To Reach Your Goals, Sometimes the Trick is to Underachieve!

Easter weekend is almost always filled with sunshine here in Raleigh, NC. The warm Spring weather usually leads to planting a myriad of trees, bushes, and annuals. Keeping true to form, I spent most of Saturday creating a rose garden in the back of our home.

As I was working, I found myself enjoying the thoughts of running again. The gorgeous weather urged me to put on my running shoes again and hit the trail. After the last six months of training, it was nice to think of going for a nice leisurely jog for three or four miles with no specific outcome, just running for the sheer joy of running -- no expectations.

I so often talk about dreaming big, setting a huge goal, and taking massive action but sometimes, big goals lead to huge expectations, which can get the best of us. Huge expectations can often lead to being more overwhelmed or drained of energy than motivated and energized. 

When that happens, switch gears entirely and seek to underachieve! You read right: lower your aim. If you decided back in January to get in shape and lose twenty pounds but now you're spending more time telling yourself you have to get to the gym than you actually are, change your approach.

Decide to go walk or run 20 minutes each day. One of 2 things will happen: either after the successful small workout, you'll feel terrific and conclude this was doable. In which case, grabbing your running shoes tomorrow won't seem so daunting. Result: total success; you have stopped thinking about what you have to do and you're moving! Or, after 20 minutes, you will be so into it that you will continue running for another 5, 10, or even 20 more minutes. Imagine how pumped you'll feel then! All the extra time spent exercising is a total bonus because you have only committed to 20. No one is expecting you to do more. Everything you have done above that is for the pure joy of the experience and creates feelings of massive success.

Success has a momentum all its own and will build on itself, just like the expectations. Sometimes what you need to get you started (and get you out of procrastination mode) is setting a goal that's achievable right now. The initial outcome is not your ultimate goal, but sometimes to jump higher you need to lower the bar a bit. High jumpers don't go for their personal best without warming up first! Once you're in action and the adrenaline takes effect, you'll gain momentum and naturally move toward succeeding at your bigger goals. 

So maybe if I hit the trail, I'll only run 3 miles, for the sheer joy of feeling alive and vibrant. But in all likelihood, I'll keep going a bit longer. And if I don't, that's all right, I'll be out running again the next day because I can fit those miles in without pressure, and experience true feelings of success.

To your continued success,

James

Do You Have a Strategic Plan?

“It takes just as much energy to create a failing business as it does a thriving business.”

My wife made this interesting comment the other day… It is true that the success of a business, or any endeavor for that matter, cannot be guaranteed simply on the basis of hard work. In fact, many businesses fail in spite of offering great products or services, and in spite of being run by intelligent, hard working people. Hard work is not enough.

I have been fortunate to bring on a brilliant Director of Marketing for my company (my wife) and upon joining the business, she decided we needed to go through the Guerilla Marketing 30-Day program by Jay Levinson. Quite honestly, the process was painful at times, but also immensely valuable. The exercises forced us to stop and think  strategically before jumping into action.

As service professionals, we often focus 90% of our time on sharpening our skills and refining the strategies and tools we provide our clients in order to continually increase the quality and effectiveness of our services. Spending time on strategic planning and business development can sometimes get lost.  We’d rather be with clients than create or revisit a marketing plan or a business plan.  We want to be doing something.  And we should.  But taking the time initially for some strategic planning is a crucial element of success.

Spending the initial time plotting your course, gaining clarity on where you are and what you want can be frustrating at time.  It can be an uncomfortable process, but that time is in fact well spent. It will ensure that you won’t expand your energy in random directions, working very hard and getting very little reward for all that work.  You will be working smarter rather than harder as a result.  

Whether it’s in your business or in your personal life, achieving any goal will entail expanding some energy. Simply rushing in and throwing yourself into action without first thinking strategically about how to go about achieving that goal won’t get you there.  Take a minute to gain clarity about what you actually want and which strategies will work best.  And then, jump in with passion!

To your continued success,

James

Are you Any-body or some-body?

Are you Any-body or Some-body Special?

Being different in life is a great way to build your self confidence. The definition of self confidence is, “You decide to take a specific action so that you can earn and deserve the right to feel good about yourself.”

I was contemplating this last weekend on my long run and started to thing about the implications of the definition. I know I have covered this in previous thoughts but some things are so important, sometimes, they bear repeating.

Do you realize the amount of freedom we are blessed to have? In America, almost Any-body can do almost anything. That is the dream and the hope that has built this nation. The sad part about America is that although almost Any-body can do anything, most Any-body and Every-body tends to do what is easiest. We all tend to take the path of least resistance in life. We see this everyday in work, finances, health, and relationships.

Any-body can do something but it takes Some-body special to do what others are not willing too. It takes Some-body special to get up on a Saturday morning at 5am and go out on a training run for 17 miles. Any-body can sneak out of the office early on Friday to get to happy hour but it takes Some-body special to put in that little bit of extra time to get the job done right before leaving. Anybody can go out and get a credit card and get in debt by overspending but it takes a special Some-body to earn, save and actually own their home and car mortgage free. Anybody can put on that extra 20 pounds by sitting on the couch every night watching TV (one statistic I read stated the average child watches 22 hours of TV per week and adults average 8 hours per week—but they can not find time to exercise or spend quality family time). Anybody can go to work for somebody else, not pursue their dreams and put in their 8 hours and go home. It takes a Some-body special to understand their interests, strengths, and purpose in life, create their own business, and take on the risks of being an entrepreneur and providing jobs to others so they can feed their families. Any-body can not be invested in their community and not go out of their way to cultivate friendships outside of co-workers. It takes Some-body to find a meaningful pursuit that helps others less fortunate than them and invest their time building relationships with others. Do you get the point?

My question to you this week is, “In your life, where are you showing up an Any-body?” Where are you doing what Any-body and Every-body else is?” Where are you buying into the status quo of underachievement, living that unfulfilled meaningless life, and believing that you can’t do anything in the current economics to make your life better? Any-body can be an ant, following the ant in front of them, going to the same piece of food, taking your little piece and returning home. It takes a Some-body special ant to break away from the status quo and go find food itself. That is what builds up the self confidence of the ant and in the end benefits the entire community! Step up, face life’s challenges, commit to something different that Any-body COULD do, and be that Some-body special to ACTUALLY do it.

