4 Steps to Increase Your Self-Confidence Today!

One dose of self-confidence for the guy in the corner, please!

There are two core basic needs that everyone strives to have fulfilled in their life:

• experience unconditional love and 
• have a sense of value and worth. 

Everyone works to meet these internally and externally.

The problem is that the needs have to be met internally first, otherwise, no matter how much love a person gets from others or how much other people to work to build their sense of value and worth, it will never be enough and a void will be present.

Self-confidence needs to be nurtured on four different levels:

• mental, 
• emotional, 
• physical and 
• spiritual.

So, that begs the question, "How can a person develop more self-confidence" for themselves internally?

Glad you asked! A person can develop self confidence when,

"You decide to take a specific action, so that you can earn and deserve the right to feel good about yourself, and then celebrate your success."

Let's break it down and see why this seems so simple and yet it can be so challenging to accomplish.

1- "you need to decide."

This is challenging because this step requires a person to really stop, define what is important to them, and CHOOSE what action to take that will lead them to a desired outcome.

This action has to be for you, about you, and be meaningful to you and you alone. It can't PRIMARILY be for your spouse, kids, preacher, mom, dad, friends, or any other social influence. It has to be for you first.

2 - it has to be a specific action

Specific and measureable actions mean that once you have achieved the action you have to be aware of it. This gives absolute proof so you can't talk yourself out of celebrating!

It is not enough to say that you are going to call some people. You have to specific, "I am going to call 5 prospects today and ask for referrals." Even then, some people say, "well, I did call 5, but I could have called 10." That's a no-no!

3- "so you can earn and deserve."
I have said it a thousand times. When you define any goal, you automatically put all of your obstacles in place. If you are going to feel good about yourself, you have to set a specific goal meaningful to you and take action to overcome the obstacles (mental, emotional, physical and spiritual) the goal came with, before you feel that you have "earned and deserve" the right to feel good about yourself.

"Earned and deserve" implies that you have put some work, overcome adversity, and succeeded in the task you set out for yourself. This is where self respect, integrity, honor, and courage are bred.

Then and only then, when all three steps have been accomplished INSIDE OF YOURSELF can you really feel like you deserve that feeling of self-confidence. It is not free. Self-confidence does not just stop by, ring the doorbell, share a pizza with you on the couch, and miraculously, when you get up the next morning, you have lost a pound, feel great about yourself, and are full of energy! Would be terrific if it worked that way, but sadly, it does not!

4- once you achieve your goals, you have to celebrate!
And, I recommend that you celebrate at 100%. If you want the self-confidence to stick, you had better celebrate and anchor in the great feelings.

If you talk yourself out of your success with language such as, "Yeah, but I should have done more, I could have been better, I need to work harder" Self-confidence does not stay for long. It is good for you to acknowledge yourself and being great, working hard, and achieving success.


NOTHING IS TOO SMALL TO CELEBRATE!


So, there you have it! Self-confidence in a can!

Comment below and let me know what you do to develop confidence in your life. I bet your list is a lot longer than you think it is!

To your continued success,

Lessons from John D. Rockefeller Jr.

We just returned from a great 5-day trip to the "Big Apple" and found that it is truly, the city that never sleeps!   

New York is such a wonderful city; full of history, lore, and energy. On our itinerary was Rockefeller Center.  

This famous landmark was developed by John D Rockefeller Jr and was originally supposed to house the Metropolitan opera. But, when the Stock Market crashed in 1929, the deal fell through and the building was almost never built.  

Rockefeller had a tough decision to make. In the end, he chose to move forward and personally funded the entire project without any planned tenants.  A bold move!  

As the construction of the tower progressed, it created over 7,500 jobs for almost 10 years smack in the middle of the Great Depression. It became a landmark and a symbol of hope in a time of great adversity and hardship. Eventually, Rockefeller found his first tenant, and Radio City Music Hall was born. 

I found it ironic that when we went in for the tour and climb to the Top of the Rock, as it is called, it was bright and sunny. But by the time we reached the observation deck, a very powerful downpour had ensued and the visibility dropped to a few hundred feet. 

As we worked through our disappointment of not getting any pictures of Central Park, the Empire State Building or a dramatic sunset, something amazing happened.  After about fifteen minutes, the storm dissipated. The suns rays broke through the clouds, and it seemed as if the light of heaven shone through on the New York City skyline. We were rewarded with a full double rainbow over Manhattan!  Spectacular! 

