Stop Thinking!
Many times in life we think about something that we would love to achieve or accomplish and then immediately talk ourselves out of it because the first thing that comes to mind is, “…but I don’t know how I will ever be able to do it.”
Most people take a great amount of certainty and security from “developing a plan” to achieve their goals. I am sure that you have heard the saying, “If you are failing to plan then you are planning to fail.” Waiting to take action until you have developed a plan sets up a perfect behavioral pattern for procrastination.
Many of the most fulfilling and rewarding goals I have achieved in life came from taking a bold, immediate action before I had a plan in place. Let me give you some examples:
• In 2007, I wanted to take a family trip to the Bahamas to visit friends, swim with dolphins and dive with sharks. Instead of waiting until I had the trip planned financially and logistically, I took the money I had saved and purchased the plane tickets. I had no clue how I was going to manage the time off work, get the family scuba certified, or make the rest of the money that would be needed for lodging. I let those parts of the plan develop after I made that first commitment. It was some great motivation to develop the plan and get it moving. We had a once-in-a-lifetime trip full of amazing memories.
• In June 2007, I had a goal to move to North Carolina. With the Phoenix housing market going downhill fast, I had to drop my tentative plan to sell my house and immediately put it up for sale. My final plan ended up including a double move with a 3 month stay in Colorado for a summer. One year later we closed on our new home in NC. If I hadn’t taken that first leap of faith, I might still be in Phoenix.
• In the back of my mind I have had a desire to run a 100 mile ultra-marathon this year since I just turned 40. You could call it the answer to my mid-life crisis. Instead of mapping out the six month training plan, core strength program, and eating regiment, I found a race that fit my needs, applied, and was accepted as one of the 250 runners of the race. Now, I have huge incentive and motivation to get my plan in place and have started running again. Wish me luck!
After you set your goals in life, sometimes it is best to sail to the new coast, burn your ship and then develop the rest of the plan on the fly. I understand this will cause a great amount of uncertainty, doubt, and fear. However, those emotions can be converted into actions and planning that will lead you to the desired end result.
If you are stuck in any of your goals, I urge you to find a way to put down the need to plan and instead take an immediate action that commits you to your goal. It is the immediate action that provides the motivation, activities, and opportunities that help you to develop the plan.
Your mind will be flooded with questions like:
• How am I going to pay for that?
• How can I make this work?
• What am I going to see and do there?
• How will I spend my time?
“Take action towards your plan NOW and you will naturally discover what needs to be planned for in the future.”
If you need some support developing a plan and taking action TODAY! Call TODAY for your evolution towards greater success. Commit to 3 or more coaching sessions in the month of October and receive 10% off!
10/3/08
8/29/08
Character Revealed
Character Revealed
It is often stated that true heroes in life, the people who perform spectacular feats in one perilous moment, are just normal people. That one perilous moment just allows the rest of the world to see their true character. Many times, they downplay their moments in the spotlight and prefer to remain anonymous.
How do you find and define character without a perilous moment? Is it having integrity? Is it found when you see someone totally committed to an impossible dream and they achieve it? Is it found when someone has a selfless act of courage that puts their life on the line for another?
I want to share a simple story of a man who exemplifies having character. Richard Munsen was born in Story City, IA 82 years ago. He is Norwegian by bloodline and went off to war in WWII, became a Captain of a B-17, and was shot down flying a mission over the Balkans in Croatia. With the help of the Partisan resistance, he and his crew evaded the Germans for 45 days and finally made it safely back to allied territory. He transitioned from his military service back to Story City, IA and co-owned and operated a Chevrolet dealership for the rest of his work career. I know of his life’s story because he is the grandfather of my son.
On a trip to visit Dick this month, as soon as I walked in the door he grabbed me by the arm and stated, “Come here, I have to show you something.” On a folding table in his living room was a puzzle that I had given her the previous Christmas. It was a WWII puzzle of the Normandy invasion.
As we sat down together to work on the puzzle that evening, I noticed several things. First, Dick has been having a sore knee lately and after a while, I could see that sitting at the table was beginning to be uncomfortable. Second, he his vision is challenged, in one eye he sees double and in the other he sees things raised about twice as high as the other. Fitting together pieces of a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle was certainly a worthy challenge with his eyesight challenges. Third, after 8 months of working on the puzzle he was proud as he could be with the progress made to date. The puzzle was only about 1/3 completed. He told me that some nights he can’t sleep and comes out to work in “a piece or two.” He consistently works on it just about everyday.
In that moment, I thought, “Wow, this is character. Many people would call his efforts an example of commitment, perseverance, dedication, or pursuit of achievement; but to me, it just signified personal “character.” Despite all of the physical challenges he was enduring, he still sits down everyday and works towards a worthy goal. He was keeping his mind active, alert, and practicing patience on the path to success.
How often do we miss the “character” that others show in their daily actions? How often do we overlook what makes people special? I have a tremendous amount of respect for Dick because he did such “heroic” things like becoming a pilot in WWII, evading the Germans for 45 days in the mountains of Yugoslavia, leading his men to safety, and taking on the entrepreneurial responsibilities of owning a successful Chevrolet dealership. What I respect the most is that at 82, he still shows the same character everyday that he has during his life as he works to fit one more piece of life’s puzzle together.
Find the hero in the people that you come in contact with today. They are exhibiting their character in many ways, if you just look for it. Appreciate their life experiences, how they have grown over the years, and keep a look out for the small things they do that reveal their true “character.” Everything you need in life to be inspired, to love, to experience gratitude, are right in front of you if you look for it. And remember to look at refining your own “character” so that you can continue to inspire others, as well.
If you wish to read more about Dick Munsen and his WWII experiences, please check out his website at: www.munsen.com
If you need some support in living a life with more “Character,” Call Now for a coaching session that will change your life.
(303) 681-3555
If you wish to unsubscribe, please reply with “unsubscribe” in the subject line.
It is often stated that true heroes in life, the people who perform spectacular feats in one perilous moment, are just normal people. That one perilous moment just allows the rest of the world to see their true character. Many times, they downplay their moments in the spotlight and prefer to remain anonymous.
How do you find and define character without a perilous moment? Is it having integrity? Is it found when you see someone totally committed to an impossible dream and they achieve it? Is it found when someone has a selfless act of courage that puts their life on the line for another?
I want to share a simple story of a man who exemplifies having character. Richard Munsen was born in Story City, IA 82 years ago. He is Norwegian by bloodline and went off to war in WWII, became a Captain of a B-17, and was shot down flying a mission over the Balkans in Croatia. With the help of the Partisan resistance, he and his crew evaded the Germans for 45 days and finally made it safely back to allied territory. He transitioned from his military service back to Story City, IA and co-owned and operated a Chevrolet dealership for the rest of his work career. I know of his life’s story because he is the grandfather of my son.
On a trip to visit Dick this month, as soon as I walked in the door he grabbed me by the arm and stated, “Come here, I have to show you something.” On a folding table in his living room was a puzzle that I had given her the previous Christmas. It was a WWII puzzle of the Normandy invasion.
As we sat down together to work on the puzzle that evening, I noticed several things. First, Dick has been having a sore knee lately and after a while, I could see that sitting at the table was beginning to be uncomfortable. Second, he his vision is challenged, in one eye he sees double and in the other he sees things raised about twice as high as the other. Fitting together pieces of a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle was certainly a worthy challenge with his eyesight challenges. Third, after 8 months of working on the puzzle he was proud as he could be with the progress made to date. The puzzle was only about 1/3 completed. He told me that some nights he can’t sleep and comes out to work in “a piece or two.” He consistently works on it just about everyday.
In that moment, I thought, “Wow, this is character. Many people would call his efforts an example of commitment, perseverance, dedication, or pursuit of achievement; but to me, it just signified personal “character.” Despite all of the physical challenges he was enduring, he still sits down everyday and works towards a worthy goal. He was keeping his mind active, alert, and practicing patience on the path to success.
How often do we miss the “character” that others show in their daily actions? How often do we overlook what makes people special? I have a tremendous amount of respect for Dick because he did such “heroic” things like becoming a pilot in WWII, evading the Germans for 45 days in the mountains of Yugoslavia, leading his men to safety, and taking on the entrepreneurial responsibilities of owning a successful Chevrolet dealership. What I respect the most is that at 82, he still shows the same character everyday that he has during his life as he works to fit one more piece of life’s puzzle together.
Find the hero in the people that you come in contact with today. They are exhibiting their character in many ways, if you just look for it. Appreciate their life experiences, how they have grown over the years, and keep a look out for the small things they do that reveal their true “character.” Everything you need in life to be inspired, to love, to experience gratitude, are right in front of you if you look for it. And remember to look at refining your own “character” so that you can continue to inspire others, as well.
If you wish to read more about Dick Munsen and his WWII experiences, please check out his website at: www.munsen.com
If you need some support in living a life with more “Character,” Call Now for a coaching session that will change your life.
(303) 681-3555
If you wish to unsubscribe, please reply with “unsubscribe” in the subject line.
8/21/08
Breaking the Rules!
Breaking the Rules
In today’s hectic world there is no shortage of emotional intensity. There is plenty of stress, frustration, depression, anxiety, and unhappiness. Fear seems to have begun to take hold caused in party by the recent fluctuations in the housing and stock markets. If you have any doubts these disempowering emotional states are present, just ask any customer service representative, listen to the news, or just drive home in rush hour traffic in the left hand lane.
Most people who come to coaching are looking for the greater empowering emotional intensity that is sometimes hard to find in our everyday life: peace, success, achievement, happiness, and love. Many find their lives have become flat, lonely, without purpose.
Having a purpose in life is an interesting ideology that many people spend their entire life pursuing. But often by living life everyday, we build our habits which develop our limitations and beliefs about what we can and can not do, without consciously thinking about it. Many of you reading this now may be saying to yourself, “I don’t have time for meditating on my purpose in life; with three kids, a full time job, a spouse that works, and a household to keep in order, who has time for purpose?”
Well, I propose we break out of that cycle. We’re going to do this in two parts: The first part is as follows - this week I would love for you to repeatedly ask yourself this question. Here is it:
“When you were younger, what was so fun, exciting, and adventurous that you were willing to break Mom and Dad’s rules, even at the risk of being punished?” When you were a kid, what did you get in trouble for wanting to become? What did you get in trouble for doing? What did you dream about and never tell anyone? What would you have done that was worth the spanking, grounding, or loss of car privileges you would have received?
OK, so that was more than one question… What came into your mind as you were asking yourself those questions?
One of the problems with living life as an adult is that many times we have become the parent of ourselves. Oh, NO. When was the last time you were willing to go out and do something so unexpected and crazy that even if you got in trouble with your “parental” self the experience would be worth it? What do you want to sneak out of your bedroom window at night to do that would be worth the risk of getting caught when you got home?
Now here’s the second part - pick one of them and go do it now. Add some joy, enthusiasm, adventure, fun, and playfulness to your life. It will make the routines of life, kids, career, and finances easier to manage when you wake up Monday morning. You will smile, feeling great inside, knowing that it was totally worth it. Live life to its fullest, dream big dreams, break your own rules for yourself and do what is worth getting in “trouble” for!
Keep in mind, however, this statement has a very important caveat: Only break the rules doing something that is truly good for you, those closest to you, your community and the world as a whole. Clearly I am not advocating the type of activities that would cause irreparable harm to your finances, your relationships or your standing in the community – and definitely nothing that lands you in jail! But lead life joyously and a little outside your self-defined lines – allow yourself to play music full blast in the shower as you sing along at the top of your lungs, eat that occasional ice cream cone licking your fingers as it melts, take the kids out in the middle of the rain storm to stomp in puddles… Whatever brings that child-like happiness and joy back into your life!
Really, it’s ok…. I give you permission! It’s time you did too!
We are two thirds of the way through this year. If you need help finding something to do in order to “break the rules that your parental self” has developed, CALL NOW! You need some support!
(303) 681-3555
If you wish to Unsubscribe, just type in the reply text box, “unsubscribe.”
In today’s hectic world there is no shortage of emotional intensity. There is plenty of stress, frustration, depression, anxiety, and unhappiness. Fear seems to have begun to take hold caused in party by the recent fluctuations in the housing and stock markets. If you have any doubts these disempowering emotional states are present, just ask any customer service representative, listen to the news, or just drive home in rush hour traffic in the left hand lane.
Most people who come to coaching are looking for the greater empowering emotional intensity that is sometimes hard to find in our everyday life: peace, success, achievement, happiness, and love. Many find their lives have become flat, lonely, without purpose.
Having a purpose in life is an interesting ideology that many people spend their entire life pursuing. But often by living life everyday, we build our habits which develop our limitations and beliefs about what we can and can not do, without consciously thinking about it. Many of you reading this now may be saying to yourself, “I don’t have time for meditating on my purpose in life; with three kids, a full time job, a spouse that works, and a household to keep in order, who has time for purpose?”
Well, I propose we break out of that cycle. We’re going to do this in two parts: The first part is as follows - this week I would love for you to repeatedly ask yourself this question. Here is it:
“When you were younger, what was so fun, exciting, and adventurous that you were willing to break Mom and Dad’s rules, even at the risk of being punished?” When you were a kid, what did you get in trouble for wanting to become? What did you get in trouble for doing? What did you dream about and never tell anyone? What would you have done that was worth the spanking, grounding, or loss of car privileges you would have received?
OK, so that was more than one question… What came into your mind as you were asking yourself those questions?
One of the problems with living life as an adult is that many times we have become the parent of ourselves. Oh, NO. When was the last time you were willing to go out and do something so unexpected and crazy that even if you got in trouble with your “parental” self the experience would be worth it? What do you want to sneak out of your bedroom window at night to do that would be worth the risk of getting caught when you got home?
Now here’s the second part - pick one of them and go do it now. Add some joy, enthusiasm, adventure, fun, and playfulness to your life. It will make the routines of life, kids, career, and finances easier to manage when you wake up Monday morning. You will smile, feeling great inside, knowing that it was totally worth it. Live life to its fullest, dream big dreams, break your own rules for yourself and do what is worth getting in “trouble” for!
Keep in mind, however, this statement has a very important caveat: Only break the rules doing something that is truly good for you, those closest to you, your community and the world as a whole. Clearly I am not advocating the type of activities that would cause irreparable harm to your finances, your relationships or your standing in the community – and definitely nothing that lands you in jail! But lead life joyously and a little outside your self-defined lines – allow yourself to play music full blast in the shower as you sing along at the top of your lungs, eat that occasional ice cream cone licking your fingers as it melts, take the kids out in the middle of the rain storm to stomp in puddles… Whatever brings that child-like happiness and joy back into your life!
Really, it’s ok…. I give you permission! It’s time you did too!
We are two thirds of the way through this year. If you need help finding something to do in order to “break the rules that your parental self” has developed, CALL NOW! You need some support!
(303) 681-3555
If you wish to Unsubscribe, just type in the reply text box, “unsubscribe.”
8/14/08
Bumper Sticker Bonanza
Bumper Sticker Bonanza
I had a very interesting ride to Colorado Springs last week. I was on a mission to return my vacuum cleaner for repair when there it was, the bumper sticker that changed my life. As I read it over and over, I sat absolutely stunned. It is not often that I am speechless, but in that moment, my tongue was tied in a triple knot that was never coming undone. Children, cover your eyes. The bumper sticker said, “Will f*@k for Gas” and has a woman’s silhouette bending over. WOW! I know the news about the economy has not been favorable lately, but there it was in plain sight. I was shocked, dismayed, and wondered about the psychology of the person who would put that message on their car.
Irony seems to follow me around, maybe since my last name is Murphy, and as I sat there in shock another car pulled up to the left of the lady in front of me and had a bumper sticker that stated, “Namaste: The divine in me blesses and honors the divine in you.” Somebody somewhere was sending me a message. I didn’t have too much time to contemplate as the light turned green and we all went our separate ways.
Isn’t that how life is? It seems like we are always being served two different messages: the glass is half full or the glass is half empty. But more importantly, who do we become as we assimilate all of the messages we are bombarded with? What are the defining character traits of the person with the gas bumper sticker versus the person with the Namaste sticker?
James Allen wrote a great book called, “As a Man Thinketh.” It’s basic premise is easy and simple. As you think, so you are. Who are you and what are you feeding your brain? Do you spend your day immersed in self help, hopeful messages, positive thinking, and the glass half full or do you belittle yourself and others with negative thoughts, watch the evening news, soap operas, and that ever popular show, Cops?
My point is this, “Stand guard at the doorway of your mind. What you let in is what you become.” Try this as a self guided technique, right before you go to bed pull out a journal and write down 8-10 things you are truly grateful for that day. Then write down a commitment for yourself to wake up a certain time the next morning having gotten all of the sleep that you need to be rested and refreshed. Then commit to 3-5 specific things you are going to accomplish the next day that really have some meaning for you. See what happens at the end of the week. Watch what you feed your mind, feed it good, happy, positive thoughts and experiences and you will enrich your life.
The Divine in me blesses and honors the Divine in you, Namaste.
To get more peace in your life, raise your peer group and get a stop the “Why” questions: CALL NOW! During the month of August, all new coaching clients will receive 10% off of each coaching session or the Sure Hire Behavioral Assessment thru August 31, 2008. We also have a great referral system, so tell your friends and business colleagues who need to get that “edge” to call now!
Check out my websites and blogs:
www.evolutionforsuccess.com
www.surehirenow.com
I had a very interesting ride to Colorado Springs last week. I was on a mission to return my vacuum cleaner for repair when there it was, the bumper sticker that changed my life. As I read it over and over, I sat absolutely stunned. It is not often that I am speechless, but in that moment, my tongue was tied in a triple knot that was never coming undone. Children, cover your eyes. The bumper sticker said, “Will f*@k for Gas” and has a woman’s silhouette bending over. WOW! I know the news about the economy has not been favorable lately, but there it was in plain sight. I was shocked, dismayed, and wondered about the psychology of the person who would put that message on their car.
