in me blesses and honors the divine in you.” Somebody somewhere was sending me a message. I didn’t have too much time to contemplate as the light turned green and we all went our separate ways.
Isn’t that how life is? It seems like we are always being served two different messages: the glass is half full or the glass is half empty. But more importantly, who do we become as we assimilate all of the messages we are bombarded with? What are the defining character traits of the person with the gas bumper sticker versus the person with the Namaste sticker?
James Allen wrote a great book called, “As a Man Thinketh.” It’s basic premise is easy and simple. As you think, so you are. Who are you and what are you feeding your brain? Do you spend your day immersed in self help, hopeful messages, positive thinking, and the glass half full or do you belittle yourself and others with negative thoughts, watch the evening news, soap operas, and that ever popular show, Cops?
My point is this, “Stand guard at the doorway of your mind. What you let in is what you become.” Try this as a self guided technique, right before you go to bed pull out a journal and write down 8-10 things you are truly grateful for that day. Then write down a commitment for yourself to wake up a certain time the next morning having gotten all of the sleep that you need to be rested and refreshed. Then commit to 3-5 specific things you are going to accomplish the next day that really have some meaning for you. See what happens at the end of the week. Watch what you feed your mind, feed it good, happy, positive thoughts and experiences and you will enrich your life.
The Divine in me blesses and honors the Divine in you, Namaste.
To get more peace in your life, raise your peer group and get a stop the “Why” questions: CALL NOW! During the month of August, all new coaching clients will receive 10% off of each coaching session or the Sure Hire Behavioral Assessment thru August 31, 2008. We also have a great referral system, so tell your friends and business colleagues who need to get that “edge” to call now!
Check out my websites and blogs:
www.evolutionforsuccess.com
www.surehirenow.com
I had a very interesting ride to Colorado Springs last week. I was on a mission to return my vacuum cleaner for repair when there it was, the bumper sticker that changed my life. As I read it over and over, I sat absolutely stunned. It is not often that I am speechless, but in that moment, my tongue was tied in a triple knot that was never coming undone. Children, cover your eyes. The bumper sticker said, “Will f*@k for Gas” and has a woman’s silhouette bending over. WOW! I know the news about the economy has not been favorable lately, but there it was in plain sight. I was shocked, dismayed, and wondered about the psychology of the person who would put that message on their car.
Irony seems to follow me around, maybe since my last name is Murphy, and as I sat there in shock another car pulled up to the left of the lady in front of me and had a bumper sticker that stated, “Namaste: The divine in me blesses and honors the divine in you.” Somebody somewhere was sending me a message. I didn’t have too much time to contemplate as the light turned green and we all went our separate ways.
Isn’t that how life is? It seems like we are always being served two different messages: the glass is half full or the glass is half empty. But more importantly, who do we become as we assimilate all of the messages we are bombarded with? What are the defining character traits of the person with the gas bumper sticker versus the person with the Namaste sticker?
James Allen wrote a great book called, “As a Man Thinketh.” It’s basic premise is easy and simple. As you think, so you are. Who are you and what are you feeding your brain? Do you spend your day immersed in self help, hopeful messages, positive thinking, and the glass half full or do you belittle yourself and others with negative thoughts, watch the evening news, soap operas, and that ever popular show, Cops?
My point is this, “Stand guard at the doorway of your mind. What you let in is what you become.” Try this as a self guided technique, right before you go to bed pull out a journal and write down 8-10 things you are truly grateful for that day. Then write down a commitment for yourself to wake up a certain time the next morning having gotten all of the sleep that you need to be rested and refreshed. Then commit to 3-5 specific things you are going to accomplish the next day that really have some meaning for you. See what happens at the end of the week. Watch what you feed your mind, feed it good, happy, positive thoughts and experiences and you will enrich your life.
The Divine in me blesses and honors the Divine in you, Namaste.
To get more peace in your life, raise your peer group and get a stop the “Why” questions: CALL NOW! During the month of August, all new coaching clients will receive 10% off of each coaching session or the Sure Hire Behavioral Assessment thru August 31, 2008. We also have a great referral system, so tell your friends and business colleagues who need to get that “edge” to call now!
Check out my websites and blogs:
www.evolutionforsuccess.com
www.surehirenow.com
8/9/08
Double the Coins on Days Not Ending in “Y”
Double the Coins on Days Not Ending in “Y”
It is always interesting to go back to small town Iowa after having lived in San Diego, Denver, and Phoenix for so many years. I recently found myself back in Iowa visiting relatives and found these thoughts waiting for me.
As I was out running on a Sunday morning, I passed the local car wash which was sporting the sign, “New Change Machine, Double the Coins on Days Not Ending in “Y”. I reread the sign then mentally reviewed the 7 days of the week in my mind; Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Wouldn’t you know, all of them end in “Y” - no extra coins for me! I mentally pictured an old farmer, rocking on his front porch, laughing and saying “Made you look!”
As I smiled to myself, I couldn’t help but think…”They got me – who doesn’t want the opportunity to get more for nothing?” As I continued to run, I examined my initial reaction to the sign - We all want something for nothing; the promise of a bigger return for less effort. We want huge results for minimal input into an endeavor.
I love word play and metaphors, and the more I thought about it, the less “Double the Coins on Days Not Ending in “Y” worked for me. So, I found a way to learn something from that sign – I changed it to “Double the Coins on Days Not Ending in WHY“. Why? I am glad that you asked. (I told you I loved word-play!)
The brain is hard-wired to find an answer (consciously or unconsciously) for every question we ask it. Many times in life when things don’t go our way we mentally ask the question “Why…?” This can be a pitfall in our thinking - Why questions do not serve us. “Why…” questions lead us into developing explanations, justifications and formation of belief patterns that are usually not empowering. Most of the time “Why...” questions lead us to thoughts that do not help us achieve or take action. Here are some examples of these negative questions….
• Why can’t I do this?
• Why couldn’t I remember that?
• Why does this always happen to me?
• Why do people always do this?
• Why can’t they just…? Why not?
So, I propose you can get “Double Your Coins Back on the Days Not Ending in “Why” by replacing those “Why...” questions with “How...” questions. “How…” questions lead to possibility. They trigger the mind to pull up past references to support where you are now and where you want to be in the future. Some examples of these positive questions are:
• How can I continue to feel prosperous today?
• How can I see the bright side of this problem?
• How can I feel better about myself and what I want to do today?
• How can these problems be resolved today in my favor?
• How is everyone I meet today going to support me in moving towards my goals?
• How can I find the answer to the problem?
“Why…” questions never serve us because they lead to the development of limiting beliefs and poor thought patterns, whereas “How…” questions allow us to take our personal power back and find solutions. Ask better questions of your brain and your brain will give you better answers. Have fun this week asking more “How…” questions to unleash your genius and uncover your potential!
If you are looking at the world through “why” colored glasses and need a change, CALL NOW! During the month of August, all new coaching clients will receive 10% off of each coaching session or the Sure Hire Behavioral Assessment thru August 31, 2008. We also have a great referral system, so tell your friends and business colleagues who need to get that “edge” to call now!
Check out my websites and blogs:
www.evolutionforsuccess.com
www.surehirenow.com
If you wish to unsubscribe, pleas “Reply” with “unsubscribe” in the subject line. Thank you.
It is always interesting to go back to small town Iowa after having lived in San Diego, Denver, and Phoenix for so many years. I recently found myself back in Iowa visiting relatives and found these thoughts waiting for me.
As I was out running on a Sunday morning, I passed the local car wash which was sporting the sign, “New Change Machine, Double the Coins on Days Not Ending in “Y”. I reread the sign then mentally reviewed the 7 days of the week in my mind; Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Wouldn’t you know, all of them end in “Y” - no extra coins for me! I mentally pictured an old farmer, rocking on his front porch, laughing and saying “Made you look!”
As I smiled to myself, I couldn’t help but think…”They got me – who doesn’t want the opportunity to get more for nothing?” As I continued to run, I examined my initial reaction to the sign - We all want something for nothing; the promise of a bigger return for less effort. We want huge results for minimal input into an endeavor.
I love word play and metaphors, and the more I thought about it, the less “Double the Coins on Days Not Ending in “Y” worked for me. So, I found a way to learn something from that sign – I changed it to “Double the Coins on Days Not Ending in WHY“. Why? I am glad that you asked. (I told you I loved word-play!)
The brain is hard-wired to find an answer (consciously or unconsciously) for every question we ask it. Many times in life when things don’t go our way we mentally ask the question “Why…?” This can be a pitfall in our thinking - Why questions do not serve us. “Why…” questions lead us into developing explanations, justifications and formation of belief patterns that are usually not empowering. Most of the time “Why...” questions lead us to thoughts that do not help us achieve or take action. Here are some examples of these negative questions….
• Why can’t I do this?
• Why couldn’t I remember that?
• Why does this always happen to me?
• Why do people always do this?
• Why can’t they just…? Why not?
So, I propose you can get “Double Your Coins Back on the Days Not Ending in “Why” by replacing those “Why...” questions with “How...” questions. “How…” questions lead to possibility. They trigger the mind to pull up past references to support where you are now and where you want to be in the future. Some examples of these positive questions are:
• How can I continue to feel prosperous today?
• How can I see the bright side of this problem?
• How can I feel better about myself and what I want to do today?
• How can these problems be resolved today in my favor?
• How is everyone I meet today going to support me in moving towards my goals?
• How can I find the answer to the problem?