Of course many factors played a part in John D. Rockefeller, Jr.'s success in this project.  But above all, he had a vision and a dream that extended beyond himself. 

Before riding the elevator to the top, there is an interpretation of a Bible verse Rockefeller lived by: 

"Unto he who much is given, much shall be required."  

Rockefeller exemplified and lived this philosophy. He was resolute and forged ahead in the middle of the Depression, with no guarantee of a tenant for the building.  And in the end, he made his vision come to life. 

We have all been given much, in terms of our own special gifts and talents. And in fact, much shall be required of us to create a life of purpose and meaning --even when things are hard or uncertain; especially then.  

It is true life stories like Rockerfeller Center's history that make New York such a special place. They exemplify living a life on your own terms, having dreams, and making them come true.  

Build your own skyscraper today!!!   and enjoy the view;  others will too!

What's so funny about that???

What's so funny about that???

Here is a great litte 5-minute motivator to stimulate some thoughts on how to add value in the workplace and be remembered through humor! Enjoy, have an outstanding day and continue to evolve to greater levels of success!

Life Coaching Tip: Stay Ignorant!!!

Sometimes, Ignorance is Bliss...


I heard a really interesting story the other day that you may find some value in when it comes to your personal development, attaining goals, and living life.


There was a man once who really wanted something in life. Driving down a country lane to get there, he accidentally took his eye off of the road and drove straight into the ditch. Fortunately, a local farmer was passed by thirty minutes later with a horse.

"Could your horse pull my car out of the ditch?" asked the driver.  

"Buddy's a Clydesdale," said the farmer, "let's see what he can do for you."  

The farmer hitched Buddy to the car and said: "Pull, Blackie, Pull!" Buddy didn't move an inch. 

Then the farmer said, "Pull, Sampson, Pull!" Buddy still didn't move an inch.

The farmer said again, "Pull, Jackson, Pull!" And still, Buddy didn't move an inch.

Then the farmer yelled, "PULL, BUDDY, PULL!!" And Buddy pulled the car effortlessly out of the ditch.

The grateful driver was confused.  "Let me ask you a question," he said, "why did you keep calling Buddy by the wrong name?" 

"Well," said the farmer, "you see, Buddy is blind. And if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try."

When I sit down with people in a life or executive coaching session and we define a compelling future for them, one of the first thing that shows up is their desire to know exactly what to do in order to reach the goal. 


However, if someone really knew all of the problems, challenges, and emotional stress they were going to have to go through to achieve their goals...many would never even start!  If someone really knew, in advance, all of the challenges they would have to face to run their first marathon, get that next job, or find that dream spouse, they would be so overwhelmed they would probably never start. 


So, sometimes not knowing all of the obstacles and challenges that are going to happen in the pursuit of a goal makes the term, "ignorance is bliss" true.  Successful goal achievement comes from taking on the challenges one day at a time, asking for help when you get off track, and engaging faith to access your untapped potential in the face of adversity. And no matter what, keep pulling even when you can't see!  

The A.N.T.S Go Marching....

Our thoughts are just like ANTS. Those Automatic Negative ThoughtS (A.N.T.S.) are constantly on the move looking for something sweet to feed on. A person's brain is always thinking and creating new thoughts and beliefs, even while we sleep. 

Learning to direct our thoughts to those healthy food sources will lead to a more productive, fruitful, and positive mindset. Listen to my latest podcast to learn how to deal with the ANTS that may be invading your personal life!

http://evolutionforsuccess.podomatic.com/player/web/2011-06-13T21_40_43-07_00


Enjoy!

How to save a drowning rat

Would you be interested in knowing "HOW" to save a drowning rat?

There has not been much positive news for the past couple of years. The media seems intent on presenting everything noteworthy that is the opposite of empowering or positive.  ...unemployment, foreclosures, budget cuts; it's all around us.  Even putting the media aside, when we look at our personal lives, at our neighbors, family or friends, it's clear that for many this is a stressful time.

By now, you probably want to quit reading this and get back to the news - after all, it is more cheery than my Thought of the Week! My mood is becoming depressed just writing about this!!!  However, I have a suggestion that may help us all cope with the negativity. And how does this relate to saving a drowning rat, you ask? 

There was an experiment conducted where scientists put a single rat in a container it could not get out of, and then filled it with water. They placed the container in a completely dark room, and timed how long the rat swam before it drowned. How long do you think it swam? Well, it lasted a little more than 3 minutes. 