Have you forgotten…Yourself?

I was focused, motivated and determined last weekend to achieve three major outcomes: finish my 2008 taxes, plant my new tree, and put up the basketball hoop for my son. I worked late into the evening on Friday night to complete the taxes, I was up early Saturday morning planting my new tree and Saturday evening I assembled the basketball hoop. Sunday morning found me grocery shopping and by 2:00 that afternoon I was wiped out, standing in the kitchen wondering what to do next.

When I was single, the first thing I would do every night when I got home was to put on some music. I did not have a TV or girlfriend at the time and jazz music was my best friend. We would have long conversations as I made dinner, returned emails and did laundry. I could never understand how I could live without it because when my condo was quiet, it was a weird feeling.

Now, with 2 kids, basketball, swimming, tennis, choir and gymnastic practices, dinner, bedtime, relationship time and work; free time is few and far between. Life just seems to continue to go faster and faster the older I get. I am not filling the quiet time with music since it is automatically filled with the sounds of a full life. But the quiet time still manages to get blocked out.

But there I was, standing in a moment of perfect silence, and thinking, “What’s next? I don’t know what to do. I’m confused.” The silence had found me again.

Are you comfortable being alone with yourself in a moment of silence? If you had 30 minutes on a Friday or Saturday evening to turn off the lights, sit on the couch and “be” alone, would you be able to do it? (No reading, TV, falling asleep, or other activity allowed!)

In quiet time, we become open to ourselves and what is truly important to us. We can let go of the errands, people, situations, and work we “must, need, and should” be doing. In the silence, we can reconnect with ourselves, find peace in the moment, and in that moment become open to what is truly important to us in our lives.

Take some time each day to stop, close your eyes, and be comfortable in the silence of your own self. Take the problems of your life there and ask for an answer to come to you. The more comfortable you become with yourself in your own silence, the more comfortable you will be running your life. Silence can be your greatest friend and the sweetest music to listen to.

I wish you many peaceful moments this week. Run your life instead of having your life run you. Enjoy those sweet moments of silence.

Be sure to check out my website, www.evolutionforsuccess.com, with details for an exciting new 2-Hour Parenting Teleconference which will be recorded on 2-CD’s in the month of April.

By the way, if you know anyone who needs support hiring the right person for the job, have them check out the Sure Hire Behavioral Assessment at www.surehirenow.com
You can receive a $25 Gift Card to any store of your choice as a “Thank You” for your referral.

Please pass this on to anyone who needs an encouraging “Thought” this week. They can sign up for the “Thought of the Week” by sending me an email at james@evolutionforsuccess.com and place “subscribe” in the subject line. I never share my email list with anyone. Your privacy is of utmost importance to me.

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Don't Smash My Fruit!

Don’t Smash My Fruit!

My little one and I were at the grocery store the other day and had the most wonderful and frustrating experience. The gentleman in the produce section was courteous, helpful, and went out of his way to help us with our shopping. He gave my daughter a free banana and gave us a quick National Geographic lesson on how monkeys peel bananas upside down. (Yes, it was cool and really works!)

The young lady bagging our groceries provided us with the exact opposite experience. She was deep into a conversation with the cashier and as she reached out to place the bag of fruit into the cart she missed, and dropped it straight onto the floor! She picked it up and the next bag into the cart contained maple syrup, butter, and salsa. It landed right on top of my already bruised fruit! In my head I was screaming, “Don’t smash my fruit!”

I have to admit that “smashing my fruit” is a pet peeve of mine and this was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. So, keeping my emotions in check I stated, “Excuse me, next time could you please not put the heavy stuff on top of my fruit?” The bagger ended her conversation, turned a quarter turn away from me, folded her arms, stared at the floor and promptly ignored me. So, I stated again, “Excuse me ma’am, next time please don’t set the heavy stuff on the fruit, that bruises it.” The lady stayed turned away with no eye contact and stone cold silence. I was shocked at her ignoring me.

By the time I reached the car I was very emotionally charged. I was frustrated at the way I was treated as a customer and mad at myself for all of the times in the past I didn’t say anything when my fruit was smashed. As I slammed the trunk closed, all I could think was, “THEY SMASHED MY FRUIT!” At this point, I was feeling a healthy amount of internal conflict between the need to gain other’s acceptance and approval or the voice that said, “stick up for what you believe in, that was horrible customer service!”

It was a perfect moment for some deep change. In any heightened emotional moment if you find a way to resolve the conflict inside, new beliefs will be formed at a very deep level.

In that moment, I made a huge decision to interrupt my old pattern of behavior. I pushed away all of the old thoughts and beliefs that were running around in my head and marched directly to the customer service desk.

I approached the manager and proceeded to tell her what was on my mind, “I just wanted to let you know about my shopping experience today. I had the most wonderful experience with the gentleman in the produce department. He went above and beyond in his customer service. My checkout experience was the direct opposite. The lady bagging the groceries dropped my fruit on the floor and then smashed them again when she put the other heavy bags on top. When I asked her as politely as I could to please not put the heavy stuff on the fruit she completely ignored me, twice. I just wanted to give you some feedback on my shopping experience today.” The manager thanked me for my feedback and said that she would make a note of it.

My voice and body were shaking with emotion as I left the store. In that emotionally intense moment I was able to anchor in some new powerful beliefs.

First and foremost, act in integrity with yourself. If I would have said something the first time my fruit was smashed I wouldn’t have been in such an intense place.

Give feedback so that others can take responsibility for their actions. Love the person enough to give feedback in a non-threatening way by addressing the behavior, NOT THE PERSON. As long as it is done without anger or malicious intent, it is for the other person to take or leave. I do not know what came from the experience for her on her end but she was the one to take responsibility for her actions from there.

Next time someone smashes your fruit, I wish you continued success in acting with integrity and giving constructive feedback to others.


If you need some support because too many people are smashing your fruit, interrupt your pattern! Call TODAY for your evolution towards greater success. Commit to 3 or more coaching sessions in the month of October and/or order a Sure Hire Assessment and receive 10% off!

Developing a plan!

Stop Thinking!