“Why…” questions never serve us because they lead to the development of limiting beliefs and poor thought patterns, whereas “How…” questions allow us to take our personal power back and find solutions. Ask better questions of your brain and your brain will give you better answers. Have fun this week asking more “How…” questions to unleash your genius and uncover your potential!
If you are looking at the world through “why” colored glasses and need a change, CALL NOW! During the month of August, all new coaching clients will receive 10% off of each coaching session or the Sure Hire Behavioral Assessment thru August 31, 2008. We also have a great referral system, so tell your friends and business colleagues who need to get that “edge” to call now!
Check out my websites and blogs:
www.evolutionforsuccess.com
www.surehirenow.com
If you wish to unsubscribe, pleas “Reply” with “unsubscribe” in the subject line. Thank you.
7/29/08
Pull out the Fix-It Hammer Second, not First!
Pull out the Fix-It Hammer Second, not First!
How many times has something been broken, and when our first solution for fixing the problem doesn’t work we result to brute force? This rarely works, and usually produces results that are the exact opposite of what we are trying to accomplish. But, in that moment, losing ourselves to the frustration feels great! I personally am always tempted to reach for my hammer when dealing with problems that arise with my computer! You’re probably found yourself in a similar situation on more than one occasion.
However, when it comes to handling issues in our relationships this communication model just does not work! You’ve heard it before - men tend to jump straight to problem solving mode. When something is broken we jump right in and want to fix the problem. Women, however, want and need to be understood first. No wonder conflicts in communication occur given the different needs of men and women.
Emotional states are not rational. They are not supposed to make sense. Every emotional state that a woman or man has is “perfect.” It reminds me of the Tom Cruise movie, “The Last Samurai.” At one point Tom Cruise’s character is standing in a garden with his captor and they are discussing philosophy. His captor says, “Men spend their whole life trying to find the perfect cherry blossom.” At the end of the movie Tom Cruise has befriended his captor and in the last moments before his captor dies, they flash to pictures of a cherry tree and its blossoms, and his captor states, “They are all perfect.”
Validation of an emotional state builds understanding; it is not what is said but what is felt that is the building block of communications. Regardless of who you’re communicating with (be it male or female), your communication will be enhanced by remembering my first guideline in communications with anyone - “Validation of the other person’s emotional states always precedes resolution and problem solving.”
In almost any communication where there is disagreement, it is because one person is searching for solution and another for validation. Or, many times the argument arises because neither person feels they are being validated by the other. Validation from both parties always needs to come before the solution if you want to have truly fulfilling relationships.
Let me give an example: For two weeks George comes home directly from work and is on time for dinner. After two weeks of being on time, during the third week he is late one night. He comes in the front door, to be greeted by his wife Mary, who says something like, “Why are you always late and never home on time? Why can’t I trust you to do what you say you are going to do?”
Some people in George’s position might jump straight to “solution mode” and respond without validation – “What do you mean, I have been on time for the last two weeks and I’m late just this one time and I get all of this flack! What do you mean you can’t trust me? Next time I will call before I leave work so you know when I will be home. How is that? OK?” I think we can all agree that’s not likely to calm Mary’s state of mind!
However, if George responds by putting himself in Mary’s shoes, remembering that her feelings are driving the situation, and responds by validating them, would he get a better response if he answered with this – “Wow Mary, I can see that the kids are loud and whining, you must have had a long day doing laundry, cleaning the house, helping the kids with their homework, getting groceries, and not having any time just for you. On top of that you put all of this work into a great dinner for us and you have been waiting for me and I am late. Then after dinner there is still a ton of work left to do, washing the dinner dishes, putting the kids down, and then you only get an hour or two before bed and this all starts again tomorrow morning. You must have had a really crazy day. I know how tough it is when I have the kids for just a couple of hours, I don’t know how you do it! You need a raise! I love you and I’m sorry you had such a long day.”
Then George can fulfill his need to find a solution – Mary is now feeling that George understands her frustration, and is now open to hearing any of George’s solutions:
• “I promise next time I will call when I am going to be late.”
• “Let’s get a babysitter on Friday and have a night out just the two of us.”
• “How about if I take the kids for a few hours on the weekend and you go shopping or out with friends?”
• “You deserve a break, why don’t I set up a massage or manicure appointment for you this weekend?”
• “Let’s just order take-out tomorrow so you have a night off from cooking?”
What would that do to enhance the communication within George and Mary’s relationship? Could this example help you improve communications with the people in your life?
This brings us to an important aspect of this philosophy – you do not need to agree with the other person’s beliefs/emotions, tell them they are right or wrong, or violate your own personal beliefs in order to validate someone else’s feelings and perspective. Validation can occur even if you don’t accept their way of thinking or believe it makes sense. George may believe that Mary may be overreacting, but that doesn’t mean he can’t appreciate and acknowledge what has contributed to her emotional state. A person needs to just look a level deeper for understanding. You can still validate each other’s position, agree to disagree on a subject, and still keep the love and respect between each other.
Next time, reach for validation first, then search for a solution second. You will be astounded at the positive shift that will occur in your relationships with others.
If you need some help and understanding in the areas of validation and solutions in your relationships, CALL NOW! If you commit to three months of Accelerated Coaching (4 sessions per month for 3 months) you get your fourth month of coaching free! That is a 25% savings! I guarantee you will feel differently about your life and make incredible changes!
The greatest compliment you can give is a referral. Please pass this on to anyone you know who may need some help and support in these uncertain economic times. We have a great referral bonus waiting just for you.
Call NOW! (303) 681-3555
How many times has something been broken, and when our first solution for fixing the problem doesn’t work we result to brute force? This rarely works, and usually produces results that are the exact opposite of what we are trying to accomplish. But, in that moment, losing ourselves to the frustration feels great! I personally am always tempted to reach for my hammer when dealing with problems that arise with my computer! You’re probably found yourself in a similar situation on more than one occasion.
However, when it comes to handling issues in our relationships this communication model just does not work! You’ve heard it before - men tend to jump straight to problem solving mode. When something is broken we jump right in and want to fix the problem. Women, however, want and need to be understood first. No wonder conflicts in communication occur given the different needs of men and women.
Emotional states are not rational. They are not supposed to make sense. Every emotional state that a woman or man has is “perfect.” It reminds me of the Tom Cruise movie, “The Last Samurai.” At one point Tom Cruise’s character is standing in a garden with his captor and they are discussing philosophy. His captor says, “Men spend their whole life trying to find the perfect cherry blossom.” At the end of the movie Tom Cruise has befriended his captor and in the last moments before his captor dies, they flash to pictures of a cherry tree and its blossoms, and his captor states, “They are all perfect.”
Validation of an emotional state builds understanding; it is not what is said but what is felt that is the building block of communications. Regardless of who you’re communicating with (be it male or female), your communication will be enhanced by remembering my first guideline in communications with anyone - “Validation of the other person’s emotional states always precedes resolution and problem solving.”
In almost any communication where there is disagreement, it is because one person is searching for solution and another for validation. Or, many times the argument arises because neither person feels they are being validated by the other. Validation from both parties always needs to come before the solution if you want to have truly fulfilling relationships.
Let me give an example: For two weeks George comes home directly from work and is on time for dinner. After two weeks of being on time, during the third week he is late one night. He comes in the front door, to be greeted by his wife Mary, who says something like, “Why are you always late and never home on time? Why can’t I trust you to do what you say you are going to do?”
Some people in George’s position might jump straight to “solution mode” and respond without validation – “What do you mean, I have been on time for the last two weeks and I’m late just this one time and I get all of this flack! What do you mean you can’t trust me? Next time I will call before I leave work so you know when I will be home. How is that? OK?” I think we can all agree that’s not likely to calm Mary’s state of mind!
However, if George responds by putting himself in Mary’s shoes, remembering that her feelings are driving the situation, and responds by validating them, would he get a better response if he answered with this – “Wow Mary, I can see that the kids are loud and whining, you must have had a long day doing laundry, cleaning the house, helping the kids with their homework, getting groceries, and not having any time just for you. On top of that you put all of this work into a great dinner for us and you have been waiting for me and I am late. Then after dinner there is still a ton of work left to do, washing the dinner dishes, putting the kids down, and then you only get an hour or two before bed and this all starts again tomorrow morning. You must have had a really crazy day. I know how tough it is when I have the kids for just a couple of hours, I don’t know how you do it! You need a raise! I love you and I’m sorry you had such a long day.”
Then George can fulfill his need to find a solution – Mary is now feeling that George understands her frustration, and is now open to hearing any of George’s solutions:
• “I promise next time I will call when I am going to be late.”
• “Let’s get a babysitter on Friday and have a night out just the two of us.”
• “How about if I take the kids for a few hours on the weekend and you go shopping or out with friends?”
• “You deserve a break, why don’t I set up a massage or manicure appointment for you this weekend?”
• “Let’s just order take-out tomorrow so you have a night off from cooking?”
What would that do to enhance the communication within George and Mary’s relationship? Could this example help you improve communications with the people in your life?
This brings us to an important aspect of this philosophy – you do not need to agree with the other person’s beliefs/emotions, tell them they are right or wrong, or violate your own personal beliefs in order to validate someone else’s feelings and perspective. Validation can occur even if you don’t accept their way of thinking or believe it makes sense. George may believe that Mary may be overreacting, but that doesn’t mean he can’t appreciate and acknowledge what has contributed to her emotional state. A person needs to just look a level deeper for understanding. You can still validate each other’s position, agree to disagree on a subject, and still keep the love and respect between each other.