Irony seems to follow me around, maybe since my last name is Murphy, and as I sat there in shock another car pulled up to the left of the lady in front of me and had a bumper sticker that stated, “Namaste: The divine in me blesses and honors the divine in you.” Somebody somewhere was sending me a message. I didn’t have too much time to contemplate as the light turned green and we all went our separate ways.
Isn’t that how life is? It seems like we are always being served two different messages: the glass is half full or the glass is half empty. But more importantly, who do we become as we assimilate all of the messages we are bombarded with? What are the defining character traits of the person with the gas bumper sticker versus the person with the Namaste sticker?
James Allen wrote a great book called, “As a Man Thinketh.” It’s basic premise is easy and simple. As you think, so you are. Who are you and what are you feeding your brain? Do you spend your day immersed in self help, hopeful messages, positive thinking, and the glass half full or do you belittle yourself and others with negative thoughts, watch the evening news, soap operas, and that ever popular show, Cops?
My point is this, “Stand guard at the doorway of your mind. What you let in is what you become.” Try this as a self guided technique, right before you go to bed pull out a journal and write down 8-10 things you are truly grateful for that day. Then write down a commitment for yourself to wake up a certain time the next morning having gotten all of the sleep that you need to be rested and refreshed. Then commit to 3-5 specific things you are going to accomplish the next day that really have some meaning for you. See what happens at the end of the week. Watch what you feed your mind, feed it good, happy, positive thoughts and experiences and you will enrich your life.
The Divine in me blesses and honors the Divine in you, Namaste.
To get more peace in your life, raise your peer group and get a stop the “Why” questions: CALL NOW! During the month of August, all new coaching clients will receive 10% off of each coaching session or the Sure Hire Behavioral Assessment thru August 31, 2008. We also have a great referral system, so tell your friends and business colleagues who need to get that “edge” to call now!
Check out my websites and blogs:
www.evolutionforsuccess.com
www.surehirenow.com
8/9/08
Double the Coins on Days Not Ending in “Y”
Double the Coins on Days Not Ending in “Y”
It is always interesting to go back to small town Iowa after having lived in San Diego, Denver, and Phoenix for so many years. I recently found myself back in Iowa visiting relatives and found these thoughts waiting for me.
As I was out running on a Sunday morning, I passed the local car wash which was sporting the sign, “New Change Machine, Double the Coins on Days Not Ending in “Y”. I reread the sign then mentally reviewed the 7 days of the week in my mind; Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Wouldn’t you know, all of them end in “Y” - no extra coins for me! I mentally pictured an old farmer, rocking on his front porch, laughing and saying “Made you look!”
As I smiled to myself, I couldn’t help but think…”They got me – who doesn’t want the opportunity to get more for nothing?” As I continued to run, I examined my initial reaction to the sign - We all want something for nothing; the promise of a bigger return for less effort. We want huge results for minimal input into an endeavor.
I love word play and metaphors, and the more I thought about it, the less “Double the Coins on Days Not Ending in “Y” worked for me. So, I found a way to learn something from that sign – I changed it to “Double the Coins on Days Not Ending in WHY“. Why? I am glad that you asked. (I told you I loved word-play!)
The brain is hard-wired to find an answer (consciously or unconsciously) for every question we ask it. Many times in life when things don’t go our way we mentally ask the question “Why…?” This can be a pitfall in our thinking - Why questions do not serve us. “Why…” questions lead us into developing explanations, justifications and formation of belief patterns that are usually not empowering. Most of the time “Why...” questions lead us to thoughts that do not help us achieve or take action. Here are some examples of these negative questions….
• Why can’t I do this?
• Why couldn’t I remember that?
• Why does this always happen to me?
• Why do people always do this?
• Why can’t they just…? Why not?
So, I propose you can get “Double Your Coins Back on the Days Not Ending in “Why” by replacing those “Why...” questions with “How...” questions. “How…” questions lead to possibility. They trigger the mind to pull up past references to support where you are now and where you want to be in the future. Some examples of these positive questions are:
• How can I continue to feel prosperous today?
• How can I see the bright side of this problem?
• How can I feel better about myself and what I want to do today?
• How can these problems be resolved today in my favor?
• How is everyone I meet today going to support me in moving towards my goals?
• How can I find the answer to the problem?
“Why…” questions never serve us because they lead to the development of limiting beliefs and poor thought patterns, whereas “How…” questions allow us to take our personal power back and find solutions. Ask better questions of your brain and your brain will give you better answers. Have fun this week asking more “How…” questions to unleash your genius and uncover your potential!
If you are looking at the world through “why” colored glasses and need a change, CALL NOW! During the month of August, all new coaching clients will receive 10% off of each coaching session or the Sure Hire Behavioral Assessment thru August 31, 2008. We also have a great referral system, so tell your friends and business colleagues who need to get that “edge” to call now!
Check out my websites and blogs:
www.evolutionforsuccess.com
www.surehirenow.com
If you wish to unsubscribe, pleas “Reply” with “unsubscribe” in the subject line. Thank you.
It is always interesting to go back to small town Iowa after having lived in San Diego, Denver, and Phoenix for so many years. I recently found myself back in Iowa visiting relatives and found these thoughts waiting for me.
As I was out running on a Sunday morning, I passed the local car wash which was sporting the sign, “New Change Machine, Double the Coins on Days Not Ending in “Y”. I reread the sign then mentally reviewed the 7 days of the week in my mind; Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Wouldn’t you know, all of them end in “Y” - no extra coins for me! I mentally pictured an old farmer, rocking on his front porch, laughing and saying “Made you look!”
As I smiled to myself, I couldn’t help but think…”They got me – who doesn’t want the opportunity to get more for nothing?” As I continued to run, I examined my initial reaction to the sign - We all want something for nothing; the promise of a bigger return for less effort. We want huge results for minimal input into an endeavor.
I love word play and metaphors, and the more I thought about it, the less “Double the Coins on Days Not Ending in “Y” worked for me. So, I found a way to learn something from that sign – I changed it to “Double the Coins on Days Not Ending in WHY“. Why? I am glad that you asked. (I told you I loved word-play!)
The brain is hard-wired to find an answer (consciously or unconsciously) for every question we ask it. Many times in life when things don’t go our way we mentally ask the question “Why…?” This can be a pitfall in our thinking - Why questions do not serve us. “Why…” questions lead us into developing explanations, justifications and formation of belief patterns that are usually not empowering. Most of the time “Why...” questions lead us to thoughts that do not help us achieve or take action. Here are some examples of these negative questions….
• Why can’t I do this?
• Why couldn’t I remember that?
• Why does this always happen to me?
• Why do people always do this?
• Why can’t they just…? Why not?
So, I propose you can get “Double Your Coins Back on the Days Not Ending in “Why” by replacing those “Why...” questions with “How...” questions. “How…” questions lead to possibility. They trigger the mind to pull up past references to support where you are now and where you want to be in the future. Some examples of these positive questions are:
• How can I continue to feel prosperous today?
• How can I see the bright side of this problem?
• How can I feel better about myself and what I want to do today?
• How can these problems be resolved today in my favor?
• How is everyone I meet today going to support me in moving towards my goals?
• How can I find the answer to the problem?
“Why…” questions never serve us because they lead to the development of limiting beliefs and poor thought patterns, whereas “How…” questions allow us to take our personal power back and find solutions. Ask better questions of your brain and your brain will give you better answers. Have fun this week asking more “How…” questions to unleash your genius and uncover your potential!
If you are looking at the world through “why” colored glasses and need a change, CALL NOW! During the month of August, all new coaching clients will receive 10% off of each coaching session or the Sure Hire Behavioral Assessment thru August 31, 2008. We also have a great referral system, so tell your friends and business colleagues who need to get that “edge” to call now!
Check out my websites and blogs:
www.evolutionforsuccess.com
www.surehirenow.com
If you wish to unsubscribe, pleas “Reply” with “unsubscribe” in the subject line. Thank you.
7/29/08
Pull out the Fix-It Hammer Second, not First!
Pull out the Fix-It Hammer Second, not First!
How many times has something been broken, and when our first solution for fixing the problem doesn’t work we result to brute force? This rarely works, and usually produces results that are the exact opposite of what we are trying to accomplish. But, in that moment, losing ourselves to the frustration feels great! I personally am always tempted to reach for my hammer when dealing with problems that arise with my computer! You’re probably found yourself in a similar situation on more than one occasion.
However, when it comes to handling issues in our relationships this communication model just does not work! You’ve heard it before - men tend to jump straight to problem solving mode. When something is broken we jump right in and want to fix the problem. Women, however, want and need to be understood first. No wonder conflicts in communication occur given the different needs of men and women.
Emotional states are not rational. They are not supposed to make sense. Every emotional state that a woman or man has is “perfect.” It reminds me of the Tom Cruise movie, “The Last Samurai.” At one point Tom Cruise’s character is standing in a garden with his captor and they are discussing philosophy. His captor says, “Men spend their whole life trying to find the perfect cherry blossom.” At the end of the movie Tom Cruise has befriended his captor and in the last moments before his captor dies, they flash to pictures of a cherry tree and its blossoms, and his captor states, “They are all perfect.”
Validation of an emotional state builds understanding; it is not what is said but what is felt that is the building block of communications. Regardless of who you’re communicating with (be it male or female), your communication will be enhanced by remembering my first guideline in communications with anyone - “Validation of the other person’s emotional states always precedes resolution and problem solving.”
In almost any communication where there is disagreement, it is because one person is searching for solution and another for validation. Or, many times the argument arises because neither person feels they are being validated by the other. Validation from both parties always needs to come before the solution if you want to have truly fulfilling relationships.
Let me give an example: For two weeks George comes home directly from work and is on time for dinner. After two weeks of being on time, during the third week he is late one night. He comes in the front door, to be greeted by his wife Mary, who says something like, “Why are you always late and never home on time? Why can’t I trust you to do what you say you are going to do?”
Some people in George’s position might jump straight to “solution mode” and respond without validation – “What do you mean, I have been on time for the last two weeks and I’m late just this one time and I get all of this flack! What do you mean you can’t trust me? Next time I will call before I leave work so you know when I will be home. How is that? OK?” I think we can all agree that’s not likely to calm Mary’s state of mind!
However, if George responds by putting himself in Mary’s shoes, remembering that her feelings are driving the situation, and responds by validating them, would he get a better response if he answered with this – “Wow Mary, I can see that the kids are loud and whining, you must have had a long day doing laundry, cleaning the house, helping the kids with their homework, getting groceries, and not having any time just for you. On top of that you put all of this work into a great dinner for us and you have been waiting for me and I am late. Then after dinner there is still a ton of work left to do, washing the dinner dishes, putting the kids down, and then you only get an hour or two before bed and this all starts again tomorrow morning. You must have had a really crazy day. I know how tough it is when I have the kids for just a couple of hours, I don’t know how you do it! You need a raise! I love you and I’m sorry you had such a long day.”
Then George can fulfill his need to find a solution – Mary is now feeling that George understands her frustration, and is now open to hearing any of George’s solutions:
• “I promise next time I will call when I am going to be late.”
• “Let’s get a babysitter on Friday and have a night out just the two of us.”
• “How about if I take the kids for a few hours on the weekend and you go shopping or out with friends?”
• “You deserve a break, why don’t I set up a massage or manicure appointment for you this weekend?”
• “Let’s just order take-out tomorrow so you have a night off from cooking?”
What would that do to enhance the communication within George and Mary’s relationship? Could this example help you improve communications with the people in your life?
This brings us to an important aspect of this philosophy – you do not need to agree with the other person’s beliefs/emotions, tell them they are right or wrong, or violate your own personal beliefs in order to validate someone else’s feelings and perspective. Validation can occur even if you don’t accept their way of thinking or believe it makes sense. George may believe that Mary may be overreacting, but that doesn’t mean he can’t appreciate and acknowledge what has contributed to her emotional state. A person needs to just look a level deeper for understanding. You can still validate each other’s position, agree to disagree on a subject, and still keep the love and respect between each other.
Next time, reach for validation first, then search for a solution second. You will be astounded at the positive shift that will occur in your relationships with others.
If you need some help and understanding in the areas of validation and solutions in your relationships, CALL NOW! If you commit to three months of Accelerated Coaching (4 sessions per month for 3 months) you get your fourth month of coaching free! That is a 25% savings! I guarantee you will feel differently about your life and make incredible changes!
The greatest compliment you can give is a referral. Please pass this on to anyone you know who may need some help and support in these uncertain economic times. We have a great referral bonus waiting just for you.
Call NOW! (303) 681-3555
How many times has something been broken, and when our first solution for fixing the problem doesn’t work we result to brute force? This rarely works, and usually produces results that are the exact opposite of what we are trying to accomplish. But, in that moment, losing ourselves to the frustration feels great! I personally am always tempted to reach for my hammer when dealing with problems that arise with my computer! You’re probably found yourself in a similar situation on more than one occasion.
However, when it comes to handling issues in our relationships this communication model just does not work! You’ve heard it before - men tend to jump straight to problem solving mode. When something is broken we jump right in and want to fix the problem. Women, however, want and need to be understood first. No wonder conflicts in communication occur given the different needs of men and women.
Emotional states are not rational. They are not supposed to make sense. Every emotional state that a woman or man has is “perfect.” It reminds me of the Tom Cruise movie, “The Last Samurai.” At one point Tom Cruise’s character is standing in a garden with his captor and they are discussing philosophy. His captor says, “Men spend their whole life trying to find the perfect cherry blossom.” At the end of the movie Tom Cruise has befriended his captor and in the last moments before his captor dies, they flash to pictures of a cherry tree and its blossoms, and his captor states, “They are all perfect.”
Validation of an emotional state builds understanding; it is not what is said but what is felt that is the building block of communications. Regardless of who you’re communicating with (be it male or female), your communication will be enhanced by remembering my first guideline in communications with anyone - “Validation of the other person’s emotional states always precedes resolution and problem solving.”
In almost any communication where there is disagreement, it is because one person is searching for solution and another for validation. Or, many times the argument arises because neither person feels they are being validated by the other. Validation from both parties always needs to come before the solution if you want to have truly fulfilling relationships.
Let me give an example: For two weeks George comes home directly from work and is on time for dinner. After two weeks of being on time, during the third week he is late one night. He comes in the front door, to be greeted by his wife Mary, who says something like, “Why are you always late and never home on time? Why can’t I trust you to do what you say you are going to do?”
Some people in George’s position might jump straight to “solution mode” and respond without validation – “What do you mean, I have been on time for the last two weeks and I’m late just this one time and I get all of this flack! What do you mean you can’t trust me? Next time I will call before I leave work so you know when I will be home. How is that? OK?” I think we can all agree that’s not likely to calm Mary’s state of mind!
However, if George responds by putting himself in Mary’s shoes, remembering that her feelings are driving the situation, and responds by validating them, would he get a better response if he answered with this – “Wow Mary, I can see that the kids are loud and whining, you must have had a long day doing laundry, cleaning the house, helping the kids with their homework, getting groceries, and not having any time just for you. On top of that you put all of this work into a great dinner for us and you have been waiting for me and I am late. Then after dinner there is still a ton of work left to do, washing the dinner dishes, putting the kids down, and then you only get an hour or two before bed and this all starts again tomorrow morning. You must have had a really crazy day. I know how tough it is when I have the kids for just a couple of hours, I don’t know how you do it! You need a raise! I love you and I’m sorry you had such a long day.”
Then George can fulfill his need to find a solution – Mary is now feeling that George understands her frustration, and is now open to hearing any of George’s solutions:
• “I promise next time I will call when I am going to be late.”
• “Let’s get a babysitter on Friday and have a night out just the two of us.”
• “How about if I take the kids for a few hours on the weekend and you go shopping or out with friends?”
• “You deserve a break, why don’t I set up a massage or manicure appointment for you this weekend?”
• “Let’s just order take-out tomorrow so you have a night off from cooking?”
What would that do to enhance the communication within George and Mary’s relationship? Could this example help you improve communications with the people in your life?
This brings us to an important aspect of this philosophy – you do not need to agree with the other person’s beliefs/emotions, tell them they are right or wrong, or violate your own personal beliefs in order to validate someone else’s feelings and perspective. Validation can occur even if you don’t accept their way of thinking or believe it makes sense. George may believe that Mary may be overreacting, but that doesn’t mean he can’t appreciate and acknowledge what has contributed to her emotional state. A person needs to just look a level deeper for understanding. You can still validate each other’s position, agree to disagree on a subject, and still keep the love and respect between each other.
Next time, reach for validation first, then search for a solution second. You will be astounded at the positive shift that will occur in your relationships with others.
If you need some help and understanding in the areas of validation and solutions in your relationships, CALL NOW! If you commit to three months of Accelerated Coaching (4 sessions per month for 3 months) you get your fourth month of coaching free! That is a 25% savings! I guarantee you will feel differently about your life and make incredible changes!
The greatest compliment you can give is a referral. Please pass this on to anyone you know who may need some help and support in these uncertain economic times. We have a great referral bonus waiting just for you.
Call NOW! (303) 681-3555
7/21/08
Zipping Along...
Zipping along in Life…
This weekend was a wonderful life experience. We went Treetop Soaring up near Durango, CO. Soaring, also called Zip Lining, is a wonderful experience. You get hooked up in a climbing harness, clipped onto a long stainless steel cable, and then slide from one tree to another. The height above and distance between the trees, and the speeds that you reach varies throughout the course.
At about the third tree, the Soaring guide clipped me in and asked me, “Is this exciting and intense, or what?” I was shocked by me response, “It is nice and wonderful to be here with my family, but I have done a lot of things in my life like this and it is not adrenaline pumping or anything. After all, I have gone skydiving, been through the US Army Airborne School, rappelled out of helicopters in the Air Assault School, gone rock climbing, jumped off of a telephone pole and done a 50 foot Fire walk with Tony Robbins.” The guy just kind of looked at me with a blank look on his face and said, “Oh.”
As I zipped from one tree to the next, for some reason my response bothered me. I work very hard to not live my life on past experiences, yet here I was handing out my resume of “To-Do’s” in my life. It was not from a significance standpoint either. Up to that point, I truly did not think it was that emotionally intense of an experience.