Many times in life we think about something that we would love to achieve or accomplish and then immediately talk ourselves out of it because the first thing that comes to mind is, “…but I don’t know how I will ever be able to do it.”

Most people take a great amount of certainty and security from “developing a plan” to achieve their goals. I am sure that you have heard the saying, “If you are failing to plan then you are planning to fail.” Waiting to take action until you have developed a plan sets up a perfect behavioral pattern for procrastination.

Many of the most fulfilling and rewarding goals I have achieved in life came from taking a bold, immediate action before I had a plan in place. Let me give you some examples:

• In 2007, I wanted to take a family trip to the Bahamas to visit friends, swim with dolphins and dive with sharks. Instead of waiting until I had the trip planned financially and logistically, I took the money I had saved and purchased the plane tickets. I had no clue how I was going to manage the time off work, get the family scuba certified, or make the rest of the money that would be needed for lodging. I let those parts of the plan develop after I made that first commitment. It was some great motivation to develop the plan and get it moving. We had a once-in-a-lifetime trip full of amazing memories.

• In June 2007, I had a goal to move to North Carolina. With the Phoenix housing market going downhill fast, I had to drop my tentative plan to sell my house and immediately put it up for sale. My final plan ended up including a double move with a 3 month stay in Colorado for a summer. One year later we closed on our new home in NC. If I hadn’t taken that first leap of faith, I might still be in Phoenix.

• In the back of my mind I have had a desire to run a 100 mile ultra-marathon this year since I just turned 40. You could call it the answer to my mid-life crisis. Instead of mapping out the six month training plan, core strength program, and eating regiment, I found a race that fit my needs, applied, and was accepted as one of the 250 runners of the race. Now, I have huge incentive and motivation to get my plan in place and have started running again. Wish me luck!

After you set your goals in life, sometimes it is best to sail to the new coast, burn your ship and then develop the rest of the plan on the fly. I understand this will cause a great amount of uncertainty, doubt, and fear. However, those emotions can be converted into actions and planning that will lead you to the desired end result.



If you are stuck in any of your goals, I urge you to find a way to put down the need to plan and instead take an immediate action that commits you to your goal. It is the immediate action that provides the motivation, activities, and opportunities that help you to develop the plan.

Your mind will be flooded with questions like:
• How am I going to pay for that?
• How can I make this work?
• What am I going to see and do there?
• How will I spend my time?

“Take action towards your plan NOW and you will naturally discover what needs to be planned for in the future.”

If you need some support developing a plan and taking action TODAY! Call TODAY for your evolution towards greater success. Commit to 3 or more coaching sessions in the month of October and receive 10% off!

Breaking the Rules!

Breaking the Rules

In today’s hectic world there is no shortage of emotional intensity. There is plenty of stress, frustration, depression, anxiety, and unhappiness. Fear seems to have begun to take hold caused in party by the recent fluctuations in the housing and stock markets. If you have any doubts these disempowering emotional states are present, just ask any customer service representative, listen to the news, or just drive home in rush hour traffic in the left hand lane.

Most people who come to coaching are looking for the greater empowering emotional intensity that is sometimes hard to find in our everyday life: peace, success, achievement, happiness, and love. Many find their lives have become flat, lonely, without purpose.

Having a purpose in life is an interesting ideology that many people spend their entire life pursuing. But often by living life everyday, we build our habits which develop our limitations and beliefs about what we can and can not do, without consciously thinking about it. Many of you reading this now may be saying to yourself, “I don’t have time for meditating on my purpose in life; with three kids, a full time job, a spouse that works, and a household to keep in order, who has time for purpose?”

Well, I propose we break out of that cycle. We’re going to do this in two parts: The first part is as follows - this week I would love for you to repeatedly ask yourself this question. Here is it:

“When you were younger, what was so fun, exciting, and adventurous that you were willing to break Mom and Dad’s rules, even at the risk of being punished?” When you were a kid, what did you get in trouble for wanting to become? What did you get in trouble for doing? What did you dream about and never tell anyone? What would you have done that was worth the spanking, grounding, or loss of car privileges you would have received?

OK, so that was more than one question… What came into your mind as you were asking yourself those questions?

One of the problems with living life as an adult is that many times we have become the parent of ourselves. Oh, NO. When was the last time you were willing to go out and do something so unexpected and crazy that even if you got in trouble with your “parental” self the experience would be worth it? What do you want to sneak out of your bedroom window at night to do that would be worth the risk of getting caught when you got home?

Now here’s the second part - pick one of them and go do it now. Add some joy, enthusiasm, adventure, fun, and playfulness to your life. It will make the routines of life, kids, career, and finances easier to manage when you wake up Monday morning. You will smile, feeling great inside, knowing that it was totally worth it. Live life to its fullest, dream big dreams, break your own rules for yourself and do what is worth getting in “trouble” for!

Keep in mind, however, this statement has a very important caveat: Only break the rules doing something that is truly good for you, those closest to you, your community and the world as a whole. Clearly I am not advocating the type of activities that would cause irreparable harm to your finances, your relationships or your standing in the community – and definitely nothing that lands you in jail! But lead life joyously and a little outside your self-defined lines – allow yourself to play music full blast in the shower as you sing along at the top of your lungs, eat that occasional ice cream cone licking your fingers as it melts, take the kids out in the middle of the rain storm to stomp in puddles… Whatever brings that child-like happiness and joy back into your life!


Really, it’s ok…. I give you permission! It’s time you did too!

We are two thirds of the way through this year. If you need help finding something to do in order to “break the rules that your parental self” has developed, CALL NOW! You need some support!

(303) 681-3555

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Double the Coins on Days Not Ending in “Y”

Double the Coins on Days Not Ending in “Y”

It is always interesting to go back to small town Iowa after having lived in San Diego, Denver, and Phoenix for so many years. I recently found myself back in Iowa visiting relatives and found these thoughts waiting for me.

As I was out running on a Sunday morning, I passed the local car wash which was sporting the sign, “New Change Machine, Double the Coins on Days Not Ending in “Y”. I reread the sign then mentally reviewed the 7 days of the week in my mind; Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Wouldn’t you know, all of them end in “Y” - no extra coins for me! I mentally pictured an old farmer, rocking on his front porch, laughing and saying “Made you look!”