For the second part of the experiment, they placed a rat in the same container, in the same room, with the same water level, but this time they had a bright beam of light shine into the darkness for the rat to see. Guess how long the rat lasted before it finally drowned? This time, it swam for over 36 hours.

When I was in US Army Airborne School, the Army Chaplain said a prayer with us before we loaded up for our first parachute jump. He stated that we had nothing to worry about, as the jump field we were about to fly over was the most holy place in Georgia. According to the chaplain, more people prayed flying over that small piece of land than anywhere else in the state!!!  He encouraged us to add our little part to the holiness of the jump field site.

In life, if someone wants the identity of being an honest person, they have to experience a moment where the opportunity to steal is present and choose not to. If you want to be a person who is able to find new opportunities as we work through the changes in our world right now, you are going to be tested. We are all being tested, NOW.

It is hope, faith, and optimism that keep us from giving up when things seem hopeless; that keep us believing in opportunity and the promise for a better tomorrow. That is what brings us through dark times when we feel like we are swimming for our very survival. That is what makes the difference between making it 3 minutes or 36 hours, 3 days or 36 days, 36 weeks or the next 36 years. A person of faith is such because they have been tested and have overcome. That is what gives you the courage to jump into a new experience, be a person of character, and keep swimming when everything around you seems dark.

There are always two things we can focus on: the darkness or the light.  We have a choice. What is the beam of light that gives you hope, faith, and optimism? Now is the time, more than ever, to feed your mind positive messages, to do whatever you can that will strengthen your sense of faith and hope for a better tomorrow. 

I know you can last a lot longer than you think. Keep Swimming.

More great movie quotes

A couple of weeks ago, I talked about my favorite movie quotes from the trilogy, "The Matrix." Thank you for all of the emails and replies with your favorite movie quotes. I wanted to share those this week since the response was so overwhelming.  Here are some of the best ones!

• "You think everybody else is the problem, but you're the problem, Annie. You're the solution too." ~Bridesmaids

• "The question is not what are we going to do, the question is what aren't we going to do?" ~Ferris Bueller

• "I told you I would always come for you. Why didn't you wait for me?   Well... you were dead. Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while." ...and... "We'll never survive. Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has." ~Princess Bride

• "As God is my witness, they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again.   ~Gone with the Wind

• "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."  ~Shawshank Redemption

• "Show me the money!"   ~Jerry Maguire

• "I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubble gum." ~They Live

And here are two of my other all-time favorites!

• "So we finish 18 and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, 'Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.' And he says, 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."~Caddyshack

• "What? Over? Did you say 'over'? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!"  ~Animal House

I hope these made you smile.  Have a fantastic week!

Are Ants invading your personal space???

Our thoughts are just like ANTS. Those Automatic Negative ThoughtS (A.N.T.S.) are constantly on the move looking for something sweet to feed on. A person's brain is always thinking and creating new thoughts and beliefs, even while we sleep.

 

Learning to direct our thoughts to those healthy food sources will lead to a more productive, fruitful, and positive mindset. Listen now to my latest podcast to learn how to deal with the ANTS that may be invading your personal space!

Until next time,

James

Everything I need in life I learned from "The Matrix"

Everyone loves a great movie and once in a while, a movie comes along that has the right amount of action, character development, intrigue and a REAL MESSAGE in it. 


The Matrix trilogy is 100% based in the psychology of personal responsibility, choice, and the belief that we create our reality. Here are some great lines from the movie that all contain a messages of empowerment, personal choice and our ability to create the life that we desire.

• It is a good idea to keep in mind that everything you know could be wrong.
• In life, there isn't just one matrix, there are many. Meaningless work, TV and corrosive relationships just to name three. How many of them "have" you?
• Even a hero can get scared, drop his phones off the side of a building and give up. He just doesn't let it end that way.
• Sometimes everything hangs by a single decision: red pill or blue pill. But often that critical choice isn't always so obvious. It could come at any time. It could be right now.
• What are you waiting for? You're faster than this. Don't think you are...know you are. Come on! Stop trying to hit me and hit me!
• You have to let it all go, Neo: Fear, Doubt, Disbelief. Free...your...mind.
• When it comes to leaping from skyscraper to skyscraper, everyone falls the first time. It doesn't mean anything.
• I have these memories from my life. None of them happened. What does that mean? That the Matrix can not tell you who you are.
• Sorry kid. You've got the gift. But it looks like you are waiting for something.
• There's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.
• I didn't come here to tell you how it is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you: a world without controls, without borders or boundaries, a world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is up to you.