I started to look at what was behind my list of adrenaline filled activities response. Then it hit me. There was still a little part of me that thought, “It has to be big and intense if it is going to mean something all.” And, I thought that I had gotten rid of that one. Darn!
Most people in life want that Lotto win experience. That one BIG thing that will change life forever, make us more, lead to a tremendous breakthrough in life. However, most people never win the lottery, waiting for that is poor psychology. The way to true emotional wealth is to accumulate riches in the manner of investing your 10% every paycheck. People who invest 10% over the life of their working careers often are farther ahead at retirement than people who wait for “the Big One” to come in and then invest it in one lump sum. The majority of people who play the lottery never win.
Wouldn’t it be a much more fulfilling life if we celebrated at every paycheck? Over the course of 45 years if you celebrated your wealth at every paycheck, (assuming 26 paychecks per year) that would mean that you would get to celebrate 1,170 times versus that one lottery win. Which one leads to greater overall emotional health and success?
So, from then on, I reframed and experienced every single zip line one at a time, appreciated the uniqueness of each one, sharing each one with my wife and son, and the people that I was participating with. Life does not have to be big and grand to be meaningful. That was a lesson that eluded me in my younger years. Now, I just appreciate both experiences. When you add celebrating life daily over and over and combine it with the lottery experiences of life the world takes on an even brighter look.
By the way, I did experience Murphy’s Law and ate my words on the next zip line section. It was on one of the smallest segments of the zip line course called Aspen alley that I got the adrenaline rush that was my lottery win. Ironically, it was not on the 1,400 foot zip line that was the grand finale of the day. I love the irony of life.
There is so much to celebrate in your life today! Even with the down market, financial woes, physical aches and pains, so much of life is still a blessing and gift. I challenge you to find those gems in your life today, collect and polish them, and share them with others. It may not seem like much today but over time their meaning and intensity will grow exponentially and you will have led a rich life. Celebrate the special moments of today because today is the day you won the lottery.
To your continued success,
James
Please pass this message on to anyone who may need to find a little something to celebrate in their life today. If you are having trouble celebrating, Call Now
(303) 681-3555
When you sign up for 3-months of Accelerated Coaching (4 sessions per month for 3 months) get your 4th month FREE. That is a 25% savings valued at $320. If you want to be successful at anything in life you need to immerse yourself. You will experience results in this dynamic 120 day period or your money back. Offer good until July 31st, 2008.
This weekend was a wonderful life experience. We went Treetop Soaring up near Durango, CO. Soaring, also called Zip Lining, is a wonderful experience. You get hooked up in a climbing harness, clipped onto a long stainless steel cable, and then slide from one tree to another. The height above and distance between the trees, and the speeds that you reach varies throughout the course.
At about the third tree, the Soaring guide clipped me in and asked me, “Is this exciting and intense, or what?” I was shocked by me response, “It is nice and wonderful to be here with my family, but I have done a lot of things in my life like this and it is not adrenaline pumping or anything. After all, I have gone skydiving, been through the US Army Airborne School, rappelled out of helicopters in the Air Assault School, gone rock climbing, jumped off of a telephone pole and done a 50 foot Fire walk with Tony Robbins.” The guy just kind of looked at me with a blank look on his face and said, “Oh.”
As I zipped from one tree to the next, for some reason my response bothered me. I work very hard to not live my life on past experiences, yet here I was handing out my resume of “To-Do’s” in my life. It was not from a significance standpoint either. Up to that point, I truly did not think it was that emotionally intense of an experience.
I started to look at what was behind my list of adrenaline filled activities response. Then it hit me. There was still a little part of me that thought, “It has to be big and intense if it is going to mean something all.” And, I thought that I had gotten rid of that one. Darn!
Most people in life want that Lotto win experience. That one BIG thing that will change life forever, make us more, lead to a tremendous breakthrough in life. However, most people never win the lottery, waiting for that is poor psychology. The way to true emotional wealth is to accumulate riches in the manner of investing your 10% every paycheck. People who invest 10% over the life of their working careers often are farther ahead at retirement than people who wait for “the Big One” to come in and then invest it in one lump sum. The majority of people who play the lottery never win.
Wouldn’t it be a much more fulfilling life if we celebrated at every paycheck? Over the course of 45 years if you celebrated your wealth at every paycheck, (assuming 26 paychecks per year) that would mean that you would get to celebrate 1,170 times versus that one lottery win. Which one leads to greater overall emotional health and success?
So, from then on, I reframed and experienced every single zip line one at a time, appreciated the uniqueness of each one, sharing each one with my wife and son, and the people that I was participating with. Life does not have to be big and grand to be meaningful. That was a lesson that eluded me in my younger years. Now, I just appreciate both experiences. When you add celebrating life daily over and over and combine it with the lottery experiences of life the world takes on an even brighter look.
By the way, I did experience Murphy’s Law and ate my words on the next zip line section. It was on one of the smallest segments of the zip line course called Aspen alley that I got the adrenaline rush that was my lottery win. Ironically, it was not on the 1,400 foot zip line that was the grand finale of the day. I love the irony of life.
There is so much to celebrate in your life today! Even with the down market, financial woes, physical aches and pains, so much of life is still a blessing and gift. I challenge you to find those gems in your life today, collect and polish them, and share them with others. It may not seem like much today but over time their meaning and intensity will grow exponentially and you will have led a rich life. Celebrate the special moments of today because today is the day you won the lottery.
To your continued success,
James
Please pass this message on to anyone who may need to find a little something to celebrate in their life today. If you are having trouble celebrating, Call Now
(303) 681-3555
When you sign up for 3-months of Accelerated Coaching (4 sessions per month for 3 months) get your 4th month FREE. That is a 25% savings valued at $320. If you want to be successful at anything in life you need to immerse yourself. You will experience results in this dynamic 120 day period or your money back. Offer good until July 31st, 2008.
What is DOPHOF?
What is D.O.P.H.O.F?
I recently had the pleasure of getting reacquainted with an old rock climbing buddy whom I had not seen in about 8 years. From the moment he walked up to my front door it seemed like only 8 minutes since I saw him last. We greeted each other with the same emotional intensity and friendship.
We covered the ground floor topics of the good old times rock climbing, the happenings of mutual acquaintances, the height of our travel experiences and then as the night wore on we dove beneath the surface and shared some of our personal history. It was the deep stuff we shared about our past, emotional healing, and how those events were shaping our lives and futures today.
I really felt for my friend as he shared the pain of his past and was excited beyond measure for the peace and happiness he is experiencing now. Hearing about the depth of some of his pain and the height of his peace now in life, the acronym D.O.P.H.O.F. came into my mind.
When we are committed to face the Depth Of Pain we feel in life and overcome it, the emotional Height of Our Future will always be greater. The foundation is always the first part of the building that is worked on. Without a solid foundation any building will fall. The Empire State Building foundation goes down 55 feet. However, that foundation supports a magnificent building that rises to 1,454 feet.
The same is true of every human being. We are all magnificent buildings reaching for the sky. Just like the New York Skyline, each of us is just a part of a bigger beautiful world. Remember to stop and take a look at is what is below the surface with yourself and others. Help others to keep on believing in themselves, heal past hurts, learn to forgive and love more. Always work to be aware of what is below ground, face that emotional intensity and the unresolved emotional issues from your past. I know the pain can be intense at times, however, the pleasure you receive from working through an issue will allow you to build a life higher than you ever imagined and you will have the foundation to hold it in place. You will continue to be an inspiration to others and share something special with those other buildings around you.
I recently had the pleasure of getting reacquainted with an old rock climbing buddy whom I had not seen in about 8 years. From the moment he walked up to my front door it seemed like only 8 minutes since I saw him last. We greeted each other with the same emotional intensity and friendship.
We covered the ground floor topics of the good old times rock climbing, the happenings of mutual acquaintances, the height of our travel experiences and then as the night wore on we dove beneath the surface and shared some of our personal history. It was the deep stuff we shared about our past, emotional healing, and how those events were shaping our lives and futures today.
I really felt for my friend as he shared the pain of his past and was excited beyond measure for the peace and happiness he is experiencing now. Hearing about the depth of some of his pain and the height of his peace now in life, the acronym D.O.P.H.O.F. came into my mind.
When we are committed to face the Depth Of Pain we feel in life and overcome it, the emotional Height of Our Future will always be greater. The foundation is always the first part of the building that is worked on. Without a solid foundation any building will fall. The Empire State Building foundation goes down 55 feet. However, that foundation supports a magnificent building that rises to 1,454 feet.
The same is true of every human being. We are all magnificent buildings reaching for the sky. Just like the New York Skyline, each of us is just a part of a bigger beautiful world. Remember to stop and take a look at is what is below the surface with yourself and others. Help others to keep on believing in themselves, heal past hurts, learn to forgive and love more. Always work to be aware of what is below ground, face that emotional intensity and the unresolved emotional issues from your past. I know the pain can be intense at times, however, the pleasure you receive from working through an issue will allow you to build a life higher than you ever imagined and you will have the foundation to hold it in place. You will continue to be an inspiration to others and share something special with those other buildings around you.
7/8/08
Safety in Communication
Hallelujah ~ Praise the Lord!
Have you heard the one about the priest who trained his horse to “stop” by saying "Hallelujah", and “go” by saying "Praise the lord?" He went riding one day and a snake spooked his horse. The horse became terrified and took off at a full gallop. The horse was so frightened that it didn’t realize it was headed straight for the edge of a cliff. As the priest yelled, “Whoah, Jesus, Stop” and a few other choice sayings to no avail, the horse just kept charging straight for the edge of the cliff. Suddenly, the priest remembered the command for “Stop” and yelled, “Hallelujah” at the top of his lungs. Miraculously, the horse stopped just in time to keep from plunging to certain death. Relieved, the priest exclaimed, “Praise the Lord!”
How often do we forget how important positive, productive, communication is to any relationship? It can lead a relationship to certain death or raise it to the highest levels of emotional passion. I have a saying, “In the absence of communication and knowledge, the mind has free reign to wander.” It is dangerous for the mind to wander because it is in that place that people start to ASS-U-ME things. And we all know that assuming makes an “ASS” out of “U” and “ME.”
Why don’t people communicate more? I think it is a lack of safety. In the parent child relationship how often is the child encouraged to be expressive, to challenge an opinion, to share their different thoughts and emotions? As a kid, were you encouraged in that manner?
How can we provide more safety in our communications with others? How can we create an easy, warm, loving environment where speaking and communicating are encouraged?
My solution is to keep one simple component in mind. No matter how the communication is happening, whether you agree, disagree, yell, scream, talk silently, write it out on paper; never have the love go away.
How can we communicate and never have the love go away? Here are some tips:
1. Address the behavior and not the person. That person is not selfish, instead you have interpreted their actions to be selfish. The person is not their behavior.
2. Understand that the other perspective is just as valid as yours and try it on for size. Walk a mile in their shoes with their beliefs and understand where they are coming from. Be empathetic.
3. Agree to disagree if necessary and have it all be OK.
4. When you both disagree, find a win-win that is a compromise on both sidets. Never seek absolutes because then it becomes a power struggle.
5. Create a safe environment and rules for communicating if necessary. Create a talking stick, like in the Native American cultures, have a pair of safety chairs, and never threaten the other person during a conversation.
6. Pick your battles carefully. Don’t lose the war over a battle in the moment.
7. Stay focused on the real outcome you want to achieve. How many times at the end of an argument you find yourself forgetting what started the whole thing to begin with? Stay on track.
8. The solution/compromise will not be found until both parties feel understood, validated, and their opinions are respected. Solutions come second, understanding feelings, beliefs and perspectives come first.
9. Say it the way you want it to be.
Communication leaves a person in one of two places: it leaves us feeling closer or leaves us feeling farther apart. Malcolm Forbes once stated, “It is always worthwhile to let others know of their worth.”
You don’t have to always have to agree with another person in order to find their value. I hope that you can continue to increase your levels of communication to a point where the other person always leaves knowing that even if you have disagreed, the love is always present.
To your continued success,
James
Have you heard the one about the priest who trained his horse to “stop” by saying "Hallelujah", and “go” by saying "Praise the lord?" He went riding one day and a snake spooked his horse. The horse became terrified and took off at a full gallop. The horse was so frightened that it didn’t realize it was headed straight for the edge of a cliff. As the priest yelled, “Whoah, Jesus, Stop” and a few other choice sayings to no avail, the horse just kept charging straight for the edge of the cliff. Suddenly, the priest remembered the command for “Stop” and yelled, “Hallelujah” at the top of his lungs. Miraculously, the horse stopped just in time to keep from plunging to certain death. Relieved, the priest exclaimed, “Praise the Lord!”
How often do we forget how important positive, productive, communication is to any relationship? It can lead a relationship to certain death or raise it to the highest levels of emotional passion. I have a saying, “In the absence of communication and knowledge, the mind has free reign to wander.” It is dangerous for the mind to wander because it is in that place that people start to ASS-U-ME things. And we all know that assuming makes an “ASS” out of “U” and “ME.”
Why don’t people communicate more? I think it is a lack of safety. In the parent child relationship how often is the child encouraged to be expressive, to challenge an opinion, to share their different thoughts and emotions? As a kid, were you encouraged in that manner?
How can we provide more safety in our communications with others? How can we create an easy, warm, loving environment where speaking and communicating are encouraged?
My solution is to keep one simple component in mind. No matter how the communication is happening, whether you agree, disagree, yell, scream, talk silently, write it out on paper; never have the love go away.
How can we communicate and never have the love go away? Here are some tips:
1. Address the behavior and not the person. That person is not selfish, instead you have interpreted their actions to be selfish. The person is not their behavior.
2. Understand that the other perspective is just as valid as yours and try it on for size. Walk a mile in their shoes with their beliefs and understand where they are coming from. Be empathetic.
3. Agree to disagree if necessary and have it all be OK.
4. When you both disagree, find a win-win that is a compromise on both sidets. Never seek absolutes because then it becomes a power struggle.
5. Create a safe environment and rules for communicating if necessary. Create a talking stick, like in the Native American cultures, have a pair of safety chairs, and never threaten the other person during a conversation.
6. Pick your battles carefully. Don’t lose the war over a battle in the moment.
7. Stay focused on the real outcome you want to achieve. How many times at the end of an argument you find yourself forgetting what started the whole thing to begin with? Stay on track.
8. The solution/compromise will not be found until both parties feel understood, validated, and their opinions are respected. Solutions come second, understanding feelings, beliefs and perspectives come first.
9. Say it the way you want it to be.
Communication leaves a person in one of two places: it leaves us feeling closer or leaves us feeling farther apart. Malcolm Forbes once stated, “It is always worthwhile to let others know of their worth.”
You don’t have to always have to agree with another person in order to find their value. I hope that you can continue to increase your levels of communication to a point where the other person always leaves knowing that even if you have disagreed, the love is always present.
To your continued success,
James
6/20/08
Are you Stuck in the Mud? Try A=O=T=A!
Are You Stuck in the Mud?
Are you not taking Action towards what you want to have or experience? Do you feel there is no Opportunity on the horizon for you? Have you ever found yourself Thinking too much?
All of these traits: Action, Opportunity and Thinking have their place in a person either achieving their goals or being “Stuck In The Mud.” Looking at how they work together in a cycle for success will help you achieve more and get “Unstuck.” A simple equation to remember is:
A=O=T=A
(Action = Opportunity = Thinking = Action). This is a circular cycle of success.
Taking Action leads to Opportunities in life but many times it leads to more than one possible opportunity to pursue. A client takes an action coming to a coaching session and may leave with 4-8 opportunities to pursue and achieve their goal. In order to ensure the best opportunity is taken to move towards the bigger picture goal, a person needs to review the long term goal, evaluate all of the opportunities, (not to each other, but in relationship to which one will move them the most congruently towards their long term objective), which means to Think, and then turn around and take focused Action again. This in turn will create more opportunities so that you can review, evaluate (Think) and take more focused Action again.
Sometimes a persons’ greatest strength can be their greatest weakness in this process. Attention to details and learning (Thinking) could lead to paralysis by analysis. Being creative and seeing all of the Opportunities can lead to confusion about where move forward and take Action. Taking massive Action can lead to getting off focus and procrastinating what is really important in moving towards goals.
Are you stuck in Opportunities; are there too many things you can do to achieve your dreams and goals? Do you dream big creative dreams, see opportunities at every turn? If that is the case, STOP, remove yourself from the opportunities, review your long term goals and really THINK about what will take you closest to your long term goals and then take focused action.
Are you stuck in Thinking; do you constantly feel you need to learn more, do more, be more, have more, or be in a different spot before you could possibly take action towards your goal? If that is the case, remember that you are perfect as you are in this moment, take the plunge into a focused action, appreciate what the experience will teach you, seize the new opportunities that arise and then come back to Thinking about what the best next step is. You will only gain the insight to make that decision by have the experience that comes from Action.
Are stuck taking Action; are your days filled with endless tasks and “To-Do” lists, you cross things off all day, and at the end of the day still feel like you got nothing accomplished? You need to slow down, STOP, and Think about the Actions you fear or are procrastinating the most. It is the top one action out of every 10 on your list that will allow you to create the opportunities to move towards your goals. The remaining 9 are just distracting you from what is truly most important.
What is your greatest strength; Action, Opportunity, or Thinking? Where are you stuck in this cycle for success? Stretch outside of your limitations today and keep the cycle moving. As one of my favorite clients always says, “Let’s get fired up!”
If you are “Stuck in the Mud” and need some support, Call Now, to get “Unstuck.” Otherwise, you will be in the same place next week, next month, and next year. You were made to BE MORE! (303) 681-3555.
To your continued success,
James
Are you not taking Action towards what you want to have or experience? Do you feel there is no Opportunity on the horizon for you? Have you ever found yourself Thinking too much?
All of these traits: Action, Opportunity and Thinking have their place in a person either achieving their goals or being “Stuck In The Mud.” Looking at how they work together in a cycle for success will help you achieve more and get “Unstuck.” A simple equation to remember is:
A=O=T=A
(Action = Opportunity = Thinking = Action). This is a circular cycle of success.
