Challenge your limiting beliefs

If a tree falls in the woods…

You have heard the question “If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it still make a sound?”.  Well, I have another question for you: “If you have a limiting belief but refuse to think about it, do you still have a problem?”. The mind is an interesting muscle.  Once it assigns a meaning to a particular situation or event, it starts building additional thoughts and beliefs to justify that initial meaning.  For better or for worse.

Years ago, I had a limiting belief that I could not run;  it hurt my knees too much. I built a wall of beliefs around that belief to justify my not running.  Then one day I decided to challenge it by running two miles, walking a mile, and running one more.  I chose a new belief: “I can run three miles.”  In that moment, I refused to think my old limiting belief and replaced it with another one.  And, my mind responded like it always does; it started to look for new beliefs and thoughts to strengthen that new belief. I found a way to use my mind in a way that was to my advantage.  The new beliefs, strengthened with consistent running, changed my life.

The results speak for themselves: 15 half marathons, 13 marathons, one 40-mile trail race, 50-mile race and 100K trail race in the next 20 years. I found that, in the end, I changed something even deeper than a belief. I changed my core identity. I changed from being the “fat band kid” to being a “long distance endurance athlete” and “zen-runner.” Changing who you believe you are is the deepest change you can make. 

I encourage you to question your own thoughts when you think something limits you. Just because you think a thought, does not automatically mean that it is true.  Go and find a way to disprove it, even if it is in a small way.  Adopt a new belief and strengthen it with consistent actions.  

Let you mind weave new beliefs and thoughts around it to strengthen it, and over time, you will achieve more that you ever thought possible.  It will give you the strength and courage to truly change your life.  

Running two miles did not lead to “long distance endurance runner” overnight.  Initially, I never dreamed I would go out and complete a 100 kilometer race with total confidence in my ability to go the distance.  But once I challenged my initial limiting belief, it led me down many paths, many races, many spiritual moments, and a more fulfilling life. 

And as for the philosophical question of whether or not a falling tree makes a sound if nobody is there to hear it, the answer is “It doesn’t matter because you will be somewhere else, thinking about something else, and making your life be something better!”

To your continued success,

James

Is Your Message Not Getting Through?

Effective communication is one of the most challenging issues for anyone working in a team such as a business or organization.  With so many different personality types working together, trying to tailor your communication strategy to each one can be daunting.

The Compliment Sandwich method is a classic and effective tool that we often forget to use.  It is one of the easiest and most effective ways to communicate anything to any personality style.  The conversation will feel genuine and flow smoothly provided that the positive feedback/compliments are genuine and related to your concern(s), and that you do not overuse that technique so that your words don’t seem contrived.

The idea is to start with some positive feedback (the bread), followed by the issue you need to address (the meat of your message), and finish with another compliment or positive feedback (the second piece of bread).  The part that is most overlooked however is the verbiage you use in between the compliments and the main message itself.  Stay away from words like “but”, “although”, or “however”.  The immediate response to those words is defensiveness.  They directly void any positive feedback —however sincere— you started with.

Let’s say that you are having an issue with a team member spending an increasing amount of time at work on personal matters.  You might approach the person this way: 

“John,  We love having you as a part of this team.  Your idea at yesterday’s sales meeting was right on point! AND in fact it’s clear that you have a real impact on our corporate culture in the office; a lot of the junior associates take their cues from you.

So it’s crucial that you limit the time you spend on personal matters whether it be on the phone or online to the times when you are officially on break.  

I know how committed you have been to this organization and I appreciate all your work especially for this last project.  It made a difference."

Now, let’s add one more concept into the process. There are three different types of postures you can adopt when communicating with someone: authoritative, participative, or subordinate. An authoritative posture is always direct and to the point: “it’s crucial that you do xyz”.  Your main message —the meat of the sandwich— is ALWAYS authoritative so the corrective action is clear and concise. The positive feedbacks or compliments —the bread— are  ALWAYS participative: “We love you being part of the team”.  You are not posturing down or up, you are simply delivering a genuine compliment as one person to another.

We always have a choice on how we

To your continued success,

James

The Wrong Question to Ask…

The Wrong Question to Ask when looking at people who have accomplished a goal you have set for yourself is, unfortunately, the one that’s asked the most frequently.

I recently recorded a TV documentary on the National Ironman Triathlon held in Hawaii every year. That goal is still on my bucket list, and as I watched, I found myself asking the wrong question almost immediately.

“How do they train for such an ultimate test of physical endurance?” The answer of course, lies in hundreds of training books and online resources. The first question out of people’s mouths when I lost 60 pounds in college was “How did you do that?” As for the goals and New Year’s Resolutions that you have set, it is easy to find out “how” to do something. As a matter of fact, you can find out “How” to do almost anything in the world with today’s technology; just ask “Google®.”

So, if “how” is the wrong question to ask, what is the right question? The short interview with the eighty five year old man racing in the Ironman brought me back to my senses. Before the “How?” question, a person should first ask “What or Why?”

“What drove him or Why was he able to train for such an ultimate test of physical endurance?” He has a simple life belief: “Go anaerobic once a day.” He believed in being active and pushing him self once a day into an anaerobic state while exercising.

“What drives me or Why am I training to run a 100-mile race?” For me, running is the most whole and complete personal experience. It is mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually fulfilling.

Buried within the “What and Why’s” are the BELIEFS that will bridge the gap between setting the goal to run an ironman, and learning “How” to do it from the hundreds of books out there. Everyone knows “How” to lose weight. The true challenge for people is that they are not connected enough to the “What and Why’s” that have allowed others to succeed, and adopted them as their own.

If you are struggling with your New Year’s Resolutions already, look at someone who has achieved those results. Don’t ask the wrong question “How have they accomplished it?” Instead, ask the right question: “What has driven them?” or “Why have they achieved this goal?” Seek out the beliefs that have allowed them to succeed and make them your own. And then ask, “How did they do it?”

“What could you accomplish this year that would be the most mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually fulfilling experience?” I run consistently because I believe that doing something that provides a whole and complete experience makes me a better husband, father, coach, and person.

Next time you hear someone ask “How did you do that?” ask the right question instead, identify those empowering beliefs, and make them your own. Then ask, “How did they do that?” and put those steps into action. Enjoy your Ironman!

To your continued success,

James

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