Next time, reach for validation first, then search for a solution second. You will be astounded at the positive shift that will occur in your relationships with others.
If you need some help and understanding in the areas of validation and solutions in your relationships, CALL NOW! If you commit to three months of Accelerated Coaching (4 sessions per month for 3 months) you get your fourth month of coaching free! That is a 25% savings! I guarantee you will feel differently about your life and make incredible changes!
The greatest compliment you can give is a referral. Please pass this on to anyone you know who may need some help and support in these uncertain economic times. We have a great referral bonus waiting just for you.
Call NOW! (303) 681-3555
7/21/08
Zipping Along...
Zipping along in Life…
This weekend was a wonderful life experience. We went Treetop Soaring up near Durango, CO. Soaring, also called Zip Lining, is a wonderful experience. You get hooked up in a climbing harness, clipped onto a long stainless steel cable, and then slide from one tree to another. The height above and distance between the trees, and the speeds that you reach varies throughout the course.
At about the third tree, the Soaring guide clipped me in and asked me, “Is this exciting and intense, or what?” I was shocked by me response, “It is nice and wonderful to be here with my family, but I have done a lot of things in my life like this and it is not adrenaline pumping or anything. After all, I have gone skydiving, been through the US Army Airborne School, rappelled out of helicopters in the Air Assault School, gone rock climbing, jumped off of a telephone pole and done a 50 foot Fire walk with Tony Robbins.” The guy just kind of looked at me with a blank look on his face and said, “Oh.”
As I zipped from one tree to the next, for some reason my response bothered me. I work very hard to not live my life on past experiences, yet here I was handing out my resume of “To-Do’s” in my life. It was not from a significance standpoint either. Up to that point, I truly did not think it was that emotionally intense of an experience.
I started to look at what was behind my list of adrenaline filled activities response. Then it hit me. There was still a little part of me that thought, “It has to be big and intense if it is going to mean something all.” And, I thought that I had gotten rid of that one. Darn!
Most people in life want that Lotto win experience. That one BIG thing that will change life forever, make us more, lead to a tremendous breakthrough in life. However, most people never win the lottery, waiting for that is poor psychology. The way to true emotional wealth is to accumulate riches in the manner of investing your 10% every paycheck. People who invest 10% over the life of their working careers often are farther ahead at retirement than people who wait for “the Big One” to come in and then invest it in one lump sum. The majority of people who play the lottery never win.
Wouldn’t it be a much more fulfilling life if we celebrated at every paycheck? Over the course of 45 years if you celebrated your wealth at every paycheck, (assuming 26 paychecks per year) that would mean that you would get to celebrate 1,170 times versus that one lottery win. Which one leads to greater overall emotional health and success?
So, from then on, I reframed and experienced every single zip line one at a time, appreciated the uniqueness of each one, sharing each one with my wife and son, and the people that I was participating with. Life does not have to be big and grand to be meaningful. That was a lesson that eluded me in my younger years. Now, I just appreciate both experiences. When you add celebrating life daily over and over and combine it with the lottery experiences of life the world takes on an even brighter look.
By the way, I did experience Murphy’s Law and ate my words on the next zip line section. It was on one of the smallest segments of the zip line course called Aspen alley that I got the adrenaline rush that was my lottery win. Ironically, it was not on the 1,400 foot zip line that was the grand finale of the day. I love the irony of life.
There is so much to celebrate in your life today! Even with the down market, financial woes, physical aches and pains, so much of life is still a blessing and gift. I challenge you to find those gems in your life today, collect and polish them, and share them with others. It may not seem like much today but over time their meaning and intensity will grow exponentially and you will have led a rich life. Celebrate the special moments of today because today is the day you won the lottery.
To your continued success,
James
Please pass this message on to anyone who may need to find a little something to celebrate in their life today. If you are having trouble celebrating, Call Now
(303) 681-3555
When you sign up for 3-months of Accelerated Coaching (4 sessions per month for 3 months) get your 4th month FREE. That is a 25% savings valued at $320. If you want to be successful at anything in life you need to immerse yourself. You will experience results in this dynamic 120 day period or your money back. Offer good until July 31st, 2008.
This weekend was a wonderful life experience. We went Treetop Soaring up near Durango, CO. Soaring, also called Zip Lining, is a wonderful experience. You get hooked up in a climbing harness, clipped onto a long stainless steel cable, and then slide from one tree to another. The height above and distance between the trees, and the speeds that you reach varies throughout the course.
At about the third tree, the Soaring guide clipped me in and asked me, “Is this exciting and intense, or what?” I was shocked by me response, “It is nice and wonderful to be here with my family, but I have done a lot of things in my life like this and it is not adrenaline pumping or anything. After all, I have gone skydiving, been through the US Army Airborne School, rappelled out of helicopters in the Air Assault School, gone rock climbing, jumped off of a telephone pole and done a 50 foot Fire walk with Tony Robbins.” The guy just kind of looked at me with a blank look on his face and said, “Oh.”
As I zipped from one tree to the next, for some reason my response bothered me. I work very hard to not live my life on past experiences, yet here I was handing out my resume of “To-Do’s” in my life. It was not from a significance standpoint either. Up to that point, I truly did not think it was that emotionally intense of an experience.
I started to look at what was behind my list of adrenaline filled activities response. Then it hit me. There was still a little part of me that thought, “It has to be big and intense if it is going to mean something all.” And, I thought that I had gotten rid of that one. Darn!
Most people in life want that Lotto win experience. That one BIG thing that will change life forever, make us more, lead to a tremendous breakthrough in life. However, most people never win the lottery, waiting for that is poor psychology. The way to true emotional wealth is to accumulate riches in the manner of investing your 10% every paycheck. People who invest 10% over the life of their working careers often are farther ahead at retirement than people who wait for “the Big One” to come in and then invest it in one lump sum. The majority of people who play the lottery never win.
Wouldn’t it be a much more fulfilling life if we celebrated at every paycheck? Over the course of 45 years if you celebrated your wealth at every paycheck, (assuming 26 paychecks per year) that would mean that you would get to celebrate 1,170 times versus that one lottery win. Which one leads to greater overall emotional health and success?
So, from then on, I reframed and experienced every single zip line one at a time, appreciated the uniqueness of each one, sharing each one with my wife and son, and the people that I was participating with. Life does not have to be big and grand to be meaningful. That was a lesson that eluded me in my younger years. Now, I just appreciate both experiences. When you add celebrating life daily over and over and combine it with the lottery experiences of life the world takes on an even brighter look.
By the way, I did experience Murphy’s Law and ate my words on the next zip line section. It was on one of the smallest segments of the zip line course called Aspen alley that I got the adrenaline rush that was my lottery win. Ironically, it was not on the 1,400 foot zip line that was the grand finale of the day. I love the irony of life.
There is so much to celebrate in your life today! Even with the down market, financial woes, physical aches and pains, so much of life is still a blessing and gift. I challenge you to find those gems in your life today, collect and polish them, and share them with others. It may not seem like much today but over time their meaning and intensity will grow exponentially and you will have led a rich life. Celebrate the special moments of today because today is the day you won the lottery.
To your continued success,
James
Please pass this message on to anyone who may need to find a little something to celebrate in their life today. If you are having trouble celebrating, Call Now
(303) 681-3555
When you sign up for 3-months of Accelerated Coaching (4 sessions per month for 3 months) get your 4th month FREE. That is a 25% savings valued at $320. If you want to be successful at anything in life you need to immerse yourself. You will experience results in this dynamic 120 day period or your money back. Offer good until July 31st, 2008.
What is DOPHOF?
What is D.O.P.H.O.F?
I recently had the pleasure of getting reacquainted with an old rock climbing buddy whom I had not seen in about 8 years. From the moment he walked up to my front door it seemed like only 8 minutes since I saw him last. We greeted each other with the same emotional intensity and friendship.
We covered the ground floor topics of the good old times rock climbing, the happenings of mutual acquaintances, the height of our travel experiences and then as the night wore on we dove beneath the surface and shared some of our personal history. It was the deep stuff we shared about our past, emotional healing, and how those events were shaping our lives and futures today.
I really felt for my friend as he shared the pain of his past and was excited beyond measure for the peace and happiness he is experiencing now. Hearing about the depth of some of his pain and the height of his peace now in life, the acronym D.O.P.H.O.F. came into my mind.
When we are committed to face the Depth Of Pain we feel in life and overcome it, the emotional Height of Our Future will always be greater. The foundation is always the first part of the building that is worked on. Without a solid foundation any building will fall. The Empire State Building foundation goes down 55 feet. However, that foundation supports a magnificent building that rises to 1,454 feet.
The same is true of every human being. We are all magnificent buildings reaching for the sky. Just like the New York Skyline, each of us is just a part of a bigger beautiful world. Remember to stop and take a look at is what is below the surface with yourself and others. Help others to keep on believing in themselves, heal past hurts, learn to forgive and love more. Always work to be aware of what is below ground, face that emotional intensity and the unresolved emotional issues from your past. I know the pain can be intense at times, however, the pleasure you receive from working through an issue will allow you to build a life higher than you ever imagined and you will have the foundation to hold it in place. You will continue to be an inspiration to others and share something special with those other buildings around you.
I recently had the pleasure of getting reacquainted with an old rock climbing buddy whom I had not seen in about 8 years. From the moment he walked up to my front door it seemed like only 8 minutes since I saw him last. We greeted each other with the same emotional intensity and friendship.