Taking Action leads to Opportunities in life but many times it leads to more than one possible opportunity to pursue. A client takes an action coming to a coaching session and may leave with 4-8 opportunities to pursue and achieve their goal. In order to ensure the best opportunity is taken to move towards the bigger picture goal, a person needs to review the long term goal, evaluate all of the opportunities, (not to each other, but in relationship to which one will move them the most congruently towards their long term objective), which means to Think, and then turn around and take focused Action again. This in turn will create more opportunities so that you can review, evaluate (Think) and take more focused Action again.
Sometimes a persons’ greatest strength can be their greatest weakness in this process. Attention to details and learning (Thinking) could lead to paralysis by analysis. Being creative and seeing all of the Opportunities can lead to confusion about where move forward and take Action. Taking massive Action can lead to getting off focus and procrastinating what is really important in moving towards goals.
Are you stuck in Opportunities; are there too many things you can do to achieve your dreams and goals? Do you dream big creative dreams, see opportunities at every turn? If that is the case, STOP, remove yourself from the opportunities, review your long term goals and really THINK about what will take you closest to your long term goals and then take focused action.
Are you stuck in Thinking; do you constantly feel you need to learn more, do more, be more, have more, or be in a different spot before you could possibly take action towards your goal? If that is the case, remember that you are perfect as you are in this moment, take the plunge into a focused action, appreciate what the experience will teach you, seize the new opportunities that arise and then come back to Thinking about what the best next step is. You will only gain the insight to make that decision by have the experience that comes from Action.
Are stuck taking Action; are your days filled with endless tasks and “To-Do” lists, you cross things off all day, and at the end of the day still feel like you got nothing accomplished? You need to slow down, STOP, and Think about the Actions you fear or are procrastinating the most. It is the top one action out of every 10 on your list that will allow you to create the opportunities to move towards your goals. The remaining 9 are just distracting you from what is truly most important.
What is your greatest strength; Action, Opportunity, or Thinking? Where are you stuck in this cycle for success? Stretch outside of your limitations today and keep the cycle moving. As one of my favorite clients always says, “Let’s get fired up!”
If you are “Stuck in the Mud” and need some support, Call Now, to get “Unstuck.” Otherwise, you will be in the same place next week, next month, and next year. You were made to BE MORE! (303) 681-3555.
To your continued success,
James
6/6/08
What really matters...
What really matters…
What many of us forget that when we set our goals in life is that we also set our obstacles at the same time. If we set little goals, we have little obstacles and if we set big, intense goals, we have big, intense obstacles. These obstacles will show up in patterns of behavior that are mental, emotional, and physical in nature. That is why most people give up on dreaming big intense goals…they are subconsciously scared of the big intense obstacles and the change that will happen during the process.
When we do set some of those big, intense goals, what will push and pull us through the rough waters to the other side? I found the answer in the last three weeks. I have been dreaming of building a home in North Carolina for the last two years. We are currently realizing that dream faced a huge obstacle in the process. Our rental contact ended in May and the new house will not be done until end of August. We faced being homeless for a minimum of 3 months. The solution presented itself by the means of an interim move to Colorado. So, the last four weeks have been spent packing, putting everything we have in storage, cleaning, saying our goodbyes, and averaging 4-5 hours of sleep per night. The last week before I left AZ was one of the most emotionally intense weeks of my life; it ranked right up there with the first week of infantry boot camp. In that hectic crazy week, I found that two things helped me through the mental, emotional and physical challenges.
First was staying associated to my dream. I worked hard to keep in mind that I would be achieving one of my life’s biggest goals 5 years earlier than I had set it for; building a home in North Carolina. It carried all sorts of benefits in terms of education for my kids, better health, more financial security, and the possibility of being closer to family. I dreamed of our first Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, and all of the wonderful new experiences that would follow. Many times this was very hard to focus on because right in front of my face were the boxes, lack of sleep, overwhelm, anxiety, lack of exercise, and thoughts of “Why am I putting myself through this hell?”
Second and most important were the people that supported us in the pursuit of our dream. I could not have achieved this goal without them. When people know that you are moving, they usually do one of two things: distance themselves from you because it is too painful, or they rise to an incredible level of selflessness to support you in any way possible. It is these friends, family, and wonderful souls that I am very grateful for. They opened their homes to us, fed us dinner, offered to help us move and some went out of their way to stop and wish us well.
Life is about setting HUGE, CRAZY, EMOTIONALLY INTENSE goals that allow you to experience life at its fullest. If you are not growing, you are dying. By setting those goals, remember that you are setting huge obstacles to overcome that will challenge every aspect of your mental, emotional and physical abilities. You will not be able to do it alone. Invest and build relationships outside of yourself and your immediate family. Give selflessly to help others in achieving their goals and when you need them, they will be there for you too. Be ready for the intense emotional life changes.
Tony Robbins once said that the success you achieve in life is directly proportional to the amount of uncertainty you can handle. Uncertainty represents the obstacles put in motion with huge goals.
Set some Huge Crazy Life Goals. When was the last time you supported a friend or someone else in achieving theirs? Make it happen today!
Call today for your next coaching session to success: (303) 681-3555
What many of us forget that when we set our goals in life is that we also set our obstacles at the same time. If we set little goals, we have little obstacles and if we set big, intense goals, we have big, intense obstacles. These obstacles will show up in patterns of behavior that are mental, emotional, and physical in nature. That is why most people give up on dreaming big intense goals…they are subconsciously scared of the big intense obstacles and the change that will happen during the process.
When we do set some of those big, intense goals, what will push and pull us through the rough waters to the other side? I found the answer in the last three weeks. I have been dreaming of building a home in North Carolina for the last two years. We are currently realizing that dream faced a huge obstacle in the process. Our rental contact ended in May and the new house will not be done until end of August. We faced being homeless for a minimum of 3 months. The solution presented itself by the means of an interim move to Colorado. So, the last four weeks have been spent packing, putting everything we have in storage, cleaning, saying our goodbyes, and averaging 4-5 hours of sleep per night. The last week before I left AZ was one of the most emotionally intense weeks of my life; it ranked right up there with the first week of infantry boot camp. In that hectic crazy week, I found that two things helped me through the mental, emotional and physical challenges.
First was staying associated to my dream. I worked hard to keep in mind that I would be achieving one of my life’s biggest goals 5 years earlier than I had set it for; building a home in North Carolina. It carried all sorts of benefits in terms of education for my kids, better health, more financial security, and the possibility of being closer to family. I dreamed of our first Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, and all of the wonderful new experiences that would follow. Many times this was very hard to focus on because right in front of my face were the boxes, lack of sleep, overwhelm, anxiety, lack of exercise, and thoughts of “Why am I putting myself through this hell?”
Second and most important were the people that supported us in the pursuit of our dream. I could not have achieved this goal without them. When people know that you are moving, they usually do one of two things: distance themselves from you because it is too painful, or they rise to an incredible level of selflessness to support you in any way possible. It is these friends, family, and wonderful souls that I am very grateful for. They opened their homes to us, fed us dinner, offered to help us move and some went out of their way to stop and wish us well.
Life is about setting HUGE, CRAZY, EMOTIONALLY INTENSE goals that allow you to experience life at its fullest. If you are not growing, you are dying. By setting those goals, remember that you are setting huge obstacles to overcome that will challenge every aspect of your mental, emotional and physical abilities. You will not be able to do it alone. Invest and build relationships outside of yourself and your immediate family. Give selflessly to help others in achieving their goals and when you need them, they will be there for you too. Be ready for the intense emotional life changes.
Tony Robbins once said that the success you achieve in life is directly proportional to the amount of uncertainty you can handle. Uncertainty represents the obstacles put in motion with huge goals.
Set some Huge Crazy Life Goals. When was the last time you supported a friend or someone else in achieving theirs? Make it happen today!
Call today for your next coaching session to success: (303) 681-3555
5/5/08
Instant Gratification Sucks!
Instant Gratification Sucks!
Today’s society is based on ease, convenience, and quick service. We want the things that we want instantly to help make life easier. However, instant gratification is not all that it is cracked up to be.
Most people want something for nothing NOW! They want the quick money. I went to a one day business event put on here annually in Phoenix. They had wonderful, inspiring, motivational speakers: Colin Powell, Lute Olsen, Brian Tracy, and Suzie Orman. During part of Suzie’s speech she had everyone in the audience stand up who had consumer debt. About 80% of the people stood (out of 20,000+). She then asked everyone to stand with car loans. Another 10% stood. She then asked everyone with a mortgage to stand; I stood up along with most of the others. Finally, she stated that everyone with a living will or trust sit down. By that time, about 98% of all of the people in the stadium were standing.
The rest of her speech focused on how to live the American Dream and become financially free. She left with a standing ovation from the crowd. What happened next was amazing. The company who sponsored the event promoted their newest software for making money in the stock market. They were smooth and presented the software as easy, fast, and effortless in making money in the stock market. They covered all of the bases: single mom’s were led up onstage and given free training classes and software, there were seminar discounts for signing today, and for only $999, you too, could be a financial superstar. Right now, all of your financial stress, consumer debt, and money worries could be eliminated. If you signed up at the special event prices today you would receive an awesome red tote bag for your materials, a free Q & A session down on the floor of the coliseum, and a FREE lunch to top it all off.
After the sign up break, about 80% of the people had red bags. Most of the missed the boat when it came to the psychology of how to become financially independent. There is no easy way to get there. I bet, the majority of the participants put $999 on a credit card for some instant emotional gratification instead of earning financial independence by saving their 10%, limiting their expenses and maximizing income, living within their means, and focusing on their financial future for the next 30-40 years. They missed the whole point of Suzy Orman’s speech. She said, if you have consumer credit card debt you have to first stop emotional spending and pay down your credit balances. That means you have to lower your current standard of living to an acceptable level where you can live within your means and save your money. Most of those people were not willing to focus and develop a long term plan to become financially independent. They wanted a free lunch to make their financial stresses disappear for the afternoon.
That is why instant gratification sucks. Nothing in life is free. There is a payment that you must make for everything that you want to Be, Do and Have. That is why there are words like success, achievement and accomplishment. I challenge you to develop a long term plan, make your investments today and keep your eye on the long term prize! Most people overestimate what they can do in a year and underestimate what they can do in ten years. Keep you eye on your long term goals and dreams and make sure that you take focused action today. Not to feel good in the moment but to overcome the obstacles you have set for yourself to achieve your dreams. Live your dreams today!
Call Now for your free 15-minute coaching session and learn the 3-Laws of Money. When you master them you will become financially free!
(480) 820-4072
Today’s society is based on ease, convenience, and quick service. We want the things that we want instantly to help make life easier. However, instant gratification is not all that it is cracked up to be.
Most people want something for nothing NOW! They want the quick money. I went to a one day business event put on here annually in Phoenix. They had wonderful, inspiring, motivational speakers: Colin Powell, Lute Olsen, Brian Tracy, and Suzie Orman. During part of Suzie’s speech she had everyone in the audience stand up who had consumer debt. About 80% of the people stood (out of 20,000+). She then asked everyone to stand with car loans. Another 10% stood. She then asked everyone with a mortgage to stand; I stood up along with most of the others. Finally, she stated that everyone with a living will or trust sit down. By that time, about 98% of all of the people in the stadium were standing.
The rest of her speech focused on how to live the American Dream and become financially free. She left with a standing ovation from the crowd. What happened next was amazing. The company who sponsored the event promoted their newest software for making money in the stock market. They were smooth and presented the software as easy, fast, and effortless in making money in the stock market. They covered all of the bases: single mom’s were led up onstage and given free training classes and software, there were seminar discounts for signing today, and for only $999, you too, could be a financial superstar. Right now, all of your financial stress, consumer debt, and money worries could be eliminated. If you signed up at the special event prices today you would receive an awesome red tote bag for your materials, a free Q & A session down on the floor of the coliseum, and a FREE lunch to top it all off.
After the sign up break, about 80% of the people had red bags. Most of the missed the boat when it came to the psychology of how to become financially independent. There is no easy way to get there. I bet, the majority of the participants put $999 on a credit card for some instant emotional gratification instead of earning financial independence by saving their 10%, limiting their expenses and maximizing income, living within their means, and focusing on their financial future for the next 30-40 years. They missed the whole point of Suzy Orman’s speech. She said, if you have consumer credit card debt you have to first stop emotional spending and pay down your credit balances. That means you have to lower your current standard of living to an acceptable level where you can live within your means and save your money. Most of those people were not willing to focus and develop a long term plan to become financially independent. They wanted a free lunch to make their financial stresses disappear for the afternoon.
That is why instant gratification sucks. Nothing in life is free. There is a payment that you must make for everything that you want to Be, Do and Have. That is why there are words like success, achievement and accomplishment. I challenge you to develop a long term plan, make your investments today and keep your eye on the long term prize! Most people overestimate what they can do in a year and underestimate what they can do in ten years. Keep you eye on your long term goals and dreams and make sure that you take focused action today. Not to feel good in the moment but to overcome the obstacles you have set for yourself to achieve your dreams. Live your dreams today!
Call Now for your free 15-minute coaching session and learn the 3-Laws of Money. When you master them you will become financially free!
(480) 820-4072
4/14/08
The Greatest Aphrodisiac
The Greatest Aphrodisiac
You are probably wondering, “Is it an oyster that he is talking about this week? Is it an ointment? Is it something sexy from that shop down the street?” Wrong answers, try again.
One morning last week I found myself in a deep conversation with my wife and it was going down a direction that I was a little scared to go. We were not arguing, because we never argue in our relationship, we just have “opportunities for discussion.”
We were having an opportunity to discuss something that brings all couples closer together, our finances. There is an old psychological test that was performed where they put a man in a room with a crying baby and his first reaction was to leave the room but for a woman their first reaction is to soothe the child. Well, my first reaction when the opportunity for discussion on finances came up was to not only leave the room, but run like away like Roger Bannister.
But, instead of just listening to my wife, (some guys only pretend to listen), I found myself engaging in the discussion and really disclosing some personal fears, ideas, and thoughts on the subject that I had never shared with her before. As for that matter, I had never even really stopped long enough myself to verbalize them to myself.
As we worked our way through the discussion and arrived at a solution was a deeper level of trust, respect, and commitment to one another. We both had a deeper understanding of what the other really thought, felt and believed. We accomplished this level of deep connection by providing the one another the chance to be safe while opening up and sharing.
I have always loved my wife dearly and it seems there is a pattern that I am most attracted to her after our opportunities for discussion. And reflecting on it now, it does not really seem to matter whether it was a topic that we agree on or not. Whether it is something that makes up both laugh, smile and enjoy, or something that brings frustration, challenge and disagreement, it doesn’t really matter.
It seems to me that the greatest aphrodisiac is communication. Yes, simply stated, open, safe, talking and listening. Truthful talking and listening with respect for your lovers thoughts, ideas, and deepest feelings. When was the last time you your and your lover talked in a deep intimate moment? When was the last time you really talked and listened in an intimate setting?
I encourage you to do so this week. See what happens! You may find yourself more attracted to your mate than ever. Don’t just listen…engage your partner in an intimate discussion about anything. I will leave the rest of the details to you.
You are probably wondering, “Is it an oyster that he is talking about this week? Is it an ointment? Is it something sexy from that shop down the street?” Wrong answers, try again.
One morning last week I found myself in a deep conversation with my wife and it was going down a direction that I was a little scared to go. We were not arguing, because we never argue in our relationship, we just have “opportunities for discussion.”
We were having an opportunity to discuss something that brings all couples closer together, our finances. There is an old psychological test that was performed where they put a man in a room with a crying baby and his first reaction was to leave the room but for a woman their first reaction is to soothe the child. Well, my first reaction when the opportunity for discussion on finances came up was to not only leave the room, but run like away like Roger Bannister.
But, instead of just listening to my wife, (some guys only pretend to listen), I found myself engaging in the discussion and really disclosing some personal fears, ideas, and thoughts on the subject that I had never shared with her before. As for that matter, I had never even really stopped long enough myself to verbalize them to myself.
As we worked our way through the discussion and arrived at a solution was a deeper level of trust, respect, and commitment to one another. We both had a deeper understanding of what the other really thought, felt and believed. We accomplished this level of deep connection by providing the one another the chance to be safe while opening up and sharing.
I have always loved my wife dearly and it seems there is a pattern that I am most attracted to her after our opportunities for discussion. And reflecting on it now, it does not really seem to matter whether it was a topic that we agree on or not. Whether it is something that makes up both laugh, smile and enjoy, or something that brings frustration, challenge and disagreement, it doesn’t really matter.
It seems to me that the greatest aphrodisiac is communication. Yes, simply stated, open, safe, talking and listening. Truthful talking and listening with respect for your lovers thoughts, ideas, and deepest feelings. When was the last time you your and your lover talked in a deep intimate moment? When was the last time you really talked and listened in an intimate setting?
I encourage you to do so this week. See what happens! You may find yourself more attracted to your mate than ever. Don’t just listen…engage your partner in an intimate discussion about anything. I will leave the rest of the details to you.
The Greatest Aphrodisiac
The Greatest Aphrodisiac
You are probably wondering, “Is it an oyster that he is talking about this week? Is it an ointment? Is it something sexy from that shop down the street?” Wrong answers, try again.
One morning last week I found myself in a deep conversation with my wife and it was going down a direction that I was a little scared to go. We were not arguing, because we never argue in our relationship, we just have “opportunities for discussion.”
We were having an opportunity to discuss something that brings all couples closer together, our finances. There is an old psychological test that was performed where they put a man in a room with a crying baby and his first reaction was to leave the room but for a woman their first reaction is to soothe the child. Well, my first reaction when the opportunity for discussion on finances came up was to not only leave the room, but run like away like Roger Bannister.
But, instead of just listening to my wife, (some guys only pretend to listen), I found myself engaging in the discussion and really disclosing some personal fears, ideas, and thoughts on the subject that I had never shared with her before. As for that matter, I had never even really stopped long enough myself to verbalize them to myself.