So, what are your favorite movie lines? How about, "Oh Captain, my Captain!" (Dead Poet's Society) "Freedom!" (Braveheart) and one of my all time favorites, "Be the ball!" (Caddyshack).  I would love to hear yours!


Until next time!


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The 3 Principles of Wealth

If you gave anyone three wishes, one of them would, for most people, be to have financial abundance and certainty to the point where "they would never have to worry about money again." 

If you want to have that level of financial certainty in life...there are only three fundamental financial principles you need to master.  Although they are frustratingly simple, they can be a challenge to put into practice.

• First and foremost, it's critical to understand that money is used to buy an emotional experience. In other words, the reason people are willing to buy something is for the emotional experience it provides them. That principle applies to the frappuccino at Starbucks as much as the laptop you purchased.
• The second law of income is that you will only have as much money as you can successfully manage. It is a fallacy to think that you once you have a certain amount of money, you will never have to worry about money again. The richest and most successful people are distinctly aware of how and where they spend their money. They understand their buying and spending habits, behaviors, and they watch the money come in and go out.  

If we have some fun combining number one and two, managing your money comes down to managing your emotional spending habits.  Before making a purchase, ask yourself what emotional experience am I trying to extract from it. Is that experience worth its cost?  Many times it is, but you might be surprised how many times, it's not.  

• The third law of income states that A-B=C. A is your assets (income you bring in each month) minus your "B," which is your bills (monthly expenses) which equals your "C," cash on hand.  Interestingly what gives you the feeling of financial safety or certainty is not your total net worth.  It's positive cash flow.  Your net worth is not likely to give you a feeling of financial safety if you have a negative cash flow month after month.  

If you ask most people who are struggling, which they would rather do, make more money or cut expenses in order to have more money, most will say, "Make more money." There is a fundamental challenge with this psychology. Your spending habits will always grow in proportion to your income! That is why rock stars, movie stars, and entertainers with millions go broke. 

So whether you take in $80 K or $500 K a year, it's what you clear that brings you that feeling of satisfaction.  If your cash outflow is greater than your cash inflow, you will continue to live with the feeling of scarcity, anxiety or stress.  You will continually yearn for more money without ever feeling truly secure.   

That's true no matter how much money you make whether it's in your personal life or your business.

To your continued success,

James

To Reach Your Goals, Sometimes the Trick is to Underachieve!

Easter weekend is almost always filled with sunshine here in Raleigh, NC. The warm Spring weather usually leads to planting a myriad of trees, bushes, and annuals. Keeping true to form, I spent most of Saturday creating a rose garden in the back of our home.

As I was working, I found myself enjoying the thoughts of running again. The gorgeous weather urged me to put on my running shoes again and hit the trail. After the last six months of training, it was nice to think of going for a nice leisurely jog for three or four miles with no specific outcome, just running for the sheer joy of running -- no expectations.

I so often talk about dreaming big, setting a huge goal, and taking massive action but sometimes, big goals lead to huge expectations, which can get the best of us. Huge expectations can often lead to being more overwhelmed or drained of energy than motivated and energized. 

When that happens, switch gears entirely and seek to underachieve! You read right: lower your aim. If you decided back in January to get in shape and lose twenty pounds but now you're spending more time telling yourself you have to get to the gym than you actually are, change your approach.

Decide to go walk or run 20 minutes each day. One of 2 things will happen: either after the successful small workout, you'll feel terrific and conclude this was doable. In which case, grabbing your running shoes tomorrow won't seem so daunting. Result: total success; you have stopped thinking about what you have to do and you're moving! Or, after 20 minutes, you will be so into it that you will continue running for another 5, 10, or even 20 more minutes. Imagine how pumped you'll feel then! All the extra time spent exercising is a total bonus because you have only committed to 20. No one is expecting you to do more. Everything you have done above that is for the pure joy of the experience and creates feelings of massive success.

Success has a momentum all its own and will build on itself, just like the expectations. Sometimes what you need to get you started (and get you out of procrastination mode) is setting a goal that's achievable right now. The initial outcome is not your ultimate goal, but sometimes to jump higher you need to lower the bar a bit. High jumpers don't go for their personal best without warming up first! Once you're in action and the adrenaline takes effect, you'll gain momentum and naturally move toward succeeding at your bigger goals. 