We covered the ground floor topics of the good old times rock climbing, the happenings of mutual acquaintances, the height of our travel experiences and then as the night wore on we dove beneath the surface and shared some of our personal history. It was the deep stuff we shared about our past, emotional healing, and how those events were shaping our lives and futures today.
I really felt for my friend as he shared the pain of his past and was excited beyond measure for the peace and happiness he is experiencing now. Hearing about the depth of some of his pain and the height of his peace now in life, the acronym D.O.P.H.O.F. came into my mind.
When we are committed to face the Depth Of Pain we feel in life and overcome it, the emotional Height of Our Future will always be greater. The foundation is always the first part of the building that is worked on. Without a solid foundation any building will fall. The Empire State Building foundation goes down 55 feet. However, that foundation supports a magnificent building that rises to 1,454 feet.
The same is true of every human being. We are all magnificent buildings reaching for the sky. Just like the New York Skyline, each of us is just a part of a bigger beautiful world. Remember to stop and take a look at is what is below the surface with yourself and others. Help others to keep on believing in themselves, heal past hurts, learn to forgive and love more. Always work to be aware of what is below ground, face that emotional intensity and the unresolved emotional issues from your past. I know the pain can be intense at times, however, the pleasure you receive from working through an issue will allow you to build a life higher than you ever imagined and you will have the foundation to hold it in place. You will continue to be an inspiration to others and share something special with those other buildings around you.
7/8/08
Safety in Communication
Hallelujah ~ Praise the Lord!
Have you heard the one about the priest who trained his horse to “stop” by saying "Hallelujah", and “go” by saying "Praise the lord?" He went riding one day and a snake spooked his horse. The horse became terrified and took off at a full gallop. The horse was so frightened that it didn’t realize it was headed straight for the edge of a cliff. As the priest yelled, “Whoah, Jesus, Stop” and a few other choice sayings to no avail, the horse just kept charging straight for the edge of the cliff. Suddenly, the priest remembered the command for “Stop” and yelled, “Hallelujah” at the top of his lungs. Miraculously, the horse stopped just in time to keep from plunging to certain death. Relieved, the priest exclaimed, “Praise the Lord!”
How often do we forget how important positive, productive, communication is to any relationship? It can lead a relationship to certain death or raise it to the highest levels of emotional passion. I have a saying, “In the absence of communication and knowledge, the mind has free reign to wander.” It is dangerous for the mind to wander because it is in that place that people start to ASS-U-ME things. And we all know that assuming makes an “ASS” out of “U” and “ME.”
Why don’t people communicate more? I think it is a lack of safety. In the parent child relationship how often is the child encouraged to be expressive, to challenge an opinion, to share their different thoughts and emotions? As a kid, were you encouraged in that manner?
How can we provide more safety in our communications with others? How can we create an easy, warm, loving environment where speaking and communicating are encouraged?
My solution is to keep one simple component in mind. No matter how the communication is happening, whether you agree, disagree, yell, scream, talk silently, write it out on paper; never have the love go away.
How can we communicate and never have the love go away? Here are some tips:
1. Address the behavior and not the person. That person is not selfish, instead you have interpreted their actions to be selfish. The person is not their behavior.
2. Understand that the other perspective is just as valid as yours and try it on for size. Walk a mile in their shoes with their beliefs and understand where they are coming from. Be empathetic.
3. Agree to disagree if necessary and have it all be OK.
4. When you both disagree, find a win-win that is a compromise on both sidets. Never seek absolutes because then it becomes a power struggle.
5. Create a safe environment and rules for communicating if necessary. Create a talking stick, like in the Native American cultures, have a pair of safety chairs, and never threaten the other person during a conversation.
6. Pick your battles carefully. Don’t lose the war over a battle in the moment.
7. Stay focused on the real outcome you want to achieve. How many times at the end of an argument you find yourself forgetting what started the whole thing to begin with? Stay on track.
8. The solution/compromise will not be found until both parties feel understood, validated, and their opinions are respected. Solutions come second, understanding feelings, beliefs and perspectives come first.
9. Say it the way you want it to be.
Communication leaves a person in one of two places: it leaves us feeling closer or leaves us feeling farther apart. Malcolm Forbes once stated, “It is always worthwhile to let others know of their worth.”
You don’t have to always have to agree with another person in order to find their value. I hope that you can continue to increase your levels of communication to a point where the other person always leaves knowing that even if you have disagreed, the love is always present.
To your continued success,
James
Have you heard the one about the priest who trained his horse to “stop” by saying "Hallelujah", and “go” by saying "Praise the lord?" He went riding one day and a snake spooked his horse. The horse became terrified and took off at a full gallop. The horse was so frightened that it didn’t realize it was headed straight for the edge of a cliff. As the priest yelled, “Whoah, Jesus, Stop” and a few other choice sayings to no avail, the horse just kept charging straight for the edge of the cliff. Suddenly, the priest remembered the command for “Stop” and yelled, “Hallelujah” at the top of his lungs. Miraculously, the horse stopped just in time to keep from plunging to certain death. Relieved, the priest exclaimed, “Praise the Lord!”
How often do we forget how important positive, productive, communication is to any relationship? It can lead a relationship to certain death or raise it to the highest levels of emotional passion. I have a saying, “In the absence of communication and knowledge, the mind has free reign to wander.” It is dangerous for the mind to wander because it is in that place that people start to ASS-U-ME things. And we all know that assuming makes an “ASS” out of “U” and “ME.”
Why don’t people communicate more? I think it is a lack of safety. In the parent child relationship how often is the child encouraged to be expressive, to challenge an opinion, to share their different thoughts and emotions? As a kid, were you encouraged in that manner?
How can we provide more safety in our communications with others? How can we create an easy, warm, loving environment where speaking and communicating are encouraged?
My solution is to keep one simple component in mind. No matter how the communication is happening, whether you agree, disagree, yell, scream, talk silently, write it out on paper; never have the love go away.
How can we communicate and never have the love go away? Here are some tips:
1. Address the behavior and not the person. That person is not selfish, instead you have interpreted their actions to be selfish. The person is not their behavior.
2. Understand that the other perspective is just as valid as yours and try it on for size. Walk a mile in their shoes with their beliefs and understand where they are coming from. Be empathetic.
3. Agree to disagree if necessary and have it all be OK.
4. When you both disagree, find a win-win that is a compromise on both sidets. Never seek absolutes because then it becomes a power struggle.
5. Create a safe environment and rules for communicating if necessary. Create a talking stick, like in the Native American cultures, have a pair of safety chairs, and never threaten the other person during a conversation.
6. Pick your battles carefully. Don’t lose the war over a battle in the moment.
7. Stay focused on the real outcome you want to achieve. How many times at the end of an argument you find yourself forgetting what started the whole thing to begin with? Stay on track.
8. The solution/compromise will not be found until both parties feel understood, validated, and their opinions are respected. Solutions come second, understanding feelings, beliefs and perspectives come first.
9. Say it the way you want it to be.
Communication leaves a person in one of two places: it leaves us feeling closer or leaves us feeling farther apart. Malcolm Forbes once stated, “It is always worthwhile to let others know of their worth.”
You don’t have to always have to agree with another person in order to find their value. I hope that you can continue to increase your levels of communication to a point where the other person always leaves knowing that even if you have disagreed, the love is always present.
To your continued success,
James
6/20/08
Are you Stuck in the Mud? Try A=O=T=A!
Are You Stuck in the Mud?
Are you not taking Action towards what you want to have or experience? Do you feel there is no Opportunity on the horizon for you? Have you ever found yourself Thinking too much?
All of these traits: Action, Opportunity and Thinking have their place in a person either achieving their goals or being “Stuck In The Mud.” Looking at how they work together in a cycle for success will help you achieve more and get “Unstuck.” A simple equation to remember is:
A=O=T=A
(Action = Opportunity = Thinking = Action). This is a circular cycle of success.
Taking Action leads to Opportunities in life but many times it leads to more than one possible opportunity to pursue. A client takes an action coming to a coaching session and may leave with 4-8 opportunities to pursue and achieve their goal. In order to ensure the best opportunity is taken to move towards the bigger picture goal, a person needs to review the long term goal, evaluate all of the opportunities, (not to each other, but in relationship to which one will move them the most congruently towards their long term objective), which means to Think, and then turn around and take focused Action again. This in turn will create more opportunities so that you can review, evaluate (Think) and take more focused Action again.
Sometimes a persons’ greatest strength can be their greatest weakness in this process. Attention to details and learning (Thinking) could lead to paralysis by analysis. Being creative and seeing all of the Opportunities can lead to confusion about where move forward and take Action. Taking massive Action can lead to getting off focus and procrastinating what is really important in moving towards goals.
Are you stuck in Opportunities; are there too many things you can do to achieve your dreams and goals? Do you dream big creative dreams, see opportunities at every turn? If that is the case, STOP, remove yourself from the opportunities, review your long term goals and really THINK about what will take you closest to your long term goals and then take focused action.
Are you stuck in Thinking; do you constantly feel you need to learn more, do more, be more, have more, or be in a different spot before you could possibly take action towards your goal? If that is the case, remember that you are perfect as you are in this moment, take the plunge into a focused action, appreciate what the experience will teach you, seize the new opportunities that arise and then come back to Thinking about what the best next step is. You will only gain the insight to make that decision by have the experience that comes from Action.
Are stuck taking Action; are your days filled with endless tasks and “To-Do” lists, you cross things off all day, and at the end of the day still feel like you got nothing accomplished? You need to slow down, STOP, and Think about the Actions you fear or are procrastinating the most. It is the top one action out of every 10 on your list that will allow you to create the opportunities to move towards your goals. The remaining 9 are just distracting you from what is truly most important.