As we worked our way through the discussion and arrived at a solution was a deeper level of trust, respect, and commitment to one another. We both had a deeper understanding of what the other really thought, felt and believed. We accomplished this level of deep connection by providing the one another the chance to be safe while opening up and sharing.
I have always loved my wife dearly and it seems there is a pattern that I am most attracted to her after our opportunities for discussion. And reflecting on it now, it does not really seem to matter whether it was a topic that we agree on or not. Whether it is something that makes up both laugh, smile and enjoy, or something that brings frustration, challenge and disagreement, it doesn’t really matter.
It seems to me that the greatest aphrodisiac is communication. Yes, simply stated, open, safe, talking and listening. Truthful talking and listening with respect for your lovers thoughts, ideas, and deepest feelings. When was the last time you your and your lover talked in a deep intimate moment? When was the last time you really talked and listened in an intimate setting?
I encourage you to do so this week. See what happens! You may find yourself more attracted to your mate than ever. Don’t just listen…engage your partner in an intimate discussion about anything. I will leave the rest of the details to you.
You are probably wondering, “Is it an oyster that he is talking about this week? Is it an ointment? Is it something sexy from that shop down the street?” Wrong answers, try again.
One morning last week I found myself in a deep conversation with my wife and it was going down a direction that I was a little scared to go. We were not arguing, because we never argue in our relationship, we just have “opportunities for discussion.”
We were having an opportunity to discuss something that brings all couples closer together, our finances. There is an old psychological test that was performed where they put a man in a room with a crying baby and his first reaction was to leave the room but for a woman their first reaction is to soothe the child. Well, my first reaction when the opportunity for discussion on finances came up was to not only leave the room, but run like away like Roger Bannister.
But, instead of just listening to my wife, (some guys only pretend to listen), I found myself engaging in the discussion and really disclosing some personal fears, ideas, and thoughts on the subject that I had never shared with her before. As for that matter, I had never even really stopped long enough myself to verbalize them to myself.
As we worked our way through the discussion and arrived at a solution was a deeper level of trust, respect, and commitment to one another. We both had a deeper understanding of what the other really thought, felt and believed. We accomplished this level of deep connection by providing the one another the chance to be safe while opening up and sharing.
I have always loved my wife dearly and it seems there is a pattern that I am most attracted to her after our opportunities for discussion. And reflecting on it now, it does not really seem to matter whether it was a topic that we agree on or not. Whether it is something that makes up both laugh, smile and enjoy, or something that brings frustration, challenge and disagreement, it doesn’t really matter.
It seems to me that the greatest aphrodisiac is communication. Yes, simply stated, open, safe, talking and listening. Truthful talking and listening with respect for your lovers thoughts, ideas, and deepest feelings. When was the last time you your and your lover talked in a deep intimate moment? When was the last time you really talked and listened in an intimate setting?
I encourage you to do so this week. See what happens! You may find yourself more attracted to your mate than ever. Don’t just listen…engage your partner in an intimate discussion about anything. I will leave the rest of the details to you.
4/7/08
Renew Your Vows...
Renew Your Vows…
Someone asked me once, “How long have you been married?” And, I found the instant response was, “Not long enough!” I thought for a while about my comment. It was truthful, insightful, and represented a lot about the depth of love that I have for my wife. Following that, I found and reread my wedding vows:
“I will continue to love you everyday of my life, no matter what the future holds. I will love, cherish, and adore you for the rest of my life. I will honor, respect, and appreciate all that you are and all that you will become. I will always support you and be attentive to your needs. And, I will be eternally loyal, faithful and true. I promise all of this to you forever.”
As I was running, I contemplated the depth of those 6 sentences and how they have guided me in my relationship over the years. The strength, power and conviction I hold in that promise to my wife is indescribable. Then I thought, “Why had I not made a set of vows to myself? What if I made a set of vows that would hold all of the same strength, power, and conviction for me? That led me to understand that the vows I have to my wife are the same vows that I can renew for myself. What powerful life would be created by living these vows for her and I everyday?
Then the last deepest insight came from the question, “What if I lived these vows to myself, my wife, everyone that I come in contact with in life, all to the glory of my God?” What difference would that make in how I showed up to live my life everyday? The unlimited possibilities unfolded in front of my eyes like the stars in the universe.
What vows have you written and promised to your spouse? What vows can your write and promise to yourself? What vows can you write, promise, and keep in relationship to your faith that will open up a whole new life for you? I challenge you to find those answers. RENEW YOUR VOWS TODAY! In the meantime, when our paths cross, remember that in my own way as your friend, acquaintance, relative, or child of God:
“I will continue to love you everyday of my life, no matter what the future holds. I will love, cherish, and adore you for the rest of my life. I will honor, respect, and appreciate all that you are and all that you will become. I will always support you and be attentive to your needs. And, I will be eternally loyal, faithful and true. I promise all of this to you forever.”
To your continued success,
James
Someone asked me once, “How long have you been married?” And, I found the instant response was, “Not long enough!” I thought for a while about my comment. It was truthful, insightful, and represented a lot about the depth of love that I have for my wife. Following that, I found and reread my wedding vows:
“I will continue to love you everyday of my life, no matter what the future holds. I will love, cherish, and adore you for the rest of my life. I will honor, respect, and appreciate all that you are and all that you will become. I will always support you and be attentive to your needs. And, I will be eternally loyal, faithful and true. I promise all of this to you forever.”
As I was running, I contemplated the depth of those 6 sentences and how they have guided me in my relationship over the years. The strength, power and conviction I hold in that promise to my wife is indescribable. Then I thought, “Why had I not made a set of vows to myself? What if I made a set of vows that would hold all of the same strength, power, and conviction for me? That led me to understand that the vows I have to my wife are the same vows that I can renew for myself. What powerful life would be created by living these vows for her and I everyday?
Then the last deepest insight came from the question, “What if I lived these vows to myself, my wife, everyone that I come in contact with in life, all to the glory of my God?” What difference would that make in how I showed up to live my life everyday? The unlimited possibilities unfolded in front of my eyes like the stars in the universe.
What vows have you written and promised to your spouse? What vows can your write and promise to yourself? What vows can you write, promise, and keep in relationship to your faith that will open up a whole new life for you? I challenge you to find those answers. RENEW YOUR VOWS TODAY! In the meantime, when our paths cross, remember that in my own way as your friend, acquaintance, relative, or child of God:
“I will continue to love you everyday of my life, no matter what the future holds. I will love, cherish, and adore you for the rest of my life. I will honor, respect, and appreciate all that you are and all that you will become. I will always support you and be attentive to your needs. And, I will be eternally loyal, faithful and true. I promise all of this to you forever.”
To your continued success,
James
3/24/08
THis is your life...
This is Your Life…
Let me start today by saying, “Thank You” for the positive and encouraging feedback that I have received for the “Thought of the Week.” With life being fast paced and crazy, it is good to know that there is value in what is being offered each week.
Many thoughts and inspirational moments come from running. It is a great time for reflection and contemplation. However, this week, inspiration came in the form of a song on the radio. The refrain simply stated,
“This is your life, are you who you want to be?”
Sometimes the simplest statements have the most profound impact. We all have many different aspects to who we are and whether or not we are aware of it, an identity is attached to each one. We have a picture, thought or feeling of who we are, how we picture ourselves, and what we believe. We all MUST act and behave in accordance with our identity or else there is conflict.
If the answer to, “This is your life, are you who you want to be?” is no, then create a new identity for yourself and take and IMMEDIATE action to have it become the life you want it to be.
The other day when I opened the door of the refrigerator and was about to partake in a can of unflavored bubbly water, I remembered that question, “This is my life, am I who I want to be?” My mind screamed out the answer, “NO.” The carbonation in the water is not good for weight reduction, it dehydrates the body. So, I asked myself, “What would a healthy, vibrant, and “in charge of life” guy do instead?” I received a different answer, “eat that cucumber that you peeled last night for just this occasion.” So, I did.
You may ask yourself, “but does such a small decision really matter? Absolutely, nothing is too small to celebrate when it comes to creating a change in your life to become who you want to be. That action made all of the difference because in that moment when I chose something different, I saw myself different. I took control of my life and I saw myself as a healthy, vibrant, and “in charge of life” guy. And, that is who I want to continue to become. “This is your life, are you who you want to be?” If not, define a new self, take action now, and turn the answer to that question into a resounding, “YES!”
Call today for a free 15-minute coaching session to discover “who you want to be.” (480) 820-4072.
Let me start today by saying, “Thank You” for the positive and encouraging feedback that I have received for the “Thought of the Week.” With life being fast paced and crazy, it is good to know that there is value in what is being offered each week.
Many thoughts and inspirational moments come from running. It is a great time for reflection and contemplation. However, this week, inspiration came in the form of a song on the radio. The refrain simply stated,
“This is your life, are you who you want to be?”
Sometimes the simplest statements have the most profound impact. We all have many different aspects to who we are and whether or not we are aware of it, an identity is attached to each one. We have a picture, thought or feeling of who we are, how we picture ourselves, and what we believe. We all MUST act and behave in accordance with our identity or else there is conflict.
If the answer to, “This is your life, are you who you want to be?” is no, then create a new identity for yourself and take and IMMEDIATE action to have it become the life you want it to be.
The other day when I opened the door of the refrigerator and was about to partake in a can of unflavored bubbly water, I remembered that question, “This is my life, am I who I want to be?” My mind screamed out the answer, “NO.” The carbonation in the water is not good for weight reduction, it dehydrates the body. So, I asked myself, “What would a healthy, vibrant, and “in charge of life” guy do instead?” I received a different answer, “eat that cucumber that you peeled last night for just this occasion.” So, I did.
You may ask yourself, “but does such a small decision really matter? Absolutely, nothing is too small to celebrate when it comes to creating a change in your life to become who you want to be. That action made all of the difference because in that moment when I chose something different, I saw myself different. I took control of my life and I saw myself as a healthy, vibrant, and “in charge of life” guy. And, that is who I want to continue to become. “This is your life, are you who you want to be?” If not, define a new self, take action now, and turn the answer to that question into a resounding, “YES!”
Call today for a free 15-minute coaching session to discover “who you want to be.” (480) 820-4072.
3/17/08
All you need to succeed is F.O.C.U.S.S.
All you need to succeed is F.O.C.U.S.S.
So often I see people struggling to make decisions, succumbing to peer pressure, or feeling a lack of confidence. I see it in today’s youth and in top CEO’s of companies. How do we create the ability to make better decisions, become a leader of people instead of a follower, and build an incredible level of self confidence?
There are two areas that we can focus on to create change in our lives; internally and externally. So often, a classic pattern of the poor decision maker, the “Yes Man” in business, or individual with low self confidence is to put their attention to the external stimulus in life. A person gets lost in the external expectations of family, friends, co-workers, and social norms.
The solution lies in the acronym of F.O.C.U.S.S. This metaphor popped out of my brain during a presentation to coaches on how to better perform and support clients.
It simply stands for: Focus On Creating a Unique Self and Skillsets. What does this mean?
It means that a person who makes effective decisions, leads by example, and is confident in their lives first and foremost has a strong internal compass. Everything is run through their internal compass of what is right and wrong. They focus on what they are great at, what inspires and moves them, what brings joy and happiness to their lives and they naturally define, follow, and consistently develop their strengths and skillsets.
The chances of there being another you are 1:1,000,000,000 (genetically) and this number does not take into account the external environment of your cultural upbringing. You are the only one who can impact the world in a way that is special and unique for yourself. “Marching to the beat of your own drummer” is critical for success. As long as it is balanced with actions that are bringing greater good to others in the world, that is what it means to be successful.
Are you following the almighty dollar (that is not so almighty anymore), the pressures of your peers, family and friends, or are you living a life of your choosing, doing the things that you love and add value to the world? If you Focus On Creating a Unique Self and Skillsets the world and all of it’s opportunities will open up for you. Your quality of life will improve, your finances will improve, your relationships will improve, and you will find yourself a natural leader of your own life.
If you need support to Focus On Creating a Unique Self and Skillsets, contact me today for your FREE 15-minute coaching session. If you can change your life in a moment, think of what we could accomplish together in 15 minutes! Call Now: (480) 820-4072
Feel free to pass this email on to anyone you feel may find value in an uplifting word. They can sign up for the “Thought of the Week” on my website at www.evolutionforsuccess.com
So often I see people struggling to make decisions, succumbing to peer pressure, or feeling a lack of confidence. I see it in today’s youth and in top CEO’s of companies. How do we create the ability to make better decisions, become a leader of people instead of a follower, and build an incredible level of self confidence?
There are two areas that we can focus on to create change in our lives; internally and externally. So often, a classic pattern of the poor decision maker, the “Yes Man” in business, or individual with low self confidence is to put their attention to the external stimulus in life. A person gets lost in the external expectations of family, friends, co-workers, and social norms.
The solution lies in the acronym of F.O.C.U.S.S. This metaphor popped out of my brain during a presentation to coaches on how to better perform and support clients.
It simply stands for: Focus On Creating a Unique Self and Skillsets. What does this mean?
It means that a person who makes effective decisions, leads by example, and is confident in their lives first and foremost has a strong internal compass. Everything is run through their internal compass of what is right and wrong. They focus on what they are great at, what inspires and moves them, what brings joy and happiness to their lives and they naturally define, follow, and consistently develop their strengths and skillsets.
The chances of there being another you are 1:1,000,000,000 (genetically) and this number does not take into account the external environment of your cultural upbringing. You are the only one who can impact the world in a way that is special and unique for yourself. “Marching to the beat of your own drummer” is critical for success. As long as it is balanced with actions that are bringing greater good to others in the world, that is what it means to be successful.
Are you following the almighty dollar (that is not so almighty anymore), the pressures of your peers, family and friends, or are you living a life of your choosing, doing the things that you love and add value to the world? If you Focus On Creating a Unique Self and Skillsets the world and all of it’s opportunities will open up for you. Your quality of life will improve, your finances will improve, your relationships will improve, and you will find yourself a natural leader of your own life.
If you need support to Focus On Creating a Unique Self and Skillsets, contact me today for your FREE 15-minute coaching session. If you can change your life in a moment, think of what we could accomplish together in 15 minutes! Call Now: (480) 820-4072
Feel free to pass this email on to anyone you feel may find value in an uplifting word. They can sign up for the “Thought of the Week” on my website at www.evolutionforsuccess.com
3/14/08
Procrastinating Success
Imagine that it is Sunday evening and you are sitting down mapping out your priorities for the week. You have created your capture sheets, chunked things into manageable groups, prioritized and mapped out blocks of time to create your dreams this week. However, you have an uneasy feeling because some one of things that you wanted to complete last week (including the Thought of the Week) somehow were not completed.
Do you:
A. Find yourself Monday morning overcome with guilt and continue to procrastinate. After all, you are a coach that supports people to overcome and achieve. It could be considered a loss of integrity to not follow through with your business goals. How can you help others be more consistent if you are not holding yourself to that higher standard?
B. Tell yourself that it is all OK that it wasn’t completed last week. After all, you did plenty of other things to justify not getting it done. For instance, completed a half marathon, took care of the kids while the wife was out of town, recruited more coaching clients, worked on some speeches, etc, etc, etc…
C. Experience the pain of the loss of integrity with yourself, learn what there is to learn from it so that you can do it better next time, and make a commitment and take action to complete it.
In reality, no one even emailed or called me last week to say that they missed my Thought of the Week. I did get some positive responses stating people enjoyed it. The point is this. How often are you out of integrity with what YOU have set for yourself to succeed or do, regardless of if other people even noticed, and it just fades away? What impact does that have on self confidence in the long run? What does it cost you little by little in your ability to succeed and feel good about yourself?
I had a referral once from a close friend and after doing some research became intimidated by this referral’s level of success. I made a half hearted attempt to call and sell my coaching services. However, the note with his number stayed on my desk for months and every time that I saw it, I knew that I did not follow through. How could I call this referral after all of the procrastination, lack of follow up, and what would he think of my coaching skills if I couldn’t hold myself accountable? Well, I called him up for several weeks consistently with the answer to that question in mind, “He could consider me a top notch coach because I was able to remember that I was not in integrity with myself, follow up consistently, and I did not just let it go.”
Success in life and business come from following up on what you commit to do and then don’t. Success comes at many different times, after a great speaking presentation, a fully engaged and energetic coaching session, and after just following up with those small things that are easily swept aside in order to keep my integrity with myself. I wish for you the same!
If you need some support and accountability to follow through in your planning, defining what is really important to you, and keeping a higher level of integrity with yourself, CALL NOW to arrange for a free 15 minute coaching session. (480) 820-4072
Do you:
A. Find yourself Monday morning overcome with guilt and continue to procrastinate. After all, you are a coach that supports people to overcome and achieve. It could be considered a loss of integrity to not follow through with your business goals. How can you help others be more consistent if you are not holding yourself to that higher standard?
B. Tell yourself that it is all OK that it wasn’t completed last week. After all, you did plenty of other things to justify not getting it done. For instance, completed a half marathon, took care of the kids while the wife was out of town, recruited more coaching clients, worked on some speeches, etc, etc, etc…
C. Experience the pain of the loss of integrity with yourself, learn what there is to learn from it so that you can do it better next time, and make a commitment and take action to complete it.
In reality, no one even emailed or called me last week to say that they missed my Thought of the Week. I did get some positive responses stating people enjoyed it. The point is this. How often are you out of integrity with what YOU have set for yourself to succeed or do, regardless of if other people even noticed, and it just fades away? What impact does that have on self confidence in the long run? What does it cost you little by little in your ability to succeed and feel good about yourself?
I had a referral once from a close friend and after doing some research became intimidated by this referral’s level of success. I made a half hearted attempt to call and sell my coaching services. However, the note with his number stayed on my desk for months and every time that I saw it, I knew that I did not follow through. How could I call this referral after all of the procrastination, lack of follow up, and what would he think of my coaching skills if I couldn’t hold myself accountable? Well, I called him up for several weeks consistently with the answer to that question in mind, “He could consider me a top notch coach because I was able to remember that I was not in integrity with myself, follow up consistently, and I did not just let it go.”