As I smiled to myself, I couldn’t help but think…”They got me – who doesn’t want the opportunity to get more for nothing?” As I continued to run, I examined my initial reaction to the sign - We all want something for nothing; the promise of a bigger return for less effort. We want huge results for minimal input into an endeavor.

I love word play and metaphors, and the more I thought about it, the less “Double the Coins on Days Not Ending in “Y” worked for me. So, I found a way to learn something from that sign – I changed it to “Double the Coins on Days Not Ending in WHY“. Why? I am glad that you asked. (I told you I loved word-play!)

The brain is hard-wired to find an answer (consciously or unconsciously) for every question we ask it. Many times in life when things don’t go our way we mentally ask the question “Why…?” This can be a pitfall in our thinking - Why questions do not serve us. “Why…” questions lead us into developing explanations, justifications and formation of belief patterns that are usually not empowering. Most of the time “Why...” questions lead us to thoughts that do not help us achieve or take action. Here are some examples of these negative questions….
• Why can’t I do this?
• Why couldn’t I remember that?
• Why does this always happen to me?
• Why do people always do this?
• Why can’t they just…? Why not?

So, I propose you can get “Double Your Coins Back on the Days Not Ending in “Why” by replacing those “Why...” questions with “How...” questions. “How…” questions lead to possibility. They trigger the mind to pull up past references to support where you are now and where you want to be in the future. Some examples of these positive questions are:
• How can I continue to feel prosperous today?
• How can I see the bright side of this problem?
• How can I feel better about myself and what I want to do today?
• How can these problems be resolved today in my favor?
• How is everyone I meet today going to support me in moving towards my goals?
• How can I find the answer to the problem?

“Why…” questions never serve us because they lead to the development of limiting beliefs and poor thought patterns, whereas “How…” questions allow us to take our personal power back and find solutions. Ask better questions of your brain and your brain will give you better answers. Have fun this week asking more “How…” questions to unleash your genius and uncover your potential!

If you are looking at the world through “why” colored glasses and need a change, CALL NOW! During the month of August, all new coaching clients will receive 10% off of each coaching session or the Sure Hire Behavioral Assessment thru August 31, 2008. We also have a great referral system, so tell your friends and business colleagues who need to get that “edge” to call now!

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Zipping Along...

Zipping along in Life…

This weekend was a wonderful life experience. We went Treetop Soaring up near Durango, CO. Soaring, also called Zip Lining, is a wonderful experience. You get hooked up in a climbing harness, clipped onto a long stainless steel cable, and then slide from one tree to another. The height above and distance between the trees, and the speeds that you reach varies throughout the course.

At about the third tree, the Soaring guide clipped me in and asked me, “Is this exciting and intense, or what?” I was shocked by me response, “It is nice and wonderful to be here with my family, but I have done a lot of things in my life like this and it is not adrenaline pumping or anything. After all, I have gone skydiving, been through the US Army Airborne School, rappelled out of helicopters in the Air Assault School, gone rock climbing, jumped off of a telephone pole and done a 50 foot Fire walk with Tony Robbins.” The guy just kind of looked at me with a blank look on his face and said, “Oh.”

As I zipped from one tree to the next, for some reason my response bothered me. I work very hard to not live my life on past experiences, yet here I was handing out my resume of “To-Do’s” in my life. It was not from a significance standpoint either. Up to that point, I truly did not think it was that emotionally intense of an experience.

I started to look at what was behind my list of adrenaline filled activities response. Then it hit me. There was still a little part of me that thought, “It has to be big and intense if it is going to mean something all.” And, I thought that I had gotten rid of that one. Darn!

Most people in life want that Lotto win experience. That one BIG thing that will change life forever, make us more, lead to a tremendous breakthrough in life. However, most people never win the lottery, waiting for that is poor psychology. The way to true emotional wealth is to accumulate riches in the manner of investing your 10% every paycheck. People who invest 10% over the life of their working careers often are farther ahead at retirement than people who wait for “the Big One” to come in and then invest it in one lump sum. The majority of people who play the lottery never win.

Wouldn’t it be a much more fulfilling life if we celebrated at every paycheck? Over the course of 45 years if you celebrated your wealth at every paycheck, (assuming 26 paychecks per year) that would mean that you would get to celebrate 1,170 times versus that one lottery win. Which one leads to greater overall emotional health and success?

So, from then on, I reframed and experienced every single zip line one at a time, appreciated the uniqueness of each one, sharing each one with my wife and son, and the people that I was participating with. Life does not have to be big and grand to be meaningful. That was a lesson that eluded me in my younger years. Now, I just appreciate both experiences. When you add celebrating life daily over and over and combine it with the lottery experiences of life the world takes on an even brighter look.

By the way, I did experience Murphy’s Law and ate my words on the next zip line section. It was on one of the smallest segments of the zip line course called Aspen alley that I got the adrenaline rush that was my lottery win. Ironically, it was not on the 1,400 foot zip line that was the grand finale of the day. I love the irony of life.

There is so much to celebrate in your life today! Even with the down market, financial woes, physical aches and pains, so much of life is still a blessing and gift. I challenge you to find those gems in your life today, collect and polish them, and share them with others. It may not seem like much today but over time their meaning and intensity will grow exponentially and you will have led a rich life. Celebrate the special moments of today because today is the day you won the lottery.

To your continued success,

James

Please pass this message on to anyone who may need to find a little something to celebrate in their life today. If you are having trouble celebrating, Call Now

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What is DOPHOF?

What is D.O.P.H.O.F?

I recently had the pleasure of getting reacquainted with an old rock climbing buddy whom I had not seen in about 8 years. From the moment he walked up to my front door it seemed like only 8 minutes since I saw him last. We greeted each other with the same emotional intensity and friendship.

We covered the ground floor topics of the good old times rock climbing, the happenings of mutual acquaintances, the height of our travel experiences and then as the night wore on we dove beneath the surface and shared some of our personal history. It was the deep stuff we shared about our past, emotional healing, and how those events were shaping our lives and futures today.