What is your greatest strength; Action, Opportunity, or Thinking? Where are you stuck in this cycle for success? Stretch outside of your limitations today and keep the cycle moving. As one of my favorite clients always says, “Let’s get fired up!”
If you are “Stuck in the Mud” and need some support, Call Now, to get “Unstuck.” Otherwise, you will be in the same place next week, next month, and next year. You were made to BE MORE! (303) 681-3555.
To your continued success,
James
Are you not taking Action towards what you want to have or experience? Do you feel there is no Opportunity on the horizon for you? Have you ever found yourself Thinking too much?
All of these traits: Action, Opportunity and Thinking have their place in a person either achieving their goals or being “Stuck In The Mud.” Looking at how they work together in a cycle for success will help you achieve more and get “Unstuck.” A simple equation to remember is:
A=O=T=A
(Action = Opportunity = Thinking = Action). This is a circular cycle of success.
Taking Action leads to Opportunities in life but many times it leads to more than one possible opportunity to pursue. A client takes an action coming to a coaching session and may leave with 4-8 opportunities to pursue and achieve their goal. In order to ensure the best opportunity is taken to move towards the bigger picture goal, a person needs to review the long term goal, evaluate all of the opportunities, (not to each other, but in relationship to which one will move them the most congruently towards their long term objective), which means to Think, and then turn around and take focused Action again. This in turn will create more opportunities so that you can review, evaluate (Think) and take more focused Action again.
Sometimes a persons’ greatest strength can be their greatest weakness in this process. Attention to details and learning (Thinking) could lead to paralysis by analysis. Being creative and seeing all of the Opportunities can lead to confusion about where move forward and take Action. Taking massive Action can lead to getting off focus and procrastinating what is really important in moving towards goals.
Are you stuck in Opportunities; are there too many things you can do to achieve your dreams and goals? Do you dream big creative dreams, see opportunities at every turn? If that is the case, STOP, remove yourself from the opportunities, review your long term goals and really THINK about what will take you closest to your long term goals and then take focused action.
Are you stuck in Thinking; do you constantly feel you need to learn more, do more, be more, have more, or be in a different spot before you could possibly take action towards your goal? If that is the case, remember that you are perfect as you are in this moment, take the plunge into a focused action, appreciate what the experience will teach you, seize the new opportunities that arise and then come back to Thinking about what the best next step is. You will only gain the insight to make that decision by have the experience that comes from Action.
Are stuck taking Action; are your days filled with endless tasks and “To-Do” lists, you cross things off all day, and at the end of the day still feel like you got nothing accomplished? You need to slow down, STOP, and Think about the Actions you fear or are procrastinating the most. It is the top one action out of every 10 on your list that will allow you to create the opportunities to move towards your goals. The remaining 9 are just distracting you from what is truly most important.
What is your greatest strength; Action, Opportunity, or Thinking? Where are you stuck in this cycle for success? Stretch outside of your limitations today and keep the cycle moving. As one of my favorite clients always says, “Let’s get fired up!”
If you are “Stuck in the Mud” and need some support, Call Now, to get “Unstuck.” Otherwise, you will be in the same place next week, next month, and next year. You were made to BE MORE! (303) 681-3555.
To your continued success,
James
6/6/08
What really matters...
What really matters…
What many of us forget that when we set our goals in life is that we also set our obstacles at the same time. If we set little goals, we have little obstacles and if we set big, intense goals, we have big, intense obstacles. These obstacles will show up in patterns of behavior that are mental, emotional, and physical in nature. That is why most people give up on dreaming big intense goals…they are subconsciously scared of the big intense obstacles and the change that will happen during the process.
When we do set some of those big, intense goals, what will push and pull us through the rough waters to the other side? I found the answer in the last three weeks. I have been dreaming of building a home in North Carolina for the last two years. We are currently realizing that dream faced a huge obstacle in the process. Our rental contact ended in May and the new house will not be done until end of August. We faced being homeless for a minimum of 3 months. The solution presented itself by the means of an interim move to Colorado. So, the last four weeks have been spent packing, putting everything we have in storage, cleaning, saying our goodbyes, and averaging 4-5 hours of sleep per night. The last week before I left AZ was one of the most emotionally intense weeks of my life; it ranked right up there with the first week of infantry boot camp. In that hectic crazy week, I found that two things helped me through the mental, emotional and physical challenges.
First was staying associated to my dream. I worked hard to keep in mind that I would be achieving one of my life’s biggest goals 5 years earlier than I had set it for; building a home in North Carolina. It carried all sorts of benefits in terms of education for my kids, better health, more financial security, and the possibility of being closer to family. I dreamed of our first Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, and all of the wonderful new experiences that would follow. Many times this was very hard to focus on because right in front of my face were the boxes, lack of sleep, overwhelm, anxiety, lack of exercise, and thoughts of “Why am I putting myself through this hell?”
Second and most important were the people that supported us in the pursuit of our dream. I could not have achieved this goal without them. When people know that you are moving, they usually do one of two things: distance themselves from you because it is too painful, or they rise to an incredible level of selflessness to support you in any way possible. It is these friends, family, and wonderful souls that I am very grateful for. They opened their homes to us, fed us dinner, offered to help us move and some went out of their way to stop and wish us well.
Life is about setting HUGE, CRAZY, EMOTIONALLY INTENSE goals that allow you to experience life at its fullest. If you are not growing, you are dying. By setting those goals, remember that you are setting huge obstacles to overcome that will challenge every aspect of your mental, emotional and physical abilities. You will not be able to do it alone. Invest and build relationships outside of yourself and your immediate family. Give selflessly to help others in achieving their goals and when you need them, they will be there for you too. Be ready for the intense emotional life changes.
Tony Robbins once said that the success you achieve in life is directly proportional to the amount of uncertainty you can handle. Uncertainty represents the obstacles put in motion with huge goals.
Set some Huge Crazy Life Goals. When was the last time you supported a friend or someone else in achieving theirs? Make it happen today!
Call today for your next coaching session to success: (303) 681-3555
What many of us forget that when we set our goals in life is that we also set our obstacles at the same time. If we set little goals, we have little obstacles and if we set big, intense goals, we have big, intense obstacles. These obstacles will show up in patterns of behavior that are mental, emotional, and physical in nature. That is why most people give up on dreaming big intense goals…they are subconsciously scared of the big intense obstacles and the change that will happen during the process.
When we do set some of those big, intense goals, what will push and pull us through the rough waters to the other side? I found the answer in the last three weeks. I have been dreaming of building a home in North Carolina for the last two years. We are currently realizing that dream faced a huge obstacle in the process. Our rental contact ended in May and the new house will not be done until end of August. We faced being homeless for a minimum of 3 months. The solution presented itself by the means of an interim move to Colorado. So, the last four weeks have been spent packing, putting everything we have in storage, cleaning, saying our goodbyes, and averaging 4-5 hours of sleep per night. The last week before I left AZ was one of the most emotionally intense weeks of my life; it ranked right up there with the first week of infantry boot camp. In that hectic crazy week, I found that two things helped me through the mental, emotional and physical challenges.
First was staying associated to my dream. I worked hard to keep in mind that I would be achieving one of my life’s biggest goals 5 years earlier than I had set it for; building a home in North Carolina. It carried all sorts of benefits in terms of education for my kids, better health, more financial security, and the possibility of being closer to family. I dreamed of our first Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, and all of the wonderful new experiences that would follow. Many times this was very hard to focus on because right in front of my face were the boxes, lack of sleep, overwhelm, anxiety, lack of exercise, and thoughts of “Why am I putting myself through this hell?”
Second and most important were the people that supported us in the pursuit of our dream. I could not have achieved this goal without them. When people know that you are moving, they usually do one of two things: distance themselves from you because it is too painful, or they rise to an incredible level of selflessness to support you in any way possible. It is these friends, family, and wonderful souls that I am very grateful for. They opened their homes to us, fed us dinner, offered to help us move and some went out of their way to stop and wish us well.
Life is about setting HUGE, CRAZY, EMOTIONALLY INTENSE goals that allow you to experience life at its fullest. If you are not growing, you are dying. By setting those goals, remember that you are setting huge obstacles to overcome that will challenge every aspect of your mental, emotional and physical abilities. You will not be able to do it alone. Invest and build relationships outside of yourself and your immediate family. Give selflessly to help others in achieving their goals and when you need them, they will be there for you too. Be ready for the intense emotional life changes.
Tony Robbins once said that the success you achieve in life is directly proportional to the amount of uncertainty you can handle. Uncertainty represents the obstacles put in motion with huge goals.
Set some Huge Crazy Life Goals. When was the last time you supported a friend or someone else in achieving theirs? Make it happen today!
Call today for your next coaching session to success: (303) 681-3555
5/5/08
Instant Gratification Sucks!
Instant Gratification Sucks!
Today’s society is based on ease, convenience, and quick service. We want the things that we want instantly to help make life easier. However, instant gratification is not all that it is cracked up to be.
Most people want something for nothing NOW! They want the quick money. I went to a one day business event put on here annually in Phoenix. They had wonderful, inspiring, motivational speakers: Colin Powell, Lute Olsen, Brian Tracy, and Suzie Orman. During part of Suzie’s speech she had everyone in the audience stand up who had consumer debt. About 80% of the people stood (out of 20,000+). She then asked everyone to stand with car loans. Another 10% stood. She then asked everyone with a mortgage to stand; I stood up along with most of the others. Finally, she stated that everyone with a living will or trust sit down. By that time, about 98% of all of the people in the stadium were standing.