Success in life and business come from following up on what you commit to do and then don’t. Success comes at many different times, after a great speaking presentation, a fully engaged and energetic coaching session, and after just following up with those small things that are easily swept aside in order to keep my integrity with myself. I wish for you the same!
If you need some support and accountability to follow through in your planning, defining what is really important to you, and keeping a higher level of integrity with yourself, CALL NOW to arrange for a free 15 minute coaching session. (480) 820-4072
2/28/08
What is Legal VS What is Right!
What’s Right and What’s Legal?
Situation: You are driving down the highway in a car that is registered to your spouse. You know that traffic enforcement lights are up ahead so you consciously slow down. As a big truck passes you in the right hand lane (obviously speeding and annoyed because you slowed down) just as the speeding camera takes a picture. Someone is busted! Looking down you see that you are going 69 in a 65mph zone. You come home and tell your spouse you can’t believe that the guy in the truck was busted like that.
Fast forward three weeks and your spouse gets a letter of the car, clear pictures of you driving, and stating you were going 78mph. The notice is not a fine for your wife since she was not driving the car but since it was registered in her name she has 4 weeks to “turn in” under sworn statement who was driving.
What do you do?
A. Since you just moved, feign ignorance, not respond and see if they send a second notice? After all, it could have gotten lost in the mail and if you prolonged it for 3 months then you may get out of the ticket if you move out of state.
B. Ask your spouse to fill in that they do not know who was driving the car and lie under oath? After all, the car was totaled a few weeks earlier and we do not even have it anymore. How would they follow up anyway, we have different last names. The worst that could happen is her driving license is suspended.
C. Fill out the paperwork for your spouse and turn yourself in. Even though it is a total racket. The people who are contracted by the Scottsdale Police to run the camera system also have high priced lawyers so no one who ever fights a ticket wins, they split the proceeds 50-50 with the city of Scottsdale, and they run the driving school that everyone who gets a ticket must attend so that there are not points added onto your record with the insurance company that would make your premium go up. In essence, you pay the same company for the ticket and the driving school and the City of Scottsdale says believes that contracting out their law enforcement duties to a non-law enforcement entity who is double dipping from the tickets and driving school is legal.
Well, the answer for me was C. It was one of the toughest decisions that I made this year. Many times in life, what is morally, ethically, and legally right are in conflict. How do we sort out the difference? In the end, it does not matter who is right what matters most is “What is right by you?” Doing what is right is the hardest thing to do and it is also the most rewarding. Systems are not perfect, people are not perfect, and the world is not perfect.
The only way to get through is to ask, “What is truly right for me based on my principles, morals, ethics, and values?” The hardest part about answering that question is that most of the time what is right will end up inconveniencing you in the short run. I may very well have to pay $135 for the ticket, plus driving school, plus the 8 hours to take the course, and perhaps miss coaching one of my sons’ basketball games because of it.
There are benefits to inconveniencing yourself in order to do what is right. My wife is not stressing about what is going to happen to her wallet. My son sees a father who steps up and takes responsibility for his actions and does what is right even though he was mad as a hornet at an unjust system, disappointed in the fact that he was speeding and caught, and will end up missing one of the most important, rewarding and fulfilling hours of the week coaching basketball.
In the end, they have my money, my time, and less respect for this piece of our legal system. I still come out the winner because I have peace of mind as a husband and father, a deeper level of respect for myself, and I am looking forward to learning something new in the driving school.
Looking for the edge in making important decisions? Call NOW for your free 15-minute Personal Coaching Session. (480) 820-4072
Situation: You are driving down the highway in a car that is registered to your spouse. You know that traffic enforcement lights are up ahead so you consciously slow down. As a big truck passes you in the right hand lane (obviously speeding and annoyed because you slowed down) just as the speeding camera takes a picture. Someone is busted! Looking down you see that you are going 69 in a 65mph zone. You come home and tell your spouse you can’t believe that the guy in the truck was busted like that.
Fast forward three weeks and your spouse gets a letter of the car, clear pictures of you driving, and stating you were going 78mph. The notice is not a fine for your wife since she was not driving the car but since it was registered in her name she has 4 weeks to “turn in” under sworn statement who was driving.
What do you do?
A. Since you just moved, feign ignorance, not respond and see if they send a second notice? After all, it could have gotten lost in the mail and if you prolonged it for 3 months then you may get out of the ticket if you move out of state.
B. Ask your spouse to fill in that they do not know who was driving the car and lie under oath? After all, the car was totaled a few weeks earlier and we do not even have it anymore. How would they follow up anyway, we have different last names. The worst that could happen is her driving license is suspended.
C. Fill out the paperwork for your spouse and turn yourself in. Even though it is a total racket. The people who are contracted by the Scottsdale Police to run the camera system also have high priced lawyers so no one who ever fights a ticket wins, they split the proceeds 50-50 with the city of Scottsdale, and they run the driving school that everyone who gets a ticket must attend so that there are not points added onto your record with the insurance company that would make your premium go up. In essence, you pay the same company for the ticket and the driving school and the City of Scottsdale says believes that contracting out their law enforcement duties to a non-law enforcement entity who is double dipping from the tickets and driving school is legal.
Well, the answer for me was C. It was one of the toughest decisions that I made this year. Many times in life, what is morally, ethically, and legally right are in conflict. How do we sort out the difference? In the end, it does not matter who is right what matters most is “What is right by you?” Doing what is right is the hardest thing to do and it is also the most rewarding. Systems are not perfect, people are not perfect, and the world is not perfect.
The only way to get through is to ask, “What is truly right for me based on my principles, morals, ethics, and values?” The hardest part about answering that question is that most of the time what is right will end up inconveniencing you in the short run. I may very well have to pay $135 for the ticket, plus driving school, plus the 8 hours to take the course, and perhaps miss coaching one of my sons’ basketball games because of it.
There are benefits to inconveniencing yourself in order to do what is right. My wife is not stressing about what is going to happen to her wallet. My son sees a father who steps up and takes responsibility for his actions and does what is right even though he was mad as a hornet at an unjust system, disappointed in the fact that he was speeding and caught, and will end up missing one of the most important, rewarding and fulfilling hours of the week coaching basketball.
In the end, they have my money, my time, and less respect for this piece of our legal system. I still come out the winner because I have peace of mind as a husband and father, a deeper level of respect for myself, and I am looking forward to learning something new in the driving school.
Looking for the edge in making important decisions? Call NOW for your free 15-minute Personal Coaching Session. (480) 820-4072
2/18/08
Is Enough, Enough?
Is Enough, Enough?
Yesterday morning I found myself tired, exhausted, and in pain. After 4 hours or running, I had just passed mile marker 23 of the Lost Dutchman Marathon. On the edge of tears, pain shooting up my hip from running down a hill too fast at mile 12, my feet tingling with pinpricks of pain, I was staring at the “Dutchman’s Revenge,” a 500 foot vertical hill looming straight up in front of me. It was another obstacle to overcome.
“Wasn’t it enough? I had completed 23 miles. Wasn’t it enough? I just completed another marathon a month earlier? Wasn’t it enough? I had completed 6 other marathons and almost a dozen half marathons. Wasn’t it enough? I had logged over 600 training miles in the last 5 months? Wasn’t it enough? Wasn’t it enough already? Wasn’t it enough?”
It is during intense emotional moments that the true character of a person is revealed and they can find more of who they really are. All I wanted was to sit down, rest and walk the rest of the course. Who would care? Who would know? Only one person would know me.
Enough is never enough. People can not live on past emotional moments, when they do, life becomes flat, barren and void. Emotion dies. That is the problem with only living “in the moment.” Happiness is found when enough is never enough; something has to bring to a “moment.” Success in life can only be achieved if you put yourself in a place where you set huge goals with huge obstacles that will put you in emotional situations. This is where you come face to face with the deepest parts of who you are and redefine yourself. In that moment is a deeper, more intense connection with gratitude for life, faith to overcome obstacles, strength and inner confidence to achieve more, and the choice to define a more intense personal identity.
I came face to face with my pain, suffering, and self doubt. I understood that this deep painful moment was what I wanted. I had run 23 miles for this exact moment. This was the moment that I had been searching for all along! It was a defining moment for me. I chose to lift my head up to focus on the future, pushed through the pain, made a commitment to run those last few miles with all I had inside of me. I found more of myself in that moment, more of who I am, and more of all that I am blessed with in this life. I experienced one of the deepest levels of thankfulness and gratitude for all that I have in that moment. I reconnected with how I would use that to make a bigger impact in the lives others in selfless service knowing that I am a part of something so much larger than me. I forged a stronger identity for myself as a man, husband and father. I am a marathon runner, an achiever, a contributor to make other’s lives more meaningful and powerful. I am a marathon runner and running through the wall is what runners do.
Who are you going to become this week? If you need support in creating more magical moments in your life, call now for a free 15-minute “Jump-Start” session. (480) 820-4072
Yesterday morning I found myself tired, exhausted, and in pain. After 4 hours or running, I had just passed mile marker 23 of the Lost Dutchman Marathon. On the edge of tears, pain shooting up my hip from running down a hill too fast at mile 12, my feet tingling with pinpricks of pain, I was staring at the “Dutchman’s Revenge,” a 500 foot vertical hill looming straight up in front of me. It was another obstacle to overcome.
“Wasn’t it enough? I had completed 23 miles. Wasn’t it enough? I just completed another marathon a month earlier? Wasn’t it enough? I had completed 6 other marathons and almost a dozen half marathons. Wasn’t it enough? I had logged over 600 training miles in the last 5 months? Wasn’t it enough? Wasn’t it enough already? Wasn’t it enough?”
It is during intense emotional moments that the true character of a person is revealed and they can find more of who they really are. All I wanted was to sit down, rest and walk the rest of the course. Who would care? Who would know? Only one person would know me.
Enough is never enough. People can not live on past emotional moments, when they do, life becomes flat, barren and void. Emotion dies. That is the problem with only living “in the moment.” Happiness is found when enough is never enough; something has to bring to a “moment.” Success in life can only be achieved if you put yourself in a place where you set huge goals with huge obstacles that will put you in emotional situations. This is where you come face to face with the deepest parts of who you are and redefine yourself. In that moment is a deeper, more intense connection with gratitude for life, faith to overcome obstacles, strength and inner confidence to achieve more, and the choice to define a more intense personal identity.
I came face to face with my pain, suffering, and self doubt. I understood that this deep painful moment was what I wanted. I had run 23 miles for this exact moment. This was the moment that I had been searching for all along! It was a defining moment for me. I chose to lift my head up to focus on the future, pushed through the pain, made a commitment to run those last few miles with all I had inside of me. I found more of myself in that moment, more of who I am, and more of all that I am blessed with in this life. I experienced one of the deepest levels of thankfulness and gratitude for all that I have in that moment. I reconnected with how I would use that to make a bigger impact in the lives others in selfless service knowing that I am a part of something so much larger than me. I forged a stronger identity for myself as a man, husband and father. I am a marathon runner, an achiever, a contributor to make other’s lives more meaningful and powerful. I am a marathon runner and running through the wall is what runners do.
Who are you going to become this week? If you need support in creating more magical moments in your life, call now for a free 15-minute “Jump-Start” session. (480) 820-4072
2/12/08
Who is in Control?
Who is in Control?
Question: You choose to finish a job or task at work and feel a great sense of accomplishment afterwards, or you are walking down the street and all of a sudden you remember something and it makes you so sad: Are you in control of your emotions or are your emotions in control of you?
First off, we are in control of our emotional states. By CHOOSING to take a specific action, we CHOOSE the meaning of the event. For example, by choosing to go out walking this morning, I chose that walking would allow me to feel happy, energetic, alive and vibrant. A different person may choose to go walking and decide it meant pain, suffering, and frustration. We control out emotional states by the meaning that we attach to all of life’s experiences!
At the same time, there will always be external events that happen to us that will trigger unresolved emotional issues from the past. These unresolved issues grow over time and get larger and larger and larger. Negative emotional states are positive because they tell us where our emotions and rational thoughts are in conflict.
Our emotional states are in a constant tug of war. People work to have more positive intense emotional states (happiness, love, success) while negative emotional states (frustration, overwhelm, sadness) keep popping up, seemingly out of control.
In creating more positive emotional states remember: MOTION CREATES EMOTION. When you engage your mind and your body positive things happen! My personal drug of choice: Endorphins! So, put on those great songs, sing at the top of your lungs, be outrageous in your own way, move your body and create a stronger you with more physical movement.
In order to decrease the disempowering emotional moments:
1. Identify the negative emotion that is present (anger, frustration, sadness, etc.)
2. Ask: “What is there to learn from this, the learning of which will allow me to let go of these negative emotions easily and effortlessly?”
3. Once you understand the meaning and what there is to learn from it, CHOOSE TO TAKE AN IMMEDIATE ACTION AND DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT that will allow the better feelings to come out! (in this moment most people will not want to do something different because it is easier to stay in a negative emotional pattern, but the key to success is in taking an choosing a new action and meaning in order to break through the problem and let go of the negative emotion)
4. Celebrate your new meaning and action to anchor in the new state!
It is never too late to engage the process. Success happens when the amount of time it takes to clear up the conflict and move from disempowering states to positive ones decreases.
Celebrate all of your emotional states. Celebrate the ones that you choose to create for yourself and celebrate the ones that are triggered by your external environment. Find the reason for the state and take action to control your emotional life!
If you want more out of your emotional life, call today for your free 15 minute coaching session on how to create positive emotional states. Have a real life experience of it today! (480) 820-4072
To your continued success,
James
Question: You choose to finish a job or task at work and feel a great sense of accomplishment afterwards, or you are walking down the street and all of a sudden you remember something and it makes you so sad: Are you in control of your emotions or are your emotions in control of you?
First off, we are in control of our emotional states. By CHOOSING to take a specific action, we CHOOSE the meaning of the event. For example, by choosing to go out walking this morning, I chose that walking would allow me to feel happy, energetic, alive and vibrant. A different person may choose to go walking and decide it meant pain, suffering, and frustration. We control out emotional states by the meaning that we attach to all of life’s experiences!
At the same time, there will always be external events that happen to us that will trigger unresolved emotional issues from the past. These unresolved issues grow over time and get larger and larger and larger. Negative emotional states are positive because they tell us where our emotions and rational thoughts are in conflict.
Our emotional states are in a constant tug of war. People work to have more positive intense emotional states (happiness, love, success) while negative emotional states (frustration, overwhelm, sadness) keep popping up, seemingly out of control.
In creating more positive emotional states remember: MOTION CREATES EMOTION. When you engage your mind and your body positive things happen! My personal drug of choice: Endorphins! So, put on those great songs, sing at the top of your lungs, be outrageous in your own way, move your body and create a stronger you with more physical movement.
In order to decrease the disempowering emotional moments:
1. Identify the negative emotion that is present (anger, frustration, sadness, etc.)
2. Ask: “What is there to learn from this, the learning of which will allow me to let go of these negative emotions easily and effortlessly?”
3. Once you understand the meaning and what there is to learn from it, CHOOSE TO TAKE AN IMMEDIATE ACTION AND DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT that will allow the better feelings to come out! (in this moment most people will not want to do something different because it is easier to stay in a negative emotional pattern, but the key to success is in taking an choosing a new action and meaning in order to break through the problem and let go of the negative emotion)
4. Celebrate your new meaning and action to anchor in the new state!
It is never too late to engage the process. Success happens when the amount of time it takes to clear up the conflict and move from disempowering states to positive ones decreases.
Celebrate all of your emotional states. Celebrate the ones that you choose to create for yourself and celebrate the ones that are triggered by your external environment. Find the reason for the state and take action to control your emotional life!
If you want more out of your emotional life, call today for your free 15 minute coaching session on how to create positive emotional states. Have a real life experience of it today! (480) 820-4072
To your continued success,
James
2/5/08
The Problem with the Problem
What is the Problem with Your Problem?
Most of us forget that there is a problem that comes with most problems. It is a presupposition that we should not have the problem in the first place. In simpler terms, the problem with the problem is that you think that you should not be having a problem.
Do you really want what you are wishing for? Imagine a life with absolutely no problems. At first, it would be great, just like sitting on the beach for a day doing nothing. (That only feels good because we have been putting so much time into solving our problems and need a refresher from time to time) What about the second day, third day, fourth week of sitting on the beach with no problems? Suddenly, the absence of problems would be a problem and we would need to go and find something to do.
What is the purpose of a problem then? Fundamentally, we are either growing or dying. The problems that we encounter serve a very specific purpose. They give us insight into where we are incongruent between what we think and what we feel. There is a meaning, something to learn, from the problems that once we learn and take action on it, will create an even better quality of life for us.
It is our choice to find that more empowering meaning, embrace the learning(s) from it, and take action to change our life. That is what makes us a stronger person.
What is a current problem that you have today or this week? Be THANKFUL for your problems and ask yourself:
A. What is there for me to learn from this problem, that will make me a better person?
B. What can I learn from this that will allow me to let go of these negative emotions and create a more empowering future for myself?
C. What will I do different next time? ~or~ What is an action I can take right now to make things better?
D. How will this create a more empowering life for myself and the people that I love and care about today, tomorrow, in the future?
Consider it a pure joy, to face the trials and challenges of life. It is the testing of your human spirit that develops perseverance. Perseverance needs to happen in order for you to finish your tasks in order to feel complete and whole.
Most of us forget that there is a problem that comes with most problems. It is a presupposition that we should not have the problem in the first place. In simpler terms, the problem with the problem is that you think that you should not be having a problem.
Do you really want what you are wishing for? Imagine a life with absolutely no problems. At first, it would be great, just like sitting on the beach for a day doing nothing. (That only feels good because we have been putting so much time into solving our problems and need a refresher from time to time) What about the second day, third day, fourth week of sitting on the beach with no problems? Suddenly, the absence of problems would be a problem and we would need to go and find something to do.