I really felt for my friend as he shared the pain of his past and was excited beyond measure for the peace and happiness he is experiencing now. Hearing about the depth of some of his pain and the height of his peace now in life, the acronym D.O.P.H.O.F. came into my mind.

When we are committed to face the Depth Of Pain we feel in life and overcome it, the emotional Height of Our Future will always be greater. The foundation is always the first part of the building that is worked on. Without a solid foundation any building will fall. The Empire State Building foundation goes down 55 feet. However, that foundation supports a magnificent building that rises to 1,454 feet.

The same is true of every human being. We are all magnificent buildings reaching for the sky. Just like the New York Skyline, each of us is just a part of a bigger beautiful world. Remember to stop and take a look at is what is below the surface with yourself and others. Help others to keep on believing in themselves, heal past hurts, learn to forgive and love more. Always work to be aware of what is below ground, face that emotional intensity and the unresolved emotional issues from your past. I know the pain can be intense at times, however, the pleasure you receive from working through an issue will allow you to build a life higher than you ever imagined and you will have the foundation to hold it in place. You will continue to be an inspiration to others and share something special with those other buildings around you.

Is Life a Bumpy Ride?

by James Murphy
Peak Performance Coach
Master Practitioner: NLP, Time Line
Therapy™ and Hypnosis

You know the truth of where you are now, you have defined your purpose in life, so what is next? The process to setting goals is simple, easy and effective. The process needs to happen at least six times. Why are we setting goals? We set goals to have a balanced life. You are the one who gets to define what Balance is for you. Balance in life consists of putting focus into 6 main categories.

The six categories that define a balanced life are: Health, Relationships, Career, Finances, Religion/Faith/Spirituality, and Personal Emotional Health. A person may expand or consolidate a few categories. I personally have two Career categories and have combined my Religion/Faith/Spirituality and Personal Emotional Health categories into one single category.

Here is a great coaching exercise to give you some perspective. Draw a circle and divide it into 6 areas (like cutting a pie or pizza). The center of the circle represents a level zero and the outside circumference of the circle represents a level ten. Rate each area on a scale of zero to ten (zero is not fulfilled at all, ten is it can’t get any better). Take the number and fill in the piece of pie from the inside towards the outside to whatever level of fulfillment that you rated yourself. For example, if you are at zero you would not fill in anything, at a level 10 you would fill in the whole piece of pie, at a level 5 you would come out halfway, draw a line and fill in the piece of pie half way out from the center to the outside). Complete the process for all six categories.

Now, if this was a wheel on your car of life would you have a smooth ride or would it be bumpy as could be? Life should be in balance. It does not matter is you are balanced at a three, five, eight or ten. If you are at a ten in career and a zero in health there is a great coaching opportunity. We are only as strong as our weakest category. However, that does not mean that we have to have every piece of the pie be equal in size. Remember that every time you cut a pizza you will never be able to cut all of the pieces exactly the same size. For some, Career is a greater piece, others Health and others Relationships. The key is that they are all present and combine in a way to make a full balanced life.

Our goals should collectively bring balance to all areas of our lives to reduce conflict, increase motivation and give us more energy to create more in life and enjoy where we are at the same time.

Are you driving down the highway with a really bouncy ride? Give me a call at (480) 820-4072 take your life to the next level of success.

To our continued success,

James

A Statement of Purpose

by James Murphy
Peak Performance Coach
Master Practitioner: NLP, Time Line
Therapy™ and Hypnosis

The first step towards success is defining the “truth” of where you are in your life. The second step for success is to define what your life represents. A person needs to define the purpose of their life in order to stay motivated and overcome the obstacles in life.

A purpose statement in life is built of three main components: the opening phrase, the statement for self, and the statement for others. An example would be, “The purpose of my life is to nurture myself and grow and create positive change in the world.”

The first component is the opening phrase of the statement, “The purpose of my life is to continue to…” The language is important because it needs to imply, or presuppose, that we already have an internal frame of reference for what knowing our purpose. You have an unconscious frame of reference somewhere in your mind that defines what your life purpose is and we want to tap into it. After all, after all, how would you know you want it if you have never had it before? Another example of an opening statement would be, “The purpose of my life is to experience more…” Accessing or creating the previous frame of reference in our subconscious mind is important.

The second component is all about YOU, it MUST be about you. A person who turns the other cheek without a strong internal compass is a coward. Someone who turns the other cheek and stands firm in the knowledge of who they are and what their life is about is courageous, strong, confident and someone people respect and follow. Your actions must always mean something to you and meet your internal needs. So, what is your core issue? What is the greatest thing that you have ever had to overcome in your life? I was three pounds when I was born, the doctor thought that I would not live, didn’t come home from the hospital for 3 months, and never felt like I bonded with my mother. As I moved through my healing process, I realized that it was unfair of me as a grown adult to keep looking to my mother be nurtured. Further more, it was really a disservice to myself and to my mother to keep using that experience as an excuse to not have the levels of success that I wanted in my life. I needed to take responsibility myself to “nurture myself and grow”.

The third component is all about how I make a difference in the world when I do “nurture myself and grow.” How do I show up and make a difference when I can confidently turn the other cheek. Life is really not about us and the greatest people in the world know this. You see it in the faces of the people who change the world, Pope John Paul II, Mother Theresa, and Nelson Mandela. When I am learning, growing and nurturing myself I am able to give to others at a capacity that is never ending. I verbalize the impact on the world when I live this way as, “creating positive change in the world.” At one time it was “blanket the world with my love.” However, I found a more specific and meaningful way to express what I am truly about.

There are the three components of a great Purpose Statement the opening phrase, the statement for self, and the statement for others. The reason for covering this material is that our goals and dreams need to be congruent with our Purpose Statement. If a person sets goals that are not congruent with their purpose the levels of motivation that they experience are seriously diminished.

Purpose statements may also change as we change. My new purpose statement is, “The purpose of my life is have an even more balanced, health, and fit life today in order to apply my knowledge and help others create more empowering lives.”

If you want to support in defining your Purpose Statement give me a call at (480) 820-4072 and find out how to take your life to the next level of success.

To our continued success,

James

Get Real...Fast!