The rest of her speech focused on how to live the American Dream and become financially free. She left with a standing ovation from the crowd. What happened next was amazing. The company who sponsored the event promoted their newest software for making money in the stock market. They were smooth and presented the software as easy, fast, and effortless in making money in the stock market. They covered all of the bases: single mom’s were led up onstage and given free training classes and software, there were seminar discounts for signing today, and for only $999, you too, could be a financial superstar. Right now, all of your financial stress, consumer debt, and money worries could be eliminated. If you signed up at the special event prices today you would receive an awesome red tote bag for your materials, a free Q & A session down on the floor of the coliseum, and a FREE lunch to top it all off.
After the sign up break, about 80% of the people had red bags. Most of the missed the boat when it came to the psychology of how to become financially independent. There is no easy way to get there. I bet, the majority of the participants put $999 on a credit card for some instant emotional gratification instead of earning financial independence by saving their 10%, limiting their expenses and maximizing income, living within their means, and focusing on their financial future for the next 30-40 years. They missed the whole point of Suzy Orman’s speech. She said, if you have consumer credit card debt you have to first stop emotional spending and pay down your credit balances. That means you have to lower your current standard of living to an acceptable level where you can live within your means and save your money. Most of those people were not willing to focus and develop a long term plan to become financially independent. They wanted a free lunch to make their financial stresses disappear for the afternoon.
That is why instant gratification sucks. Nothing in life is free. There is a payment that you must make for everything that you want to Be, Do and Have. That is why there are words like success, achievement and accomplishment. I challenge you to develop a long term plan, make your investments today and keep your eye on the long term prize! Most people overestimate what they can do in a year and underestimate what they can do in ten years. Keep you eye on your long term goals and dreams and make sure that you take focused action today. Not to feel good in the moment but to overcome the obstacles you have set for yourself to achieve your dreams. Live your dreams today!
Call Now for your free 15-minute coaching session and learn the 3-Laws of Money. When you master them you will become financially free!
(480) 820-4072
Today’s society is based on ease, convenience, and quick service. We want the things that we want instantly to help make life easier. However, instant gratification is not all that it is cracked up to be.
Most people want something for nothing NOW! They want the quick money. I went to a one day business event put on here annually in Phoenix. They had wonderful, inspiring, motivational speakers: Colin Powell, Lute Olsen, Brian Tracy, and Suzie Orman. During part of Suzie’s speech she had everyone in the audience stand up who had consumer debt. About 80% of the people stood (out of 20,000+). She then asked everyone to stand with car loans. Another 10% stood. She then asked everyone with a mortgage to stand; I stood up along with most of the others. Finally, she stated that everyone with a living will or trust sit down. By that time, about 98% of all of the people in the stadium were standing.
The rest of her speech focused on how to live the American Dream and become financially free. She left with a standing ovation from the crowd. What happened next was amazing. The company who sponsored the event promoted their newest software for making money in the stock market. They were smooth and presented the software as easy, fast, and effortless in making money in the stock market. They covered all of the bases: single mom’s were led up onstage and given free training classes and software, there were seminar discounts for signing today, and for only $999, you too, could be a financial superstar. Right now, all of your financial stress, consumer debt, and money worries could be eliminated. If you signed up at the special event prices today you would receive an awesome red tote bag for your materials, a free Q & A session down on the floor of the coliseum, and a FREE lunch to top it all off.
After the sign up break, about 80% of the people had red bags. Most of the missed the boat when it came to the psychology of how to become financially independent. There is no easy way to get there. I bet, the majority of the participants put $999 on a credit card for some instant emotional gratification instead of earning financial independence by saving their 10%, limiting their expenses and maximizing income, living within their means, and focusing on their financial future for the next 30-40 years. They missed the whole point of Suzy Orman’s speech. She said, if you have consumer credit card debt you have to first stop emotional spending and pay down your credit balances. That means you have to lower your current standard of living to an acceptable level where you can live within your means and save your money. Most of those people were not willing to focus and develop a long term plan to become financially independent. They wanted a free lunch to make their financial stresses disappear for the afternoon.
That is why instant gratification sucks. Nothing in life is free. There is a payment that you must make for everything that you want to Be, Do and Have. That is why there are words like success, achievement and accomplishment. I challenge you to develop a long term plan, make your investments today and keep your eye on the long term prize! Most people overestimate what they can do in a year and underestimate what they can do in ten years. Keep you eye on your long term goals and dreams and make sure that you take focused action today. Not to feel good in the moment but to overcome the obstacles you have set for yourself to achieve your dreams. Live your dreams today!
Call Now for your free 15-minute coaching session and learn the 3-Laws of Money. When you master them you will become financially free!
(480) 820-4072
4/14/08
The Greatest Aphrodisiac
The Greatest Aphrodisiac
You are probably wondering, “Is it an oyster that he is talking about this week? Is it an ointment? Is it something sexy from that shop down the street?” Wrong answers, try again.
One morning last week I found myself in a deep conversation with my wife and it was going down a direction that I was a little scared to go. We were not arguing, because we never argue in our relationship, we just have “opportunities for discussion.”
We were having an opportunity to discuss something that brings all couples closer together, our finances. There is an old psychological test that was performed where they put a man in a room with a crying baby and his first reaction was to leave the room but for a woman their first reaction is to soothe the child. Well, my first reaction when the opportunity for discussion on finances came up was to not only leave the room, but run like away like Roger Bannister.
But, instead of just listening to my wife, (some guys only pretend to listen), I found myself engaging in the discussion and really disclosing some personal fears, ideas, and thoughts on the subject that I had never shared with her before. As for that matter, I had never even really stopped long enough myself to verbalize them to myself.
As we worked our way through the discussion and arrived at a solution was a deeper level of trust, respect, and commitment to one another. We both had a deeper understanding of what the other really thought, felt and believed. We accomplished this level of deep connection by providing the one another the chance to be safe while opening up and sharing.
I have always loved my wife dearly and it seems there is a pattern that I am most attracted to her after our opportunities for discussion. And reflecting on it now, it does not really seem to matter whether it was a topic that we agree on or not. Whether it is something that makes up both laugh, smile and enjoy, or something that brings frustration, challenge and disagreement, it doesn’t really matter.
It seems to me that the greatest aphrodisiac is communication. Yes, simply stated, open, safe, talking and listening. Truthful talking and listening with respect for your lovers thoughts, ideas, and deepest feelings. When was the last time you your and your lover talked in a deep intimate moment? When was the last time you really talked and listened in an intimate setting?
I encourage you to do so this week. See what happens! You may find yourself more attracted to your mate than ever. Don’t just listen…engage your partner in an intimate discussion about anything. I will leave the rest of the details to you.
You are probably wondering, “Is it an oyster that he is talking about this week? Is it an ointment? Is it something sexy from that shop down the street?” Wrong answers, try again.
One morning last week I found myself in a deep conversation with my wife and it was going down a direction that I was a little scared to go. We were not arguing, because we never argue in our relationship, we just have “opportunities for discussion.”
We were having an opportunity to discuss something that brings all couples closer together, our finances. There is an old psychological test that was performed where they put a man in a room with a crying baby and his first reaction was to leave the room but for a woman their first reaction is to soothe the child. Well, my first reaction when the opportunity for discussion on finances came up was to not only leave the room, but run like away like Roger Bannister.
But, instead of just listening to my wife, (some guys only pretend to listen), I found myself engaging in the discussion and really disclosing some personal fears, ideas, and thoughts on the subject that I had never shared with her before. As for that matter, I had never even really stopped long enough myself to verbalize them to myself.
As we worked our way through the discussion and arrived at a solution was a deeper level of trust, respect, and commitment to one another. We both had a deeper understanding of what the other really thought, felt and believed. We accomplished this level of deep connection by providing the one another the chance to be safe while opening up and sharing.
I have always loved my wife dearly and it seems there is a pattern that I am most attracted to her after our opportunities for discussion. And reflecting on it now, it does not really seem to matter whether it was a topic that we agree on or not. Whether it is something that makes up both laugh, smile and enjoy, or something that brings frustration, challenge and disagreement, it doesn’t really matter.
It seems to me that the greatest aphrodisiac is communication. Yes, simply stated, open, safe, talking and listening. Truthful talking and listening with respect for your lovers thoughts, ideas, and deepest feelings. When was the last time you your and your lover talked in a deep intimate moment? When was the last time you really talked and listened in an intimate setting?
I encourage you to do so this week. See what happens! You may find yourself more attracted to your mate than ever. Don’t just listen…engage your partner in an intimate discussion about anything. I will leave the rest of the details to you.
The Greatest Aphrodisiac
The Greatest Aphrodisiac
You are probably wondering, “Is it an oyster that he is talking about this week? Is it an ointment? Is it something sexy from that shop down the street?” Wrong answers, try again.
One morning last week I found myself in a deep conversation with my wife and it was going down a direction that I was a little scared to go. We were not arguing, because we never argue in our relationship, we just have “opportunities for discussion.”
We were having an opportunity to discuss something that brings all couples closer together, our finances. There is an old psychological test that was performed where they put a man in a room with a crying baby and his first reaction was to leave the room but for a woman their first reaction is to soothe the child. Well, my first reaction when the opportunity for discussion on finances came up was to not only leave the room, but run like away like Roger Bannister.