What is the purpose of a problem then? Fundamentally, we are either growing or dying. The problems that we encounter serve a very specific purpose. They give us insight into where we are incongruent between what we think and what we feel. There is a meaning, something to learn, from the problems that once we learn and take action on it, will create an even better quality of life for us.
It is our choice to find that more empowering meaning, embrace the learning(s) from it, and take action to change our life. That is what makes us a stronger person.
What is a current problem that you have today or this week? Be THANKFUL for your problems and ask yourself:
A. What is there for me to learn from this problem, that will make me a better person?
B. What can I learn from this that will allow me to let go of these negative emotions and create a more empowering future for myself?
C. What will I do different next time? ~or~ What is an action I can take right now to make things better?
D. How will this create a more empowering life for myself and the people that I love and care about today, tomorrow, in the future?
Consider it a pure joy, to face the trials and challenges of life. It is the testing of your human spirit that develops perseverance. Perseverance needs to happen in order for you to finish your tasks in order to feel complete and whole.
1/28/08
How will you run your life this week?
How to Run Life This Week
How are you going to Run your life this week? There are many different runner types. If you were running the race of your life this week and came up to the traffic light that was red, how would you approach getting across the street? Would you:
A. Stop, rest, and wait for green light and then proceed?
B. Stop, jog in place, wait for the green light and then proceed?
C. Keep running once you get to the corner by stepping off of the curb, running in the bike lane into the oncoming traffic until there was an opening, cross into the middle of the street between both lanes of traffic and run back towards the intersection until there was a break in the oncoming traffic from the opposite direction, and then cross back over onto the curb on the opposite side of the street?
Each answer poses interesting looks into the psychology behind the choice. All are appropriate at different times based on a person’s ability to manage risk, stay focused on outcomes, and still enjoy the run.
Yesterday, I found myself putting off running because it was raining here in Arizona. I ended up running, choosing option C, and having one of the best runs of my life. How are you going to choose to run your life this week when you are faced with challenges? Will you stop and wait to take action until something changes, will you stop and pretend that what you doing is really making progress when it is not thereby distracting yourself, or will you take on the challenges headfirst by not stopping no matter what the obstacles are and arrive on the other side of the street with a greater sense of pride, confidence and achievement?
Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention…if you choose option A or B, who says that the light will change anytime soon…you may be waiting for a long time…Take Control of Your Life and Keep Running!
To your continued success,
James
How are you going to Run your life this week? There are many different runner types. If you were running the race of your life this week and came up to the traffic light that was red, how would you approach getting across the street? Would you:
A. Stop, rest, and wait for green light and then proceed?
B. Stop, jog in place, wait for the green light and then proceed?
C. Keep running once you get to the corner by stepping off of the curb, running in the bike lane into the oncoming traffic until there was an opening, cross into the middle of the street between both lanes of traffic and run back towards the intersection until there was a break in the oncoming traffic from the opposite direction, and then cross back over onto the curb on the opposite side of the street?
Each answer poses interesting looks into the psychology behind the choice. All are appropriate at different times based on a person’s ability to manage risk, stay focused on outcomes, and still enjoy the run.
Yesterday, I found myself putting off running because it was raining here in Arizona. I ended up running, choosing option C, and having one of the best runs of my life. How are you going to choose to run your life this week when you are faced with challenges? Will you stop and wait to take action until something changes, will you stop and pretend that what you doing is really making progress when it is not thereby distracting yourself, or will you take on the challenges headfirst by not stopping no matter what the obstacles are and arrive on the other side of the street with a greater sense of pride, confidence and achievement?
Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention…if you choose option A or B, who says that the light will change anytime soon…you may be waiting for a long time…Take Control of Your Life and Keep Running!
To your continued success,
James
4/20/07
Is Life a Bumpy Ride?
by James Murphy
Peak Performance Coach
Master Practitioner: NLP, Time Line
Therapy™ and Hypnosis
You know the truth of where you are now, you have defined your purpose in life, so what is next? The process to setting goals is simple, easy and effective. The process needs to happen at least six times. Why are we setting goals? We set goals to have a balanced life. You are the one who gets to define what Balance is for you. Balance in life consists of putting focus into 6 main categories.
The six categories that define a balanced life are: Health, Relationships, Career, Finances, Religion/Faith/Spirituality, and Personal Emotional Health. A person may expand or consolidate a few categories. I personally have two Career categories and have combined my Religion/Faith/Spirituality and Personal Emotional Health categories into one single category.
Here is a great coaching exercise to give you some perspective. Draw a circle and divide it into 6 areas (like cutting a pie or pizza). The center of the circle represents a level zero and the outside circumference of the circle represents a level ten. Rate each area on a scale of zero to ten (zero is not fulfilled at all, ten is it can’t get any better). Take the number and fill in the piece of pie from the inside towards the outside to whatever level of fulfillment that you rated yourself. For example, if you are at zero you would not fill in anything, at a level 10 you would fill in the whole piece of pie, at a level 5 you would come out halfway, draw a line and fill in the piece of pie half way out from the center to the outside). Complete the process for all six categories.
Now, if this was a wheel on your car of life would you have a smooth ride or would it be bumpy as could be? Life should be in balance. It does not matter is you are balanced at a three, five, eight or ten. If you are at a ten in career and a zero in health there is a great coaching opportunity. We are only as strong as our weakest category. However, that does not mean that we have to have every piece of the pie be equal in size. Remember that every time you cut a pizza you will never be able to cut all of the pieces exactly the same size. For some, Career is a greater piece, others Health and others Relationships. The key is that they are all present and combine in a way to make a full balanced life.
Our goals should collectively bring balance to all areas of our lives to reduce conflict, increase motivation and give us more energy to create more in life and enjoy where we are at the same time.
Are you driving down the highway with a really bouncy ride? Give me a call at (480) 820-4072 take your life to the next level of success.
To our continued success,
James
Peak Performance Coach
Master Practitioner: NLP, Time Line
Therapy™ and Hypnosis
You know the truth of where you are now, you have defined your purpose in life, so what is next? The process to setting goals is simple, easy and effective. The process needs to happen at least six times. Why are we setting goals? We set goals to have a balanced life. You are the one who gets to define what Balance is for you. Balance in life consists of putting focus into 6 main categories.
The six categories that define a balanced life are: Health, Relationships, Career, Finances, Religion/Faith/Spirituality, and Personal Emotional Health. A person may expand or consolidate a few categories. I personally have two Career categories and have combined my Religion/Faith/Spirituality and Personal Emotional Health categories into one single category.
Here is a great coaching exercise to give you some perspective. Draw a circle and divide it into 6 areas (like cutting a pie or pizza). The center of the circle represents a level zero and the outside circumference of the circle represents a level ten. Rate each area on a scale of zero to ten (zero is not fulfilled at all, ten is it can’t get any better). Take the number and fill in the piece of pie from the inside towards the outside to whatever level of fulfillment that you rated yourself. For example, if you are at zero you would not fill in anything, at a level 10 you would fill in the whole piece of pie, at a level 5 you would come out halfway, draw a line and fill in the piece of pie half way out from the center to the outside). Complete the process for all six categories.
Now, if this was a wheel on your car of life would you have a smooth ride or would it be bumpy as could be? Life should be in balance. It does not matter is you are balanced at a three, five, eight or ten. If you are at a ten in career and a zero in health there is a great coaching opportunity. We are only as strong as our weakest category. However, that does not mean that we have to have every piece of the pie be equal in size. Remember that every time you cut a pizza you will never be able to cut all of the pieces exactly the same size. For some, Career is a greater piece, others Health and others Relationships. The key is that they are all present and combine in a way to make a full balanced life.
Our goals should collectively bring balance to all areas of our lives to reduce conflict, increase motivation and give us more energy to create more in life and enjoy where we are at the same time.
Are you driving down the highway with a really bouncy ride? Give me a call at (480) 820-4072 take your life to the next level of success.
To our continued success,
James
4/18/07
A Statement of Purpose
by James Murphy
Peak Performance Coach
Master Practitioner: NLP, Time Line
Therapy™ and Hypnosis
The first step towards success is defining the “truth” of where you are in your life. The second step for success is to define what your life represents. A person needs to define the purpose of their life in order to stay motivated and overcome the obstacles in life.
A purpose statement in life is built of three main components: the opening phrase, the statement for self, and the statement for others. An example would be, “The purpose of my life is to nurture myself and grow and create positive change in the world.”
The first component is the opening phrase of the statement, “The purpose of my life is to continue to…” The language is important because it needs to imply, or presuppose, that we already have an internal frame of reference for what knowing our purpose. You have an unconscious frame of reference somewhere in your mind that defines what your life purpose is and we want to tap into it. After all, after all, how would you know you want it if you have never had it before? Another example of an opening statement would be, “The purpose of my life is to experience more…” Accessing or creating the previous frame of reference in our subconscious mind is important.
The second component is all about YOU, it MUST be about you. A person who turns the other cheek without a strong internal compass is a coward. Someone who turns the other cheek and stands firm in the knowledge of who they are and what their life is about is courageous, strong, confident and someone people respect and follow. Your actions must always mean something to you and meet your internal needs. So, what is your core issue? What is the greatest thing that you have ever had to overcome in your life? I was three pounds when I was born, the doctor thought that I would not live, didn’t come home from the hospital for 3 months, and never felt like I bonded with my mother. As I moved through my healing process, I realized that it was unfair of me as a grown adult to keep looking to my mother be nurtured. Further more, it was really a disservice to myself and to my mother to keep using that experience as an excuse to not have the levels of success that I wanted in my life. I needed to take responsibility myself to “nurture myself and grow”.
The third component is all about how I make a difference in the world when I do “nurture myself and grow.” How do I show up and make a difference when I can confidently turn the other cheek. Life is really not about us and the greatest people in the world know this. You see it in the faces of the people who change the world, Pope John Paul II, Mother Theresa, and Nelson Mandela. When I am learning, growing and nurturing myself I am able to give to others at a capacity that is never ending. I verbalize the impact on the world when I live this way as, “creating positive change in the world.” At one time it was “blanket the world with my love.” However, I found a more specific and meaningful way to express what I am truly about.
There are the three components of a great Purpose Statement the opening phrase, the statement for self, and the statement for others. The reason for covering this material is that our goals and dreams need to be congruent with our Purpose Statement. If a person sets goals that are not congruent with their purpose the levels of motivation that they experience are seriously diminished.
Purpose statements may also change as we change. My new purpose statement is, “The purpose of my life is have an even more balanced, health, and fit life today in order to apply my knowledge and help others create more empowering lives.”
If you want to support in defining your Purpose Statement give me a call at (480) 820-4072 and find out how to take your life to the next level of success.
To our continued success,
James
Peak Performance Coach
Master Practitioner: NLP, Time Line
Therapy™ and Hypnosis
The first step towards success is defining the “truth” of where you are in your life. The second step for success is to define what your life represents. A person needs to define the purpose of their life in order to stay motivated and overcome the obstacles in life.
A purpose statement in life is built of three main components: the opening phrase, the statement for self, and the statement for others. An example would be, “The purpose of my life is to nurture myself and grow and create positive change in the world.”
The first component is the opening phrase of the statement, “The purpose of my life is to continue to…” The language is important because it needs to imply, or presuppose, that we already have an internal frame of reference for what knowing our purpose. You have an unconscious frame of reference somewhere in your mind that defines what your life purpose is and we want to tap into it. After all, after all, how would you know you want it if you have never had it before? Another example of an opening statement would be, “The purpose of my life is to experience more…” Accessing or creating the previous frame of reference in our subconscious mind is important.
The second component is all about YOU, it MUST be about you. A person who turns the other cheek without a strong internal compass is a coward. Someone who turns the other cheek and stands firm in the knowledge of who they are and what their life is about is courageous, strong, confident and someone people respect and follow. Your actions must always mean something to you and meet your internal needs. So, what is your core issue? What is the greatest thing that you have ever had to overcome in your life? I was three pounds when I was born, the doctor thought that I would not live, didn’t come home from the hospital for 3 months, and never felt like I bonded with my mother. As I moved through my healing process, I realized that it was unfair of me as a grown adult to keep looking to my mother be nurtured. Further more, it was really a disservice to myself and to my mother to keep using that experience as an excuse to not have the levels of success that I wanted in my life. I needed to take responsibility myself to “nurture myself and grow”.
The third component is all about how I make a difference in the world when I do “nurture myself and grow.” How do I show up and make a difference when I can confidently turn the other cheek. Life is really not about us and the greatest people in the world know this. You see it in the faces of the people who change the world, Pope John Paul II, Mother Theresa, and Nelson Mandela. When I am learning, growing and nurturing myself I am able to give to others at a capacity that is never ending. I verbalize the impact on the world when I live this way as, “creating positive change in the world.” At one time it was “blanket the world with my love.” However, I found a more specific and meaningful way to express what I am truly about.
There are the three components of a great Purpose Statement the opening phrase, the statement for self, and the statement for others. The reason for covering this material is that our goals and dreams need to be congruent with our Purpose Statement. If a person sets goals that are not congruent with their purpose the levels of motivation that they experience are seriously diminished.
Purpose statements may also change as we change. My new purpose statement is, “The purpose of my life is have an even more balanced, health, and fit life today in order to apply my knowledge and help others create more empowering lives.”
If you want to support in defining your Purpose Statement give me a call at (480) 820-4072 and find out how to take your life to the next level of success.
To our continued success,
James
4/11/07
Get Real...Fast!
By James M Murphy
Peak Performance Coach
Master Practitioner: NLP, Time Line
Therapy™ & Hypnosis
Behavioral Specialist
The first part of any change is to “Get Real.” You have heard this saying before but why is it so important? It is hard to look in a mirror and take a good hard look at ourselves. How many of you have full length mirrors in your bathroom and you walk by them everyday without stopping and really taking a look at yourself?
"Get Real" means that you stop and take a good hard look at where you are, NOW! Step on the scale and see exactly what it reads. This is a painful but necessary part of any change. It is also the first step of taking control of your life.
It is far easier to ignore the mirror and start to compare ourselves to others who are worse off than we are. You have hear it before, “Well, I’m not as big as so and so.” Or, “At least I am in a size 36 pants instead of a 40.” Statements such as these minimize/generalize where we are and in doing so we lose the emotional edge (usually frustration, anger, etc) that will allow us to move and create change. Nobody changes without a healthy level of frustration!
During my infantry training we learned land navigation. The first step in the process was to look at the map and figure out the 8 digit grid coordinate on the map for where we were, right then. It was the first step before we went anywhere. Without taking a good hard look at where we were starting from, we could not figure out any of the other calculations necessary to make it through to the other points along the route. If you were off in your initial calculation of where you started from you were lost before you ever began.
The first part of any change is to “Get Real” with where you are. You are not “a little heavy”; you don’t need to “lose a few.” The scale reads in at 240, you are 50 pounds overweight and you have a big fat butt. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can change!
Pick an area of your life that you want to change and “Get Real.” Now! Stop comparing yourself to others and retelling those same old stories, everyone is getting tired of hearing them anyway! Define with specificity where you are today so that you can succeed in the future. If you feel that healthy level of frustration at where you are, you are on the path to success.
Stay tuned for the next step tomorrow!
To our continued success,
James
Peak Performance Coach
Master Practitioner: NLP, Time Line
Therapy™ & Hypnosis
Behavioral Specialist
The first part of any change is to “Get Real.” You have heard this saying before but why is it so important? It is hard to look in a mirror and take a good hard look at ourselves. How many of you have full length mirrors in your bathroom and you walk by them everyday without stopping and really taking a look at yourself?
"Get Real" means that you stop and take a good hard look at where you are, NOW! Step on the scale and see exactly what it reads. This is a painful but necessary part of any change. It is also the first step of taking control of your life.
It is far easier to ignore the mirror and start to compare ourselves to others who are worse off than we are. You have hear it before, “Well, I’m not as big as so and so.” Or, “At least I am in a size 36 pants instead of a 40.” Statements such as these minimize/generalize where we are and in doing so we lose the emotional edge (usually frustration, anger, etc) that will allow us to move and create change. Nobody changes without a healthy level of frustration!
During my infantry training we learned land navigation. The first step in the process was to look at the map and figure out the 8 digit grid coordinate on the map for where we were, right then. It was the first step before we went anywhere. Without taking a good hard look at where we were starting from, we could not figure out any of the other calculations necessary to make it through to the other points along the route. If you were off in your initial calculation of where you started from you were lost before you ever began.
The first part of any change is to “Get Real” with where you are. You are not “a little heavy”; you don’t need to “lose a few.” The scale reads in at 240, you are 50 pounds overweight and you have a big fat butt. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can change!
Pick an area of your life that you want to change and “Get Real.” Now! Stop comparing yourself to others and retelling those same old stories, everyone is getting tired of hearing them anyway! Define with specificity where you are today so that you can succeed in the future. If you feel that healthy level of frustration at where you are, you are on the path to success.
Stay tuned for the next step tomorrow!
To our continued success,
James
4/5/07
The Power of Choice
by James Murphy
Peak Performance Coach
Master Practitioner: NLP, Time Line
Therapy™ and Hypnosis
Success is dependent on one thing, choice. In the last movie of the Matrix trilogy, Neo and Mr. Smith are fighting. During the fight, Mr. Smith asks Neo, “Why are you still fighting? You know that you are going to lose. Don’t tell me it is for love, happiness, or other people. Why don’t you just give up? Why are you still fighting?” Neo’s answer is deep in its simplicity. He says, “Because I choose too.”
All personal growth, self help, changing your emotional states and your thinking come down to one thing; a person has to CHOOSE to take a different action if they want something different. And, it will be continuous, tough, and challenging. A person needs to be resilient, patient, and kind to themselves as they move through the process of change.
During my NLP training, the instructor said one thing that has really stuck with me. He said that when it comes to your clients, you do not want clients. You want successful clients. What determines a successful client? A successful client is someone who wants to change. It is true that you can not hypnotize someone into doing something that they are not willing to do. A successful client will put in the constant hard work and dedication to get back up every time they fall.