By James M Murphy
Peak Performance Coach
Master Practitioner: NLP, Time Line
Therapy™ & Hypnosis
Behavioral Specialist

The first part of any change is to “Get Real.” You have heard this saying before but why is it so important? It is hard to look in a mirror and take a good hard look at ourselves. How many of you have full length mirrors in your bathroom and you walk by them everyday without stopping and really taking a look at yourself?

"Get Real" means that you stop and take a good hard look at where you are, NOW! Step on the scale and see exactly what it reads. This is a painful but necessary part of any change. It is also the first step of taking control of your life.

It is far easier to ignore the mirror and start to compare ourselves to others who are worse off than we are. You have hear it before, “Well, I’m not as big as so and so.” Or, “At least I am in a size 36 pants instead of a 40.” Statements such as these minimize/generalize where we are and in doing so we lose the emotional edge (usually frustration, anger, etc) that will allow us to move and create change. Nobody changes without a healthy level of frustration!

During my infantry training we learned land navigation. The first step in the process was to look at the map and figure out the 8 digit grid coordinate on the map for where we were, right then. It was the first step before we went anywhere. Without taking a good hard look at where we were starting from, we could not figure out any of the other calculations necessary to make it through to the other points along the route. If you were off in your initial calculation of where you started from you were lost before you ever began.

The first part of any change is to “Get Real” with where you are. You are not “a little heavy”; you don’t need to “lose a few.” The scale reads in at 240, you are 50 pounds overweight and you have a big fat butt. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can change!

Pick an area of your life that you want to change and “Get Real.” Now! Stop comparing yourself to others and retelling those same old stories, everyone is getting tired of hearing them anyway! Define with specificity where you are today so that you can succeed in the future. If you feel that healthy level of frustration at where you are, you are on the path to success.

Stay tuned for the next step tomorrow!

To our continued success,

James

The Power of Choice

by James Murphy
Peak Performance Coach
Master Practitioner: NLP, Time Line
Therapy™ and Hypnosis

Success is dependent on one thing, choice. In the last movie of the Matrix trilogy, Neo and Mr. Smith are fighting. During the fight, Mr. Smith asks Neo, “Why are you still fighting? You know that you are going to lose. Don’t tell me it is for love, happiness, or other people. Why don’t you just give up? Why are you still fighting?” Neo’s answer is deep in its simplicity. He says, “Because I choose too.”

All personal growth, self help, changing your emotional states and your thinking come down to one thing; a person has to CHOOSE to take a different action if they want something different. And, it will be continuous, tough, and challenging. A person needs to be resilient, patient, and kind to themselves as they move through the process of change.

During my NLP training, the instructor said one thing that has really stuck with me. He said that when it comes to your clients, you do not want clients. You want successful clients. What determines a successful client? A successful client is someone who wants to change. It is true that you can not hypnotize someone into doing something that they are not willing to do. A successful client will put in the constant hard work and dedication to get back up every time they fall.

During my last Tony Robbins event, Date with Destiny, I found myself absolutely frustrated because I wanted to fix myself and be done with it. I wanted to finally let go of the responsibility to choose to change. After all, I had spent the last 5 years working on myself. I graduated college after flunking out, lost 60 pounds, found a great career path as a US Marshal after waiting a year and a half to get through the hiring process, and was dating a great gal. Why wasn’t I happy inside? I just wanted to get it over with and be done with it. So, I asked the personal trainer, “ I have been working in this self help (*&^^#@$@ for the last 5 years and you are telling me that I am going to have to do this every day for the rest of my life? She replied simply, “Yes!” I am not proud of my response. I flipper her the bird and said, “Well, I am good enough how I am right now.”

I have found that success is holding both paradigms in my mind at the same time. Finding balance, success, and worth in myself and my life now while at the same time respecting my need and desire to always be more. That is one of the greatest human paradoxes. How many people do you know that are only one or the other? They either focus on always being and having more to the detriment of having peace and happiness in their life today or else they are so intent on just being good now and living in the now that they lack any direction or future that will help them to become more?

Choice is the key to success. You always have a choice of what to think, believe, feel, experience and create for yourself. The power to choose a different action today will give you the future that you desire. Be thankful for all that you have today and respect your need to always be and do more. Take the responsibility to create the life of your dreams today and everyday for the rest of your life. It is the hardest and most rewarding job you will ever have!

What do you want different in your life? What are you going to CHOOSE to do in order to have a different experience? Choose to call today and start a new life!

To our continued success,

James

Top Ten Empowering Emotional States

by James Murphy
Peak Performance Coach
Master Practitioner: NLP, Time Line
Therapy™ and Hypnosis

Motion creates emotion and mastering our emotional states is the key to success in life. Emotions are like sound waves. Each carries its own vibration level. You have experienced this at sometime in your life. For example, what is the energy level of a funeral home versus the energy level in a Superbowl or Final Four basketball game?

The vibration level of an emotion has similar characteristics found in atoms. In an atom there is a nucleus that consists of protons and neutrons. Electrons rotate in orbit around the nucleus at varying distances. The greater the energy level of the atom the farther away from the nucleus the electrons are able to orbit. Similarly, there are more electrons in orbit for higher energy atoms. This creates a greater energy field around the nucleus. This relationship is directly related to the Law of Attraction. The greater our emotional states the greater our sphere of attraction and the more a person will create or manifest. The more negative the thoughts, actions, and energy levels; the less of a sphere of attraction a person will have. If the negative emotions are strong enough the reverse process happens. A person will tend to repel what they most want and get what they “don’t want.” Our thoughts and emotions are like a magnet. At any moment we are either attract to us more of what we want or repelling what we want and attracting what we do not want. What are the primary emotions that will allow us to have the greatest levels of energy, ability to attract what we want and most successful life?

The Top Nine Empowering Emotions Ranked According to Energy Levels (Power VS Force by David Hawkins)
1. Enlightenment ~ Ineffable
2. Peace ~ Bliss
3. Joy ~ Serenity
4. Love ~ Reverence
5. Reason ~ Understanding
6. Acceptance ~ Forgiveness
7. Willingness ~ Optimism
8. Neutrality ~ Trust
9. Courage ~ Affirmation

The Top Ten Empowering Emotions for a Successful Life
1. Love
2. Gratitude/Appreciation
3. Curiosity
4. Excitement and Passion
5. Determination
6. Flexibility
7. Confidence
8. Cheerfulness
9. Health
10. Contribution/Giving

If you are experiencing any of the Top Ten Disempowering Emotions listed in my previous blog there are two solutions to get to one of the more empowering emotional states listed above.