So maybe if I hit the trail, I'll only run 3 miles, for the sheer joy of feeling alive and vibrant. But in all likelihood, I'll keep going a bit longer. And if I don't, that's all right, I'll be out running again the next day because I can fit those miles in without pressure, and experience true feelings of success.

To your continued success,

James

Business Coaching Tip

"Being average means you are as close to the bottom as you are to the top." ~John Wooden

If you are not working everyday to give a little more, be a little bit better, put in a little extra effort, and learn a little bit more, you will always be average. Think of your competition, the only way to get ahead of them is to stay on the field just a little bit longer in practice, show up just a little bit earlier, or put that extra special touch in all that you do. A small bit of extra effort today grows, compounds and mulitplies over the weeks, months and years. You only have to be just a little bit better than your competition everyday to be successful. As 5:00pm on Friday rolls around, what can you do to be a little bit better than your competition and rise above average?

Are You Taking The Path of Least Resistance?

The Downward Rush of the Stream…

Some things in life are inevitable. Every year the seasons rotate through Winter, Summer, Spring, and Fall. Nature is full of examples of the inevitable. Water always tends to flow downstream, taking the path of least resistance until it reaches the sea. It is easy to forget that every thought and action has natural consequences that are also inevitable.

Many actions in life become habits that tend to follow the path of least resistance. I read an interesting statistic by Steve Shapiro on New Year Resolutions that stated “Less than 15% of those over 50 achieve their resolutions every year or every other year, while 39% of those in their twenties achieve their resolutions every year or every other year.”

As a parent and “responsible adult” sometimes the path of least resistance becomes a place of comfort. Being in the comfort zone can provide stability, but it can also keep you from enjoying life to the fullest. 

If you think, “I can’t do what a 20-year old can do because I have kids, a job, and too many responsibilities” Think again! 

My wife has some friends who, a few years ago, packed up everything and travelled around the world for an entire year (21 countries in all). At the time, their children were in 5th and 6th grade! It was a risk, but ultimately they chose to achieve one of their life goals sooner rather than later. It paid off in many different levels. Not only did they enjoy an incredible life experience, but they created a stunning book along the way and donated all the profits to charitable children’s causes. 

While some things in life are inevitable, ask yourself, “Am I going to go with the flow or do something to experience all life has to offer?”  

The Wrong Question to Ask…

The Wrong Question to Ask when looking at people who have accomplished a goal you have set for yourself is, unfortunately, the one that’s asked the most frequently.

I recently recorded a TV documentary on the National Ironman Triathlon held in Hawaii every year. That goal is still on my bucket list, and as I watched, I found myself asking the wrong question almost immediately.

“How do they train for such an ultimate test of physical endurance?” The answer of course, lies in hundreds of training books and online resources. The first question out of people’s mouths when I lost 60 pounds in college was “How did you do that?” As for the goals and New Year’s Resolutions that you have set, it is easy to find out “how” to do something. As a matter of fact, you can find out “How” to do almost anything in the world with today’s technology; just ask “Google®.”

So, if “how” is the wrong question to ask, what is the right question? The short interview with the eighty five year old man racing in the Ironman brought me back to my senses. Before the “How?” question, a person should first ask “What or Why?”

“What drove him or Why was he able to train for such an ultimate test of physical endurance?” He has a simple life belief: “Go anaerobic once a day.” He believed in being active and pushing him self once a day into an anaerobic state while exercising.

“What drives me or Why am I training to run a 100-mile race?” For me, running is the most whole and complete personal experience. It is mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually fulfilling.

Buried within the “What and Why’s” are the BELIEFS that will bridge the gap between setting the goal to run an ironman, and learning “How” to do it from the hundreds of books out there. Everyone knows “How” to lose weight. The true challenge for people is that they are not connected enough to the “What and Why’s” that have allowed others to succeed, and adopted them as their own.

If you are struggling with your New Year’s Resolutions already, look at someone who has achieved those results. Don’t ask the wrong question “How have they accomplished it?” Instead, ask the right question: “What has driven them?” or “Why have they achieved this goal?” Seek out the beliefs that have allowed them to succeed and make them your own. And then ask, “How did they do it?”

“What could you accomplish this year that would be the most mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually fulfilling experience?” I run consistently because I believe that doing something that provides a whole and complete experience makes me a better husband, father, coach, and person.

Next time you hear someone ask “How did you do that?” ask the right question instead, identify those empowering beliefs, and make them your own. Then ask, “How did they do that?” and put those steps into action. Enjoy your Ironman!

To your continued success,

James

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