During my last Tony Robbins event, Date with Destiny, I found myself absolutely frustrated because I wanted to fix myself and be done with it. I wanted to finally let go of the responsibility to choose to change. After all, I had spent the last 5 years working on myself. I graduated college after flunking out, lost 60 pounds, found a great career path as a US Marshal after waiting a year and a half to get through the hiring process, and was dating a great gal. Why wasn’t I happy inside? I just wanted to get it over with and be done with it. So, I asked the personal trainer, “ I have been working in this self help (*&^^#@$@ for the last 5 years and you are telling me that I am going to have to do this every day for the rest of my life? She replied simply, “Yes!” I am not proud of my response. I flipper her the bird and said, “Well, I am good enough how I am right now.”
I have found that success is holding both paradigms in my mind at the same time. Finding balance, success, and worth in myself and my life now while at the same time respecting my need and desire to always be more. That is one of the greatest human paradoxes. How many people do you know that are only one or the other? They either focus on always being and having more to the detriment of having peace and happiness in their life today or else they are so intent on just being good now and living in the now that they lack any direction or future that will help them to become more?
Choice is the key to success. You always have a choice of what to think, believe, feel, experience and create for yourself. The power to choose a different action today will give you the future that you desire. Be thankful for all that you have today and respect your need to always be and do more. Take the responsibility to create the life of your dreams today and everyday for the rest of your life. It is the hardest and most rewarding job you will ever have!
What do you want different in your life? What are you going to CHOOSE to do in order to have a different experience? Choose to call today and start a new life!
To our continued success,
James
Peak Performance Coach
Master Practitioner: NLP, Time Line
Therapy™ and Hypnosis
Success is dependent on one thing, choice. In the last movie of the Matrix trilogy, Neo and Mr. Smith are fighting. During the fight, Mr. Smith asks Neo, “Why are you still fighting? You know that you are going to lose. Don’t tell me it is for love, happiness, or other people. Why don’t you just give up? Why are you still fighting?” Neo’s answer is deep in its simplicity. He says, “Because I choose too.”
All personal growth, self help, changing your emotional states and your thinking come down to one thing; a person has to CHOOSE to take a different action if they want something different. And, it will be continuous, tough, and challenging. A person needs to be resilient, patient, and kind to themselves as they move through the process of change.
During my NLP training, the instructor said one thing that has really stuck with me. He said that when it comes to your clients, you do not want clients. You want successful clients. What determines a successful client? A successful client is someone who wants to change. It is true that you can not hypnotize someone into doing something that they are not willing to do. A successful client will put in the constant hard work and dedication to get back up every time they fall.
During my last Tony Robbins event, Date with Destiny, I found myself absolutely frustrated because I wanted to fix myself and be done with it. I wanted to finally let go of the responsibility to choose to change. After all, I had spent the last 5 years working on myself. I graduated college after flunking out, lost 60 pounds, found a great career path as a US Marshal after waiting a year and a half to get through the hiring process, and was dating a great gal. Why wasn’t I happy inside? I just wanted to get it over with and be done with it. So, I asked the personal trainer, “ I have been working in this self help (*&^^#@$@ for the last 5 years and you are telling me that I am going to have to do this every day for the rest of my life? She replied simply, “Yes!” I am not proud of my response. I flipper her the bird and said, “Well, I am good enough how I am right now.”
I have found that success is holding both paradigms in my mind at the same time. Finding balance, success, and worth in myself and my life now while at the same time respecting my need and desire to always be more. That is one of the greatest human paradoxes. How many people do you know that are only one or the other? They either focus on always being and having more to the detriment of having peace and happiness in their life today or else they are so intent on just being good now and living in the now that they lack any direction or future that will help them to become more?
Choice is the key to success. You always have a choice of what to think, believe, feel, experience and create for yourself. The power to choose a different action today will give you the future that you desire. Be thankful for all that you have today and respect your need to always be and do more. Take the responsibility to create the life of your dreams today and everyday for the rest of your life. It is the hardest and most rewarding job you will ever have!
What do you want different in your life? What are you going to CHOOSE to do in order to have a different experience? Choose to call today and start a new life!
To our continued success,
James
4/4/07
Top Ten Empowering Emotional States
by James Murphy
Peak Performance Coach
Master Practitioner: NLP, Time Line
Therapy™ and Hypnosis
Motion creates emotion and mastering our emotional states is the key to success in life. Emotions are like sound waves. Each carries its own vibration level. You have experienced this at sometime in your life. For example, what is the energy level of a funeral home versus the energy level in a Superbowl or Final Four basketball game?
The vibration level of an emotion has similar characteristics found in atoms. In an atom there is a nucleus that consists of protons and neutrons. Electrons rotate in orbit around the nucleus at varying distances. The greater the energy level of the atom the farther away from the nucleus the electrons are able to orbit. Similarly, there are more electrons in orbit for higher energy atoms. This creates a greater energy field around the nucleus. This relationship is directly related to the Law of Attraction. The greater our emotional states the greater our sphere of attraction and the more a person will create or manifest. The more negative the thoughts, actions, and energy levels; the less of a sphere of attraction a person will have. If the negative emotions are strong enough the reverse process happens. A person will tend to repel what they most want and get what they “don’t want.” Our thoughts and emotions are like a magnet. At any moment we are either attract to us more of what we want or repelling what we want and attracting what we do not want. What are the primary emotions that will allow us to have the greatest levels of energy, ability to attract what we want and most successful life?
The Top Nine Empowering Emotions Ranked According to Energy Levels (Power VS Force by David Hawkins)
1. Enlightenment ~ Ineffable
2. Peace ~ Bliss
3. Joy ~ Serenity
4. Love ~ Reverence
5. Reason ~ Understanding
6. Acceptance ~ Forgiveness
7. Willingness ~ Optimism
8. Neutrality ~ Trust
9. Courage ~ Affirmation
The Top Ten Empowering Emotions for a Successful Life
1. Love
2. Gratitude/Appreciation
3. Curiosity
4. Excitement and Passion
5. Determination
6. Flexibility
7. Confidence
8. Cheerfulness
9. Health
10. Contribution/Giving
If you are experiencing any of the Top Ten Disempowering Emotions listed in my previous blog there are two solutions to get to one of the more empowering emotional states listed above.
1. Change your perception. Attach a different meaning to the situation that created or triggered the negative emotional state. In NLP, we ask the question, “What is there to learn from this, the learning of which will allow me to let go of these negative emotions easily and effortlessly? This will lead to you develop new internal beliefs, value systems and rules for the future.
2. Change your procedure. This is an external approach to take a different action in the future. Stop putting yourself in the situation where the disempowering emotional state is triggered. A person creates a change in their environment to produce a new or different emotional state.
The most important rule of all when it comes to experiencing different emotional states in our life is that you must give first before you receive. If you want more love in your life you need to practice giving love first. It is the choice to put yourself in motion and attaching a positive meaning to the action that creates the emotional state that you most desire. Sitting on the front porch swing waiting to get some energy to go exercise and walk will never produce greater health and vitality. You need to choose to get up and go walk and find a way to mentally focus on it being a good thing to create the new levels of health and vitality that you are looking for.
Most individuals tend to feel a core group of 10-12 emotions and do not deviate from them except on a rare occasion, like vacation. To experience more of life and change the emotional states you feel consistently takes work and practice. The hard work and dedication will pay off in the end with a better quality of life and you will attract more of what you desire.
Call or email for more information on how you can continue to control your emotional life instead of it controlling you.
To our continued success,
James
Peak Performance Coach
Master Practitioner: NLP, Time Line
Therapy™ and Hypnosis
Motion creates emotion and mastering our emotional states is the key to success in life. Emotions are like sound waves. Each carries its own vibration level. You have experienced this at sometime in your life. For example, what is the energy level of a funeral home versus the energy level in a Superbowl or Final Four basketball game?
The vibration level of an emotion has similar characteristics found in atoms. In an atom there is a nucleus that consists of protons and neutrons. Electrons rotate in orbit around the nucleus at varying distances. The greater the energy level of the atom the farther away from the nucleus the electrons are able to orbit. Similarly, there are more electrons in orbit for higher energy atoms. This creates a greater energy field around the nucleus. This relationship is directly related to the Law of Attraction. The greater our emotional states the greater our sphere of attraction and the more a person will create or manifest. The more negative the thoughts, actions, and energy levels; the less of a sphere of attraction a person will have. If the negative emotions are strong enough the reverse process happens. A person will tend to repel what they most want and get what they “don’t want.” Our thoughts and emotions are like a magnet. At any moment we are either attract to us more of what we want or repelling what we want and attracting what we do not want. What are the primary emotions that will allow us to have the greatest levels of energy, ability to attract what we want and most successful life?
The Top Nine Empowering Emotions Ranked According to Energy Levels (Power VS Force by David Hawkins)
1. Enlightenment ~ Ineffable
2. Peace ~ Bliss
3. Joy ~ Serenity
4. Love ~ Reverence
5. Reason ~ Understanding
6. Acceptance ~ Forgiveness
7. Willingness ~ Optimism
8. Neutrality ~ Trust
9. Courage ~ Affirmation
The Top Ten Empowering Emotions for a Successful Life
1. Love
2. Gratitude/Appreciation
3. Curiosity
4. Excitement and Passion
5. Determination
6. Flexibility
7. Confidence
8. Cheerfulness
9. Health
10. Contribution/Giving
If you are experiencing any of the Top Ten Disempowering Emotions listed in my previous blog there are two solutions to get to one of the more empowering emotional states listed above.
1. Change your perception. Attach a different meaning to the situation that created or triggered the negative emotional state. In NLP, we ask the question, “What is there to learn from this, the learning of which will allow me to let go of these negative emotions easily and effortlessly? This will lead to you develop new internal beliefs, value systems and rules for the future.
2. Change your procedure. This is an external approach to take a different action in the future. Stop putting yourself in the situation where the disempowering emotional state is triggered. A person creates a change in their environment to produce a new or different emotional state.
The most important rule of all when it comes to experiencing different emotional states in our life is that you must give first before you receive. If you want more love in your life you need to practice giving love first. It is the choice to put yourself in motion and attaching a positive meaning to the action that creates the emotional state that you most desire. Sitting on the front porch swing waiting to get some energy to go exercise and walk will never produce greater health and vitality. You need to choose to get up and go walk and find a way to mentally focus on it being a good thing to create the new levels of health and vitality that you are looking for.
Most individuals tend to feel a core group of 10-12 emotions and do not deviate from them except on a rare occasion, like vacation. To experience more of life and change the emotional states you feel consistently takes work and practice. The hard work and dedication will pay off in the end with a better quality of life and you will attract more of what you desire.
Call or email for more information on how you can continue to control your emotional life instead of it controlling you.
To our continued success,
James
4/2/07
The Top Ten Disempowering Emotions: What are they trying to tell us?
by James Murphy
Peak Performance Coach
Master Practitioner: NLP, Time Line
Therapy™ and Hypnosis
When people talk about changing their life they are really talking about changing the quality and intensity of the emotional states that they consistently experience. There are certain emotional states that we are driven towards and certain emotional states that we are driven away from.
Emotions give us insight into where we are incongruent in our values, beliefs, and unresolved significant emotional events. The outcome of any coaching or intervention process is to ease emotional conflict within a person and increase wholeness by attaching new meanings to their experiences. That increases choice and wholeness within a person.
The Top Ten Disempowering Emotions that people experience and the message they are working to communicate to you are:
1. Uncomfortable:
Message: When you feel bothered, impatient, bored, or irritated this emotion is telling you that you can be more than who you currently are.
Solution: Need to change your emotional state, get clear on what you want, and take an immediate action to achieve/experience something new.
2. Fear
Message: When you feel concern, apprehension, worry or terror this emotion is telling you that something is coming up in the future that you are not prepared for. This emotion gives you massive energy to prepare for the unforeseen.
Solution: Identify what is coming up in the future that you are not prepared for, find a new solution and take action to confront and walk through the fear.
3. Hurt
Message: When you feel a sense of loss or if means that an expectation has not been met. This is an important indicator that shows the depth of your caring about yourself of another individual/situation.
Solution: Identify if the expectation is still valid. Is it your responsibility or theirs for the emotion of the moment? Is the expectation still valid and useful? Identify what is within your direct control and influence to support the other person or yourself through the moment, adjust expectations for the future.
4. Anger
Message: When you feel irritated, angry, resentful, furious, livid, enraged, (usually from hurt) it is a fire and depth of emotional energy to make things right. It means that a standard that you have is not being met by yourself or others.
Solution: Use this deep intense energy to adjust your standards for yourself or others and take an immediate action to move towards resolution to the challenge or issue.
5. Frustration
Message: You keep trying the same thing to achieve your dreams/goals and it is not working.
Solution: Stay focused on your outcomes and change your approach. Try doing the exact opposite of what you are currently trying to get a different result.
6. Disappointment
Message: It shows the depth of your caring you have towards the person/situation and the high standards that you have set.
Solution: Change your expectation, adjust the time frames on the goals or things that you want to have/experience and remember that God’s delays are not God’s denials. That old saying, “there are no unreasonable goals, only unreasonable time frames attached to them sometimes,” could be applicable.
7. Guilt/Regret
Message: You violated a standard or belief that your hold true for yourself and you are not following through on what you know is best for you
Solution: Clean up your act! Step forward and do what you know is right and true for you independent of what others may think is “best for you” or “what you can or can not do”
8. Inadequacy
Message: You feel less that worthy, your own value and worth is low
Solution: Use this emotion to set outcomes for you to learn, grow, and contribute to others
9. Overwhelm/Overloaded
Message: You are feeling hopeless, helpless, depressed because events are controlling you instead of you controlling events
Solution: Reevaluate what is truly important to you in life, distinguish between Must’s, Should’s and Want’s, then take action
10. LonelinessMessage: Feeling alone and separate from others and you need a new form of connection
Solution: Find inside yourself a way to reconnect or look outside of yourself to your friends, family, peers, and groups to help those more in need
These Top Ten Disempowering Emotions are calls to action and unlocking more in life. With the understanding of the Message that they are trying to tell us and the Solution on how to work through them, life becomes easier and easier. You will always continue to experience these Top Ten Emotions in your life. A new paradigm of measuring success comes from decreasing the amount of time that it takes to understand the Message where we are not congruent, find a new solution, and take action to move through them every time you feel them.
When you work through your emotional states you begin to control your life instead of your life controlling you. That is personal power! They will lead you to the Top Ten Empowering Emotions! We will address those next time!
To our continued success,
James
Peak Performance Coach
Master Practitioner: NLP, Time Line
Therapy™ and Hypnosis
When people talk about changing their life they are really talking about changing the quality and intensity of the emotional states that they consistently experience. There are certain emotional states that we are driven towards and certain emotional states that we are driven away from.
Emotions give us insight into where we are incongruent in our values, beliefs, and unresolved significant emotional events. The outcome of any coaching or intervention process is to ease emotional conflict within a person and increase wholeness by attaching new meanings to their experiences. That increases choice and wholeness within a person.
The Top Ten Disempowering Emotions that people experience and the message they are working to communicate to you are:
1. Uncomfortable:
Message: When you feel bothered, impatient, bored, or irritated this emotion is telling you that you can be more than who you currently are.
Solution: Need to change your emotional state, get clear on what you want, and take an immediate action to achieve/experience something new.
2. Fear
Message: When you feel concern, apprehension, worry or terror this emotion is telling you that something is coming up in the future that you are not prepared for. This emotion gives you massive energy to prepare for the unforeseen.
Solution: Identify what is coming up in the future that you are not prepared for, find a new solution and take action to confront and walk through the fear.
3. Hurt
Message: When you feel a sense of loss or if means that an expectation has not been met. This is an important indicator that shows the depth of your caring about yourself of another individual/situation.
Solution: Identify if the expectation is still valid. Is it your responsibility or theirs for the emotion of the moment? Is the expectation still valid and useful? Identify what is within your direct control and influence to support the other person or yourself through the moment, adjust expectations for the future.
4. Anger
Message: When you feel irritated, angry, resentful, furious, livid, enraged, (usually from hurt) it is a fire and depth of emotional energy to make things right. It means that a standard that you have is not being met by yourself or others.
Solution: Use this deep intense energy to adjust your standards for yourself or others and take an immediate action to move towards resolution to the challenge or issue.
5. Frustration
Message: You keep trying the same thing to achieve your dreams/goals and it is not working.
Solution: Stay focused on your outcomes and change your approach. Try doing the exact opposite of what you are currently trying to get a different result.
6. Disappointment
Message: It shows the depth of your caring you have towards the person/situation and the high standards that you have set.
Solution: Change your expectation, adjust the time frames on the goals or things that you want to have/experience and remember that God’s delays are not God’s denials. That old saying, “there are no unreasonable goals, only unreasonable time frames attached to them sometimes,” could be applicable.
7. Guilt/Regret
Message: You violated a standard or belief that your hold true for yourself and you are not following through on what you know is best for you
Solution: Clean up your act! Step forward and do what you know is right and true for you independent of what others may think is “best for you” or “what you can or can not do”
8. Inadequacy
Message: You feel less that worthy, your own value and worth is low
Solution: Use this emotion to set outcomes for you to learn, grow, and contribute to others
9. Overwhelm/Overloaded
Message: You are feeling hopeless, helpless, depressed because events are controlling you instead of you controlling events
Solution: Reevaluate what is truly important to you in life, distinguish between Must’s, Should’s and Want’s, then take action
10. LonelinessMessage: Feeling alone and separate from others and you need a new form of connection
Solution: Find inside yourself a way to reconnect or look outside of yourself to your friends, family, peers, and groups to help those more in need
These Top Ten Disempowering Emotions are calls to action and unlocking more in life. With the understanding of the Message that they are trying to tell us and the Solution on how to work through them, life becomes easier and easier. You will always continue to experience these Top Ten Emotions in your life. A new paradigm of measuring success comes from decreasing the amount of time that it takes to understand the Message where we are not congruent, find a new solution, and take action to move through them every time you feel them.
When you work through your emotional states you begin to control your life instead of your life controlling you. That is personal power! They will lead you to the Top Ten Empowering Emotions! We will address those next time!
To our continued success,
James
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