1. Change your perception. Attach a different meaning to the situation that created or triggered the negative emotional state. In NLP, we ask the question, “What is there to learn from this, the learning of which will allow me to let go of these negative emotions easily and effortlessly? This will lead to you develop new internal beliefs, value systems and rules for the future.
2. Change your procedure. This is an external approach to take a different action in the future. Stop putting yourself in the situation where the disempowering emotional state is triggered. A person creates a change in their environment to produce a new or different emotional state.

The most important rule of all when it comes to experiencing different emotional states in our life is that you must give first before you receive. If you want more love in your life you need to practice giving love first. It is the choice to put yourself in motion and attaching a positive meaning to the action that creates the emotional state that you most desire. Sitting on the front porch swing waiting to get some energy to go exercise and walk will never produce greater health and vitality. You need to choose to get up and go walk and find a way to mentally focus on it being a good thing to create the new levels of health and vitality that you are looking for.

Most individuals tend to feel a core group of 10-12 emotions and do not deviate from them except on a rare occasion, like vacation. To experience more of life and change the emotional states you feel consistently takes work and practice. The hard work and dedication will pay off in the end with a better quality of life and you will attract more of what you desire.

Call or email for more information on how you can continue to control your emotional life instead of it controlling you.

To our continued success,

James

The Top Ten Disempowering Emotions: What are they trying to tell us?

by James Murphy
Peak Performance Coach
Master Practitioner: NLP, Time Line
Therapy™ and Hypnosis

When people talk about changing their life they are really talking about changing the quality and intensity of the emotional states that they consistently experience. There are certain emotional states that we are driven towards and certain emotional states that we are driven away from.

Emotions give us insight into where we are incongruent in our values, beliefs, and unresolved significant emotional events. The outcome of any coaching or intervention process is to ease emotional conflict within a person and increase wholeness by attaching new meanings to their experiences. That increases choice and wholeness within a person.

The Top Ten Disempowering Emotions that people experience and the message they are working to communicate to you are:
1. Uncomfortable:
Message: When you feel bothered, impatient, bored, or irritated this emotion is telling you that you can be more than who you currently are.
Solution: Need to change your emotional state, get clear on what you want, and take an immediate action to achieve/experience something new.
2. Fear
Message: When you feel concern, apprehension, worry or terror this emotion is telling you that something is coming up in the future that you are not prepared for. This emotion gives you massive energy to prepare for the unforeseen.
Solution: Identify what is coming up in the future that you are not prepared for, find a new solution and take action to confront and walk through the fear.
3. Hurt
Message: When you feel a sense of loss or if means that an expectation has not been met. This is an important indicator that shows the depth of your caring about yourself of another individual/situation.
Solution: Identify if the expectation is still valid. Is it your responsibility or theirs for the emotion of the moment? Is the expectation still valid and useful? Identify what is within your direct control and influence to support the other person or yourself through the moment, adjust expectations for the future.
4. Anger
Message: When you feel irritated, angry, resentful, furious, livid, enraged, (usually from hurt) it is a fire and depth of emotional energy to make things right. It means that a standard that you have is not being met by yourself or others.
Solution: Use this deep intense energy to adjust your standards for yourself or others and take an immediate action to move towards resolution to the challenge or issue.
5. Frustration
Message: You keep trying the same thing to achieve your dreams/goals and it is not working.
Solution: Stay focused on your outcomes and change your approach. Try doing the exact opposite of what you are currently trying to get a different result.
6. Disappointment
Message: It shows the depth of your caring you have towards the person/situation and the high standards that you have set.
Solution: Change your expectation, adjust the time frames on the goals or things that you want to have/experience and remember that God’s delays are not God’s denials. That old saying, “there are no unreasonable goals, only unreasonable time frames attached to them sometimes,” could be applicable.
7. Guilt/Regret
Message: You violated a standard or belief that your hold true for yourself and you are not following through on what you know is best for you
Solution: Clean up your act! Step forward and do what you know is right and true for you independent of what others may think is “best for you” or “what you can or can not do”
8. Inadequacy
Message: You feel less that worthy, your own value and worth is low
Solution: Use this emotion to set outcomes for you to learn, grow, and contribute to others
9. Overwhelm/Overloaded
Message: You are feeling hopeless, helpless, depressed because events are controlling you instead of you controlling events
Solution: Reevaluate what is truly important to you in life, distinguish between Must’s, Should’s and Want’s, then take action
10. LonelinessMessage: Feeling alone and separate from others and you need a new form of connection
Solution: Find inside yourself a way to reconnect or look outside of yourself to your friends, family, peers, and groups to help those more in need

These Top Ten Disempowering Emotions are calls to action and unlocking more in life. With the understanding of the Message that they are trying to tell us and the Solution on how to work through them, life becomes easier and easier. You will always continue to experience these Top Ten Emotions in your life. A new paradigm of measuring success comes from decreasing the amount of time that it takes to understand the Message where we are not congruent, find a new solution, and take action to move through them every time you feel them.

When you work through your emotional states you begin to control your life instead of your life controlling you. That is personal power! They will lead you to the Top Ten Empowering Emotions! We will address those next time!

To our continued success,

James

Peak Performance Coaching: the proof is in the psychotherapy pudding

by James Murphy

There are many parallels between coaching and psychotherapy in "how" the behavioral modification system is set up to support a client. An study conducted by the Group Health Cooperative Center for Health Studies, public release date: 22-Mar-2007, concluded that clients diagnosed with depression, who also received an antidepressant drug treatment and phone-based therapy as treatment, made an improvement in their life. The results were very positive.

As outlined in the blog entry of March 21, 2007 "What is Coaching?" metaphorically, the coaching process is like a number line from zer0 to ten. Zero is where you are now and ten is where you want to go. Psychotherapy has the inverse model that goes from zero to negative ten. It focuses on where you are now at zero and where are the issues in your past that are holding you back, negative ten. From there, the model and system for treatment is almost identical, minus the drug treatment. They define where the client wants to be, what is preventing them from achieving it, and look to use tools to create anew system of thinking that will support the greatest amount of change and wholeness for the client. Note the studies results below.