But, instead of just listening to my wife, (some guys only pretend to listen), I found myself engaging in the discussion and really disclosing some personal fears, ideas, and thoughts on the subject that I had never shared with her before. As for that matter, I had never even really stopped long enough myself to verbalize them to myself.
As we worked our way through the discussion and arrived at a solution was a deeper level of trust, respect, and commitment to one another. We both had a deeper understanding of what the other really thought, felt and believed. We accomplished this level of deep connection by providing the one another the chance to be safe while opening up and sharing.
I have always loved my wife dearly and it seems there is a pattern that I am most attracted to her after our opportunities for discussion. And reflecting on it now, it does not really seem to matter whether it was a topic that we agree on or not. Whether it is something that makes up both laugh, smile and enjoy, or something that brings frustration, challenge and disagreement, it doesn’t really matter.
It seems to me that the greatest aphrodisiac is communication. Yes, simply stated, open, safe, talking and listening. Truthful talking and listening with respect for your lovers thoughts, ideas, and deepest feelings. When was the last time you your and your lover talked in a deep intimate moment? When was the last time you really talked and listened in an intimate setting?
I encourage you to do so this week. See what happens! You may find yourself more attracted to your mate than ever. Don’t just listen…engage your partner in an intimate discussion about anything. I will leave the rest of the details to you.
You are probably wondering, “Is it an oyster that he is talking about this week? Is it an ointment? Is it something sexy from that shop down the street?” Wrong answers, try again.
One morning last week I found myself in a deep conversation with my wife and it was going down a direction that I was a little scared to go. We were not arguing, because we never argue in our relationship, we just have “opportunities for discussion.”
We were having an opportunity to discuss something that brings all couples closer together, our finances. There is an old psychological test that was performed where they put a man in a room with a crying baby and his first reaction was to leave the room but for a woman their first reaction is to soothe the child. Well, my first reaction when the opportunity for discussion on finances came up was to not only leave the room, but run like away like Roger Bannister.
But, instead of just listening to my wife, (some guys only pretend to listen), I found myself engaging in the discussion and really disclosing some personal fears, ideas, and thoughts on the subject that I had never shared with her before. As for that matter, I had never even really stopped long enough myself to verbalize them to myself.
As we worked our way through the discussion and arrived at a solution was a deeper level of trust, respect, and commitment to one another. We both had a deeper understanding of what the other really thought, felt and believed. We accomplished this level of deep connection by providing the one another the chance to be safe while opening up and sharing.
I have always loved my wife dearly and it seems there is a pattern that I am most attracted to her after our opportunities for discussion. And reflecting on it now, it does not really seem to matter whether it was a topic that we agree on or not. Whether it is something that makes up both laugh, smile and enjoy, or something that brings frustration, challenge and disagreement, it doesn’t really matter.
It seems to me that the greatest aphrodisiac is communication. Yes, simply stated, open, safe, talking and listening. Truthful talking and listening with respect for your lovers thoughts, ideas, and deepest feelings. When was the last time you your and your lover talked in a deep intimate moment? When was the last time you really talked and listened in an intimate setting?
I encourage you to do so this week. See what happens! You may find yourself more attracted to your mate than ever. Don’t just listen…engage your partner in an intimate discussion about anything. I will leave the rest of the details to you.
4/7/08
Renew Your Vows...
Renew Your Vows…
Someone asked me once, “How long have you been married?” And, I found the instant response was, “Not long enough!” I thought for a while about my comment. It was truthful, insightful, and represented a lot about the depth of love that I have for my wife. Following that, I found and reread my wedding vows:
“I will continue to love you everyday of my life, no matter what the future holds. I will love, cherish, and adore you for the rest of my life. I will honor, respect, and appreciate all that you are and all that you will become. I will always support you and be attentive to your needs. And, I will be eternally loyal, faithful and true. I promise all of this to you forever.”
As I was running, I contemplated the depth of those 6 sentences and how they have guided me in my relationship over the years. The strength, power and conviction I hold in that promise to my wife is indescribable. Then I thought, “Why had I not made a set of vows to myself? What if I made a set of vows that would hold all of the same strength, power, and conviction for me? That led me to understand that the vows I have to my wife are the same vows that I can renew for myself. What powerful life would be created by living these vows for her and I everyday?
Then the last deepest insight came from the question, “What if I lived these vows to myself, my wife, everyone that I come in contact with in life, all to the glory of my God?” What difference would that make in how I showed up to live my life everyday? The unlimited possibilities unfolded in front of my eyes like the stars in the universe.
What vows have you written and promised to your spouse? What vows can your write and promise to yourself? What vows can you write, promise, and keep in relationship to your faith that will open up a whole new life for you? I challenge you to find those answers. RENEW YOUR VOWS TODAY! In the meantime, when our paths cross, remember that in my own way as your friend, acquaintance, relative, or child of God:
“I will continue to love you everyday of my life, no matter what the future holds. I will love, cherish, and adore you for the rest of my life. I will honor, respect, and appreciate all that you are and all that you will become. I will always support you and be attentive to your needs. And, I will be eternally loyal, faithful and true. I promise all of this to you forever.”
To your continued success,
James
Someone asked me once, “How long have you been married?” And, I found the instant response was, “Not long enough!” I thought for a while about my comment. It was truthful, insightful, and represented a lot about the depth of love that I have for my wife. Following that, I found and reread my wedding vows:
“I will continue to love you everyday of my life, no matter what the future holds. I will love, cherish, and adore you for the rest of my life. I will honor, respect, and appreciate all that you are and all that you will become. I will always support you and be attentive to your needs. And, I will be eternally loyal, faithful and true. I promise all of this to you forever.”
As I was running, I contemplated the depth of those 6 sentences and how they have guided me in my relationship over the years. The strength, power and conviction I hold in that promise to my wife is indescribable. Then I thought, “Why had I not made a set of vows to myself? What if I made a set of vows that would hold all of the same strength, power, and conviction for me? That led me to understand that the vows I have to my wife are the same vows that I can renew for myself. What powerful life would be created by living these vows for her and I everyday?
Then the last deepest insight came from the question, “What if I lived these vows to myself, my wife, everyone that I come in contact with in life, all to the glory of my God?” What difference would that make in how I showed up to live my life everyday? The unlimited possibilities unfolded in front of my eyes like the stars in the universe.
What vows have you written and promised to your spouse? What vows can your write and promise to yourself? What vows can you write, promise, and keep in relationship to your faith that will open up a whole new life for you? I challenge you to find those answers. RENEW YOUR VOWS TODAY! In the meantime, when our paths cross, remember that in my own way as your friend, acquaintance, relative, or child of God:
“I will continue to love you everyday of my life, no matter what the future holds. I will love, cherish, and adore you for the rest of my life. I will honor, respect, and appreciate all that you are and all that you will become. I will always support you and be attentive to your needs. And, I will be eternally loyal, faithful and true. I promise all of this to you forever.”
To your continued success,
James
3/24/08
THis is your life...
This is Your Life…
Let me start today by saying, “Thank You” for the positive and encouraging feedback that I have received for the “Thought of the Week.” With life being fast paced and crazy, it is good to know that there is value in what is being offered each week.
Many thoughts and inspirational moments come from running. It is a great time for reflection and contemplation. However, this week, inspiration came in the form of a song on the radio. The refrain simply stated,
“This is your life, are you who you want to be?”
Sometimes the simplest statements have the most profound impact. We all have many different aspects to who we are and whether or not we are aware of it, an identity is attached to each one. We have a picture, thought or feeling of who we are, how we picture ourselves, and what we believe. We all MUST act and behave in accordance with our identity or else there is conflict.
If the answer to, “This is your life, are you who you want to be?” is no, then create a new identity for yourself and take and IMMEDIATE action to have it become the life you want it to be.
The other day when I opened the door of the refrigerator and was about to partake in a can of unflavored bubbly water, I remembered that question, “This is my life, am I who I want to be?” My mind screamed out the answer, “NO.” The carbonation in the water is not good for weight reduction, it dehydrates the body. So, I asked myself, “What would a healthy, vibrant, and “in charge of life” guy do instead?” I received a different answer, “eat that cucumber that you peeled last night for just this occasion.” So, I did.
You may ask yourself, “but does such a small decision really matter? Absolutely, nothing is too small to celebrate when it comes to creating a change in your life to become who you want to be. That action made all of the difference because in that moment when I chose something different, I saw myself different. I took control of my life and I saw myself as a healthy, vibrant, and “in charge of life” guy. And, that is who I want to continue to become. “This is your life, are you who you want to be?” If not, define a new self, take action now, and turn the answer to that question into a resounding, “YES!”
Call today for a free 15-minute coaching session to discover “who you want to be.” (480) 820-4072.
Let me start today by saying, “Thank You” for the positive and encouraging feedback that I have received for the “Thought of the Week.” With life being fast paced and crazy, it is good to know that there is value in what is being offered each week.
Many thoughts and inspirational moments come from running. It is a great time for reflection and contemplation. However, this week, inspiration came in the form of a song on the radio. The refrain simply stated,
“This is your life, are you who you want to be?”
Sometimes the simplest statements have the most profound impact. We all have many different aspects to who we are and whether or not we are aware of it, an identity is attached to each one. We have a picture, thought or feeling of who we are, how we picture ourselves, and what we believe. We all MUST act and behave in accordance with our identity or else there is conflict.
If the answer to, “This is your life, are you who you want to be?” is no, then create a new identity for yourself and take and IMMEDIATE action to have it become the life you want it to be.