“With close to 400 patients, this is the largest study yet of psychotherapy delivered over the telephone,” said Evette J. Ludman, PhD, senior research associate, Group Health Center for Health Studies, the paper’s lead author. “It’s also the first to study the effectiveness of combining phone-based therapy with antidepressant drug treatment as provided in everyday medical practice.”

Long-term positive effects of initially adding phone-based therapy included improvements in patients’ symptoms of depression and satisfaction with their care, said Ludman. At 18 months, 77 percent of those who got phone-based therapy (but only 63 percent of those receiving regular care) reported their depression was “much” or “very much” improved. Those who received phone-based therapy were slightly better at taking their antidepressant medication as recommended, but that did not account for most of their improvement. And effects were stronger for patients with moderate to severe depression than for those with mild depression.

“We were surprised at how well the positive effects were maintained over time,” said Ludman. “As with weight control, maintaining improvement is the hardest part of treating depression.”

You can read the rest of the article by clicking here: http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2007-03/ghcc-pte031907.php

With almost 8 years of coaching and over 16,000 telephone coaching sessions, telephone coaching works to support personal change. The process is greatly accelerated by hiring a coaching with skills and training in Neuro Linguistic Programming, NLP. NLP is a model of excellence that identifies "how" someone creates their outcomes. Then, easy and effective strategies are used clear up those issues from a clients past (zero to negative ten) and provide the client with instant change. A person can easily and effortlessly let go of unresolved emotional experiences from the past, change limiting beliefs and value systems and move forward with a telephone based coaching system to establish more empowering behaviors, actions and results. NLP processes combined with telephone coaching create results in a persons life. Your success is unlimited.

Many long term clients create a journal that is priceless in its content. It is a masterpiece built on their coaching experience. It contains the psychology of achievement, behavioral modification techniques, goals, challenges, accomplishments and results that are an irreplaceable reference tool.

If a telephone based therapy system achieves results in psychotherapy then the same system in coaching must achieve results also. The proof is in the NLP/Coaching pudding. Contact www.evolutionforsuccess.com if you want more results Now!

Outcome ~VS~ State, Who won?

by James Murphy

Are you sitting on the sidelines waiting to get in the game? Can you answer the question, “What do you want to have right now?” How you answered the question could be the difference between success and disappointment. Successful people answer with an Outcome ~VS~ a State.

An outcome is a specific result that you are focused on achieving. It is the left brain answer to your question. In land navigation every point has a specific grid coordinate. A person on a trip to Hawaii needs a specific grid coordinate to tell them exactly where they are starting from, where they are in the process of the flight, and how they will know when they have achieved their final destination. Without the grid coordinates a person is easily lost. Our lives are the same way. It is important to be able to answer this question in order to define your outcomes, “What is the specific result that I am focused on achieving today.”

A state is the exact opposite. It is a right brain answer and will be defined as value (feeling word) and is 100% emotional. Using the Hawaii example, a state is what you are going to be feeling once you step off of the plane: rest, relaxation, peace, quiet, tranquility, etc. It will be the emotional experience that is defined by your achieving your outcome.

Why is this distinction important? It is because of one simple principle: Motion Creates Emotion. Motion creates momentum and momentum is power, energy and force. Emotion does not always lead to motion. Do you need proof? I will give two words, lethargy and depression.

A person who is looking for a new experience must define their outcome; choose to take action towards its achievement so the desired emotional state will be produced. So, if you hear someone talk in a language pattern of, “When I feel happy then I will get up and go walk” or “Once I get past this tired feeling I will get to the gym,” they never will get to the emotional states that they most desire from life.

Ask someone today, “What do you want? What is the specific result that you are focused on achieving?” Successful people will be able to define their outcomes.

Do you desire more success? Put your life in motion to create emotion with peak performance coaching today.

To our continued success, James

What is Peak Performance Coaching?

by James Murphy

You have heard about coaching but what is in it for you? How do you pick a great coach? What do they actually do? In order to find a great coach today there are three things that you need to define: the three part coaching process, your coaches experience, and your outcomes for hiring the coach.

The three part coaching process is simple. Picture a number line from 0 to 10 in your mind. Coaching is a model of support that focuses first on defining where you are now (0) and where you want to be (10). Having an end destination defined is crucial for any coaching process because without it, you will never be able to measure and assess your results and refine the new strategies and behaviors you are creating.

Most people forget that when you set a goal you simultaneously define all of the obstacles that you will have to overcome to achieve them. For example, if you have never run a day in your life and you signed up for a marathon, you put some big obstacles in place. These obstacles come can be defined as patterns of behavior that are mental (limiting beliefs), emotional (fear, overwhelm, self doubt), and physical in nature (my shins hurt today, I’m tired). The coach’s skill sets need to be able to support you to identify these obstacles and limitations, develop new strategies for success, and refine these processes until they are automatic.

The coach’s last main function is to hold you accountable for specifically defined actions that you agree to perform in between coaching sessions. It is great to sit on the phone all day and talk about our issues but if a person does not choose to take a different action then nothing will change.

The coach’s experience is crucial in being able to provide the client with the experience that they desire. My coaching is 80% psychology and 20% tools and strategies. That is because 80% of the challenges that we experience are in our mind. There are two types of fear: functional and non-functional fear. Functional fear is 10% of what we experience in our life today. Remember not to step off of the curb because the bus is coming down the street. Non-functional fear is our own creation based on what if’s, what about’s, and why’s that we ask ourselves. It truly is all in the mind and is False Evidence Appearing Real. The mind creates the other 90%.

An outcome is a specific result that you are focused on achieving. Know your outcome before you find a coach or at least make sure that the first exercise you and your coach go through is to define your outcomes. Otherwise, you may find yourself frustrated and going around and around in circles feeling lost in the woods.

So, you can experience success in three minutes or less every day with the Fast Track Coaching Plan. Check it out on my website. If you are going in circles, find an outstanding coach that will help you define where you want to be, identify your obstacles and develop new strategies for success, and hold you accountable to your new life!