The other day when I opened the door of the refrigerator and was about to partake in a can of unflavored bubbly water, I remembered that question, “This is my life, am I who I want to be?” My mind screamed out the answer, “NO.” The carbonation in the water is not good for weight reduction, it dehydrates the body. So, I asked myself, “What would a healthy, vibrant, and “in charge of life” guy do instead?” I received a different answer, “eat that cucumber that you peeled last night for just this occasion.” So, I did.
You may ask yourself, “but does such a small decision really matter? Absolutely, nothing is too small to celebrate when it comes to creating a change in your life to become who you want to be. That action made all of the difference because in that moment when I chose something different, I saw myself different. I took control of my life and I saw myself as a healthy, vibrant, and “in charge of life” guy. And, that is who I want to continue to become. “This is your life, are you who you want to be?” If not, define a new self, take action now, and turn the answer to that question into a resounding, “YES!”
Call today for a free 15-minute coaching session to discover “who you want to be.” (480) 820-4072.
3/17/08
All you need to succeed is F.O.C.U.S.S.
All you need to succeed is F.O.C.U.S.S.
So often I see people struggling to make decisions, succumbing to peer pressure, or feeling a lack of confidence. I see it in today’s youth and in top CEO’s of companies. How do we create the ability to make better decisions, become a leader of people instead of a follower, and build an incredible level of self confidence?
There are two areas that we can focus on to create change in our lives; internally and externally. So often, a classic pattern of the poor decision maker, the “Yes Man” in business, or individual with low self confidence is to put their attention to the external stimulus in life. A person gets lost in the external expectations of family, friends, co-workers, and social norms.
The solution lies in the acronym of F.O.C.U.S.S. This metaphor popped out of my brain during a presentation to coaches on how to better perform and support clients.
It simply stands for: Focus On Creating a Unique Self and Skillsets. What does this mean?
It means that a person who makes effective decisions, leads by example, and is confident in their lives first and foremost has a strong internal compass. Everything is run through their internal compass of what is right and wrong. They focus on what they are great at, what inspires and moves them, what brings joy and happiness to their lives and they naturally define, follow, and consistently develop their strengths and skillsets.
The chances of there being another you are 1:1,000,000,000 (genetically) and this number does not take into account the external environment of your cultural upbringing. You are the only one who can impact the world in a way that is special and unique for yourself. “Marching to the beat of your own drummer” is critical for success. As long as it is balanced with actions that are bringing greater good to others in the world, that is what it means to be successful.
Are you following the almighty dollar (that is not so almighty anymore), the pressures of your peers, family and friends, or are you living a life of your choosing, doing the things that you love and add value to the world? If you Focus On Creating a Unique Self and Skillsets the world and all of it’s opportunities will open up for you. Your quality of life will improve, your finances will improve, your relationships will improve, and you will find yourself a natural leader of your own life.
If you need support to Focus On Creating a Unique Self and Skillsets, contact me today for your FREE 15-minute coaching session. If you can change your life in a moment, think of what we could accomplish together in 15 minutes! Call Now: (480) 820-4072
Feel free to pass this email on to anyone you feel may find value in an uplifting word. They can sign up for the “Thought of the Week” on my website at www.evolutionforsuccess.com
So often I see people struggling to make decisions, succumbing to peer pressure, or feeling a lack of confidence. I see it in today’s youth and in top CEO’s of companies. How do we create the ability to make better decisions, become a leader of people instead of a follower, and build an incredible level of self confidence?
There are two areas that we can focus on to create change in our lives; internally and externally. So often, a classic pattern of the poor decision maker, the “Yes Man” in business, or individual with low self confidence is to put their attention to the external stimulus in life. A person gets lost in the external expectations of family, friends, co-workers, and social norms.
The solution lies in the acronym of F.O.C.U.S.S. This metaphor popped out of my brain during a presentation to coaches on how to better perform and support clients.
It simply stands for: Focus On Creating a Unique Self and Skillsets. What does this mean?
It means that a person who makes effective decisions, leads by example, and is confident in their lives first and foremost has a strong internal compass. Everything is run through their internal compass of what is right and wrong. They focus on what they are great at, what inspires and moves them, what brings joy and happiness to their lives and they naturally define, follow, and consistently develop their strengths and skillsets.
The chances of there being another you are 1:1,000,000,000 (genetically) and this number does not take into account the external environment of your cultural upbringing. You are the only one who can impact the world in a way that is special and unique for yourself. “Marching to the beat of your own drummer” is critical for success. As long as it is balanced with actions that are bringing greater good to others in the world, that is what it means to be successful.
Are you following the almighty dollar (that is not so almighty anymore), the pressures of your peers, family and friends, or are you living a life of your choosing, doing the things that you love and add value to the world? If you Focus On Creating a Unique Self and Skillsets the world and all of it’s opportunities will open up for you. Your quality of life will improve, your finances will improve, your relationships will improve, and you will find yourself a natural leader of your own life.
If you need support to Focus On Creating a Unique Self and Skillsets, contact me today for your FREE 15-minute coaching session. If you can change your life in a moment, think of what we could accomplish together in 15 minutes! Call Now: (480) 820-4072
Feel free to pass this email on to anyone you feel may find value in an uplifting word. They can sign up for the “Thought of the Week” on my website at www.evolutionforsuccess.com
3/14/08
Procrastinating Success
Imagine that it is Sunday evening and you are sitting down mapping out your priorities for the week. You have created your capture sheets, chunked things into manageable groups, prioritized and mapped out blocks of time to create your dreams this week. However, you have an uneasy feeling because some one of things that you wanted to complete last week (including the Thought of the Week) somehow were not completed.
Do you:
A. Find yourself Monday morning overcome with guilt and continue to procrastinate. After all, you are a coach that supports people to overcome and achieve. It could be considered a loss of integrity to not follow through with your business goals. How can you help others be more consistent if you are not holding yourself to that higher standard?
B. Tell yourself that it is all OK that it wasn’t completed last week. After all, you did plenty of other things to justify not getting it done. For instance, completed a half marathon, took care of the kids while the wife was out of town, recruited more coaching clients, worked on some speeches, etc, etc, etc…
C. Experience the pain of the loss of integrity with yourself, learn what there is to learn from it so that you can do it better next time, and make a commitment and take action to complete it.
In reality, no one even emailed or called me last week to say that they missed my Thought of the Week. I did get some positive responses stating people enjoyed it. The point is this. How often are you out of integrity with what YOU have set for yourself to succeed or do, regardless of if other people even noticed, and it just fades away? What impact does that have on self confidence in the long run? What does it cost you little by little in your ability to succeed and feel good about yourself?
I had a referral once from a close friend and after doing some research became intimidated by this referral’s level of success. I made a half hearted attempt to call and sell my coaching services. However, the note with his number stayed on my desk for months and every time that I saw it, I knew that I did not follow through. How could I call this referral after all of the procrastination, lack of follow up, and what would he think of my coaching skills if I couldn’t hold myself accountable? Well, I called him up for several weeks consistently with the answer to that question in mind, “He could consider me a top notch coach because I was able to remember that I was not in integrity with myself, follow up consistently, and I did not just let it go.”
Success in life and business come from following up on what you commit to do and then don’t. Success comes at many different times, after a great speaking presentation, a fully engaged and energetic coaching session, and after just following up with those small things that are easily swept aside in order to keep my integrity with myself. I wish for you the same!
If you need some support and accountability to follow through in your planning, defining what is really important to you, and keeping a higher level of integrity with yourself, CALL NOW to arrange for a free 15 minute coaching session. (480) 820-4072
Do you:
A. Find yourself Monday morning overcome with guilt and continue to procrastinate. After all, you are a coach that supports people to overcome and achieve. It could be considered a loss of integrity to not follow through with your business goals. How can you help others be more consistent if you are not holding yourself to that higher standard?
B. Tell yourself that it is all OK that it wasn’t completed last week. After all, you did plenty of other things to justify not getting it done. For instance, completed a half marathon, took care of the kids while the wife was out of town, recruited more coaching clients, worked on some speeches, etc, etc, etc…
C. Experience the pain of the loss of integrity with yourself, learn what there is to learn from it so that you can do it better next time, and make a commitment and take action to complete it.
In reality, no one even emailed or called me last week to say that they missed my Thought of the Week. I did get some positive responses stating people enjoyed it. The point is this. How often are you out of integrity with what YOU have set for yourself to succeed or do, regardless of if other people even noticed, and it just fades away? What impact does that have on self confidence in the long run? What does it cost you little by little in your ability to succeed and feel good about yourself?
I had a referral once from a close friend and after doing some research became intimidated by this referral’s level of success. I made a half hearted attempt to call and sell my coaching services. However, the note with his number stayed on my desk for months and every time that I saw it, I knew that I did not follow through. How could I call this referral after all of the procrastination, lack of follow up, and what would he think of my coaching skills if I couldn’t hold myself accountable? Well, I called him up for several weeks consistently with the answer to that question in mind, “He could consider me a top notch coach because I was able to remember that I was not in integrity with myself, follow up consistently, and I did not just let it go.”
Success in life and business come from following up on what you commit to do and then don’t. Success comes at many different times, after a great speaking presentation, a fully engaged and energetic coaching session, and after just following up with those small things that are easily swept aside in order to keep my integrity with myself. I wish for you the same!
If you need some support and accountability to follow through in your planning, defining what is really important to you, and keeping a higher level of integrity with yourself, CALL NOW to arrange for a free 15 minute coaching session. (480) 820-4072
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)